Techie fired for inventing an acronym – and accidentally applying it to the boss

On-Call, The Register's weekly column in which we share readers' stories of tech support trauma, usually opens with a short reverie about the approaching weekend. This week we're just going to launch straight into an enthusiastic "TGIF" – the abbreviation for Thank God It's Friday – for reasons that will become apparent after …

[wolfetone]

Current place I'm in has a particular SUE who goes out of her way to make sure her IT doesn't work in order for her to not work - but blame IT for it.

One day she had another issue - she had forgotten her password although was adamant it was correct and it's the c0mPUteR's fault - and her manager fully believed it was a problem with the laptop. I was rather pissed off with her shenanigans so I said to her in ear shot "the only problem with that laptop is that it has a PICNIC error".

"How do we fix it?" he asked - short of saying sack her for being a lazy bastard I said "there isn't a fix, she'll just have to remember her password. If she's not done it in 15 minutes I'll unlock it".

The problem was during those 15 minutes, her mate asked her what the problem was and she said "It's a PICNIC error apparently, whatever that is". Another colleague then pipes up "Hang on, X has that on the mug he's drinking out of".

So the three of them have a look at this lad's mug which cheerfully breaks it down to "Problem In Chair, Not In Computer".

It's been 9 months, she's not spoken to me since but curiously hasn't had an issue with her laptop either.

[UCAP]

It's been 9 months, she's not spoken to me since ...

I'd call that an added bonus.

[wolfetone]

It makes up for the lack of a pay rise, I will admit that.

[Prst. V.Jeltz]

I've always thought PEBCAK a extremely clunky and unmemorable acronym when PICNIC was available, and means the same.

[Antron Argaiv]

SUE = Some UsEr...problem solved.

ID-10-T errors...unsolveable without a modified cattle prod.

[An_Old_Dog]

Acronyms

We had to put something in our HellDesk tracking system, so for these events it was, "Problem required ID10T BIOS flash." We unfortunately had no cattle prods with which to implement that *FLASH* ...

[Dizzy Dwarf]

Re: Acronyms

Aaaahhh - He'll save every one of us

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Acronyms

I just use IO error - Incompetent Operator

[Anonymous Coward]

As ranchers don't want to lose valuable cattle to voltage, you won't really need to modify the cattle prod.

[Disclaimer: check with your doctor and/or lawyer before using a cattle prod on a human]

[Bebu]

picnic works both ways :(

Like NATO : no action talk only v now action talk over

PICNIC : problem in computer not in chair :(

I suppose C could be cranium too.

Perhaps blame "Al Fresco"

Don't see why Sues are so thin skinned - compared with Karens they get off pretty lightly.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: picnic works both ways :(

Amazed nobody has mentioned "Computer User, None Technical".

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: picnic works both ways :(

Re: "Computer User, None Technical"

Surely that should be "Computer Users, Not Technical Specialists"...

I'll get my coat, with the P45 (Pink slip) in the pocket....

[Combat Epistomologist]

I like "Layer 8 problem", myself...

[JimboSmith]

One day she had another issue - she had forgotten her password although was adamant it was correct and it's the c0mPUteR's fault - and her manager fully believed it was a problem with the laptop. I was rather pissed off with her shenanigans so I said to her in ear shot "the only problem with that laptop is that it has a PICNIC error".

I worked somewhere which merged with another company. This bunch were very keen on Active Directory and rules set using it. So one rule introduced was that computers lock after 10 minutes of being idle. Not so stupid as it sounds for most desktops but this was applied to everything across the board. So meeting rooms with dedicated computers for display via the projector had the same as ordinary desktops. People wouldn’t log out of meeting room PCs when they finished their meeting and it would then lock. IT support had to reset the computer (locked in a ventilated rack cupboard) every time which was annoying both for those of us who could reset it and the next user of the room.

I suggested that we just enter the wrong password three times lock the user out. They would then have to contact us to get it reset and have a little chat about logging out. That was working well but we pleaded with a manager to change things for meeting rooms. IT director is having none of it (one size fits all policy) and we’re stuck/stuffed.

Then the CEO is going to be doing an important presentation one day. The meeting room/boardroom is booked for him a full hour ahead of the presentation and it is set up ready for him to use. The PowerPoint and video have been placed onto his desktop and he has practiced in his office. He just has to log in, in the meeting room his desktop will appear and he can start. We’d checked that the computer wasn’t locked and even checked the batteries were fully charged on the mouse/keyboard. However when he and his invited guests get in there he finds the computer is locked to another user. They had borrowed the empty room for 5 minutes and hadn’t logged out.

Had there been a fan the shit would have buried it quite deeply, not just hit it. CEO phones IT director to come and fix it and the policy for meeting rooms was changed shortly afterwards.

.

[gotes]

This is a better story than the actual article.

[Doctor Syntax]

"They had borrowed the empty room for 5 minutes and hadn’t logged out."

Well played, sir. That's the way to get the policy changed.

[Bebu]

A very peculiar practice.

"Well played, sir."

I imagine in the most of north america apart from anglophiles, the subcontinental diaspora and some peculiar sorts in Boston the sound of leather on willow would only invoke an idea of some a private perversion.

