back to article No amount of Glasgow handshaking will revive this borked kiosk

On the fifth day of Christmas, the bork gods sent to me: Scottish parking whinge, one dead DB, petty angry user, flightless Windows signage, and a server they said had ceased to be. Welcome to the Twelve Borks of Christmas (12BoC): a collection of Register reader stories of amusing and frustrating tech sightings over the …

  1. smudge
    Headmaster

    Pacific Quay?

    In Glasgow?

    Geography lessons needed urgently!

    1. lybad
      Happy

      Re: Pacific Quay?

      Yes? Your point being?

      Cos there's never a name of a location in any other city in the world...

      1. smudge

        Re: Pacific Quay?

        Yes? Your point being?

        I rest my case :)

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Pacific Quay?

          It was am marketing name, justified (as I understand it) because it was a an area of the dock historically used by boats heading to the Pacific. A bit ambitious as a name, nonetheless - akin to an Atlantic View Hotel in Norwich. Perhaps it should be sponsored by a well-know brand of opticians...

          One of my favourite trivia points is that the western end of the Panama canal connects to the Atlantic and the eastern end to the Pacific (the Atlantic to Pacific route is roughly NW->SE).

          1. Martin an gof Silver badge

            Re: Pacific Quay?

            Then there are whole towns which seem to be confused.

            If it weren't for the utter lack of a beach and being one of the points in the UK furthest from the sea in any direction you could be forgiven for thinking Matlock Bath is a typcal touristy seaside town, complete with chip shops, penny arcades, a 'promenade' and gangs of bikers turning up regularly, in the manner of Weston or Skeggy or Barry Island.

            Somewhat amuses my children whenever we drive through!

            M.

            1. PhilBuk

              Re: Pacific Quay?

              Don't forget the Matlock Illuminations. Puts Blackpool to shame.

              Phil.

          2. Danny 2

            Re: Pacific Quay?

            Actually, the area had no links to the Pacific. It used to be Plantation Quay, which as you can guess was linked to the slave trade.

            One of my favourite trivia points is that the first two occupants were the BBC and MI5.

            [Finley Quaye released one hugely successful album, then moved to London in a blaze of alcohol fuelled violence - genuine Glaswegian!]

            1. smudge

              Re: Pacific Quay?

              Actually, the area had no links to the Pacific.

              Thank you! That was my point.

              Glasgow made its wealth from tobacco, sugar and cotton - none of which came from the Pacific. Ships to and from the likes of India and the Far East would have gone round Africa and across the Indian Ocean.

              As someone has already said, Pacific Quay is just a name dreamt up by some ignorant marketing people, in the 1990s.

    2. katrinab Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Pacific Quay?

      Atlantic Quay is on the other side of the river, just down the road from India Quay.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Pacific Quay?

        ..And like many major or formally major UK ports, there's almost certainly a Baltic Quay too. Simply because often those quays served ships from those places.

        1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

          Re: Pacific Quay?

          |yep.

          Sorta like 'Greenland Dock' which just happens to be adjacent to Surrey Quays in Rotherhithe.

          1. Paul Kinsler

            Re: Surrey Quays in Rotherhithe.

            FWIW, Surrey Quays station used to be called Surrey Docks.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      WTF

      Does "12BoC" mean?

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Holmes

        Re: WTF

        As per every article in the series, within the first paragraph or two, if you look really carefully, there is a cunning clue hidden there "Welcome to the Twelve Borks of Christmas (12BoC)"

      2. Stoneshop
        Pint

        Re: WTF

        Twelve Bottles of Cider.

        Twelve Beards of Columbus

        Twelve Barnacles on Crackers

        Twelve Birdbrains on Cocaine

      3. chivo243 Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: WTF

        Wait, it has noting to do with Blue Oyster Cult? and their new album 12?

      4. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

        Re: WTF

        Means for 12 days, the Vultures West, Central and Down Under will either be partying (socially distanced/zoom) or sleeping off with both Yuletide and New Year celebrations, and a set of pre-prepared articles have been set to be automatically released at intervals throughout the period to keep the commentards amused and occupied, and not forgetting the all important ad-impressions ticking over

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Pacific Quay?

      Pacific Quay? In Glasgow? Geography lessons needed urgently!

      Yes, you do need these. Pacific Quay is in Glasgow.

      Lots of place names lie. There's a Jamaica St in Glasgow - not far away from Pacific Quay as it happens - but it does't fucking go to Jamaica.

      London's India Docks have nothing to do with India. Or docks.

      1. martinusher Silver badge

        Re: Pacific Quay?

        >London's India Docks have nothing to do with India. Or docks.

        There used to be docks there for ships trading with the Indies.

