Re: I propose something completely different..
I hear Esperanto would suit?
With eternal gratitude to Red Dwarf I know exactly one phrase of Esperanto. Admittedly, I'm sure I am mangling it through misrememberance, but I can't be bothered to bing (hehheh, /trollface) it:
"Bonvolo alsendi la pordiston, lausajne estas rano en mia bideo"
Which translates to "
Your father was a baboon's Please would you send for the hall porter, there appears to be a frog in my bidet".