To be honest looking looking at test cricket objectively I am not sure they are wrong about perversion if not the private.

Douglas Adams used the game satirically in one of his stories but I suspect he was also a tragic.

[Lord Elpuss]

Re: A very peculiar practice.

What in the Sam Hill are you on about.

[Prst. V.Jeltz]

Re: A very peculiar practice.

Brockian UltraCricket . Obvs.

[Francis Boyle]

Congratulations

You've done what I hitherto considered impossible – getting an infinite ratio of downvotes to upvotes on the Register for a Douglas Adams reference. (I hope my very late upvote will go some way to restoring the cosmic balance.)

[Gene Cash]

I've seen SOOOO many IT issues where the resolution is finally "then the CEO is going to be doing an important xxx one day"

It's only when the CEO himself takes it up the bungster that things get properly fixed.

[James Balderstone]

Had similar - struggled for weeks with a crap old laptop - ICT Dept never had the budget for a replacement - "you'll just have to make do"

Cue an onsite customer visit by me and the CEO, where my laptop finally crapped out forcing me to try and use the CEO's for the onsite work.

Funnily enough I had a brand new laptop waiting on my desk when I got back to the office.... ;)

[samsungfreud]

I'm having end users use longer passwords.

Of course, there's always one person that complains endlessly about it.

Several users started playing practical jokes on each other...

reversing batteries on wireless keyboards, disconnecting monitor cables.

I had enough.

Now passwords are easy to remember phrases...in Navajo, a beautiful language.

Of course, there are upper and lower case letters, numbers and special characters.

I haven't had push back from management so far...

[Prst. V.Jeltz]

I thought one of the main tenets of password security, before you get to that 12 chars with a sqiggle stuff is that the end-user chooses their password!

[BOFH in Training]

Well that was unfortunate.

But if the boss was cool, instead of "blaming Sue", the boss could have agreed to blaming some other names.........

[Korev]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

"She was not happy with this. In fact she was pissed. My job lasted exactly another two weeks before I was summarily dismissed."

Maybe he should sue for illegal dismissal...

[CrazyOldCatMan]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

Maybe he should sue for illegal dismissal...

It's Florida. They can probably dismiss you for breathing wrongly (or being a Democrat [1], having the wrong skin tone or wearing a mask in public..)

[1] Yes, yes, I know that should be a protected characteristic but it's Florida. Where freedom goes to die..

[Pascal Monett]

Re: it's Florida

Where everything goes to die.

Start with sanity and go right on down.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

Whoosh.

[yetanotheraoc]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

Thanks. It went over my head, too, until I saw your whoosh. But the clues were there: coat icon, check; pun-omatic user handle, check.

[Dave314159ggggdffsdds]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

Why do we have to have this nonsense every time? In the UK and most of the EU you can be fired for any reason other than the various protected characteristics, as long as they pay the statutory minimum payout when doing so. It is pretty much a US-only thing to be unable to fire someone without cause.

[Claptrap314]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

Most states are "at will"--no cause needed.

[Dave314159ggggdffsdds]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

Yes, just like in the UK and EU. Being unable to fire people for any non-discriminatory reason is unusual. Americans seem to have weird ideas about how European economies do business.

[Ace2]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

“It is pretty much a US-only thing to be unable to fire someone without cause”

Did you accidentally post the exact opposite of what you meant? Anybody (well any ‘worker’ who’s not in a union) in the US can be fired at any time as long as it’s not for protected characteristics.

[Dave314159ggggdffsdds]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

It is only in the non-at-will states that there is a bar to firing someone. They are the exception to a pretty much worldwide norm. The OP seemed to think Florida is the exception rather than the rule.

[David Jackson 1]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

https://www.gov.uk/dismissal/unfair-and-constructive-dismissal

This explains what you cannot be dismissed for. It's a long list.

[Dave314159ggggdffsdds]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

It's a short list of protected characteristics. As long as they are not in breach of such things, your employer does not need a reason to terminate your employment. 'Because we want to' is enough.

[Martin]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

In the UK at least, "because we want to" is not enough. You have to have not been doing your job properly, and they have got to have gone through a disciplinary procedure.

https://www.gov.uk/dismissal/reasons-you-can-be-dismissed

(Of course, P&O ferries were able to dismiss all their staff and admit they were in breach of the law with absolutely no come-back.)

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

Nope - it's perfectly possible in the UK to dismiss anyone without cause "if you want to". You just need the connivance of two directors..... I've seen it happen. They invent infractions to new arbitrary rules, and sack for "gross misconduct". It normally takes about a day, and is quite common.

[Martin]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

Well, in my whole forty year career from small companies to large, I've never seen it happen. You can't set up new rules and backdate them; even with connivance, you still need evidence of gross misconduct.

If such a thing had happened to me, I'd have been to see an industrial lawyer PDQ. You'd at least get a significant payoff.

[Lord Elpuss]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

"In the UK and most of the EU you can be fired for any reason other than the various protected characteristics, as long as they pay the statutory minimum payout when doing so. It is pretty much a US-only thing to be unable to fire someone without cause."

