Dear Sales Force.....
The current incumbent clearly has lost the plot. Therefore, I would like to forward myself as your saviour.
I doubt I will increase sales either but will be extremely happy to carry out this loathsome job for less than current market rate.
I would also add, that for just a little more renumeration I could wear a suit and tie, and look like I am interested in the job.
Your faithfull servant
Head of IT