Vodafone building world-girdling hybrid analytics apps capable of slurping 50 terabytes a day

Vodafone has signed up for another six years of fun with Google and its cloud. The telco now plans to build “a powerful new integrated data platform with the added capability of processing and moving huge volumes of data globally from multiple systems into the cloud.” The new platform will be called “Nucleus” and will be …

[Anonymous Coward]

Nucleus

I'm pretty sure that's already been used in Silicon Valley.

Life imitating art?

[Anonymous Coward]

"quickly offer its customers new, personalised products"

And besides a mobile/internet connection, what other products do they have to offer? Or they mean they will just try to extract as much money as possible form customers for the same product?

[Refugee from Windows]

Re: "quickly offer its customers new, personalised products"

You are the product. They'll be "sharing" your data with anyone who'll stuff up for it.

[Chris G]

Re: "quickly offer its customers new, personalised products"

If experience is anything to go by, you will find unexplained charges in your monthly bills for things you have never agreed to, heard of, seen or used but apparently have in the contract you haven't signed.

If a sales drone/customer support from Vodafone ever calls you never use the word yes in the conversation at all as it will be used as permission to go ahead and supply you with some rubbish that you don't want.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: "quickly offer its customers new, personalised products"

Of course they will extract data, that's why the deal with exactly Vodafone is so great. If I recall correctly, they run the whole government network in the UK, so Google can get its hands on anything, thus saving the NSA a lot of time.

Add to that Microsoft routing its EU traffic via the US and I don't see why anyone in the UK would even have to bother backing up - just ask Fort Meade to send you a copy. Or ask them to send it to Equifax, they're rapidly becoming very good at sharing information. Protecting, not so much.

[Anonymous Coward]

Bingo

So it's a big expensive thing with lots of buzzwords, that no-one actually knows what to do with?

[Inventor of the Marmite Laser]

“more quickly offer its customers new, personalised products and services across multiple markets.”

Bollocks, pure and simple. You don't need umpteen twaddlebytes of data to mindlessly spew meaningless and irrelevant "personalised" advertising.

Let's make a list of all the advantages of personalised bovine excrement:

Telling me where I can buy more of something I've just bought? Nope.

Telling me about suppliers I have used? Nope.

Telling me about stuff I have already looked like and decided not to buy? Nope.

Telling me about stuff a bit like any of the above but not actually like any of them at all? Nope.

Telling me what other people bought after buying what I just looked at? Nope.

Telling me whats "Trending"? Nope

Telling me that People in (close geographical location) are going mad for (dumb item or product that is so shit it can't sell on its own merit)? Nope.

It goes on and on.

Personalised ads are an utter irrelevance. I repeat: an utter irrelevance.

Dear Vodafone

Piss off and die.

Yours with extreme prejudice.