Did you intentionally get this the wrong way round?

[Dave314159ggggdffsdds]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

It isn't the wrong way around. I really don't know why this myth is so prevalent. Only (some) US states have any protections against being fired 'because we don't want to employ you anymore'. The UK and most EU countries don't. We have unemployment benefits and free healthcare instead.

[Lord Elpuss]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

I can tell you that in the EU country where I live, you absolutely cannot just fire people because you want to without incurring severe financial penalties. WAY beyond stat min. You can make a POSITION redundant, at which point companies are required to offer alternative roles inside the company, and only when that process has been completely exhausted (usually taking years) then you can look to a redundancy. If there are no performance reasons for the redundancy, you're still then looking at a very substantial payout. In the specific case I was involved in (from the company side), close to 2 years salary plus a €65k transition allowance. And this is AFTER the years of basically doing nothing while the company tries to find you another job. This is from personal, actual experience; I'm not theorising.

I know of at least one other country where the situation is even more locked down. Companies like the one I'm currently working for simply cannot make people redundant there without documented performance reasons or criminal activity. They need to go through a redundancy process with the works councils and unions, which takes many many months, and after that IF they agree, the redundancy packages are penalistic.

Germany/Austria/Switzerland is a black hole when it comes to employment law; all I know is that contractor friends of mine who know FTEs there say they are essentially bulletproof in their roles.

[Innominate Chicken]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

El Reg (UK) is now The Register (USA), in many parts of the land of freedom (for them, not you) you can be fired at any time for any reason with no recourse.

[A.P. Veening]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

you can be fired at any time for any reason with no recourse

The best part is the other half: You can walk at any time for any reason and the company has no recourse either and they don't like it when you use that option, especially when they need you a lot more than you need them.

[Arthur the cat]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

You can walk at any time for any reason and the company has no recourse either

Unless they have you by the short and curliesunder a No Compete, in which case life may get a bit problematical.

[martinusher]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

It depends on the job. Sure you can walk out at any time. It just depends on whether you've got somewhere to walk into.

We're not supposed to have blacklists in the US. But......it certainly feels like there are, at least for the more interesting/well paid jobs. So I wouldn't push your luck. Just treat 'at will' employment as another version of "Heads I Win, Tails You Lose".

[aerogems]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

I think it was an old Dilbert strip, before Scott Adams stopped even trying to hide who he really was, where someone calls up the PHB asking about some previous employee. PHB says how it's company policy not to discuss former employees, but he'd be happy to discuss the weather. He then says, "The weather is a jerk."

[aerogems]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

That's not ENTIRELY true. "At Will" employment is often described as "can be fired for any (or no) reason at any time" but more accurately it would include a carve out for the incredibly narrow set of illegal reasons to fire someone such as basing it on protected classed like their race, ethnicity, age (if over 40), sex gender, genetic information, and a couple of other things. You can check the EEOC website if you want a full list and explanation. Not that it stops companies from firing people for all those reasons, but it's technically illegal and there's a (low) risk that the company will end up being forced to rehire the employee or back up a dump truck full of money to their house. And of course if you're a member of a labor union, there could be other restrictions on firing people, and other states (like California) have more expansive lists of protected classes.

In the case of the person in the story, it's unlikely they'd have much of a chance even if they had a "for cause" clause in their contract. And I know I'm playing armchair quarterback with the benefit of hindsight, but they should have just said Sue was some long departed employee who had the reverse midas touch and even long after her departure to be the chocolate teapot at another unfortunate company, people were still coming across things she mucked up. Odds are the new boss wouldn't bother going through the former employee roster to try and find out if there really was another Sue, and if they did, they'd be just as far up shit creek as they were with the truth.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

You mean sue Sue?

[doublelayer]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

This is when you have to quickly invent what SUE stood for, and of course you write it SUE, what were my colleagues doing? System unjournaled environment, it was due to an image problem and cropped up several times because the patching program had to be run manually. As long as the person asking isn't technical, they'll accept it. After all, if you search the invented phrase, you get lots of technical articles so it must be a real thing.

[Jess--]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

I would have suggested it meant "Suspected User Error"

[TheSirFin]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

Nice!!

"Im afraid we cannot have the meeting today SUE has gone on a PICNIC"

I am stealing both of these for use my with my Lazy Susans!

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

If the boss was cool she'd have appreciated the success he'd had in improving helpdesk/user relationships and not taken it personally. Unfortunately the characteristics that enable people to climb the managerial ladder are just what makes them bad managers.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

"She was not happy with this. In fact she was pissed. My job lasted exactly another two weeks before I was summarily dismissed."

I'd call that a nice bonus to have had your eyes open about a truly a**hole boss of this kind. And a shit company employing those ...

Who, on their right mind, would take offense of a nickname from a time before they appeared, therefore, obviously not aimed at them ?

[Munchausen's proxy]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

"Who, on their right mind, would take offense of a nickname from a time before they appeared, therefore, obviously not aimed at them ?"

Maybe a woman who doesn't like the implication that a random woman can be blamed for any and every problem, and people accept that as a good tech support response?

