Mortal wombat: 4 generations of women fight for their lives against murderous marsupial Australia has become the gift that keeps giving for quirky news items while western civilisation is on hold. If it's not a house-proud bloke casually telling the prime minister to get off his lawn, it's a homicidal wombat brutally attacking four generations of women. The country is widely known to be unfit for human habitation …
From the description of events, it appears that the wombat didn't attack anyone, the humans attacked it:
"He looked up at me and just dived to get past me and I held him for a long time"
The wombat was startled and tried to run through a convenient opening, so the human grabbed hold of it for no apparent reason, and after some unspecified time of abusing the poor animal was surprised when it started biting her to try to get free. While there's not enough information to be sure, the fight probably only went on for so long because they kept attacking and trying to restrain it instead of just leaving a clear escape route.
Basically, the humans did pretty much the exact opposite of what you should when faced with a wild animal, and were surprised when a scared, cornered animal reacted in the exact way any sane person would have expected. It doesn't matter what country you're in or how cute or inoffensive you may think an animal is, you do not try to grab hold of wild animals. Just give it an escape route and make sure you're not in the way. If that's not possible, try to contain it by closing doors or whatever and call someone competent to deal with it. Don't dive in to start a wrestling match and then blame the poor animal for fighting back.
First there was Dial-A-Prayer, then Dial-A-Recipe, and even Dial-A-Footballer.
But the south-east Victorian town of Sale has produced one to top them all.
Dial-A-Wombat.
It all began early yesterday when Sale police received a telephone call: "You won't believe this, and I'm not drunk, but there's a wombat in the phone booth outside the town hall," the caller said.
Not firmly convinced about the caller's claim to sobriety, members of the constabulary drove to the scene, expecting to pick up a drunk.
But there it was, an annoyed wombat, trapped in a telephone booth.
The wombat, determined not to be had the better of again, threw its bulk into the fray. It was eventually lassoed and released in a nearby scrub.
Then the officers received another message ... another wombat in another phone booth.
There it was: *Another* angry wombat trapped in a telephone booth.
The constables took the miffed marsupial into temporary custody and released it, too, in the scrub.
But on their way back to the station they happened to pass another telephone booth, and -- you guessed it -- another imprisoned wombat.
After some serious detective work, the lads in blue found a suspect, and after questioning, released him to be charged on summons.
Their problem ... they cannot find a law against placing wombats in telephone booths.
-- "Newcastle Morning Herald", NSW Australia, Aug 1980.
Obviously, it’s a bat with which you play the traditional Australian game of wom.
Not sure about the rules or size of the playing field etc. but I’m sure you can find out somewhere.
Mind you, in situations such as the one described in the article, you’d probably need a wombat-bat. Or should that be wom(bat)^2?
A New South Walian wombat
Is unmatched in unarmed combat.
Bare-handed one can't match it,
But with the aid of a hatchet,
One may finally dispatch it.
Just don’t call in the army,
That decision would seem barmy,
In light of their failure against the Emu,
In the war of 1932.
[with apologies to poets everywhere...]
I'm imagining a team of scientists, many years hence, discovering that the many dangerous, aggressive, venomous, poisonous, etc. etc. creatures in Australia serve soft of as antibodies against foreign invaders. Ok, clearly science fiction, but would explain the abundance of nasty critters.
If true, keep an eye out for new species - something that behaves extremely aggressively toward anything producing EM radiation (and anything near that)...
Long ago, I was told to collect the sounds of heartbeats for as many animals as possible. I took the electronic stethoscope and the tape recorder and went to the zoo, where I'd arranged to meet a cooperative zookeeper. Most animals were uncoooperative, but I got quite a few recordings. The two scariest animals I met were the ostrich -- and the wombat. Those beasts got claws.
That sounds like an awesome project. Especially having a sample library to pick & mix from for future horror movies. When I visited Australia, I saw a police team educating people about the risks of Australian wildlife.. of which there seemed many. They warned that wombats have a tendency to curl up on roads, then flip cars that hit them.. Presumably so the combat wombats can then mug the drivers.
I still think the cassowary's the scariest critter though.
One of the scariest (if you haven't been forewarned) evening sounds out woop woop is that of koalas in a tree at night.
I kid you not - the growling sounds that they make is scary as to anybody who's never heard it before.
Also, the wombat, being solid muscle, is totally able to write off a motor vehicle after being hit and still able to walk away slightly annoyed.
DAMHIK.
I kid you not - the growling sounds that they make is scary as to anybody who's never heard it before.
Heh, something to add to my YT search. I never got the chance to go bush (unless Melbourne counts), but something I'd like to do. From my time spent in the great outdoors, it's interesting to hear the night sounds in the peace & quiet of the country. Here in the UK, strangest noises are probably from foxes. Or one night, I heard a terrible screaming from outside my window. Looked to check what was going on, and it was just a pair of hedgehogs mating. Gentleman that I am, I left them to it.. But a suprisingly loud noise from a small critter.. Or maybe not suprising given the spines..
I think a lot of animals will do that, ie normal for wolves & dogs when hunting/herding. One of those curious things, like how they learn/inherit those skills. For wolves, they're sneaky, so pack using distraction so they can circle around and bring down their prey. For dogs, can be worrying, especially in breeds like collies where they can instinctively herd kids back to their human pack with a nip to the ankle.
As for wombats, I guess that's just Australia. They've probably dealt with all the larger predators, but still retain detailed files on potential targets.
You're missing the big picture.
"Gemma's husband was inside one of the property's houses working remotely for a "US aerospace company" with his headphones on – blissfully unaware of the carnage going on outside."
Clearly this is a story about the benefits of telecommuting.
No, not a beat up. Some seem to be insomniacs and can be seen during day.Saw one wander across a glider winch launch rope just as Take Up Slack given, which was rapidly followed by Stop Stop Stop. Time: Around noon in middle of big clear paddock, a long way from burrows. Local ones are mostly evening and early morning, not nocturnal. And given rural Ozzies being used to space, perhaps wombat got cabin fever from the lock down, like the rest of us.
the wombat lives across the seas
among the far antipodes
he may exist on nuts and berries
or then again on missionaries
the wombat's distant habitat precludes
conclusive knowledge of his moods
but I would not engage the wombat
in any form of mortal combat
- From the Unix 'fortune' program
Nash indeed, along with a companion stanza from SWMBO:
This wombat lives in the computer room
Among the disks and dark and gloom.
He may exist on take-out lunches,
Or Apple salesmen fried in bunches.
His lofty mental state precludes
Conclusive knowledge of his moods.
But I would not engage this wombat
In any form of on-line combat.
You may wonder why we survived this relatively non-aggressive chewing but I suspect it was because it was a nice wombat. It was slightly smaller than the average wombat, has a nice coloured coat and long eyelashes so I suspect it was a girly wombat and thus less likely to behave like the one in the story. Anyway, if the people in the story had not panicked and had kept their heads I am sure they could have avoided the rampant attack. All this falling over allowing the wombat to go for the groin strikes me of hysteria.
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