back to article Child-devouring pothole will never hurt a BMW driver again

Drivers the length of Great Britain will sympathize with residents of Canning Town in London who, until Sunday, were believed to host the deepest pothole in the country. How deep are we talking? Well, if you dropped a child in, good luck getting them back. The folk of Rogers Road have been struggling with the chasm ever since …

  1. wolfetone Silver badge

    I've heard BMW will offer pothole avoidance and pothole recovery on a subscription basis on all new cars.

    1. Caver_Dave Silver badge
      Joke

      The problem with that ...

      ... is that the car will refuse to come off your drive.

      1. KittenHuffer Silver badge

        Re: The problem with that ...

        You should try using Waze in the area where I live at the moment (Swansea), the pothole warnings have become a regular joke amongst myself and my passengers. The roads have been ripping up something awful since the New Year, and it has only just become warm enough to be able to do anything about it.

        1. LogicGate Silver badge

          Re: The problem with that ...

          Sounds like the roads need simple old leveling, rather than leveling up :)

          1. Wzrd1 Silver badge

            Re: The problem with that ...

            The problem turned out to be a defective work order.

            Rather than filling in the hole, then surfacing it, the order read hole filling, so they dutifully filled the hole with holes and surfaced over the holes.

            We used to see the same phenomena in Philadelphia until the defective entry menu item was replaced when the computer was upgraded with a fire axe.

          2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: The problem with that ...

            "Sounds like the roads need simple old leveling, rather than leveling up :)"

            Move them to Somerset? That's got levels already :-)

        2. ZootCadillac

          Re: The problem with that ...

          Waze is outstanding. I don't know how I lived without it so long. Also what's with the BMW hate from people? Seems to me that any owner of a car that's considered above average is targeted for hate these days.

          Shameless Mercedes CLS DIESEL driver.

          1. rototype

            Re: The problem with that ...

            The general hatred of BMW drivers is because they seem to think that because they have an expensive BMW that they're better than everyone else and that the world should go out of their way for them (ie they're arseholes). The same isn't usually true for Mercedes or Audi drivers as they tend to be a bit more discrerning (ie they haven't just believed the hype and bought a BMW).

            In my experience, some of the very worst drivers in this country are in BMWs.

            1. Potemkine! Silver badge

              Re: The problem with that ...

              This is limited to your country then.

              I'll prefer to push my BMW rather than driving an Audi!

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: The problem with that ...

            ha,ha... YOU have never had to fix these over engineered with shoddy plastic engine parts POS...that's why all of em are leased...repair costs are stratospheric after ~3 yrs when components crack,split,leak & are back-ordered to boot. Fun&games...but, hey, it's all about putting on a false front, errr, prestige.

    2. KittenHuffer Silver badge

      Will this include the massive pothole most BMW drivers seem to have between their glutes?!?

      1. Jan 0 Silver badge

        When did it move from between their ears?

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Having one in place doesn't preclude having another in another place :-)

      2. cmdrklarg
        Joke

        Reminds me of the joke: What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

        The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

    3. Korev Silver badge
      Joke

      Presumably the indicators used to show the car is avoiding the pot hole will be another extra...

      1. My-Handle
        Joke

        Wasn't charging extra for warning lights Boeing's thing?

        1. katrinab Silver badge
          Trollface

          I'm pretty sure turn signals are an optional extra on BMWs?

          1. lglethal Silver badge
            Trollface

            I've come to the conclusion that Indicators on Audi's, BMW's, and Tesla must come with a fee per blink cost.

            I mean there must be a reason why the drivers of those models dont seem to be able to use the indicators. It must be an economic thing, right? They cant all just be inconsiderate wankers, right? Right?

            1. Emir Al Weeq

              I've posted this story before...

              Many years ago (12+) I test drove a BMW 7 series with indicators that did not self-cancel mechanically by having the steering wheel reset the control stalk; instead the electronics cancelled them when it detected a big turn of the wheel.

              The problem was that I couldn't figure out how to manually cancel when the auto cancel failed to detect gentle turns such as motorway lane changes: I kept setting off the opposite indicator and so I gave up using them.

              No, I didn't buy the car.

              1. fandom

                Enough people complained about that, so they want back to the old system.

