"Sorry, your property is in a RED area which means no properties are planned to have access to fast broadband. Scroll down to see the options available to you."
Ooh, subsidised satellite, maybe that's better than the <250kbps over the landline.
Nope, it's subsidised installation, but with a long contract and still over £1/Gbyte, but with added latency. I'll stick with my 3G & 4G dongles. I guess that's broadband - and at least I'm not giving the BT weasels anything.
I've got to admit that I'm reasonably happy with EE's 4G->Ethernet widget. Shame it's not unlimited, but it gets the job done. Reluctant to squander precious bytes on a speedtest, but it never feels much slower than the VM 50Meg I moved away from. If you're getting crap service but have 3G or 4G coverage, it's worth a look. Port your phone number to VoIP and ditch the wire.