[Intractable Potsherd]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

But there was a Boy Named Sue: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WOHPuY88Ry4

[ChoHag]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

We know we can't blame problems on some random woman.

It was all Eve's fault.

[Duke of Source]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

That was no random woman either, as it was the only woman around. Also, the first man is equally to blame.

[jake]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

"Maybe a woman who doesn't like the implication that a random woman can be blamed for any and every problem"

It wasn't a random woman. It was a non-existent woman. Who wasn't being blamed. The word was being used as a handle to indicate a specific problem, it was in no way an indictment on anyone who uses the name "Sue". Especially not a Sue who entered the picture long after the handle was implemented. Anybody who thinks otherwise is probably in need of serious psychological help.

[Will Godfrey]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

Actually it probably did him a favour - she doesn't sound like the sort of boss I'd want to work for.

[Mark 85]

Re: Well that was unfortunate.

Exactly. She took something personal that was being used long before she started. I've met a few like her of both sexes.... clueless and looking to toss their power around.

[The curmudgeonly one]

When I became manager of one IT department I discovered that many, many calls were recorded as 'picnic': problem in chair not in computer.

But unfortunately users would occasionally see the call notesand ask what a picnic was.

An edict had to be issued: no more picnics (or id 10 t errors). Just us TA, which means 'Technical Assistance' or 'Tedious Aresehoe' depending on who is listening.

[Fruit and Nutcase]

LULU

On a system that used LU 6.2, a particular error message had the term "LU-LU communication error" and an error message number - that got reported as a "LULU" error

LU - Logical Unit, LU 6.2 being a peer-peer protocol

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IBM_LU6.2

[Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese]

Re: LULU

"LULU" error

That's something to Shout about

[Timbo]

Re: LULU

"That's something to Shout about"

Oh, VERY well played Sir !!

Just a shame it isn't the "First of May" today, but I won't "Boom Bang a Bang" on about that "If I were you" as "I Don''t Wanna Fight" about it" so I "Hope you understand" !!

But Lulu did have/has got a great voice... she's 74 now, and is still touring :-)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lulu_(singer)

[Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese]

Re: LULU

Oh, VERY well played Sir !!

That sounds like a very appreciative comment - I'll regard it as a To Sir With Love

[Phil E Succour]

Always have an innocent version of your acronym prepared…

He should have told the new boss it meant "Sub-optimal User Experience" and he might have got away with it.

[Anonymous Coward]

I just blame the pixies that come in overnight and unplug or break things... Did I mention that they are invisible as no one ever sees them....

[TimMaher]

Re: pixies

Just as well really.

If they were pixels people could see them.

[Strahd Ivarius]

if they were enhancing things (especially the coffee machines) you may have a Moties' Watchmakers infestation...

[aerogems]

It's like the Simpsons episode where Lucy Lawless says that every inconsistency in the show Xena was because of wizards.

[Not Yb]

Conversely, every instance of inconsistency in Hercules is Sorbo's fault.

[Jou (Mxyzptlk)]

Oh, those pixies with loud machines with hose, tube and lifeline...

[Anonymous Coward]

One use for ChatGPT ...

is to invent backronyms. They can't be any more cringeworthy than human generated ones ....

[Prst. V.Jeltz]

Re: One use for ChatGPT ...

PEBCAK

ugh!

[Steve Kerr]

We have a few names - for people

We have some names rather than acryonyms for people - some of which is part of peoples names but won't say here.

We have named (internally in the team) certain colleagues as

Mr Shouty

Sargent Major Shouty (SMS) - ex army who believes he can treat civvies the way he treated people in the army, doesn't work!

Captain Chaos - he actually knew about this one and accpted it was was quite funny.

There are more but not saying those ones and many I've forgotten!

[Boris the Cockroach]

Re: We have a few names - for people

Captain Chaos!!! He was my CO when I worked for the government.

He was the bloke who picked up a very expensive tool that I'd ground up for a precision job.... then dropped it on the floor after saying "this is a funny looking drill"

Needless to say I spent another 2 hrs grinding up another tool.

He was a prime example of the principle of that if someone is bloody useless and you cant fire him, promote him out of harm's way.

[Old Used Programmer]

Re: We have a few names - for people

As regards SMS... There is the problem that (at least in the US), the military is extremely rank conscious even with civilians that don't have a rank. My father worked as a field service engineer (aka "tech rep") first with the USAF, who classed the tech reps as sort of generic commissioned officers, and later with the Navy, who class tech reps as generic NCOs. When he died, he was a civilian employee of the Navy. It was while doing the subsequent paperwork that his boss, a Navy lieutenant, found out that a bit over 20 years earlier, my father had left the US Maritime Service as a Lieutenant Commander. Thus, the "dumb civilian" that he actually liked a lot, outranked him. Ooops...

[Manolo]

Re: We have a few names - for people

I sometimes call my manager Dr Oetker, because if talking was dessert, he'd be Dr Oetker.

He just laughs about this and his smooth talking gets us the customers, so pays my wages.