                I remember this every time I see a car in which all the buttons have been replaced by a touch screen.

            2. Bebu Silver badge

              Volvo drivers don't get a serve too?

              In AU Volvo drivers (use to?) get the same serve as Audi, BMW and Tesla drivers appear to get in the UK now.

              As in "the lights are on but nobody is home."

              Are Volvo fairly rare in the UK or are most English drivers metphorically driving Volvos? :)

              1. MrBanana

                Re: Volvo drivers don't get a serve too?

                It's a Swedish car, the lights are always on. On my old SAAB I would have to pull a jumper out of the wiring loom to turn them off.

              2. Hubert Cumberdale Silver badge

                Re: Volvo drivers don't get a serve too?

                I'm in the UK, and my dad's had one Volvo or another for the last 40 years or so. There's quite a few around, but Volvo drivers here tend to be seen as rather boring, I think – not even really worthy of comment one way or the other.

                1. MrBanana

                  Volvos are really dull

                  Yes, Volvos can be dull. I have a petrol 2.0L V60. Can't get much more dull than that. Oh wait, it's supercharged, and turbocharged, and with a hybrid electric motor. 0-60 in 4.6 seconds you say? - sure, that is dull.

                  1. Hubert Cumberdale Silver badge

                    Re: Volvos are really dull

                    I never said that Volvos were dull, merely that their drivers tend to be seen as such. At the risk of being insulting (and with no personal offence intended), I'm not sure that reeling off a list of info/stats about your Volvo helps to change that image...

                    1. NXM Silver badge

                      Re: Volvos are really dull

                      Info/stats alert!

                      Our Volvo wasn't dull. It was one of the old 340s after they bought the presses off Daf and had a 1700 twin carb engine with rear wheel drive and almost no weight on the back. That made going round corners ... interesting.

                      We had to put a few bags of sand in the boot to render it safe enough to drive. Good job we didn't get the 2L turbo version!

                    2. d2

                      Re: Volvos are really dull

                      not so fast [sic] put them on the track &they come alive & are re-in-car-nated..

                      'HELLA SWEET LEMONS CAR OF THE WEEK: LITTLE LEBOWSKI URBAN ACHIEVERS’ VOLVO 240 WAGON'

                      24hoursoflemons.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/HSLCOTW_Lebowski_ABCC18-8.jpg

                      24hoursoflemons.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/HSLCOTW_Lebowskis_GIN10-2.jpg

                      24hoursoflemons.com/blog/volvo-240-wagon-lebowski-lemons/

                  2. Wzrd1 Silver badge

                    Re: Volvos are really dull

                    You confuse the technical capability of 0-60 in 4.6 seconds with the driver's capability, which is 0-60 in 6.4 minutes.

                    1. Anonymous Coward
                      Anonymous Coward

                      Re: Volvos are really dull

                      I managed 0 to 60 in 3,120 weeks myself.

                    2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

                      Re: Volvos are really dull

                      which is 0-60 in 6.4 minutes

                      Ah. Give them a Morris Minor - it's more their speed..

                  3. David Hicklin Bronze badge

                    Re: Volvos are really dull

                    >> 0-60 in 4.6 seconds you say?

                    sure but what is the 60-0 without hitting something very solid

              3. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Volvo drivers don't get a serve too?

                In the late-'70s,in the UK, when I took to the road, Volvo drivers were considered the motorcyclist's greatest enemy - essentially for not indicating. I came to believe it was because they felt so safe in their tanks - with things like Side Impact Protection System, as I recall it was called - that they let their concentration lapse.

                1. lowwall

                  Re: Volvo drivers don't get a serve too?

                  I believe you have the correlation arrow reversed. The large subset of shit Volvo drivers don't become shit after buying a Volvo, they already were shit and bought a Volvo in the hopes of remaining unscathed after the inevitable crash.

                2. fix

                  Re: Volvo drivers don't get a serve too?

                  Old Biker here - You're right that bikers particularly hated volvos in the 70-80 +, but for the wrong reason.

                  One of their selling points was the cars great structural strength, and their adverts at the time made plenty out of their ability to roll with the roof largely undamaged.

                  This was achieved by having hugely strong (and there for also hugely wide) support beams at the sides of the windscreen. (A Frame I think their called ?)

