'Extraordinary' pigs step in to protect Schiphol airport from marauding geese

An unlikely battle is currently going on betwixt the runways of one of Europe's busiest airports, after a company called Extraordinary Pigs was contracted to bring their animals to help protect Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport from marauding geese. Schiphol is the main international airport for the Netherlands, a major transit hub …

[Ken Moorhouse]

Couldn't they cut out the piggy in the middle?

Deploy foxes, rather than pigs.

[b0llchit]

Re: Couldn't they cut out the piggy in the middle?

And where do the pigs go? Space?

[Andy Non]

Re: Couldn't they cut out the piggy in the middle?

Pigs might fly.

[TRT]

Re: Couldn't they cut out the piggy in the middle?

The hogs of war.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Couldn't they cut out the piggy in the middle?

A good thing they don't. Ingesting a flying pig would cause an even bigger problem for a jet engine..

:)

[the spectacularly refined chap]

Re: Couldn't they cut out the piggy in the middle?

I was going to suggest throwing the pigs in the engines myself. Freshly sliced, fried bacon out of the exhaust.

[Antron Argaiv]

Re: Couldn't they cut out the piggy in the middle?

Genius!

// no flying pig icon?

[b0llchit]

Shouldn't this article be filed under Boarnotes?

Boots may be appropriate for geese, but not for pigs, with all that animal treatment talk and so.

[Mark 85]

If you've ever been around a pig pen, you'd know that boots are required. Thus, seems a like an appropriate place to me.

[TRT]

You're talking shit.

Ankle deep.

[rcxb1]

<blockquote>Schiphol employs 20 bird controllers who patrol the airport in radar-equipped vehicles nicknamed "lapwings" </blockquote>

Please tell me the vehicles are yellow Piaggio Ape minitrucks with eyes painted on:

https://jalopnik.com/piaggio-ape-tweety-bird-5275203

Also acceptable are Ford Falcons, Thunderbirds, Plymouth Road Runners, Buick Skylarks, Pontiac Firebirds, and AMC Eagles.

[David 132]

You forgot the Studebaker Hawk (and Lark, fwiw).

Oh, and of course the Reliant Robin.

I would pay good money to see a fleet of those being used for airport bird control.

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Bird Balls

For standing water areas, especially at airports, though not for this case for open farmland...

https://www.airport-suppliers.com/supplier/euro-matic-uk-ltd/

I actually came across these on YouTube - via this - being used here to reduce bromate build up in the Los Angeles reservoir by blocking out sunlight - it also had the side effect of driving the birds away as they no longer recognised a water source

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxPdPpi5W4o

[Ken Moorhouse]

Re: Bird Balls: Euro-Matic

Used to be one of my favourite clients until the founder tragically died and the company got taken over. They had patents on making spherical balls and were active in a wide range of industries. RIP Howard Moss.

[SuperGeek]

At least

The management will feel the numbers go 'down' after a while, this won't seem as quackers a plan. Wing it and see.... :)

[Ace2]

Big and stupid?

You forgot ‘evil.’

I hate those flokkers.

[Christoph]

Re: Big and stupid?

A Gøøse once bit my sister

[TRT]

Re: Big and stupid?

There's a goose loose aboot this hoos.

[David 132]

Re: Big and stupid?

I heard a neighbour had geese for adoption so I went over to take a gander…

[ThatOne]

Re: Big and stupid?

> I hate those flokkers.

It depends how they're cooked...

[Threlkeld]

Useful fact

Schiphol is the only major international airport built on the site of a sea battle.

Battle of Haarlemmermeer was a naval engagement fought on 26 May 1573 between the Spanish and the Dutch. The Spanish won.

[Youngone]

Re: Useful fact

Thanks! That is a very useful fact. Also a weird one.

[harmjschoonhoven]

Re: Useful fact

The Spanish won the battle. The Dutch won the war.

[jmch]

Re: Useful fact

"The Spanish won the battle. The Dutch won the war"

Hence why the airport is called Schiphol and not Las Scipolnas

[A.P. Veening]

Re: Useful fact

It is also the only major airport below sea level. With the current radio altimeters it isn't a problem anymore, but with the old barometric altimeters foreign pilots used to get upset by flying at negative heights before touching down.

[ThatOne]

Re: Useful fact

> airport below sea level

Somehow this conjured up the image of submarines placidly landing and taking off amongst the planes... Maybe I need a stronger coffee.

[bpfh]

Re: Useful fact

Swap it out for tea. The caffeine is getting to you!

[herman]

Re: Useful fact

Hmm, two Turkish planes crashed at Schiphol when the altitude went negative. In 1951 and again in 2009.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Useful fact

Have you mixed up some numbers there?

