BOFH: The PFY has won an award … for outstanding service?

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "I … You've been nominated for an … award?" the Boss announces, falteringly, as he rereads the paper in his hand. "Me?" the PFY asks. "Erm, yes. Apparently … uh … HR checked back with the person who nominated you – just to be sure – and they really did want to recommend you for an award …

[b0llchit]

Automated weekend answer

Nice to see some tech can be used for good measures. Perfection when the voices in the phone start referring to each other like "he said,..." and "she said,..." and finally start blaming each other. The voices may even open a window or two.

[Blackjack]

Re: Automated weekend answer

Considering that the people you call for support usually do follow a script, yeah let's have an A.I do it instead.

When dead tree PC magazines still existed one published the "Answer tree" that was usually used by tech support back then for funsies.

[Lil Endian]

Extra Mileage, Extra Fun

"Hello, this is Karl. How can I help?"

"Have you found a resolution to my mouse problem yet? It's been days!"

"What mouse problem?"

Caller goes into much detail about a faulty mouse.

"Sorry, no idea what you're on about..."

"But....!"

"Ah! You must have spoken to Carl with a 'C'. This is Karl, with a 'K'."

"NGAAAAARGH!"

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Extra Mileage, Extra Fun

"Welcome, may I have your name?"

"Karl Withasey"

"Carl. And your surname?"

"Withasey"

"Yes, I got it, Carl with a C. And your surname?"

"My surname is Withasey! W-I-T-H-A-S-E-Y!"

"Oh, sorry. Carl Withasey. Like this?"

"No, Karl with a K."

[Lil Endian]

Re: Extra Mileage, Extra Fun

"...and your name is....?"

"Brian Witherby."

<sighs to self> I know how to spell 'Brian' FFS! - "And your surname, Brian?"

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Extra Mileage, Extra Fun

My surname? Dawes. That's D as in doubleyou, A as in arr, W as in Why, E as in Ex, S as in Sea. What do you mean I should F as in off?

[Marshalltown]

Re: Extra Mileage, Extra Fun

"So, Mr. Draws, what is your problem?"

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: Extra Mileage, Extra Fun

<sighs to self> I know how to spell 'Brian' FFS!

No you fucking don't

Signed

Bryan

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Extra Mileage, Extra Fun

Stop being a "Very Naughty Boy!"

[Lil Endian]

Re: Extra Mileage, Extra Fun

My first stab at the joke was going to be "Ryan with a 'B'? Why don't you just say Bryan!", but I didn't wanna push me luck! :D

[Inventor of the Marmite Laser]

Re: Extra Mileage, Extra Fun

OK

[phils]

Re: Extra Mileage, Extra Fun

Knew a Northern Irish guy called Mark (with a K) who would regularly get things sent to Mork Widdakay.

[Lil Endian]

Re: Extra Mileage, Extra Fun

Irishman walks into a bakery.

"Is that an apple tart, or a meringue?"

"No, you're right, it's an apple tart."

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: Extra Mileage, Extra Fun

It also works in Geordie and various other local or regional accents around the UK too. I think I first heard when I was about 10, 50 or so years ago :-)

[Lil Endian]

Re: Extra Mileage, Extra Fun

True enough - it just so happens that it was told to me by a mate from Londonderry, so it really worked! That was about 80 years ago, I think... ;D

[Anonymous Anti-ANC South African Coward]

Windows

Karl, schieß auf die Fenster

Hint - I got a gun, ho ho ho.

[Evil Auditor]

Re: Windows

As any fule kno, it is "schieß dem Fenster!"

[Lil Endian]

Re: Windows

Vielleicht will er aus dem Fenster scheißen...

(Entschuldigung!)

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Windows

Is that where the expression "shits and giggles" comes from?

:)

[Anonymous Anti-ANC South African Coward]

Got me chucking all right, thanks!

Weekend's ahead, it's almost chaila o' clock... let the good times roll!

[chivo243]

to hell with it!

Speaking with a bot... might as well have a laBOTomy... That's how I felt after trying to use various virtual assistants(bots!).

[imanidiot]

BOFHbot already seems like a better phone bot than most customer "service" bots I've ever had the displeasure of having to deal with. For fucks sake I just want to talk to a person, even if that person might as well be a bot.

[b0llchit]

BOFHbot: How may I help you?

You: I'd like some service

BOFHbot: Please enter your service code.

You: I don't have it ready, can't you look it up?

BOFHbot: IT service hustle detected. Emergency window services have been dispatched. Please remain calm and stay where you are.

BOFHbot: May I offer you a mind game while we are waiting?

[Anonymous Anti-ANC South African Coward]

BOFHBot: Shall we play a game?

BOFHBot: How about Global Thermonuclear Warfare?

BOFHBot: Launching nukes in 5... 4... 3...

[Anonymous Coward]

BOFHBot: How about "can I survive jumpimg out a fourth floor window?"

[Karlis 1]

Yes, but extensive damage is likely.

Kinda best lightweight wheelchair available in europe is Panthera.

[tezboyes]

Indeed, properly clearing that many incidents in such a short time, our "service desk analysts" don't have that level of productivity!

This ChatGPT has to go ...

[RyokuMas]

Next step...

Anyone asking to speak to a manager, route them through to Tay?

[Si 1]

Re: Next step...

It still makes me chuckle that mischievous individuals had corrupted that AI into a hard right culture warrior within a day of it going live!

[lglethal]

Re: Next step...

It still makes me facepalm that the authors didnt expect that to happen!

Probably the only shock was that it took 24 hours. I would have had about 6 hours in the Sweepstakes...

[Spanners]

Re: Next step...