                  That resulted in huge blind spots when pulling out from side roads, in which a motorcycle could easily get lost.

                  As a result they took the top spot for years for accidents where the car pulled out from a side road directly in front of a bikes right of way, typically sending them flying with some pretty serious results.

                  SMIDSY (Sorry Mate, I Didn't See You), was born as a result of volvos.

              4. Stork Silver badge
                Joke

                Re: Volvo drivers don't get a serve too?

                It used to be:

                - why is there always a golden retriever in the back of a Volvo?

                - it’s the owner’s guide dog!

              5. SEDT

                Re: Volvo drivers don't get a serve too?

                Nope, loads of Volvos here in the UK, but it's just considered bad form to pick on old people.

                1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

                  Re: Volvo drivers don't get a serve too?

                  it's just considered bad form to pick on old people.

                  I have a t-shirt that says "it's weird being the same age as old people"..

                  I know, I'm just soooo hilarious!

            3. Hubert Cumberdale Silver badge

              I've heard it said (and I find it quite comforting) that if you ever feel like your job is just a pointless waste of time, remember that in a factory somewhere in Germany, someone is fitting an indicator light* to a new BMW.

              (*"turn signal" if you're in the US)

              1. Kevin Johnston

                There was a lovely clip of a stand-up comedian asking if any BMW drivers were in the audience.

                When several people responded/cheered the obvious come-back line was......see, you CAN indicate

            4. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Tesla users are reluctant to use their turn signals because their kids have discovered the 'fart-on-turn' option buried deep in the menu system and haven't figured out how to cancel that option, so are too embarrassed to use them

    4. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      I've heard BMW will offer pothole avoidance

      Is there a manufacturer that offers BMW avoidance technology?

  2. Korev Silver badge
    Joke

    "It's certainly one of the worst potholes I've ever come across," said worker Paul Morris.

    Could you get a car in it Mr Morris Minor?

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      The Mini Minor was smaller than a Morris Minor

    2. breakfast Silver badge

      Mr Morris Miner started in the Central Cavern of the pothole...

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        And he does look a bit Manic :-)

    3. David 132 Silver badge
      Happy

      Morris Minor is his son.

    4. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Could you get a car in it Mr Morris Minor?

      The hole would dodge quicker than the MM could strike..

  3. veti Silver badge

    "A 5ft deep sinkhole appeared overnight"

    "... and we sprang into action, fixing it after only two years of damage and frustration. You're welcome."

  4. Killfalcon Silver badge

    That's way past pothole. The road isn't 5' deep! That's a hole clean through the road, over a void - probably the undersoil's been washed away, assuming it's not a breach into a drain pipe or something.

    1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

      or something.

      Well, it is Canning Town. There has been record food price inflation. There have been demands to become self-sufficient. There was this explanation-

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGuwAZDr6ic

      So obviously it's the result of the road collapsing into an illegal mine..

      1. tandrecht

        You mean like this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSUzRARKb44

      2. David 132 Silver badge

        Course, if it was Knotty Ash it would be a jam butty mine.

    2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      probably the undersoil's been washed away

      Had that when I was a kid - a water pipe under the main road was leaking badly and had managed to wash away a considerable amount of the underlying clay. One day, a 107 bus discovered that the road wasn't as stable as it should be and ended up, nose down, in a fairly large hole.

      They did a lot of remedial work after that.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Acceptance

    Some Northamptonshire Highways employees actually refer to potholes as "spontaneously occurring traffic calming"

    I have photo's of potholes that they marked up last summer to fill, and have subsequently decided that they are not bad enough to warrant filling.

    And repairs where the 'tar tape' they place on the edges, is actually suspended over the next hole that they did not fill. Unsurprisingly, most of that repair had come out in the following week.

    Also a 4" high 45degree slope on one botched repair on a 40mph stretch that is best described as driving up a curb.

    Northamptonshire Highways were bad before the government imposed Inspectors came in; now the county has been transferred to 2 Unitaries, they are even worse - absolutely out of control!

    1. Caver_Dave Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Acceptance

      Yup!

      Why do country people drive 4x4 vehicles? Because the roads will destroy anything less.