[Giles C]

Back in the day

We used the following shorthand when out at desks

VDU fault - very dumb user

EDU - extremely dum user

Internally we would refer to id10t and picnic. If these never went in the call logs for obvious reasons.

That way if we needed to call back to the office to get something done then saying there was a vdu problem didn’t matter if it was overheard.

Mind you I once told someone the problem was with the warp core they believed it and well…..

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: Back in the day

For apparently blank screens: KAM - knob adjusting monitor.

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: Back in the day

I forgot the other one: BAN - brightness adjustment needed

[Caver_Dave]

Re: brightness adjustment needed

Did that refer to the monitor or user?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: brightness adjustment needed

Sadly, users are not adjustable.

:)

[UCAP]

Re: brightness adjustment needed

Oh I don't know. Taser, sack, some quicklime - properly applied they can adjust users really quickly.

[Prst. V.Jeltz]

Re: brightness adjustment needed

Reminds me of the "Ministry of Alterations"

https://youtu.be/aWnFWclW0Qs?t=38

[John PM Chappell]

Re: brightness adjustment needed

Excellent reference. Had to check the link to be 100% sure we were on the same page. :)

[TekGuruNull]

Re: brightness adjustment needed

Ah, the good old days. Sadly the days of LARTs and quicklime are long passed. Damned forensics and CCTV everywhere. Lusers are blissfully safe from Darwinian justice these days. I mean who even remembers the last time they actually saw a defenestration in person.

<sniff>

[Shooter]

Re: brightness adjustment needed

You could ask some random Moscow resident...

[Snowy]

Re: brightness adjustment needed

That does not make the user any brighter but something flammable and a match will

[A.P. Veening]

Re: brightness adjustment needed

Sadly, users are not adjustable.

Maybe not, but their attitude does respond to a clue by four.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: brightness adjustment needed

Sadly, users are not adjustable.

Oh they are - you just need a very large and heavy wrench in your toolkit. You explain loudly to a colleague that it's an "Attitude Adjustment Tool", and the (l)users rapidly fall into line.....

[Insert sadsack pun here]

Re: brightness adjustment needed

"Did that refer to the monitor or user?"

That is, indeed, the joke.

[parlei]

Re: brightness adjustment needed

Presumably: yes.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Back in the day

> EDU - extremely dum user

Not sure if intentional or ironic...

[Giles C]

Re: Back in the day

I will go with ironic as I didn’t spot the mistake until it was too late (a day too late…)

[edjimf]

User based problems are referred to here as "Layer 8 problems"

[Evil Auditor]

Exactly. It's always ISO Layer 8. Sounds clever and no one (i.e. no one of the targets) knows what it actually means.

[A.P. Veening]

Exactly. It's always ISO Layer 8. Sounds clever and no one (i.e. no one of the targets) knows what it actually means.

Not always, I've encountered a couple of ISO Layer 9 problems (management).

[yetanotheraoc]

best of all

Very small chance your next manager will be named ISO Layer 8.

[Evil Auditor]

Re: best of all

Maybe another one of Elon's offspring?

[Anonymous Coward]

The ISO-OSI model is a seven layer architecture.

International Organization for Standardisation - Open Systems Interconnection

[Lil Endian]

And there's the proof that it is possible to have a Layer 8 problem.

[Lil Endian]

It's SOP to ensure one ISO-L8s before one defenestrates... it eliminates witnesses.

[Sam not the Viking]

Three Letter Acronyms are not enough

When we were bought out by a bigger concern, a TLA. We had to use their systems for manufacturing, buying and accounting. This was a step-backwards to green-screen command-line procedures. The new bosses were very good at asking other people to provide information from this system but were unable to obtain it themselves. We called them AWDUTS: Ars***** Who Don't Use The System.

I've said before that we used our old and their new systems to show how everything they bought was over-expensive, thus exposing corruption. But no good deed goes unpunished and I was eventually made redundant..... In retrospect, a great outcome. So ---->

[yetanotheraoc]

Re: Three Letter Acronyms are not enough

"thus exposing corruption"

As if they hadn't already known that.

[Sam not the Viking]

Re: Three Letter Acronyms are not enough

The bosses found out they were not getting their full share.

[Ghostman]

Re: Three Letter Acronyms are not enough

I've run into quite a few SNOACs in my day. People who Should Not Own a Computer.

[just another employee]

FUBAR

Not heard FUBAR for a while.

I always wonder what was being inhaled by the DEC coders who, when a VMS systems crashed, provided you with a FUBAR address / code.

FUBAR = Failed Uni-Bus Address Register.

I never knew FUBAR meant anything else until I was much less green.

[chivo243]

Re: FUBAR

Fscked Up Beyond All Repair... FUBAR...

[runt row raggy]

Re: FUBAR

we had one of those once. when we opened up the unibus drawer there was a hole in the wire wrapped Ethernet adapter big enough to put your hand through. this was due to a lightning strike.

[Plest]

Re: FUBAR

I always assumed "fubar" like "fugazi", came from the US army in Vietnam, "Fucked Up Beyond All Repair, and "Fucked Up, Got Ambushed and Zipped In. [ a bodybag ]."

