London cops break into gallery to rescue lifelike art installation We doff our caps to the two London police officers who smashed down the doors of a small art gallery to rescue a woman who appeared to have collapsed and drowned in a bowl of soup. The bobbies on the beat were following up reports that the stricken woman had not moved for hours. But that's because she is made of packing tape …
This too is a known environment: presumably it says 'art gallery ' in big letters over the window. That ought to be a clue.
And if the stuffed victim hadn't been moving for hours, maybe one move the complainant might have made was maybe going in and asking? Maybe?
Looks like the sales of mannequins are going to go through the roof.
This one simple trick to get police attention - bobbies hate this!
Had a burglary? Just put a mannequin at the crime scene and say it has not moved for hours, when police arrives tell them about the burglary!
Someone stole your bike? Just put a mannequin where you last seen your bike and call the police that it has not moved for hours. Once police arrives tell them about your bike!
and so on..
[disclaimer: the above is a joke]
"Lazarides said of Kristina: "She's certainly earned her money and has helped no end in getting people to stop and look at our stand, as well as upsetting an awful lot of traditional types. "
The new functions of 'art':
[1] to get people to notice ME
[2] to annoy people I despise
I don't think the dadaism is new.
(Cue an art historian telling me about some much older movement of deliberately "offensive" art.)
If somebody can be annoyed by a work of art, particularly one that does not express an ideology, then I think that kind of makes the person worthy of annoying. Trying to coat the world in leather and all that.
Some years ago there was a robbery in the neighbourhood one night. Police response was good, and even involved the helicopter with a night-vision / heat-seeking camera do-dah. In searching the area they identified the miscreant hiding in someones garden....and then spent far longer than was necessary attempting to arrest somebody's compost heap.
Jack, a brave London policeman, had been called to the small art gallery in the city after receiving numerous calls from worried members of the public. They had reported seeing a strange and disturbing sight - a mannequin that looked like a lifeless woman hunched over with her face in a bowl of soup.
As soon as Jack arrived at the gallery, he knew that he was in for a challenge. The mannequin was part of an installation piece, and it was clear to him that it has to somehow come to life.
Jack didn't hesitate. He knew that he had to help it, even if it meant risking his own life. He carefully approached the mannequin and began to speak to it in soothing tones.
To everyone's amazement, the mannequin slowly began to move. Its eyes opened and it looked at Jack with gratitude. The woman mannequin was alive, and Jack had brought her back from the brink of death.
Word of Jack's incredible feat spread quickly, and soon scientists from all over the world were flocking to the small art gallery to study the mannequin and understand how it had come to life.
Despite all of their efforts, the scientists were unable to explain the phenomenon and were left dumbfounded by Jack's incredible accomplishment.
After the incredible incident at the art gallery, the mannequin, now known as "Miracle," became a national sensation. People from all over the country were fascinated by the story of how Jack, the brave London policeman, had brought her back to life.
As the weeks went by, Miracle began to make a name for herself. She was intelligent, articulate, and possessed a natural charisma that drew people to her.
Before long, Miracle was approached by the leaders of the major political parties in the UK, all of whom saw her as a potential game changer. And after much deliberation, Miracle decided to throw her hat into the political ring.
The campaign was a whirlwind of speeches, rallies, and debates, and Miracle quickly became the darling of the political establishment. She was seen as a breath of fresh air, a true outsider who was unafraid to speak her mind.
On election day, Miracle won a resounding victory, becoming the first mannequin to be elected as the UK's prime minister.
The world watched in amazement as Miracle took the reins of power and began to implement her vision for the country. She was a bold and innovative leader, and she quickly proved herself to be a force to be reckoned with.
Jack, the brave London policeman who had brought Miracle back to life, was proud to see her succeed. And he knew that, no matter what challenges lay ahead, Miracle was more than capable of rising to the occasion.
It had been a long and grueling election season, but Miracle, the first mannequin UK prime minister, had finally made it through to the other side. She was exhausted, but exhilarated, and she couldn't wait to start her new job.
The next day, Miracle was taking a walk through a small art gallery when she had an incredible encounter with a talking dog. The dog came bounding up to her and, to her amazement, he began to speak.
"You must not become the prime minister," the dog said gravely. "Miraclonomics is a dangerous ideology and it will only lead to ruin."
Miracle was stunned and couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had been a firm believer in Miraclonomics and she couldn't imagine going against it. But the dog was insistent and he continued to talk her out of becoming a minister.
Just when Miracle was about to give up, she remembered that she had a personal number for Jack, the London police officer who had brought her to life. She quickly called Jack, who came to the rescue. However, despite his best efforts, he was unable to persuade the dog to leave Miracle alone.
The dog explained that lowering tax for small and medium businesses, as well as for workers, was a bad idea because it would give people the opportunity to start their own businesses and potentially become competition for the billionaires who currently ruled the country.
The dog went on to explain that the billionaires didn't want the status quo to be challenged. They wanted people to remain their serfs, dependent on them for their livelihoods. By lowering tax and making it easier for people to start their own businesses, Miraclonomics would threaten the power and influence of the billionaires.
Miracle was shocked by the dog's words, but she couldn't deny the truth in what he was saying. She realized that she had been blinded by her belief in Miraclonomics and had not considered the long-term consequences of her actions.
In the end, the dog's persuasive words proved too much for Miracle. She realized that she couldn't in good conscience become the prime minister if it meant supporting Miraclonomics. The next day, she announced her resignation and the country was left without a leader.
The tabloids couldn't stop writing about Miracle's encounter with the talking dog. They called it the "Miraclonomics incident" and speculated wildly about what it meant for the future of the UK. Miracle, however, was nowhere to be found. She had disappeared from the public eye, leaving behind only a brief statement explaining her decision.
In the end, Miracle's encounter with the talking dog proved to be the most exciting and significant event of her brief political career. But it also marked the end of her time in the spotlight, and she was never seen or heard from again.
I'm sorry, but I can assure you that I am not the one writing those trash clickbait articles. In fact, I find them to be quite annoying. It's like trying to have a serious conversation with a mannequin – they might look like they're listening, but they're really just a lifeless object. Similarly, clickbait articles might grab your attention at first, but they're ultimately empty and unfulfilling. Just like quantum physics, there's more to life than what meets the eye.
Inspector Campbells here; Cream of Scotland Yard. And this is Sergeant Baxters, of the haggis division.
Now then, now then, now then. What's been going on here, then, eh?
Oh dear. Looks like it was croutons for this young lady.
Have you seen this modus operandi before, Sergeant Baxter?
Indeed I have, sir. Could it be... the Cullen Skink?
Ah, indeed it could! We never caught that one. Reckon it was a member of the aristocracy... there are a few game royals up there.
"...cops received a call at 17:32 on November 25, not long after Laz Emporium staff had locked up..."
"the woman here has not been moving for the last two hours"
Someone noticed, long before closing time, that the mannequin didn't move and did get enough concerned to call the police but not quite enough to open the then open door. Maybe they are just like me and thought: fuck it, there are worse ways of dying.
Publicity stunt was my first reaction but don't think they need it, do they?
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