      1. xyz Silver badge

        Re: Acceptance

        Yep... Got rid of my factory fitted, sports suspension, low profile tyre, souped up Merc and bought an old 4x4 that was able to cope with London streets. Then they did that ULEZ or whatever it's called thing to me.

    2. GlenP Silver badge

      Re: Acceptance

      Northamptonshire did some pot hole filling in my street, having carefully marked the ones to be filled, of course.

      Shame the workmen then parked their wagon over the worst offender at the bottom of the road, just where anyone turning in wouldn't see it, and failed to repair it.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Acceptance

        Screwfix and Toolstation sell the yellow spray paint they use to mark the holes.

        Am awaiting the fun and games when they next visit to fill the marked holes on roads near us.

        We ran a cycling event last weekend and following guidance given regarding reducing the risk identified on our risk assessment, we walked the 10km course and with our yellow spray paint marked all the pot holes to increase visibility...

        1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

          Re: Acceptance

          with our yellow spray paint marked all the pot holes to increase visibility

          I believe that if the outline is penis shaped the council tends to be a bit quicker in fixing the potholes.

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Acceptance

            "I believe that if the outline is penis shaped the council tends to be a bit quicker in fixing the potholes."

            One presumes that the vagina-shaped ones would get filled in even quicker.

            1. MrBanana

              Re: Acceptance

              Arsehole. That wasn't meant as a rebuke, just an alternative serving suggestion.

              1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
                Joke

                Re: Acceptance

                Ass indeed is that particular port of entry (For those so inclined to do so).

  6. JimmyPage Silver badge

    Mineral rights ?

    We had a crater in our road for ages. Until I asked if I could buy the mineral rights. Fixed day after.

  7. Spanners Silver badge
    FAIL

    It's how they fix potholes that makes them bigger.

    My father, a civil engineer explained it to me about 50 years ago.

    Small hole forms

    1 Council sprays tar on it.

    2 Water gets under tar and tar breaks off.

    3 Council sprays tar on and puts loose gravel on top.

    4 Loose gravel is mostly sent elsewhere and blocks drainage.

    5 Water gets under tar, especially in winter when it freezes and makes hole even bigger.

    5 GoTo 3

    1. anothercynic Silver badge

      Re: It's how they fix potholes that makes them bigger.

      This sort-of tallies with the experience I've observed with a specific pothole on the Didcot ring road... It was bad, the council had it fixed, but not properly, successive lorries (both of the construction and of the food delivery kind since Tesco has a depot right around the corner) constantly hammer it, rain and mud get into it and make things worse, and eventually it breaks, grows, and needs to be patched again. And the cycle repeats several times until a councillor ends up ramming their car into it and demands it to be fixed 'properly'.

    2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: It's how they fix potholes that makes them bigger.

      What have the Romans ever done for us?

      Well the roads....

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: It's how they fix potholes that makes them bigger.

        The Romans bilt roads properly with a paved surface that lasted for centuries, we use tar which lasts a few weeks.

    3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: It's how they fix potholes that makes them bigger.

      Variation:

      1. Council tar & chips entire road, potholes and all, sealing bottoms of all potholes

      2. Eventually council fills potholes with asphalt.

      3. Water gets underneath asphalt but can't get through the tar seal

      4. Water freezes, loosens asphalt which is then worn away

      5. Council does it's usual thing: nothong

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It's how they fix potholes that makes them bigger.

      They tarmacked my street a couple of years ago and made a good job of it... except they had to dig a hole before the tarmac had had a chance to cool to fix the water main they cracked... then they came back and installed humps every few yards... then Virgin decided they wanted to cable the whole street and dug a trench the whole length... then another company wanted to do the same with fibre...

      It has actually worn very well considering...

      (the council seem to be pretty hot on 'you've made a hole in our perfect road, so fix it to our exacting standards', which means they get to spend less on 'fair wear and tear' work)

      1. anothercynic Silver badge

        Re: It's how they fix potholes that makes them bigger.

        I understand London's councils try to coordinate road works with utilities etc to avoid repeated digging up and inconveniencing road users, and fining utilities that ignore the process. How well that works I don't know (are you in London?)

        I think it's certainly worth that level of coordination because once you're redone a road, you don't want it all dug and messed up again for a few years!

        1. rototype

          Re: It's how they fix potholes that makes them bigger.

