BOFH: 7 jars of Marmite, a laptop and a good time BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "I just need to pop in and get some important documents," the Boss pleads. "Welllllll…," I say. "No can do - no one's to enter the building until the Board has revised its policy about staff crucial to the Company's ongoing enterprise." "I am crucial," he says. "It doesn't say that on …
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Oh hell... I can't say whether it's still possible or not to get Marmite in tins, but I am suddently reminded of being a child playing and with empty marmite tins. Fairly sure a few things came in similar tins but currently I can only remember Lyles Golden Syrup and Marmite.
When my family was entering the US on Holland America Line's MV Maasdam in 1963, we became friendly with some Dutch people during the nine day voyage. As we were sailing toward the Statue of Liberty, the father of the Dutch family was in a very agitated state. My father asked him what was the matter, and the Dutchman produced a glass jar of Marmite from his coat pocket and wailed "What shall I do, I am not allowed to bring any foodstuffs into the country, and I have this Marmite on me, I shall go to prison!" My father took it from him and hurled it over the stern of the ship into the wake, from where it sank. "What Marmite?" he said. The look of relief on the Dutchman's face was a picture, he fell about my father's shoulders and cried.
Previously, before we left England, my father had to go to the American Embassy in London to collect our visas in person, and was asked to swear that, amongst other things, he would not try to overthrow the American Government. His reply was "What, all by myself?" They would not issue the visas until he made the oath.
I was smiling enough and then I got to this bit:
There's a bit of silence as people wait for him to start the meeting - or maybe they're just wondering why he's completely naked and smeared in Marmite.and then just open laughter happened. Thank you for a Friday. Damn, Saturday now...
Well, this was presented as a three step process.
We never see what happens after step 1. I expect these maybe backup plan 1 and 2.
If the IR test does not fix the issue at hand, nest step would be a salvia test. I guess this involves spiiting on someone, probably big, important and aggressive.
And if all else failes, there is allways room for electrocution.
I offered a colleague some "Gentleman’s Relish" on toast, when he claimed the superiority of Vegemite. He didn’t finish it, and the subject was never mentioned again...
"bovril has only slightly less MSG and is allegedly involved with cows."
And was banned in large parts of the world for a long time after some unfortunate incidents involving the BFFH(*) turning scrapie-infected sheep into ruminant feed
(*) Bastard Farmer from Hell
Mars Might Resistance is futile. ‽
Careful now what you say here. Loose lips sink ships and many and much more than many may realise sweep El Reg for evidence of bugs and trojans, viruses and exploitable vulnerabilities for copying and/or commandeering/reverse engineering and subsequently retasking in support of alternative missions ?
Brilliant BOfH! I cannot but think of Clipping's Possession. And now there's no doubt about who dark master is...
Please, have a seatI am going to hold up my watch, and I want you to look at it
I want you to keep your eyes on it, follow it as it swings
Do not look away
[...]
And with each breath feel the churning cloud of hate and darkness
As it seeps into every cell of every organ
Prime them, preparing them to accept into your soul the allure of the dark master
And the next guy just bribes the janitor, bypassing the BOFH and starting the cold war between IT and the cleaning staff once more
"My computer no longer works!"
"Must be all the bleach, is for the virus you now."
"The thing is basically melted!"
"I don't trust regular bleach, I used chlorine that's basically concentrated bleach, just to be sure."
Not so long ago my development group office had a small kitchen area to make tea and coffee. It also contained toaster, bread and catering sized jars of Marmite. Marmite, if you are unaware is fortified with folic acid and pretty well all the female staff slathered their toast with Marmite. In retrospect it is no surprise that most of the women ended up on maternity leave within a few months of the Marmite becoming available. Just coincidence perhaps?
I bloody love BofH :o)
there, I've said it
it has become a part of my life, not just my IT persona
and this episode did not disappoint LOL
reading it, wondering WTF is going to happen
THEN
"I wait patiently and about 15 minutes while the Boss is no doubt listening to the "instructions" that are telling him how sleepy he is and how restful the spiral is and that he's feeling totally relaxed…"
OMFG
I just wish I could get this to happen, life may be short, but it could be amazing too LOL
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