Reply to post: Why is it Bent?

Why is it Bent?

Oh, Yeah Like Hey Men and Women. I was like the graphic designer back when and they said 'Do us one of these. Long with wings in the middle and the usual front and back bits.' So I roughed one up in blue and sent it back for appraisal and they come back and tell me they want it in black and I forgot to put the engines on and like they like want it in four hours with animations 'cause they are going to press' the next day. Hey I'm already on my fifth spliff and now I have a serious deadline so I drop some LSD and go into overdrive so they get the answer back within three and a half hours... I think it was something like that, and they phone me back yammering on about how cool it looks what with being black and the animation stuff and the curved engines and the way they integrate into something or another and I'm like 'curved engines!?' But everything has sort of gone swirly by then until I wake up the next morning with a dry mouth in a pile of vomit next to my bed. Anyway... much... later on in the day when my head feels almost right I check my e-mails and they have published all the marketing literature and I go look at the web site and I'm like 'whoa shit! curved engines. Which crazy Dude came up with that idea? So I potter about for a bit 'cause I'm feeling kind of fragile and later on the Girl Freud comes around with stuff to cook and after special cheese cake we retire to bed, like don't worry I had tidied up the previous. Right... during the farting competition the next morning under the duvet the phone goes off so she gets it then breaks me off mid trump with an elbow in the ear and says it's some Chief Engineering Bloke from Nylon and I'm like 'What?' because although it is my portfolio I haven't done anything to do with Lingerie for ages ever since... well, best not mentioned. So I take the phone and say 'Like Hi, How can I help?' and I end up getting called all bastards under the Sun for about five minutes until this Dude runs out of breath so having reached the 'word in edgeways' period I ask 'What's the problem Dude' and he says 'They're Curved!', he still sounds a bit tetchy. Now I really do not have a clue as to what is going on here so I take my best shot and suggest.. 'Yes. A Woman's legs are kind of curvy which is what makes Nylon such a good encasement material since it conforms delicately but tightly with the form whilst camouflaging the inherent imperfections in the fe-....' Crap!' I thought I was on a roll there but my left kidney has just suffered an assault from the Girl Freud and the Dude on the phone has gone ballistic about Nylons. I am now standing up and he runs out of breath again. I'm slightly worried he might go terminal so I ask. 'Who are you and what is the problem.' There is a long pause and I think I might be lucky and can hang up but then he draws breath and says 'I am the Chief Engineer at Skylon. The Engines are Curved!' There still seems to be a bit of acid in his voice.. Like, now I'm on the case. It's got nothing to do with Lingerie but those curved engine things that they put up on their web site yesterday having babbled on at me about how good they looked so I'm like... 'Well your marketing department thought they were good like how they integrated into things and stuff and I was sort of wondering which Cool Dude came up with the concept but like I did all the stuff they wanted in the specification, you know.. long, two wings, some other bits and a couple of engines... and in black, and they seemed happy. What's the problem?' He's silent for a while and then I hear gentle sobbing interspersed with some sort of repeated 'They're Curved' Mantra. So I take my cue and in order to avoid more kidney disruption do a bit of Yoga and ohming on the floor. Eventually he goes quiet for a bit, sniffs and then asks if we can meet so I'm like OK cool and he drops by and explains stuff. Apparently curved engines are a bad idea but now the 'higher ups' have released the marketing material, which they think is brilliant, he now has to come up with a curved engine which is not going to work. I take the opportunity to suggest he is not 'thinking outside of the box' and he collapses in a fit of giggles. Possibly something to do with the chocolate and bran flake muffins. At this point the Girl Freud interjects and asks if anyone else knows that curved engines don't work so we both collapse in a fit of giggles and then go catatonic in a deep thought phase. Mine appears to last longer, I appear to be more attuned to chocolate and bran flake muffins than our new acquaintance, because when I next reach for a slice of toast he is talking to my Girl Freuds Girl Freud. Thankfully they have already explained that they are monogamous bisexuals and I am just a 'bit of spare' for when the Girl Freud feels like a break so I do not represent a threat to him in a man to man sense. He seems to be good with the concept and, if I am not mistaken, is blatantly flirting with the Girl Freud's Girl Freud. Now, assuming you have suspended your disbelief so far, and at the risk of another elbow in the ear I will not go Deus ex Machina. In as much as I am a visual artist my Girl Freud practices her art in the arty side of literature. She actually gets a bit pissed off when I have to do work shit that involves drawing 'Machines of Destruction' when she could support us with her contributions to 'Mills and Boon'. However I am foolishly concerned about my own independence. However her Girl Freud is also into literature but the darker side of things along with a healthy lashing of Science Fiction and 'the match is made'. My new Engineer friend becomes my Girl Freud's Girl Freud's 'bit of spare' and is quite happy with the arrangement for reasons other than sex and farting under the duvet in the morning. It became quite easy to explain why curved engines are quite good to his lesser colleagues and have them pass on the message to a wider audience and.... I feel an emptiness in my head. A void that is filled with the words 'Wouldn't they look better if they were curved?'