( Fugazi is also one of my favourite albums of the 1980s! )

[Korev]

Re: FUBAR

> ( Fugazi is also one of my favourite albums of the 1980s! )

And one of the best bands...

I'd offer you a pint, but that's not how Straightedge works...

[CrazyOldCatMan]

Re: FUBAR

> ( Fugazi is also one of my favourite albums of the 1980s! )

And one of the best bands...

They still are - very different from the 80's Marillion [1] but still breathtaking in concert.

[1] Which they should be - a band that keeps endlessly recycling the same style becomes boring really quickly..

[F. Frederick Skitty]

Re: FUBAR

He or she is referring to the straight edge punk band Fugazi, not the proggie folk who did an album of that name.

[Korev]

Re: FUBAR

> He or she is referring to the straight edge punk band Fugazi, not the proggie folk who did an album of that name.

Correct

[jake]

Re: FUBAR

FUBAR is US Army slang, circa 1944 (according to my OED). Probably at least a little earlier, as these things are usually in widespread use before they are written down fr posterity..

[Paul Johnston]

Re: FUBAR

I sometimes think of certain users as a minor threat.

[Korev]

Re: FUBAR

Well played Sir

[KarMann]

22 or 54 years ago

Given the output of the Regomiser [sic] this week, I couldn't help reading Hal's half of the dialogue in Douglas Rain's calm, soothing voice.

[DailyLlama]

People aren't Hardware or Software, so it must be a Meatware problem...

[Elongated Muskrat]

Presumably experienced by Lady Gaga?

[jake]

That would be meatwear.

[Elongated Muskrat]

Come on now Jake, I thought better of you, going round explaining other people's puns...

[Anonymous Coward]

Isn't a meatware issue something that happens when one is single for long periods of time?

[jake]

"Where's the soap?"

"Yes, it does ... "

[Elongated Muskrat]

Being dismissed was probably a blessing in disguise

The alternative is continuing to work with a direct boss who clearly has zero sense of humour or empathy for her staff.

[chivo243]

Re: Being dismissed was probably a blessing in disguise

Sue couldn't have written a better script! The new manager has to shake things up, put the fear of god into the plebs(like his muskratiness). Hal was the sacrificial lamb.

[Luiz Abdala]

Don't forget the ID10T error!

Nobody mentioned the ID10T error, but I didn't reach the end of the comments yet, so there it is.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Don't forget the ID10T error!

"Nobody mentioned the ID10T error"

Of course, it has to be said phonetically...Eye-Dee Ten Tee (of course !!). just so the plebs do not take it personally.

[KarMann]

Oh, Rocky!

I wonder whether Hal had ever participated in the audience at a Rocky Horror Picture Show screening, where one of the usual audience lines, after seeing that one of the crew was named Sue Blane (costume design), was 'no, Sue's to blame! Didn't you read the credits?'

[elsergiovolador]

PP

At one company they would say that the team has a small PP (people problem), when users were using developed feature in a way that was not intended.

[Jou (Mxyzptlk)]

Re: PP

I call them debuggers. They are the best people to test software, using it in ways no programmer even can think of.

[Anonymous Coward]

PICNIC, PEBKAC you softies

My team developed a call handling system so we could track and manage incidents better, this was so successful that it was adopted as a departmental system, when the c suites discovered it they wanted to roll it out company wide to support all our customers, there was just one problem, our team had a diagnostician called Richard Head, when we had a call with someone who had crippled their mainframe, was lying about what they had done and was delaying us getting him back on the air, or when we received a high priority but trivial call, it would be triaged to Mr Head. We had the foresight to come clean to our manager who ran interference for us to delay implementation while we 'cleansed' the data before it started being sent to customers as part of the post incident review process.

[Marty McFly]

Re: PICNIC, PEBKAC you softies

No kidding, in a job 35 years ago and far away, the big boss's name was Richard Head. Woe was the individual who used a nickname. That was a career limiting move, with prejudice & malice.

[jake]

Re: PICNIC, PEBKAC you softies

On the other hand, Dr. Wang told a roomful of Silly Con Valley luminaries and hangers-on that he got over the locker-room derived humo(u)r of his name during his first year at Harvard, but we should feel free to snicker at it if we liked. In his opinion, it said more about the person doing the snickering than the owner of the name. He further said this applied to any name.

[ColinPa]

Richard head

I remember being in Sydney for the 2000 Olympics. Some of the Americans said that that thought the local drivers were very polite and old fashioned. When the American's made a mistake on the roads, the locals would touch their forelock as they used to when the local squire came past.

I had to explain that touching the forelock could be taken a different way ... known as Richard Head!

[KittenHuffer]

Re: PICNIC, PEBKAC you softies

30 odd years ago my father ended up losing his managerial role after the owners brought in a new and 'up and coming' youngster by the name of Michael Hunt!

[Anonymous Coward]

Anon because it's current, but I think ...

CFW (Custom Widget) may come back to bite me on the backside ...

[Michael Strorm]

So I'm assuming that the blameworthy user would get called "Sue" regardless of whether they were a girl or a boy?

[A.P. Veening]

So I'm assuming that the blameworthy user would get called "Sue" regardless of whether they were a girl or a boy?