A quick check, and I can see that Turkish flight 1951 crashed in the year 2009

Also "altitude went negative" is a bit disingenuous, as that seems to be asserting the crash was somehow related to Schiphol being below sea level and so caused some problem, which wasn't the case.

It seems the crash was caused by two things:

1. One of the radio altimeters was intermittently faulty (there were two on the plane), and this showed a negative number sometimes. This fault caused the auto-throttle to switch to retard mode, as it basically though it had already landed. [*]

2. Crew error. The crew weren't paying enough attention, noticed too late that the plane was going too slow, then responded incorrectly, so the plane stalled on approach, hitting the ground well before reaching the runway.

Apparently the fault was known about, and had happened previously on the same plane twice, but the crew had followed the proper procedures those times, switching off the auto-throttle and landing the aircraft successfully. For some reason this procedure wasn't followed on the 3rd incident, and crash!

*] Bear in mind this was a radio altimeter, not a regular altimeter, so measures height above ground, irrespective of where that ground is, not actual altitude (i.e. not altitude above sea level). The radio altimeter should never show a negative, even at Schiphol.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Useful fact

>The radio altimeter should never show a negative,

If the radio altimeter show a negative value - you are going to have a bad day

[ThatOne]

Re: Useful fact

It means the undertakers have finished their job...

[Cybersaber]

Comrade Snowball says...

"Four legs good, two legs bad."

[steven_t]

Sounds like a solution inspired by Angry Birds

In what other universe are pigs the natural enemy of birds?

[Anonymous Coward]

Swans can also be complete bastards

There was a black swan in the harbor I took sailing lesson from. It became a running joke amongst the sailors as paddle boarders and people in rental kayaks would constantly try to paddle up to it and either take it's picture or touch it. It was having none of that and would immediately swim after them and attack without mercy or hesitation.

He was dubbed Beelzebob, the dark lord of the harbor, and the sailors gave him a wide birth. Grown men would chant his name in hushed tones as he pursued his fleeing victims, hoping his lust for violence would be sated at someone elses expense.

[Arthur the cat]

Re: Swans can also be complete bastards

At Fen Ditton, just outside Cambridge, we used to have a swan, nicknamed Mr Asbo, that attacked rowers so often that in the end he was moved by the Cam Conservators.

[Muscleguy]

Re: Swans can also be complete bastards

We were having lunch at a bench at the Backs in Cambridge when a swan turned up and objected to our football and my shoes. I had to make my shoe highly mobile to shoo him off several times.

[DJV]

More vicious feathery bastards!

Back when I were a lad and living in the wilds of Norfolk, the geese at the farm around the corner were afraid of absolutely nothing. One old but not-quite-retired-as-yet lady who needed to get from her house to the local bus stop every day would rather clamber across wet fields than attempt to pass the geese when they had decided to annex the road. They even refused to get out of the way of buses and lorries, and would always gave the driver a good honking when he was trying to do the same to them. Often, the farmer who owned them would have to attempt to round them up before traffic of any kind was allowed to pass.

[spold]

Hmmmm (or perhaps Hammm)....

I'm not sure a jet engine will fare any better if it ingests a pig rather than a goose....

New special at the Amsterham Airport restaurants - BBQ Shredded Pork - extraordinarily good.

[Mark 85]

Re: Hmmmm (or perhaps Hammm)....

Would be good except for the jet fuel aftertaste. White wine with geese I presume?

[Irony Deficient]

White wine with geese, I presume?

I’d’ve thought that a red wine would go better with goose — something light and acidic, like a Pinot noir. If you prefer white wine with goose, a Riesling might pair well.

[Robert Helpmann??]

Re: White wine with geese, I presume?

It depends on whether the bird is wild or domestic. For domestic, I would go with something crisp, like a Riesling. For a wild goose, I would go with a Malbec or similar or perhaps something like a Petite Sirah. I suggest including how the bird is cooked and what it is served with in deciding which to choose. Most important, really, is which wine you like, but these are where I would start given the opportunity.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Hmmmm (or perhaps Hammm)....

>I'm not sure a jet engine will fare any better if it ingests a pig rather than a goose....

The virtue of the porcine species is that they are rarely (Pink Floyd excepted) sufficiently airborne to intersect with jet engines

[Anonymous Coward]

Pigs with frickin lasers

They already use lasers. Just attach them to the pigs!

[mark4155]

Pigs in blanket - Christmas shortage.

So that's why our little pigs in blankets will be scarce this Christmas. Come on Schiphol Airport think outside the pen! AKA Box.

[Muscleguy]

Re: Pigs in blanket - Christmas shortage.

I used to make little pork ’n’ fresh sage bangers for Noel pigs in blankets with the roast. Very popular they were. These days I xmas by myself by and large with something less traditional but extremely tasty.

