No good any more
This business of "we are all terrorists" or "the people are the real terrorists" is simply not good enough any more. We cannot cope with so many terrorist men, women, old age pensioners and toddlers. The system needs to be refined. It is clear that there are different degrees of terrorism. I propose the following scheme, to keep everybody happy:
To keep the police and government happy, we will no longer be known as 'British subjects' but as 'Terrorists of the British Isles' or 'Her Majesty's Terrorists'.
We will be graded according to our terrorist rating (TR). This will be calculated by Terror-Rate, a new quango set up by the government.
Thus, "Mr. Bloggs, a resident of Giggleswick"
Will be replaced by:
"Mr. Bloggs, a terrorist with a 55% Terror Rating from a British town whose name cannot be disclosed for security reasons..."
And when discussing the relative opinions of different people, we will proceed as follows:
"Mr. Sloggs, who, as a terrorist with a 77% Terror Rating, outranks Mr. Cloggs, who hasa a Terror Rating of a mere 45%..."
In day-to-day use, such as in the pub, 'Terrorist' will inevitably be shortened to 'Terry'. As in:
"Oy, you, Terry over there!"
- "Who, me?" (someone unfortunately named 'Terry' by his parents before the name was banned for security reasons)
- "No the other Terry over there, the one with the 30% Terry Rating!"
Biting the hand that feeds IT
