Too bad am working from home and I can't steal power from neighbours in my apartment building :(
And it also gives us another reason for why good GPUs have been hard to find .....
BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "Everything's just so expensive!" the Boss says. "Yeah, well, that's the way it goes – nothing's getting cheaper." "But we're always being told computers are getting cheaper." "Yes, they're getting relatively cheaper, but if you want to keep up with current technology you need new …
Great, now I feel old :(
It's all perspective, I started in IT in about 2000, it was a small network, and some souped up desktops served as well, servers... One data disaster a year of so later, and in came new shiny Dell PE series, then the Proliant Gen8s... I guess I missed something?
MISSED something??!!
You missed a world of VAX induced pain, digital when it was a company, SPARC Stations, 3270s, monitors that would only work with one specific IBM model, and the joy of 'plug & pray' network solutions and Wyse installation scripts that didn't, 28.8k modems that screamed in your ear, Oracle folder nesting that went deeper than Windoze could even see, let alone map ...
Young whippersnapper!
mumble, snarl, lawn, etc
Also had some cheap screws rounded out because a former colleague decided to screw the cage screws in to tight.
... or worse, decided to make the #12-24 threaded screws fit the M6 cage nuts. (or vice versa).
I had a fun time tossing all the non-M6 cage nuts and screws into the metal recycling bin after that debacle...
By this point the cleaners must be in on it.
I mean otherwise Simon would be cleaning up all of the extra plasterboard that's rubbed off as it's been dragged across floors, the detritus from drilling holes plus the muck from the ceiling tiles being lifted to plug cables/route vents etc.
Either that or they still haven't managed to shut down that cleaning robot *ponders thoughtfully*.
My immediate manager, ostensibly in charge of the development of a stable of ecom websites, has about as much technical acumen as a wooden spoon. Even the simplest technical term thrown into a sentence has her saying things like "yes, that localhost thing will be perfect".
Generally speaking, I usually play too much of a straight bat to deliberately screw with her, but the impulse to break out the excuse calendar has been growing for quite a while.
Quote
"I can see the PFY reaching for the workplace accident report form, but I shake my head slightly ..."
That line would have destroyed yet another keyboard.... had work experience guy(who to say the least, is one of the nicest people I've ever had to teach/corrupt ) managed to throw a plastic sheet over said keyboard thus preventing my lunch time pre pub coffee from coming into contact with it.
Maybe a full afternoon session in the pub will have some effect on him.... but must teach him to art of turning off the phone first. cant have the boss calling up and disturbing the lessons...
I lost all my respect for the BOFH, getting into mining now? What he was doing a decade ago? Running a Counter Strike server?
Also as mining doesn't even pay the power costs, he could get way more money getting into the Video Card black market. Just replace all the office video cards for cheaper ones, hack the bios so no one notices and blame the performance drop on the latest Window update.
Or if the Video Card prices go down for some reason, just put a request for budget update with the excuse that Windows 11 won't run on their computers.
A better method, at least as temperatures decrease, is to use the heating for building heat and make the building services budget pay for the power. Because that would entail reducing the power usage on the other departments, they'll have to add some more capacity so finance doesn't see an anomaly in their own bill. Using desktops to mine is even less efficient, but if that's what needs to be done to keep the budget in reasonable bounds, who are we to complain? Also it's probably not safe to complain.
I'm always impressed (and more than a little scared) at the careful thought, planning and sheer ingenuity a group of sober and respectable IT professionals are able to put into a (purely hypothetical!) discussion on how best to shaft the company.
I'm reminded of my time in merchant banking where we came to the conclusion that, given the obvious security holes in our systems, we could easily steal $50 million. An older, wiser head chimed in and advised us that the bank would hunt us down like duck, and proceeded to outline his plan to steal $5 BILLION and then offer it back to the bank (less 'reasonable expenses' of $50 million) in exchange for immunity.
He'd even worked out the best countries to retire to.
Long ago our lab acquired a greenhouse to maintain cannabis plants which were due to become court exhibits. My office mate at the time said that it was the only greenhouse in Belfast where cannabis plants were hiding the tomato plants rather than the other way around. I suppose that could all be updated nowadays aboyt the bitcoin mine being used to hide the cannabis farm or vice versa.
"...multidimensional array positioning and cross-polar Mandelbrot-Fourier interpolation."