[Christoph]

I know someone who is a professional falconer, flying them at airports to drive other birds away.

His name's Hodges. And Pterry knew him. Yes, that's where the name came from.

[edjimf]

Immortalised by Pterry.

I can think of no higher honour.

[Anonymous Coward]

Hodges-aaaaarrrgh

[David 132]

With his wowhawks.

And it took me far too long to realize that a wowhawk is, of course, a more surprised goshawk.

[My-Handle]

...

You know, I've been reading those books for more than two decades and that one slipped me by every time.

[jmch]

Innovative solutions

AFAIK Schiphol is also the place to pioneer the painting of flies on the inside of urinals to entice guys to pee into the urinal and not all around

[Mast1]

Re: Innovative solutions

I thought that was the location that minimised back-splash......

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Innovative solutions

Manufacturers did this as far back as Victorian times on porcelain urinals. They would often use a picture of a bee rather than a fly (the latin for bee is apis...).

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Innovative solutions

Picture of BoJo would work extremely well nowadays, I gather.

[graeme leggett]

pigs on beet

i thought putting pigs on sugar beet fields after harvesting was standard practice anyway whether there was a nearby aerodrome or not

[Arbuthnot the Magnificent]

Schipholgans

There's a nice little restaurant in Amsterdam called the Struisvogel, haven't been for a couple of years but you could get a tasty "schipholgans" as a main dish; goose culled from the airport.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Schipholgans

Shredded and crispy fried presumably ?

[bpfh]

Re: Schipholgans

Waiter, there is a piece of titanium in my soup...

[JacobZ]

The pigs only have three legs

...you have to know the joke.

[teebie]

Listen to the end of the song before deploying ever-larger animals

Yes, it did seem innovative when the old lady with the spider used it to solve her internal fly problem, but if you concentrate for just a bit longer you will find that she soon died of equiphagy.

[PhilipN]

Pigs are …. ‘bivouacked’….?

Never seen that utilisation before. Misread it at first so I thought they were being turned into black pudding.

Damn now I’m hungry.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Pigs are …. ‘bivouacked’….?

Strange, since Pigs should have learned the drawbacks of insubstantial housing

[ThatOne]

Wait a minute!

> noticed plenty of lush grasses near the runways but failed to spot any pigs

20 pigs in a 500 acres sugar beet field is one pig for every 25 acres. What are the chances local geese (or anybody) will get to see one? Are we to assume those pigs are able to each eat 25 acres worth of crop residues to starve the geese? They would be elephant-sized after that...

I smell a marketing operation: Just meant to make the front pages and give the airport some green cred.

[herman]

Pigs on the Wing

I would think that a flying pig would be a lot bigger and more of a serious problem than a goose. Maybe they should try to replace the geese with birds that cannot fly, like Jackass Penguins.

[Ol'Peculier]

Re: Pigs on the Wing

They are. Ask the ATC that were working in 1977 at Heathrow.

[David 132]

Re: Pigs on the Wing

I get this reference and approve, and I’m sure the knowledgeable folk that frequent this fine forum will too. But in case anyone needs an explainer…

[Sandstone]

New Movie

The League of Extraordinary Pigs

[Mike 16]

bird-detecting radar

Will the geese be required to carry transponders?

[Patched Out]

Re: bird-detecting radar

Yes, IFF - Identify Friend or Fowl.

[bpfh]

Re: bird-detecting radar

Always foul. Especially when you have to clean their water troughs.

Less foul when roast with cranberry sauce and foie gras...

[My-Handle]

I can't believe I've gotten this far through the comments and haven't seen a single *Honk* yet.

Perhaps House House should add an extra airport level.

Shopping list:

- Let out the pigs

- Steal a plane ticket

- Unlatch the luggage car from it's tug

- Pretend to be a drone and shut down the entire airport

*HONK*

[A Nother Handle]

Bastard geese

I stand in solidarity with the Reg's pig desk. I was bitten by a goose and in my opinion they're only good for eating.

[MonsieurTM]

Bacon butties all round!

Piggie mean one thing to me: bacon! Now the late, great Me. Haines once referred to the "Beer-and-bacon virtuous circle" IIRC....

[Anonymous Coward]

An unlikely battle is currently going on

didn't they try eagles or hawks a few years back? Anyway, it's absolutely clear where this pig-fest is going: pigs eat geese, pigs get eaten by wolves, wolves get shot by poachers, poachers get pot-shot by police, poachers acquire anti-police gear, police acquire drones, poachers acquire surface-to-air missiles...

[Fignuts]

Foul Fowl

I suspect there is a very good reason why these temperamental avian antagonists are called Fowl. It can't be a coincidence.