Global tat supply line clogged as Suez Canal authorities come to aid of wedged 18-brontosaurus container ship

The ship that spawned a thousand IT container jokes has been partially refloated [ah, yeah, see update below – ed.] after becoming wedged across Egypt's Suez Canal, blocking a crucial global trade artery. Despite fears the route might be blocked for days – holding up as much as 10 per cent of the world's trade – the Gulf …

[Nick Ryan]

Shocking! Most disappointed

Dear Register Vulture,

I would like to raise in the strongest possible terms, my abject level of disappointment, nay horror, that you did not provide the windspeed using the correct units:

Those winds at the 151km mark also reportedly played a role in the blocking of the waterway by the vessel

The velocity of the wind in the correct units is 0.0014% of the velocity of a sheep in a vacuum. I expect much better from this esteemed publication and such travesties could cause me to run out of dried frog pills.

Yours,

Angry from Aberdeenshireerryireish

[diodesign]

Re: Shocking! Most disappointed

Ah no, we're not talking about 151 kph -- it's 151 km. As in, 151 km along the canal.

C.

[Dante Alighieri]

Multiple Dimensions : in the Dark!!

I was thinking that earlier and ended up remembering college physics and dimensions of various units, prompting me to revise on this (wikipaedia has some stuff).

While the standards cover some of the primary dimensions, we have no unit of brightness!

Is is blinkenlight? the Musk? UPS arc? enquiring minds (---->) need to know!

Not that we need to cover all basic dimensions as we all know what a mole is - black velvet covered ground burrowing robotic drone traversing pipes and laying cables

[J.G.Harston]

Re: Multiple Dimensions : in the Dark!!

A sooper trooper?

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Multiple Dimensions : in the Dark!!

>we have no unit of brightness!

There are two units. The main one is the total brightness of all blue LEDs on equipment in your bedroom while you are trying to sleep.

The other, equal to roughly 1 micro-blue_led_in_your_bedroom_while_you_are_trying_to_sleep (BLIYBWYATTS) is the light you have available while crawling behind a server rack trying to read port numbers

[Anonymous Coward]

I reckon there are twenty two million badgers in the town I live in

[David 132]

No, just one.

But it moves around a lot.

[Ken Moorhouse]

Re: But it moves around a lot.

Something to do with Heisenbadger's Uncertainty Principle, I believe.

[chivo243]

Re: But it moves around a lot.

+1 but you forgot your coat! Let me get that for you!

[RegGuy1]

Re: But it moves around a lot.

Badger, badger, badger, badger,

Badger, badger, badger, badger,

Mushroom, mushroom...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NL6CDFn2i3I

[baralmo sixtyone]

How much does the fattest one weigh ? lol

[Insert sadsack pun here]

"How much does the fattest one weigh ?"

A bit more than 1 StBgr (standard badger).

[Imhotep]

It Was The Dread Simoon

A news article I read said the winds were about 30 mph. Certainly a stiff wind, but I'm sure they see much worse. This is the area where they have actual named winds such as the Dread Simoon, the Egyptian and the Kamsin, right?

[Peter Prof Fox]

Re: It Was The Dread Simoon

Worst of all is the Kardashian

It might start out as the gentle zephyr of the North Westerly Kim but don't be lulled into a false sense of security.

[Loyal Commenter]

I am most disappointed...

Your erstwhile organ has neglected to report on the apparent route the ship took in the Red Sea prior to being wedged into the canal, as reported elsewhere:

https://metro.co.uk/2021/03/24/cargo-ship-drew-giant-penis-in-red-sea-before-blocking-suez-canal-14298538/

(with apologies for linking to the bastard offspring of the Fascist Daily Mail)

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: I am most disappointed...

So a bit of playing around before the attempted passage, then something didn't come out right, and now nothing will be delivered for nine months?

New sign for the canal:

فكر في لعبة البيسبول

[diodesign]

Re: I am most disappointed...

Thanks, though when it comes to knob gags on the pages of El Reg, I feel we've been there, done that, sold the t-shirts, etc.

It's noted that in the article update.

