Microsoft to find virtual ways of 'absorbing interns' energy' as students told to stay home – and events off until next year

Amid mutterings from the peanut gallery that at least a year's worth of events were ripe for "reimagining", it also looks like any musical numbers from 2020's batch of Microsoft interns will be strictly virtual. Describing itself as embracing the "new normal", Microsoft has told the 4,000 or so students that were due to join …

[PhilipN]

"absorbing interns' energy"

That's the most appalling euphemism ever to come from MS.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: "absorbing interns' energy"

> That's the most appalling euphemism ever [ ... ]

Surely what they really meant is: vampire-sucking their life and blood until they're dry as a flint and flat as a pancake.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: "absorbing interns' energy"

...it's not a euphemism.

[Klimt's Beast Would]

"Oooh, no missus!"

"my pipe's too small!" tittered Captain F. Howerd from the bridge of the USS Carry On Up the Junction (NCC-1969).

This lick down is obviously getting to me.

[MalIlluminated]

The Ludovico Technique

I missed the travesty that is the MS Musical on it's first pass through. How could you bring it up again? I can't unsee that.

"You needn't take it any further, sir. You've proved to me that all this Microsoft propaganda is wrong, wrong, and terribly wrong. I've learned me lesson, sir. I've seen now what I've never seen before. I'm cured! Praise Bog! I'm cured!"

"Suddenly, I viddied what I had to do, and what I had wanted to do, and that was to do myself in; to snuff it, to blast off for ever out of this wicked, cruel world. One moment of pain perhaps and, then, sleep forever, and ever and ever."

[BlackBerry ForEver]

Microsoft reinvents home computing? Again? But will IBM fall for it this time?

So is there a published safe distance from which MS can safely absorb interns energy? will it be on the microwave spectrum? Anything closer subject to cancerous growth? I smell popcorn, coming from the monitor...oh wait that's the...

[amanfromMars 1]

The Cost Price Capitalism Pays Future Servers for Prime AIDrivers

Any Microsoft furlough brings into Internal Play the Wily Facility and Stealthy Utility ..... While the Fat Cats are away, Almighty Mice Take Over with a Universal Control Systems Make Over Featuring Applications Running from Elsewhere?

Is there currently thought too much novel virulent information being spread around for internal processing towards a greater mental wellbeing and most enlightened understanding and well beyond any Powerful Reaches into Microsoft Futured Command and Control Programs?

Now what would that be in the likes of an Apple or Microsoft Kernel, Proprietary Core Intellectual Property Source, a virulent bug beyond eradication and/or a just in the nick of time, Epic Virtualised Space Episode. ....... Presenting NEUKlearer HyperRadioProACTive Ways of Doing Greater Novel Futured Business with AI and IT Operands?

Which one delivers, with a much more accurate and exciting description of their wares, the likely future Trail of an Apple or a Microsoft type Operation. which they themselves pioneered in the not so distant past with a very similar certain hope that never ever promises less than the stars whenever patience is realised a virtue which tempers enthusiasm with experience and wisdom in order to further aid Novel AI Command and IT Control with Future Directions Simply Following Heavenly Instructions...... which All can See and Hear for they Be Always Shared Freely in Plain Text for Random Sublime Deployment and Virtual Capture elsewhere foreign and alienated too?

Both are presently available virtually free, although of course for those who like it to be, there are always those extremely expensive practical services to safely build and securely maintain in order to get anything thought worthy done, to be paid from bottomless funds to Prime AIDrivers.