          It does kind of work, just that anyone wanting to dig up the road subsequently just classifies their works as 'Emergency repairs' and that seems to get them out of being fined for it. Just remember it's nothing to do with us end users, it's all about the money.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It's how they fix potholes that makes them bigger.

      That's how it used to work, these days it goes:

      1) Hole forms

      2) Council funding gets cut by central government, *again*, so they can't afford to fix anything.

    6. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: It's how they fix potholes that makes them bigger.

      3 Council sprays tar on and puts loose gravel on top.

      One of the most buttock-clenching times I had on a motorbike was in rural France - came around a corner that a reasonable amount of beans only to discover that the KM or so round the corner had just been resurfaced.

      In this country that wouldn't have been a problem (in fact, probably joyous since iut would be a nice smooth surface) but, in France, the final part of the process involves scattering a CM or so of loose gravel over the whole of the fresh surface - presumably so that cars will drive over it and embed it in the fresh tarmac to help make it last.

      Going over it on a sports motorbike (I think that year I was on a Honda Fireblade 900cc) was an interesting experience. I think it was the slowest KM I'd ever done on that (or any other) motorbike. And, being France, there was absolutely no signage to indicate that there were (or had been) major roadworks round a blind bend.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: It's how they fix potholes that makes them bigger.

        "In this country that wouldn't have been a problem (in fact, probably joyous since iut would be a nice smooth surface) but, in France, the final part of the process involves scattering a CM or so of loose gravel over the whole of the fresh surface - presumably so that cars will drive over it and embed it in the fresh tarmac to help make it last."

        That's pretty common in the UK too. Many rural roads, some quite major, are "dressed" that way and are signed at 15-20mph for weeks if not months with no road marking while the gravel is "worked in" by the vehicles passing over. The main A19 south into York (the single carriageway bit south of Thirsk), is a good example of a fairly major road that seems get re-done every few years and cause no end of slow-downs for most people with the occasional spray of paint chipping gravel caused by the impatient BMW drivers either oncoming or just ignoring the "No Overtaking" signs.

  8. A Non e-mouse Silver badge

    I thought the procedure for getting the local council to fix a pothole was to draw an image of a penis around the hole?

    www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tees-48068866

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Doesn't just work on potholes either, also a great strategy for maintenance jobs around the office.

    2. steviebuk Silver badge

      Someone wrote "Glory hole" round the one that gave me a flat. They removed the graffiti but sti didn't fill in the fucking pot hole.

  9. chivo243 Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    They should have called...

    The Governator! He took it in his own hands to fill in a pothole, https://abc7.com/arnold-schwarzenegger-potholes-street-repair-quickrete/13114603/

    Then it turned out to be something else!

    https://fandomwire.com/arnold-schwarzenegger-humiliated-after-pothole-he-blasted-los-angeles-for-turns-out-to-be-a-service-trench/

    1. MJI Silver badge

      Re: They should have called...

      Don't leave unattended holes.

      Well done Arnie.

    2. The Bobster

      Re: They should have called...

      Obligatory GreatestGen reference https://greatestgen.fandom.com/wiki/Hole

    3. MrBanana

      Re: They should have called...

      And read on... The work on the trench was finished in January, they just couldn't be arsed to properly finish it until "some months in the future". Arnie came back from that future to get the work done now. A bit of publicity prompted them to fix it in a sensible time frame.

    4. Kevin Johnston

      Re: They should have called...

      He took his inspiration from the great Sir Rod Stewart - https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-60722727

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: They should have called...

        Sir Rod "Scotland Forever" Stewart lives in Essex?

        That is so fitting, on so many levels ...

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: They should have called...

          And the other famously loyal Scottish freedom and independence supporter Sean Connery lived in Spain, France, Greece, the Bahamas etc and while claiming he paid his taxes and wasn't an "exile", he didn't turn up to support the SNP referendum because he could only spend limited time in the UK without affecting his "tax exile" status LOL

          He donated heavily to the SNP but I don't think any of that was ring-fenced for pothole repairs.

  10. b0llchit Silver badge
    Joke

    BMW: Road, why so nasty?

    Road: Not my doing, blame Earth.

