back to article 'No peeing towards Russia' sign appears on country's Arctic border with Norway

If you're ever holidaying in the frigid wastes of Finnmark – where the borders of Norway, Finland, and Russia meet – don't do the whole "now I'm in Norway, now I'm in Russia" skit because in Norway they don't tolerate that kind of crap. According to English-language news website The Barents Observer, whose existence we only …

  1. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    Coat

    "No peeing towards Russia."

    Thank you.

    I now have in my bucket list going to Finnmark and peeing towards Russia.

    After breaking all the CCTV cameras in the area, obviously.

    1. Little Mouse

      Re: "No peeing towards Russia."

      No need to travel - You can pee towards Russia from wherever you are. And you can aim in the direction of any country you want.

      My toilets point south from the UK. Make of that what you will

      1. WorsleyNick
        Coat

        Re: "No peeing towards Russia."

        A long time ago I realized that back of my toilet points directly at Brussels, So several times a day can I tell them to "Xvff zl nefr"?

  2. FILE_ID.DIZ
    Holmes

    Covered by cameras....

    but they don't know who put up the sign?

    1. Stumpy

      Re: Covered by cameras....

      Well, they do, but they're currently languishing in a Siberian Gulag

    2. jake Silver badge

      Re: Covered by cameras....

      Have you seen the sorry images that most .gov controlled CCTV cameras produce? It's almost impossible to see what people are doing on those cheap-ass pieces of shit, much less ID a perp ... To say nothing of the bird crap & etc. that builds up on the lenses.

      The things might be a deterrent, but it's not because they produce usable pictures.

      1. FILE_ID.DIZ
        Big Brother

        Re: Covered by cameras....

        I have no clue about there or where you live either, but where I live, I've seen video released to the public by the Government from red light cameras (which double as stationary security cameras) about a vehicle crash (for example) and they're grainy as fuck.

        However, catch a red-light ticket and that thing is all of a sudden high-def? I think they intentionally muck with the video when they those to the public versus the high-fidelity that they're actually watching and recording at.

        But I have no actual knowledge, just my observation.

        1. Danny 14

          Re: Covered by cameras....

          oh I imagine if russia want to nail you they will have some very good photos as evidence.

          1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
            Joke

            Re: Covered by cameras....

            Russia - check.

            Peeing - check.

            Trump - check mate

            1. jake Silver badge

              Re: Covered by cameras....

              Let that mangy, rabid, stinking mutt die, already. It had been nearly two weeks since I had seen the name until you ruined the streak.

              1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
                Pint

                Re: Covered by cameras....

                Sorry Jake.

                Have another ->

                1. jake Silver badge
                  Pint

                  Re: Covered by cameras....

                  Ta.

                  At least America's LCD didn't manage to elect it for a second term. I'll get the next round in.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Covered by cameras....

            I'm not sure Russia is that big on evidence if they want to nab you...

          3. Supplicant

            Re: Covered by cameras....

            In my defense, it's cold out there.

        2. Anonymous South African Coward Bronze badge

          Re: Covered by cameras....

          NCIS magic.

          1. JetSetJim

            Re: Covered by cameras....

            Red Dwarf "Zoom & Enhance" scene springs to mind, although annoyingly can't find it on the YTube

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Covered by cameras....

              Not Red Dwarf, but here's a funny one: https://youtu.be/gF_qQYrCcns

        3. jake Silver badge

          Re: Covered by cameras....

          I'm in Sonoma, California.

          The red-light cameras around here are not run by the .gov, they are run by the company who won the bid to provide the service in that particular jurisdiction. They have a vested interest in ensuring the photographic evidence is usable in Court.

          Many actual .gov run cameras exist as a scarecrow[0], but even the stupidest so-called "security" guard can detect movement on the screen during the day or motion detector lights turning on at night, thus prompting him to go investigate. Just don't expect to use the video as evidence.

          [0] Worst case scenarios include BART's in-car cameras, most of which were empty shells pretending to be cameras for an unknown period of time. (BART is "Bay Area Rapid Transit", which is a piss-poor attempt at emulating the London Tube or the Métro in Paris.)

          1. FILE_ID.DIZ
            Trollface

            Re: Covered by cameras....

            piss-poor? I thought that was just the smell going under the bay.

            I will admit - BART train cars are considerably wider than the "standard" rail stock that I've ridden on through my travels.

            Perhaps they provide a greater area to absorb urine? Or they allow everyone a seat so that those seated don't have to stare at the standing passengers derrière like in "standard" rail stock.

  3. b0llchit Silver badge
    Coat

    Frozen bullets

    It is dangerous to point in the wrong direction. The liquid phase will be very short at those northerly temperatures and the arrival of a fully frozen bullet may result. And that can be interpreted as shooting across the border. With some force, you might actually cause harm.

    1. Psmo
      Pint

      Re: Frozen bullets

      ...With some force...

      That's some serious, uh, backlog.

      Some dilution may be in order.

    2. Eclectic Man Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Re: Frozen bullets

      This is why Huskies stand on their fore-paws to pee and do it in spurts. If you pee continuously at very low temperatures, I understand that a little icicle grows towards your 'honourable gentleman'* quite rapidly, and can cause frostbite.