You asked for it ;)

[Gerhard den Hollander]

Supreme Head of Information Technology

At some point we ended up with someone in charge of IT who did not really have the required skills (neither technical nor interpersonal) so we started referring to him as the supreme head of information technology.

Which he overheard

He liked it so much he started signing his emails with it

We never managed to get him business cards with that title on it

[Anonymous IV]

Re: Supreme Head of Information Technology

Less scatological was the (apocryphal?) Civil Service post with the title Engineering Industries Export Intelligence Officer.

There was also supposed to be a similarly-initialised BBC job: Engineering Information and Electrical Installation Officer.

[Arthur the cat]

Re: Supreme Head of Information Technology

PowerPC processors had an EIEIO instruction – Enforce In-order Execution of I/O. Amusing instruction names have long been a habit of hardware designers.

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: Supreme Head of Information Technology

Another possibly apocryphal one was when the RSA introduced their Computer Literacy and Information Technology course. They decided it might be a good idea to capitalise the A in the name and so it became CLAIT instead of something a bit more vulgar.

[Herby]

Re: Supreme Head of Information Technology

Sorry...

EIEIO was a 68040 instruction.

Of course they also had a "Sign Extend" instruction as well.

[John H Woods]

Echoes of Prawo Jazdy...

... the worst driver in Ireland

[frabbledeklatter]

No Acronym Needed

I always used "Adjusted loose nut above keycaps" when appropriate.

[yetanotheraoc]

Re: No Acronym Needed

ALNAK - The acronym wants to be free. :)

[sanmigueelbeer]

In early 2000, the Australian Immigrations Department decided to rename itself. The C suites decided to call it the Department of Immigrations and Citizenship (DIC) and they went "all out" including printing of several truckloads of stationaries and letterheads.

Then one day, it came to a screeching halt and everyone was told to get rid of the stationaries and letterheads which bore the name. Why? Because, apparently, what do you call the top honcho of the Department of Immigration & Citizenship? A DIC-head, of course.

[Anonymous Coward]

Dperatment of Awkward Acronyms

That particular Australian Department was also once the Department of Immigration and Ethnic Affairs, which lent itself to an interesting pronunciation.

[Anonymous Coward]

.

Not an acronym, but years back when I worked on the phones a lone "." in the customer notes field was code for customer was an asshole. Plausible deniability if they ever made an access request too - "oh it was just a mistake"...

[Version 1.0]

Words "meanings" are always open to interpretations

For example, Bob Marley wrote the song titled Kinky Reggae with the line .... "I saw Miss Brown, She had brown sugar, All over her booga-wooga"

And everyone who never had to work in Jamaica thinks it's a rude female joke, not the fact that Miss Brown had been working to harvest sugar cane and was wearing the booga-wooga shoes. Get some sugar cane in your world and you'll end up with brown sugar on your shoes. I've always seen this song as Bob Marley laughing at (and with) everyone loving reggae, so many of his songs have "other" meaning buried deep in them that they are wonderful!!!!

[Dave314159ggggdffsdds]

Re: Words "meanings" are always open to interpretations

I've heard this urban myth before, along with a lot of other strange interpretations. The name of the song gets everyone thinking of sexual kinks, but it pretty obviously actually refers to kinky hair - it's standard roots natty-dread stuff. In that non-sexual light, booga-wooga is obviously just boogie-woogie - dancing.

[tekHedd]

Re: Words "meanings" are always open to interpretations

Um, sure. And the next line about having "candy tar all over his choclit bar" is really about unhealthy snacks. All in a song entitled "Kinky Reggae"... I call BS, you can "see" the song any way you want but it's obviously a master class in innuendo. :)

[Dave314159ggggdffsdds]

Re: Words "meanings" are always open to interpretations

'Candy tar' is heroin. The song really isn't about sex. Unlike pretty much every calypso song - and the thing about those is that they didn't do innuendo, they did really, really in your face dirt. No need to hide behind euphemisms when the censors can't understand your accent.

[Sparkus]

Who has to retire...

so that we can get some work done around here?

Often thought in passing, spoken exactly once in anger........

[shah27]

Damn it Sue, breaking computers and destroying careers.

[IGotOut]

Bloody Amateur...

I got mine put in the call logging system.

Took 6 months for management to notice....luckily he had a sense of humour.

Computer

Usage.

Not

Technical

You're welcome to that one.

[sanmigueelbeer]

Re: Bloody Amateur...

See you next Tuesday -- Spelled "shorthand" to

C

U

Next

Tuesday

[Potty Professor]

Re: Bloody Amateur...

I once got hauled over the coals because I ended an email to a customer with the words "See you next Tuesday". My manager thought I was being rude, so I had to explain, very carefully, that I would indeed be meeting the customer, at their site, on the Tuesday of the following week. Manager climbed down a bit, but told me to be more careful with my expressions in future

[Anonymous Custard]

Re: Bloody Amateur...

The simplest response there is "Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday..."

[Anonymous Coward]

One I use and one that I dare not!!

On occasion we refer to individuals as being Tabards, it really shouldn't be a plural but its the best anagram I could think of.