    Earth: Revenge! {opens bigger hole}

    BMW: Nooooooooo....... [silence]

  11. Naich

    Get round the paywall.

    https://12ft.io/proxy?q=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.thetimes.co.uk%2Farticle%2F95e6ee68-ddd2-11ed-a0a8-657f9e54fc6a

  12. Binraider Silver badge

    By any chance, does this repair co-incide with mounds of concrete being poured into the London Underground....?

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    BMW drivers are old Hat...

    These days the W*****s on the road will more often found driving Tesla Model 3's (black naturally). They might as well not have turn indicators given the microscopic size of the ones on the rear. In the bad old days, it was VW's that had the title for the smallest indicators but Lord Almighty Elon the Maleficent has taken them to a new level of uselessness. I guess his next cost cutting move will be to remove all rear lights his self driving system makes them redundant. (sic)

  14. Outski
    Pint

    Nomen es omen

    The Register feels the pain of anyone injured in the line of duty to bring us artery-clogging treats

    Well, with a name like this particular Vulture writer's, he would say that wouldn't he :o)

    Bottle of Kingfisher over here, please

  15. Roland6 Silver badge

    Tír na nÓg

    Like the ancient history/mythology reference...

    1. ADJB

      Re: Tír na nÓg

      I thought Tír na nÓg was a game for the Sinclair Spectrum.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Tír na nÓg

        No, it's an Oliver Postgate animation...

        1. Ian Mason
          Joke

          Re: Tír na nÓg

          Was that "Noggin the Nog", or an I getting confused with "Muffin the Mule" (Named after an act guaranteed to get you arrested almost anywhere, except possibly Wales or New Zealand)?

      2. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

        Re: Tír na nÓg

        "I thought Tír na nÓg was a game for the Sinclair Spectrum."

        It is but it's about Thor and Loki or something, it isn't original...

        1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Tír na nÓg

          but it's about Thor and Loki or something

          Which is ironic given that they were a competely separate mythos..

          (It's a Gaelic phrase meaning "country of the young" - implied is that everyone who lives there is young and beautiful forever)

    2. jake Silver badge

      Re: Tír na nÓg

      Look on the bright side ... ElReg shcould have used sheela na gig instead.

      Maybe this august rag is a family oriented red top after all ...

      1. tiggity Silver badge

        Re: Tír na nÓg

        Fits nicely with a commentard that suggested spraying potholes in a way that resembles the prominent part of a sheela na gig.

  16. Arthur the cat Silver badge

    Plant more trees!

    A five foot hole should be about the right depth for a tree's root ball.

    1. A. Coatsworth Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Plant more trees!

      It works!

      In my little corner of the world, an important road was riddled withholes. Some enterprising neighbors planted banana plants overnight in the holes. Next morning there was a nice banana plantation were there should be a road... it was fixed right away.

      Third world problems require third world solutions

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Plant more trees!

        So their solution was to plant herbs in the potholes?

        Sounds like Humboldt County here in California ...

    2. jake Silver badge

      Re: Plant more trees!

      A five foot rootball would belong to a tree beyond the heavy-lift capability of most amateurs ... indeed, it would probably be beyond the lift capability of most UK city Councils.

      1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

        Re: Plant more trees!

        It is beyond the lift capability of all UK city Councils as those are only capable at failing.

  17. Johnb89

    Is it the materials or the skills?

    Not wanting to take the discussion up beyond the level of penis-painting, but I've often wondered... New-ish roads don't last long before there are potholes. Potholes repaired either bulge up, making a bump, or the filler comes out in short order... either way there is still a problem.

    Is it a problem with the materials used to pave or repair our roads, or the skills (or lack of) of the people doing the paving and repairing? The materials to be used is a solved problem in the world, particularly because UK weather is benign. That leads to the conclusion that the workers aren't trying hard enough (or don't have the right equipment?). Is that it?

    As noted, this isn't an IT problem, so perhaps I'll suggest that we fill in potholes with old windoze laptops and chromebooks.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Is it the materials or the skills?

      New roads built by cheapest bidder who subcontracts it out to cheapest bidder who uses least amount of cheapest materiel and gas cheapest staff do work

      Same company then bids for ongoing road repair contract.

    2. Stork Silver badge

      Re: Is it the materials or the skills?