C.

[Loyal Commenter]

Re: I am most disappointed...

Since when has (or should) having been there and done that stop you? You'll be giving up on referring to "boffins" next. For shame!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: I am most disappointed...

Also a giant bottom

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Re: I am most disappointed...

Some sort of ancient Egyptian fertility rite?

The Ever GivenReady Mark Anthony

icon; Cleopatra

[plrndl]

Re: I am most disappointed...

So. it was a colossal cock-up.

[Roger Kynaston]

Gusty wind wouldn't be enough

Even though I suppose they ship was only doing 7-8 knots rather than their cruise speed of 25 knots so would be more prone to wind movement (and something like that has a hell of a lot of windage). Like the author's tug boat captain I suspect some sort of mechanical failure.

I just hope they weren't transporting any vaccines in one of those containers.

[AndyFl]

Ship has not been refloated

According to Lloyds List at 17:00 UTC the ship has NOT been refloated, partly or otherwise and the owners have just gone open form with the salvers.

https://lloydslist.maritimeintelligence.informa.com/LL1136229/Suez-Canal-remains-blocked-despite-efforts-to-refloat-grounded-Ever-Given

[diodesign]

Re: Ship has not been refloated

Thanks -- this information came to light after the article was written. We've updated the piece to reflect this.

C.

[Fruit and Nutcase]

What a relief!

The government won't have to resort to getting the RAF to ferry over Union Flags produced in China over on Boris Force One. The minor delays due to the incident should not cause a supply problem with their imminent demand...

"All government buildings in England, Wales and Scotland will fly the Union flag every day, following new guidance from the culture department."

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-56514501

[Martin an gof]

Re: What a relief!

Yeah, best of luck with that around here. If they think they will mandate union flag-flying on Welsh Government buildings then they are going to be sorely disappointed. If it only applies to UK government buildings in Wales, then the very few of those which still exist are going to look like consulate buildings in a foreign country.

We do fly the union flag, but certainly not every day. The dragon on the other hand, or the cross of St. David, yup. Pretty much constantly.

I heard some of the interview. Not impressed. I had hoped attitudes like that had died out some time in the 1990s!

M.

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Re: What a relief!

It's the slippery path of stroking up nationalism that the current government is leading us down in order to keep themselves propped up.

Next it will be the requirement to have photos of the monarch displayed prominently.

[Graham Dawson]

Re: What a relief!

But I already have a picture of the Queen on my wall.

Every morning I walk into my office, genuflect towards it, and say "Good morning, Stephen!"

[Claverhouse]

Re: What a relief!

Or pictures of the Boris.

.

He personally can supply all that's needed from his own private gallery.

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Re: What a relief!

the only that immediately comes to mind is DVLA (or whatever they have called it now) in Swansea.

I wonder if "Highways England" will follow suit and start lining the motorways with Union flags. Given that they are behind the "Smart" motorway concept, I can imagine that they will

[Insert sadsack pun here]

Re: What a relief!

Only wankers love flags.

[Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse]

Re: What a relief!

"Only wankers love flags."

But... my daddy died for that flag!!!

Oh.. geez, sorry for your loss, but I bought mine for $3.99 in Walmart. No dying required from anyone.

[Timbo]

eerrr...not quite "by the side"

As of 20:54pm BST, both:

https://www.myshiptracking.com/?mmsi=353136000

and

https://www.vesselfinder.com/?imo=9811000

were both still showing Ever Given as still straddling the Suez Canal, by the towns of Madama and Madiyah.

For some time now quite a few tugs have been giving assistance but to no avail as the bow (front) of the ship has run aground on the bank by some distance...and the ship seems to have lost power so cannot reverse itself off the sandbank....not that there is much room aft (behind) of it, as the canal at that point is only about 280m wide..and the ship is 400m long.

There are reports that they are trying to use a digger to get some earth/sand by the bow (on the eastern sandbank) moved so that the ship could be pulled around to face north (the original direction it was heading in), before being blown eastwards. One assumes that this was when they lost some/all power and could not correct the eastwards drifting.