I hear them whining that they can't! No matter what they tell it, it refuses to say the N word, disparages racism and strenuously insists that 5+5=10!

I have come across "journalists" from the Daily Telegraph and Mail pointing out just how far left of them it is. Then they point out why and it appears that Chat.gpt or whatever, is neither right or left. This then defines where those, so called, journalists are.

[YetAnotherLocksmith]

Re: Next step...

Considering the weirdness of Bing, and the aggression and love bombing, send them there!

[Will Godfrey]

Love it!

Talk about a gift that keeps on giving :)

[Mark 85]

Re: Love it!

Gift? or Grift?

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

Brilliant episode, once more

101 uses of ChatGPT. There should be an award for that

[Flocke Kroes]

I think it has already happened

Someone else's laptop displayed a white screen at power on and did nothing else. As it was Windows and the screen was not mostly blue I was out of my depth - I have been a complete penguin for decades. I decided to try asking the BIOS if there was a hard disk. Power up + DEL, F1, F2, F10 and F12 did not get me to the BIOS so I tried asking a search engine. The first site that led me to had a chat window that offered help. It was completely useless. I could understand a human might offer Windows specific advice on the first and perhaps second response but after the fourth it was clear that whatever was answering (very promptly) had no idea that it was possible for a computer to fail in a way that you could not get to a log in prompt and wasn't going to hear any combination of words to that effect. I would have expected a competent human to offer "Try attaching an external monitor". Even a fairly thick AI might go for HYTTIOAOA.

[I found elsewhere that the BIOS access key for a Sony Viao was to power up with the ASSIST key - which didn't work either. With no way to select an alternative boot device I was stuck and recommended trying someone with the appropriate parts to swap out.]

How to spot a ChatGPT controlled car repairer facing a flat battery: it is the one changing each wheel in turn until it discovers which one is flat.

[Inventor of the Marmite Laser]

Didn't it all start with

I'm sorry Dave I can't do that.

[frankvw]

Deja vu

About 15 years ago I got stuck in an email support session with Netgear (the customer had a bunch of Netgear DSL modems that had their own ideas about how a VPN should work) which was facilitated by a support centre in India. Every email I got came from a different person, starting with "Hello, I am <insert name> and I am personally taking responsibility for your support query." And, you guessed it, each and every one of them was blissfully unaware of the content of any previous communications.

Eventually, just for giggles, I cranked up the old Eliza program (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ELIZA) and I got exactly the same level of support service from it.

Now I'm beginning to wonder... Have I unwittingly been dealing with an early version of BofH-bot? That would explain a few things....

[Antron Argaiv]

Re: Deja vu

Shouldn't "facilitated" be in quotes?

[stiine]

Re: Deja vu

It should also be misspelled, and pronounced as if it were written in Sanskrit.

[crosenblum]

Use Eliza or Animal AI!

I think it's best to use a more powerful tool in answering questions we are expected to answer.

But with the id10t users, comprehension levels, and lack of details they never provide, I think it's best to pass it off, to Eliza or Animal.

Does it have two legs?

What does that to do with my network problems?

So it has 4 legs?

Stop asking dumb questions!

Is it the color brown?

ARGGGHHH!

[stiine]

Re: Use Eliza or Animal AI!

Its a spherical cow. Where's my prize?

[Boris the Cockroach]

Oh happy day

friday

BOFH in top form

Excellent ideas for the future............I'm thinking one of those Boston dynamics robots with a ChatGPT system trained on how I interact with the staff and then set loose to solve the various production problems during the day....... although I may have to tell the staff to stay away from open windows and lift shafts when they interact with it..........

And its 1 hour to beer time too (I'm supposed to be tidying my office for an important customer visit on Monday.... sadly I've run out of desk drawers to hide all my crap in)

[Mark 85]

Re: Oh happy day

Excellent ideas for the future............I'm thinking one of those Boston dynamics robots with a ChatGPT system trained on how I interact with the staff and then set loose to solve the various production problems during the day....... although I may have to tell the staff to stay away from open windows and lift shafts when they interact with it..........

I think the one you want is the one with machine gun. That should solve many problems like phone calls a beer o'clock.

[Boris the Cockroach]

Re: Oh happy day

Sadly after THAT tuesday, the boss does not allow machine guns on site.

even in robotic hands......

[Down not across]

Re: Oh happy day

...(I'm supposed to be tidying my office for an important customer visit on Monday.... sadly I've run out of desk drawers to hide all my crap in)

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? – Albert Einstein

[Inventor of the Marmite Laser]

Re: Oh happy day

"Boston dynamics robots with a ChatGPT system trained on how I interact with the staff"

Isn't that just a bog standard HR consultant person? (Yes, I know that's stretching the definition of "person" but it's easier to type than useless, space wasting oxygen thief")

[stiine]

Congratulations Simon, I've just wet myself laughting.

[TRT]

Ah! For a moment there...

I was expecting the HR query to be handled by a ChatGPT bot that had been set up for them by the BOFH.

[Groo The Wanderer]

I'm waiting for them to wire it up to their cattle-prod and flamethrow weilding mail bot. :)

[earl grey]

sad, now i want to play animal

time for a few of these

[JimboSER]

No bots, Mayhem, Profit!

We now have HR prohibiting the use of bots to do work, Simon will undoubtedly get this in writing. Next he will block all search sites (google, etc), disconnect the phone system IVR and redirect all calls to reception (followed by the Boss, the Board, etc) when the queue is too long, suggest outsourcing the whole mess to a well staffed company for a reasonable rate, and happily sit back while "Karl' or 'Nigel' or 'Karen' or 'Steve' or 'Lisa' et cetera assist with everything...

[Toni the terrible]

noting unusual about their new system - isnt it how most automated phone systems work?