      Part of it is how good the foundation of the road is, how well it can carry the load. That costs money.

      Another problem is that weight, or rather tyre load, have increased which is hard on roads.

    3. EvilDrSmith Silver badge

      Re: Is it the materials or the skills?

      As noted above, a lot of 'constant pot-holes' are because they get fixed using quick/cheap methods, and then re-occur, when what is wanted is a complete removal of the wearing course and replacement. That is more expensive, but the main factor is actually the disruption - a pot-hole can be fixed with a lane closure over an hour or so, a complete resurface can take days (depending on length of the road).

      Strangely, while we all moan about pot-holes, we also moan when the road we want to use is closed for repair work and we need to take a diversion.

      If you leave the road to degrade long enough, then the base layer degrades too, and you need a complete re-build (at least in places), which is even longer (and more expensive).

      Patching as a shallow wearing-course replacement is also 'eco-friendly'; the whole construction industry is aware of the need to reduce waste generated by the industry, so patching a hole rather than planing off and resurfacing the whole carriageway saves a lot of waste being generated, and new material being needed.

      The construction Industry is also doing its best to find low-embedded carbon materials as alternatives to traditional materials. Most seem to be great, but long term performance of some is yet to be confirmed 'in the wild'.

      Road surfacing materials are also a bit of a compromise - hard wearing to take traffic loads, skid resistance, drainage/permeability characteristics to stay well drained, low tire noise: it's not just a batch of concrete or a spreading of asphalt.

      In this particular case, though, that's not a pot hole; as others have noted, that's a failure from beneath the road. The geological map for the location shows alluvium over London Clay, so not likely a natural formed sinkhole in the Chalk (which will be present somewhat deeper there) - you'd expect that to spread out and be a larger dish-shaped depression if a void in the Chalk had failed.

      Probably a water main or possibly sewer has failed, and the leak has washed way the base/sub-base, and probably some of the natural soil - though you'd expect a water main at least to have cracked the road surface and to have been known about.

    4. M.V. Lipvig Silver badge

      Re: Is it the materials or the skills?

      Cheapest today wins every time. I've lived on a dirt road "maintained" by the local town for about 10 years now. Year in and year out Incomplain regularly about road quality. Their ONLY response is to send a couple of dump trucks worth of gravel out. It does nothing, because the main problem is they won't cut proper drainage or do any prepwork at all before slinging gravel. If, the first year I complained, they had sent a couple of guys with a grader to properly grade in ditches and prep the mile of road, then put in a solid base of crusher run, the road would still be in usable shape and require no real maintenance. Instead, they sling gravel, and by mow they've spent more dumping gravel than they would have spent doing the proper prepwork, and that work STILL needs to be done.

      Since then I've bought a small tractor with a backhoe and bucket, and now have a road blade. I won't dig any ditches due to utilities, but I am at least going to drag the road smooth. After a few dozen drags the potholes should be gone, then I'll see if the city will send more gravel.

  18. heyrick Silver badge

    We are all paying taxes for these things to be fixed

    There's your mistake right there. You pay your taxes so Sunak/his wife/maid/best mate/front bench don't have to pay all of theirs.

    1. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      Re: We are all paying taxes for these things to be fixed

      Back before a certain referendum my local newspaper said that the reason pot holes were not being fixed was because 98% of council tax went to Europe. I am not sure if that says more about the newspaper or 52% of the electorate.

    2. David 132 Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: We are all paying taxes for these things to be fixed

      Indeed! Such a shame we can't all have bespoke HMRC tax plans written for us & us alone, like that heartless Tory, Sir Keir Starmer.

  19. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

    Sinkholes really are a different thing, they eat cars, people, houses, people in cars and houses... a bus in China... I see word of one apparently lurking near to a Tesco...

  20. Eclectic Man Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Tedious WARNING!

    Sorry to put a damper on the many excellent jokes in the thread above, but you should never climb into a sink hole. The fact is that there is some underground cavern which the road covers, the roof of which is falling in. If you enter the sinkhole there is a danger you might fall through and be literally buried alive. You should never even stand on the ground immediately around the sinkhole either as it may collapse.

    1. Korev Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Tedious WARNING!

      That'd be a time sink...

    2. dogcatcher

      Re: Tedious WARNING!