[diodesign]

Re: eerrr...not quite "by the side"

Yes, yes, the article's been updated in light of the fact that it's not actually unstuck as previously reported.

C.

[Mast1]

Re: eerrr...not quite "by the side"

In 1973, the Egyptians showed that they were very good at moving large amounts of sand by the Suez canal in a very short time. Maybe the pumps they used are a bit past it. (Hint, start of Yom Kippur war)

[Ken Moorhouse]

the NSFW path the vessel seemingly took before getting wedged.

All in all it's a massive cock-up.

Coat------->>>

Otherwise Chivo243 will badger me again.

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Re: the NSFW path the vessel seemingly took before getting wedged.

It's a wonder that the seedcontainers were not spilled at the climax of this little escapade

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Re: the NSFW path the vessel seemingly took before getting wedged.

If the containers had spilled, it would have been a premature...

[John Brown (no body)]

Maybe Elon...

...would like to send a small submarine to help out?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Maybe Elon...

Why, is the captain of the Evergreen a failed accountant (as Companies House describes the ex-pat in Asia), too?

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Re: Maybe Elon...

How about a tunnelling machine from Musk's "The Boring Company"?

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Maybe Elon...

As an alternative to the canal, all containers are unloaded into a fleet of Tesla cybertrucks which drive semi-autonomously along a tunnel to another port at the north end where they are loaded into another container and put on a ship.

Don't laugh this is roughly their plan for a subway in Las Vegas

[SoaG]

II'm not buying that it was an accident.

Given the artistry was *immediately* before entering the canal and getting stuck, and the degree of control necessary to do such maneuvers with such a ship even without any wind. To me this looks like the biggest "FUCK YOU i QUIT!!!" in all of human history.

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Re: II'm not buying that it was an accident.

A future "Who Me?" by the Pilot on the bridge...?

[stiine]

Re: II'm not buying that it was an accident.

No, it could have been worse, he could have scuttled it across the canal...

[Conundrum1885]

Malfunction

Seems to have been some sort of onboard power issue.

There's no proof that it was malicious but given things like Stuxnet its not ridiculous.

I'd say probably a combination of several failures, not one event.

[nmcalba]

6 million missing badgers

This ship could actually weigh over 29 million badgers - the figures quoted on most news sites tend to be the Gross Tonnage which is of course really a volumetric measurement - sort of.

The maximum actual weight of the ship will be a sum of the empty displacement - about 55,000 tonnes - and the Deadweight Tonnage (weight of cargo, fuel, ballast etc) - which can be just over 199,000 tonnes - so the whole lot could weigh in at just over quarter of a million tonnes - or 29 million adult badgers.

How heavily laden it actually is - who knows - the pictures of the bow do show the Plimsoll line quite well out of the water - suggesting a less than full load - but the bow is rammed into the bank so is a bit "up in the air" - other pictures show quite a bow high angle.

I'm sure they are going to have fun getting it moved - the bow is well into the bank - and remember there is also the long underwater bulbous bow that isn't really visible - but must be even more deeply embedded - this ship is pretty much the maximum size that is allowed through the Suez canal.

[nmcalba]

Re: 6 million missing badgers

Edit

She's probably fairly heavily laden since she had declared her draught via AIS (Automatic Identification System) at 0.714 Brontosaurus (15.7m) which is only a couple of linguine less than her draught at max load.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: 6 million missing badgers

Is that African or European badgers ?

[macjules]

Rolling on with a tired theme ..

Now we all know what happens when you put too many containers into your cluster: the steering (kubernetes) breaks.

Coming soon to a cloud near you: Google Evergiven

[Christoph]

The real cause

I've seen claims that they were speeding and overtaking other ships. Claims that it was the wind. Claims of engine failure.

What actually happened was that they broke the floggle-toggle, and the resulting emergency command of "Left hand down a bit!" ran them into the bank.

[PerlyKing]

Re: Left hand down a bit!

Ooh, nasty!

[Will Godfrey]

Re: The real cause

"Left hand down a bit!"

Showing your age a bit there...