Thought it was a well known fact that this is absolutely why we need to update our work machines regularly.
That and the fact that the 'cloud' is getting much further away from us because, erm, climate change or something.
Have one on the house.
"You may not be aware, but we have been stealthily monitoring you, and we would like to procure your services"...he loomed over me with one of those fox like smiles, that reciprocated an equally deceit laden smile back.
"You see, we have some very sensitive work that requires a very steady hand at the helm. One that can balance moral outcomes with goal achievement. Be impervious to the pleas of inconsequential characters, while seemingly supporting their cause"
I was a little taken aback. I thought my sweep for the boss's, bugs and surveillance devices had been steadfastly comprehensive, but this GCHQ goon was saying not. Must try harder in future. For now, I'll just play along and see if I can dig a little deeper.
"Well. This is a very complicated and devious world we live in, and I for one like to tread lightly and carefully through it, so you will not be surprised if I ask you to prove your credentials" he immediately reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his wallet. Flicking it open revealed an impressive looking photocard, suitably embossed with MI5 insignia. "Err. No. I mean something a bit more convincing and less forgeable"
He again reached into his jacket and pulled out a hand gun. "Whoa! I'll be more specific shall I, before it gets so far that you whip out your government issue M&S underpants. I want you to point out the devices you have been bugging me with, because that, more than anything else in the world, is really bugging me. Literally, bugging me. And if you can do that, then I'll be satisfied that you are who you say you are, and we can then move this conversation forward.
He glanced around the room, eyes darting across my desk and along the cupboards. I got the impression that he hadn't a clue, and I had caught him out. I wasn't being bugged at all, and this was just a shakedown. Probably based on hearsay and the many corpses bound up with LAN cable that find their way to the local dump. All of which I had carefully sanitised with screen cleaner, or never touched at all, in my attempts to de-DNA my victims.
"Ah! Here we go". He pointed to an innocuous coffee jar and then proceeded to unscrew the top, to reveal a coffee jar lid?
"Err, that's a coffee jar lid"
"Well yes, the whole point of covert surveillance is that you haven't the first idea it is happening". He took out a penknife and gouged at one of the edges. Looked intensely at the bit of plastic it had revealed, then gouged some more.
"Here, look at this" The goon took out his mobile and activated what I guess was a microscope app, and focussed it on the lid. "You see that. It's a very, very small microphone, with a tiny power cell, and transmitter" Myself, having something of a history with such things, but never at this scale immediately identified the components and I went pale. The blood had drained to my feet, and I was almost paralysed. Every crime I had committed is probably fully documented on a GCHQ server somewhere, and I could be reeled in on a whim. Oh my God!
"Now don't panic. After all, we're set to be partners, and partners look out for each other"
I was too much in shock to reply. My world and everything in it had just become a toxic mess. I felt sick..,.No, I am going to be sick, and I fell towards the waste-paper bin, my legs incapable of even rudimentary stumbling. Breakfast and lunch was launched into the basket and I remained hunched over it, with no regard for events unfolding behind me.
"Surprise!"
.....
"Surprise. Surprise!"
"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you..." What the fuck is happening? Where have all these people come from?
"Happy birthday dear BOFH, Happy birthday to you"
In that adrenalin fuelled moment I made out the IT team, the boss, and a few others. Some of whom I had shared some figuratively back-scratching moments with and other's I had ground into the dust, figuratively of course. Not the one's I had literally ground into dust. Although I think that would be more preferable, as that would most likely mean that this is a nightmare I can wake up from.
PFY hopped over, unsuitably attired with a Cheshire cat grin "We didn't think you would appreciate a strippergram, so we came up with something more in your style. Happy birthday BOFH"
"You bastard. You absolute bastard. So the coffee jar isn't bugged?"
The MI5 operative chirped up "I was told to make it convincing The microscope app was just a video of a real covert device, and I'm just an actor trying to stay alive"
"hahaha..." Not one of my most convincing laughs, but it would suffice. "PFY, you couldn't help me to the toilet could you, my legs are still like jelly"
As we left the room I turned and locked the door behind us. My eyes pierced into the PFY's "This is all your fault, and these bodies are all your responsibility"
"What bodies?"
My hand punched at the fire alarm next to the door and the hissing of Halon gas could just be distinguished over the drone of the klaxon.