      *I understand that ladies of the female persuasion pee differently, but I have no experience of that, so cannot comment.

      1. Malcolm Weir Silver badge

        Re: Frozen bullets

        My Husky obviously missed that day in Husky-School. Mind you, he also missed much of the "how to dog" class, too...

      2. jake Silver badge

        Re: Frozen bullets

        Most of the Huskies I have known lift their leg like other dogs, or squat like most bitches (depending on equipment). A few of the boys never learned the leg lift thing and tend to pee on their front feet. I have never seen a Husky stand on its front paws to pee.

        Ice can build up on the hair surrounding the exit, not up from the target area, but this requires it to be cold enough to freeze the balls off a snooker table.

        1. Eclectic Man Silver badge

          Re: Frozen bullets

          Well, that's how the huskies I've seen pee - by standing on their fore-feet and doing it in short squirts

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: Frozen bullets

            Sounds like marking, not peeing. The only dogs I've seen doing it standing on their front feet have been the little, toy breeds attempting to make their mark higher, to appear bigger to anyone reading their pee-mail. Is it possibly the critter(s) you knew learned to pee from a chihuahua as pups?

            Peeing in fits & starts might also be a bladder problem ... which can be contagious. Were the Huskies in the same household? This would still not explain the hand-stand, though ...

            Although, come to think of it, if I had to stand on my hands to pee, I'd probably do it in fits & starts, too, in an attempt at not getting any on me. No, I'm not going to try it. Sorry. (If you want to put your attempt on your OnlyFans, feel free. I won't sue for the use of the idea ... and indeed, I hope you make a million bucks from your herd of idiots. Just don't ask me to watch.)

            Disclaimer: Not a vet. Got dawgs.

  4. A.P. Veening Silver badge

    But you might be able to get away with a fart in that general direction.

    Lovely Monty Python reference.

    1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      be careful

      At sub-zero temperatures farts can be visible too, much as you can "see your breath" on a cold day. The effect is a bit like a squirrel tail.

      1. Nifty Silver badge

        Re: be careful

        So can room temperature ones. Read Spike Milligan's Adolf Hitler and My Part In His Downfall?

    2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      get away with a fart in that general direction.

      Would that break the Chemical Weapons Convention (CWC)?

      1. jake Silver badge

        Only on a good day.

  5. Falmari Silver badge
    Devil

    Sign wrong way round

    The sign is the wrong way round (should be pissing out not in) and should be on the Russian side to make it clear that you are not allowed to take the piss out of Russia. ;)

  6. cornetman Silver badge

    The story piqued my interest because we went to that border halfway through a trip on the Hurtigruten, the Vesterålen if memory serves, which we did for our honeymoon. Can definitely recommend it.

    Pretty desolate place TBH and pretty windy, but you could see the Russian guards in the distance. You couldn't help but wonder what those poor guys had done to deserve that tour of duty.

    1. Rich 11

      Given that the Russian military and semi-military forces are infamous for the degree of bullying and abuse that takes place amongst their ranks, to which the officers turn a blind eye, it may be that one of the safer postings is a remote Arctic border with only a dozen fellow soldiers to deal with rather than in a major army base with a dozen battalions competing over original ways to break in fresh conscripts.

  7. jonfr

    International borders are a serious matter

    The river is the border (unless the river changes it self, then the border is on land where the river used to be). Since Russia is a non-EU/EEA/EFTA country the border is as strict as it can be. This is no better in Finland with its border with Russia. The border appears clearly on Google Earth in both countries (Norway and Finland). Getting a good street view of the border with Russia is difficult for that same security reason.

    1. Irony Deficient

      Re: International borders are a serious matter

      Getting a good street view of the border with Russia is difficult for that same security reason.

      The relevant law which was linked to in the article in The Barents Observer even states (in Norwegian) that within 1 km of a Norwegian border, photographing any neighboring country’s territory is prohibited, and the possession or use of photographic equipment is prohibited to visitors to such areas unless special permission has been granted. (Residents of such areas are allowed to possess or use photographic equipment unless they’ve been naughty, e.g. caught taking snapshots of a neighboring country’s territory.)

      1. cornetman Silver badge

        Re: International borders are a serious matter

        When we were there as a tourist I don't remember being being told that we couldn't photograph but it was a long time ago so I might be wrong about that.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: International borders are a serious matter

      I've found plenty of street view images from Finland where you can see the border posts.

  8. JDPower666

    What if I pee rowatds Russia from here? I can't completely guarantee I'll reach, but just wanna check before I try.

    1. tonique
      Joke

      You could go to Sarah Palin's house and try there.

      1. jake Silver badge

        You expect me to fight off all those dinosaurs in her backyard? I think NOT, Comrade.

      2. Col_Panek

        I've been to Shemya and could have done it there, but the wind was at least 20 MPH from the West, so inadvisable.

        That was a fairly light wind day. When it gets above 75 MPH, people aren't allowed to go out because they could blow off the island.

