" ... the primary airframe of the rocket is completely toast and the engines were accordioned up into the frame ... "
I'd kinda like that as a sculpture for my driveway (if I had a driveway).
Well, as long as you learn from it etc. It takes time and effort to get these things right. And by that I mean reliable and repeatable right, not right every now and then by accident. Simulations will only get you so far, in the end you'll have to try it out for real. And SpaceX is already a lot further than I thought they would be at this time.
Anyway, the primary mission was successful, two satellites in geostationary orbit in one go, that's no small feat. Landing the booster after that would have been a nice bonus, but they'll get there soon.