One I heard via WhatsApp was naming an apprentice Contagious, not Covid related but because <Aussie accent +10> "It takes the c&nt ages to do anything!!"

[Anonymous Coward]

Scottish NHS IT office , late 90's early 00's. We used to write FUCT in black permanent marker on broken hardware on the IT office workbenches (dead CRT monitors, gubbed printers, PC PSUs etc) , so no-one would attempt to use it as a spare. Until we got a new boss who didnt approve. One of my colleagues tried to flannel them with "failed under continuous testing", but they got the face. So we switched to writing BROKEN on the mostly beige kit of that era

[An_Old_Dog]

Broken-Stuff Acronyms

NDG == No Damn Good.

[sanmigueelbeer]

The United States Fleet was an organization in the United States Navy from 1922 until after World War II. The acronym CINCUS, stood for Commander in Chief, United States Fleet, was used until that fateful day of December 1941.

CINCUS was pronounced as "sink us".

[G.Y.]

euphemism

I have seen BROKEN euphemised to "your Kodak Ektaprint copier-duplicator is presently being service-adjusted"

[Not Yb]

Re: euphemism

"If you experience any opportunities during installation, please call ..."

[Boyd Crow]

Using personal names as a generic anything is bad policy. Take the example of "Karen" which has been used as a shorthand for the "overly entitled" and caused much unnecessary grief for people with that very popular name. Use some common sense.

It's also bad policy denigrating users with problems. It's your job to take care of users who need help. Do your job. I did IT for 20 years without having to make fun of anyone.

[Antron Argaiv]

Fair point.

But I submit, it's also incumbent on users to be as helpful and tolerant as possible. Because abusing or beng untruthful to folks who are trying to help you and many others who have problems is counter-productive.

Which is why I always remember my IT bods with a small thank you gift at the holidays.

[DreamEater]

"Using personal names as a generic anything is bad policy. Take the example of "Karen" which has been used as a shorthand for the "overly entitled" and caused much unnecessary grief for people with that very popular name. Use some common sense."

Who pissed in your cornflakes?

[John Brown (no body)]

Karen. Or possibly Sue. Or maybe it was Dick Head?

[Stevie]

Bah!

I think getting upset about "Karen" is tantamount to being a right Nigel.

What?

[Jay 2]

On chat the other day on of my colleagues referred to a Jira "thicket". I don't know if it was a typo, but given the contents and reporter I found it quite apt. I have since decided we should use this new word appropriately in the future.

[John H Woods]

Jira thicket

We should adopt this for those with 8 or more story points.

[Doctor Syntax]

It's a linguistic/vegetational oddity that "thicket" is related to "quick"

[Chris Evans]

Not an anacronym, so no explanation needed!

HAL didn't need to say it was an acronym just a random person's name. People like to have someone to blame. The name clash would have annoyed the real Sue but not as much as explaining the acronym.

[yetanotheraoc]

Re: Not an anacronym, so no explanation needed!

anacronym - nice, I might get to use that someday

[Furbian]

Oh no...

I've only just discovered what SNAFU stands for, about 30 years later... I shall not be using it in future!

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: Oh no...

Situation Normal, Al FUBARed Up any better?

Of course, you're fucked when you discover what FUBAR means :-)

[jake]

Re: Oh no...

"I shall not be using it in future!"

Why the fuck not? It's worked for you for 30 years, so just carry on.

[Anonymous Coward]

Ts and Cs

As an office junior, asked to type up some minutes. It said "negotiate Ts & Cs"

What could it mean?

Ticks and Crosses... no

Teas and Coffees... yes, this must have been the point in the meeting where they worked out everyone’s drinks

Several weeks later I learnt it meant Terms and Conditions :)

[NateGee]

Previous employer

The acronym for a previous employer's IT department was S.H.I.T.

I even got away with adding this into Window 7's About function next to the servicedesk phone number - as S.H.I.T. Servicedesk: 08xxxxxxxxx

Nobody picked it up!

[DS999]

Hal seems a bit dumb

The only thing he could think of was the explain the acronym he'd created? Why not just say "I used to know a Sue at a previous job who was one of those people that manages to break every piece of technology she touches. It became a joke at that workplace that Sue was to blame for everything, even things she had nothing to do with. I carried it over here and the users liked it."

While I agree with those who say he probably didn't want to work for someone who would fire him over something like that, at least he could have had time to find another job.

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: Hal seems a bit dumb

... but nowhere near as dumb as Sue

[GloomyTrousers]

Keyboard driver error

Surprised this one hasn't been mentioned yet. Nice plausible deniability, but if you know, you know.

[Anonymous Coward]

One of the many benefits of working in IT at an airline is the almost limitless supply of three letter airport codes to apply to your more hated managers and users - so one particularly loathsome IT department head was widely known as "Funchal" - code FNC, resolving to "Fat N*z* C*n*"....

[Bruce Ordway]

IHTFP

IHTFP sign on a cubical wall - was well known by the rest of the staff to mean "I hate this fucking place"

- but when the culprit was one day queried about his sign by an irate manager, he stated "I have truly found peace"