    2. jake Silver badge

      Feel free ... might want to move your keybr0ad aside before you start, though.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Stricker Penalties

    "if the matter is not affected by stricter penalties"

    The strictest penalty is not sewing it back on when it freezes off.

  10. Irony Deficient

    “Norway is the only neighbor that Russia has not been at war with.”

    To my knowledge, Russia has not been at war with either Belarus or North Korea, although it has been at war with other countries that controlled their current territories (e.g. the Grand Duchy of Lithuania and the Empire of Japan respectively).

    1. Lars Silver badge
      Go

      Re: “Norway is the only neighbor that Russia has not been at war with.”

      Among those countries mentioned, that is Norway and Finland.

      I am too lazy to find out if there was a war when Norway was a part of Sweden or during the Kalmar union when it was all one country.

      Trekking in northern Fennoscandia is quite fun (very good fishing too) as you can move between Finland, Sweden and Norway without seeing any borders and only your chart will tell you in which country you are.

      1. Irony Deficient

        Re: “Norway is the only neighbor that Russia has not been at war with.”

        Lars, given the paragraph in which the statement is found,

        Norway’s 197,7 km long land border to Russia is likely the most peaceful border of all Russia’s external borders. Unchanged since agreed in 1826, the border is also a sign of peace; Norway is the only neighbor that Russia has not been at war with.

        I disagree that “of Norway and Finland” is the applicable context for “the only neighbor”. In my view, “the most peaceful border of all Russia’s external borders” is highly relevant to the phrase’s meaning; it indicates to me that “of all Russia’s neighbors” is the applicable context for “the only neighbor”.

        After the Kalmar Union, Denmark-Norway was never opposed to, and sometimes allied with, Russia in various wars, until the Napoléonic War of the Sixth Coalition, in which the alliance of Denmark-Norway with France (a result of the British bombardment of Copenhagen) resulted in the breakup of Denmark-Norway. Since Norway was a separate kingdom with a separate army (but a common navy) in personal union with the Danish kingdom until 1814, and the bombardment of Copenhagen destroyed that navy, it would be reasonable to conclude that Norway is one of the neighbors that Russia has not been at war with.

        1. Lars Silver badge
          Happy

          Re: “Norway is the only neighbor that Russia has not been at war with.”

          @Irony Deficient

          Yes, sorry you are right. I stand corrected as they say.

    2. Irongut

      Re: “Norway is the only neighbor that Russia has not been at war with.”

      Apparently WW2, Norway's collaboration with Hitler and the Norwegians fighting against Russia on the eastern front doesn't count as war with Russia. Norway would like us to conveniently forget what happened in the 1940s.

      Sorry for the Godwin but this is actual history so it needed to be said.

      1. Irony Deficient

        Re: “Norway is the only neighbor that Russia has not been at war with.”

        “Norway’s collaboration with Hitler” was in fact the Reichskommissariat Norwegen, the German occupation’s administration, with Quisling and company being the collaborationist handpuppets of Reichskommissar Josef Terboven; Haakon VII. and the legitimate Norwegian government were in exile in London. You’re correct that there were Norwegians fighting against Russia, but they were Wehrmacht (and SS) volunteers, not the Norwegian army, and thus not representing the country of Norway; therefore, yes, those Norwegians’ actions don’t count as Norway, the kingdom, being at war with the USSR.

  11. Potemkine! Silver badge
    Headmaster

    You don't want to ruin that 200-year peace streak

    Norway being independent since 1905, that would rather be a 116-year peace streak.

    1. Trygve Henriksen

      We don't see it like that...

      In fact, we consider 1814 as a better year to count from. The Swedes may disagree, but then again, who gives a ... about them.

      1. Lars Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: We don't see it like that...

        History

        • State established prior unification

        872

        • Old Kingdom of Norway (Peak extent)

        1263

        • Kalmar Union

        1397

        • Denmark–Norway

        1524

        • Re-established state[10]

        25 February 1814

        • Constitution

        17 May 1814

        • Union between Sweden and Norway

        4 November 1814

        • Dissolution of the union between Norway and Sweden

        7 June 1905

        Free to choose a year as you like.

  12. Danny 2

    Thankin' you

    I am going to pish on the Russian consulate in Edinburgh. I've always been peeded off that they have so many diplomatic car parking spaces outside my health centre, plus ye ken the humanitarian stuff. My dad just died and I am immune from prosecution for the next few days, not a court in the land would convict me.

    The five stages of Scottish grief are:

    whisky

    flowers even if you have hayfever.

    other people trying to hug you despite covid

    depressing anecdotes

    acceptance that no, he's not just in the toilet

    1. FrogsAndChips Silver badge

      Re: Thankin' you

      Condolences.

  13. Bill Michaelson

    Really for your own good?

    Maybe it has something to do with the prevailing wind.

  14. Potemkine! Silver badge

    When I was younger I took a pee on the Berlin Wall. I'm glad I wasn't fined at this time.

    1. Winkypop Silver badge

      I took a pee on against a Roman wall in what was Yugoslavia at the time.

      Best thing the Romans ever did for me,

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