      Please don't give the local council yet another excuse to avoid sink/ potholes. The Elf and Safety goblins will be delighted that their grottoes remain untouched.

    3. Roland6 Silver badge

      Re: Tedious WARNING!

      >You should never even stand on the ground immediately around the sinkhole either as it may collapse.

      Where "immediately around" is an in-exact term as until the void has been inspected its full extent is unknown...

  21. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    IT Angle

    They

    do a different approach around here

    Once the road gets to a seriously potholed condition, they then install speed humps on the non potholed sections in order to slow everyone down so they dont hit the potholes so hard and have a damage claim.

    Of course they could have moved the speed humps about 15 or 20 feet along the road and filled in the potholes at the same time......... but hey..... this is hampshire county council here......... we're lucky to have a road in the first place....

  22. steviebuk Silver badge

    And..

    ...the fucking council will no doubt refuse to pay for any damage. I got a flat when I hit a pot hole that they'd piss poorly attempted to fix that the rain hollowed out again. It was dark, a puddle was covering the hole and when I hit it colourful words were said. Then discovered had a fucking flat. They got their legal involved who claimed it wasn't the cause. Arseholes. And now attempting to tie them up with FOI requests.

  23. Vocational Vagabond

    Not a proper one, untill it has fish ..

    Not a proper one, untill it has fish ... https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-03-30/riverina-council-massive-pothole-repair-flood-damage/102158854

  24. kirk_augustin@yahoo.com

    Where are the pictures?

    No pictures?

  25. Not previously required
    Angel

    multiple pot holes

    On a recent trip my wife was warning me to stay clear of the driver in front, sporting a p player, who was weaving cdangerously' from side to side. Until I pointed out that s/he was skillfully avoiding potholes and I followed suit

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Darwin awards applicant

    Not a pothole, a sinkhole. Risking death by standing in it. The clue is in the "ever increasing" bit.

  27. flayman Bronze badge

    [QUOTE]"This is not a pothole. A 5ft deep sinkhole appeared overnight," a spokesman said.[/QUOTE]

    Neglecting to mention that the night in question was years earlier.

  28. but what do I know?

    Wow

    "a pencil-necked desk jockey"

    Don't the majority of your readers sit at desks?

    1. Eclectic Man Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Wow

      Indeed yes, but WE are propeller heads, nerds, geeks, or (somewhat controversially now) 'boffins'.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Wow

        "or (somewhat controversially now) 'boffins'"

        Boffin is only controversial among people who wish that their peers would call them boffin ... but their peers refuse.

    2. jake Silver badge

      Re: Wow

      "Don't the majority of your readers sit at desks?"

      Sometimes. The bulk of us aren't exactly chained to the thing.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's not a pothole

    It's emergency accommodation for refugees.

  30. Big_Boomer Silver badge

    Belgian (Wallon) roads

    In the mid 80s I lived in Belgium and one of my favourite riding roads in the Ardennes got progressively worse over several years of neglect. Eventually the local council got off their fat arses and put up a road sign that said "ROUTE DEGRADEE" or Degraded Road. In 2003 I had the chance to revisit that road and guess what,.... they had replaced the sign with a new one that says "ROUTE TRES DEGRADEE" or Very Degraded Road. I almost fell off my bike with laughter, but they weren't lying! I found myself choosing the less severe potholes to ride through as it was no longer possible to ride around the potholes. In the mid 2010s they FINALLY resurfaced the road after 30+ years of utter neglect and it is now fun to ride again, but parts of the Ardennes still have some pretty bad roads.

    So, just be grateful that our Councils and Highways Agency are not allowed to resort to just signposting that the road ahead is poorly maintained SH!T.

    1. Eclectic Man Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Belgian (Wallon) roads

      "just be grateful that our Councils and Highways Agency are not allowed to resort to just signposting that the road ahead is poorly maintained"

      Don't give them ideas.

  31. tip pc Silver badge

    where does the material go?

    Plenty of sink holes but no one is asking where the material is going.

    A 5 foot hole is a large amount of debris to have gone somewhere.

    Surely knowing where its gone and stopping more going the same place is a useful thing to do to stop future holes.

    i appreciate that recurring holes benefits the surveyor and everyone else getting paid to fix holes etc...

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