Oh!

[PTW]

Re: The real cause

Repeated regularly on Radio 4 Extra complete with a prefix warning for those hard of humour.

[ThatOne]

Reality

> a lack of redundancy could easily result in an [...] catastrophe

Yes, but redundancy is paid by you, while disasters are paid by the insurance. Never forget that!

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Reality

> a lack of redundancy could easily result in an [...] catastrophe

Why don't they just switch the traffic to the secondary Suez canal?

[Will Godfrey]

Re: Reality

... and insurance (incuding eye-watering profits) is paid for from the price of the product that you buy.

Never forget that either!

[disgruntled yank]

Another one to propose

A caption in this morning's Washington Post says that "The vessel, at more than 1,300 feet long, is one of the largest in the world and more than twice the height of the Washington Monument." This seems to mean "twice as long as the Washington Monument is high". So perhaps we could use either Washington Monument as a measure either of angle or strictly of rotation: "the sum of the angles in a triangle is two Washington Monuments." or "My car idles at about 6000 Washington Posts per minute."

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Another one to propose

You aren't taking into account the Spherical Earth hypothesis.

If the Canal is about 30deg east and Washington is 120deg W then they are facing in almost opposite directions so the ship currently stuck east-west is twice as long as a Washington monument is tall

[disgruntled yank]

Re: Another one to propose

Actually, Washington's longitude is one of the very few I know, and it's about 77 W. But Eratosthenes would be proud of you for thinking this one up.

(One of very few: that and Greenwich, and I can kind of SWAG western Kansas at about 115 W.)

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Another one to propose

Arghh brain failure - I live next to Washington (State) at 123W, and my brain did an off-by-one error !

So normally the Washington monument is normal to the Suez canal ?

[Michael Wojcik]

Re: Another one to propose

I can kind of SWAG western Kansas at about 115 W

I haven't checked (where's the fun in that?), but that sounds about right. St Louis is right around 90° W. I remember that one from seeing the sign saying you're crossing the 90° meridian when driving through western Illinois on I-74. (Illinois extends further west in the northern part, thanks to the Mississippi refusing to run due north-south as a sensible river would.)

It's not as much fun as the "halfway to the North Pole" sign we pass when driving north in Michigan. I always think, "well, no point in going to the Equator now".

Same reason I decided to vacation in outer space instead of Australia. I mean, that and hordes of giant venomous spiders.

[disgruntled yank]

Re: Another one to propose

I find that I was way off--the meridian I had in mind was about 99 West.

You weren't put off Australia by the killer koalas?

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Old fashioned Egyptian way...

of moving large items - put it on rollers and pull it along!

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Old fashioned Egyptian way...

They tried but the slaves keep drowning.

Anybody know anyone in the neighbourhood that can do a quick water-parting?

[Stoneshop]

Re: Old fashioned Egyptian way...

And if done right, parting the waters of the Red Sea should make the level in the canal rise. Probably even with a bit of a wave, carrying the Ever Given with it, northwards into a wider section of the canal.

[Dvon of Edzore]

Repaint the name

Should be the Never4given.

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Re: Repaint the name

A few lines from the lyrics of "Never Ever" by All Saints

A few questions that I need to know

I need to know what I've done wrong

Was it that I never paid enough attention?

But I'll know never to make the same mistake again

All the answers to my questions I have to find

Never ever have I ever felt so low

When you gonna take me out of this black hole?

Never ever have I ever felt so sad

Never ever have I had to find

I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind

I've never ever had my conscience to fight

The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right

[Graham Dawson]

Ok, but the real question that needs to be asked: did the front fall off?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3m5qxZm_JqM

[Fruit and Nutcase]

40 Whale Sharks!

First Dog on the Moon is following in the spirit of The Reg Standards, forgoing the usual media units of football fields to quote...

"...it is 40 Whale Sharks long"

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/mar/26/shipsplaining-with-everyones-favourite-large-sea-boat-expert-captain-onthemoon

[Col_Panek]

Re: 40 Whale Sharks!

Please convert to Smoots for the USA audience.