Erudite, insightful, self-aware and almost human: Give your local database admin a hug – it's DBA Appreciation Day

Hang the bunting, ice the cupcakes, and wrap the presents: it comes but once a year but today, as you beautiful people well know, is international DBA Appreciation Day. Just imagine their little faces lighting up when they see their gifts laid out before them. So, join us in thanks for the lovely and unloved database …

[Anonymous Coward]

No hugs, please

With half Osman distancing in effect, hugs are out. Besides, most DBAs I know are not the hugging type.

So, as far as a gift, get your DBA something they will appreciate. Since nobody expected the holiday, get them something nobody expects - a comfy chair.

[cschneid]

Women are better DBAs than men...

...they're not afraid to COMMIT.

[werdsmith]

DBA

Does Bugger All

[Dan 55]

No, they do make sure they charge for it.

[Anonymous Coward]

It's knowing

_When_ to do bugger all.

[Stevie]

Re: It's knowing

Good lad/lassie.

Put the database in read only mode and we'll take a two hour lunch.

[Stevie]

[*mutters*] Right, y'bastard.

ALTER TABLE WERDSMITHS_UNAUTHOURISED_GOOD_STUFF TRUNCATE;

--

DROP INDEX MAKE_WERDSMITHS_REPORT_RUN_BEFORE_THE_QUESTION_DOESNT_MATTER_ANY_MORE CASCADE;

--

REVOKE CUSTOM_ROLE_MADE_SPECIALLY_TO_MAKE_WS_JOB_EASIER FROM WERDSMITH;

--

ALTER USER WERDSMITH IDENTIFIED BY 1o0lI1Il1!1l!;

--

ALTER USER WERDSMITH QUOTA 1 MB;

--

COMMIT;

--

--Tek that, y'ungrateful bugger.

[werdsmith]

Thank you. I'll just assume indexes not maintained, stats not updated. I'll raise a ticket about it and go for a cup of tea.

[werdsmith]

And you wouldn't catch me using any Larry rubbish so I hope that was Maria.

[Blackjack]

Get him (or her) a bag of coffee

The good stuff; the one that cost extra money, not the crap they usually put in the office.

Or maybe some decent tea? Some people like tea more.