Re: Serious question
"Perhaps some of the more techie guys here can show me where to look?"
Are you just looking at inbound stuff? You really need to be looking for outbound stuff.
Pick some times when you know you won't need your net connection and lock the firewall/router down during that period and log all the traffic attempts (whilst your machine is connected of course and not running anything that you initiated).
Then sift through the stuff you find with a packet analyser for anything dodgy looking and investigate what it is.
Alternate exercises include the use of a conical bath made of ebony and some white sand - but that's really only for experienced network analysts :)