        Difficult as it is to imagine there was a time when passenger liners used to come up the Thames and dock at these docks. I've actually done this; it was a real "Welcom to Lodon" thing. Imagine its June, you sail up the Thames in glorious evening sunlight only to get off the boat next morning with it pissing down.All day. Ahhhh -- England!

      2. katrinab Silver badge

        Re: Pacific Quay?

        There’s a London Road on the other side of Glasgow. That does go to London, though these days you would take the M74 which runs parallel to it. Dumbarton Road goes to Dumbarton. A “street” generally doesn’t go anywhere, a “road” generally does.

        1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

          Re: Pacific Quay?

          A “street” generally doesn’t go anywhere, a “road” generally does

          Indeed - not always

          As Paul McCartney wrote...

          "The long and winding road, that leads, to your door"

          ...

          "You left me standing here a long long time ago"

    5. PhilipN Silver badge

      Re: Pacific Quay?

      Notice the original baker's dozen of your DV'ers ebbed away as the Scots slowly learnt irony.

  2. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    Hey!

    Why doesn't the water all fall out?

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Hey!

      It's locked in the quay?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hey!

      In Glasgow it's held in place by fatburg

    3. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

      Re: Hey!

      It'll only run out slowly through the quayhole

  3. alain williams Silver badge

    I see no image

    just an instruction telling me to switch on javascript. If they cannot display an image without javascript then they are doing it wrong; either that or they want something else - probably my personal information.

  4. Howard Sway Silver badge

    At least this Glaswegian kiosk is bang up to date on the operating system

    As long as you accept that a parking meter requires an unstable consumer PC operating system that needs 20 GB of disk space. Which I don't.

    1. Richard 12 Silver badge
      WTF?

      Re: At least this Glaswegian kiosk is bang up to date on the operating system

      More to the point, why is it using the consumer version?

      Windows IoT doesn't have that login screen - unless you specifically add it, and only a fool would do that for a kiosk.

      1. chivo243 Silver badge
        Holmes

        Re: At least this Glaswegian kiosk is bang up to date on the operating system

        OS Up to date, yes, but it's like using a Howitzer while hunting grouse...

        1. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
          Coffee/keyboard

          Re: At least this Glaswegian kiosk is bang up to date on the operating system

          "using a Howitzer while hunting grouse"

          Tickled my sense of humour for some reason, hence ------>

          1. Giles C Silver badge

            Re: At least this Glaswegian kiosk is bang up to date on the operating system

            No it should be more like this

            (Monty Python mosquito hunters)

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHBbJAIcnBI

          2. Outski
            Happy

            Re: At least this Glaswegian kiosk is bang up to date on the operating system

            Reminds me of Charlie Croker's line in the Italian Job when he's picking his car up:

            "You must have killed quite a lot of tigers."

            "Yes, I used a machine gun."

        2. R Soul Silver badge

          Re: At least this Glaswegian kiosk is bang up to date on the operating system

          "using a Howitzer while hunting grouse"

          Since the hardware has to be impregnable to the Glasgow weather as well as vomit infused with Buckfast and deep-fried Mars, it's hardly surprising the vendors over-spec'ed the software just to be on the safe side.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Trollface

        Re: At least this Glaswegian kiosk is bang up to date on the operating system

        > More to the point, why is it using the consumer version?

        > Windows IoT doesn't have that login screen - unless you specifically add it, and only a fool would do that for a kiosk.

        Perhaps if our intrepid reporter were to lurk close to this parking meter with a bluetooth keyboard we might discover even more stupidity on the part of the machine's developers?

      3. low_resolution_foxxes

        Re: At least this Glaswegian kiosk is bang up to date on the operating system

        Is it urban myth now that half the ATMs in Europe still use Win XP cause too expensive to upgrade?

        Have heard of some amazing hack feats using a drill to gain access to unsecured USB sockets.

  5. Parsimonious Tankard
    Unhappy

    "Located next to BBC Scotland (one can take a stroll around the set of Mrs Brown's Boys thanks to Google StreetView if one is so inclined)"

    Why? Why would you inflict this sort of cruelty on your readers?

  6. Bitsminer Silver badge

    What is "Glasgow handshaking"?

    Is it a secret handshake?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: What is "Glasgow handshaking"?

      Use your “heed” son...

  7. Cheshire Cat
    Thumb Up

    The picture on the lockscreen is of Cathedral Cove in New Zealand, which was also used in the Prince Caspian 'Narnia' film. Though the shape is rather similar to the silhouette of Gru's head

  8. Clarecats
    Go

    Reminds me of...

    Riven. I've always seen that as the cave mouth in Riven.

    No cars in Riven, but there was a bullet train and big kettle/ submarine.

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