back to article Flying priests crop-dust Russian citizens with holy water to make them stop boozing and bonking

Orthodox priests in the central Russian city of Tver have been practising an original method of ridding locals of alcohol abuse and fornication: grab some religious relics, jump in a bi-plane, circle overhead and pour holy water onto citizens from the skies while reciting prayers. Russian news site tnvernews.ru reported that …

  1. hplasm
    Paris Hilton

    Coo-

    Don't they have some funny ideas, these holy types?

    1. Blackjack Silver badge

      Re: Coo-

      At least they are not using a chair and a bunch of balloons.

      https://www.cbsnews.com/news/balloon-priests-body-identified-using-dna/

  2. Alistair

    Next iteration for the Tverian Healing Project

    They'll be wanting a triplane with a bigger bowl, in order to address the spiritual diseases of childhood such as measles mumps and whooping cough. Line those children up in the streets so we can rain down the healing liquids from on high.

    Oh my god, my catholic past is about to head off a cliff of puns, moralism and testamentary polemics.

    1. Martin Gregorie

      Re: Next iteration for the Tverian Healing Project

      No need for a tripe. The Antonov AN-2, which the priests were using for holy water bombing, promises to be around forever. 18,000+ have been built between 1947 and 2001, they are very strong and fairly crash-proof (no stall speed: like the Fieseler Storch it can land vertically, power off, without damage). They ARE thirsty but I'd think that the turbo-prop conversion improves that. Its on the list of planes I want to fly in.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Next iteration for the Tverian Healing Project

        >The Antonov AN-2, which the priests were using for holy water bombing, promises to be around forever. 18,000+ have been built between 1947 and 2001, they are very strong and fairly crash-proof

        I beg to differ actually having flown in one of these things in Cuba with the internal airline AeroTaxi a few years ago. The thing was falling to bits and it did a few months later when exact same plane's main wing spar snapped killing all on board, however this may have been due to lack of spares, poor maintenance and operation in a salty area. A somewhat sobering experience when you've dodged one of life's bullets.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Its on the list of planes I want to fly in

        No you don't, unless you like being bored to death. I had to fly one at times when I worked as a bush pilot in central Africa (longer ago than I like to remember). Really, you could walk faster on a windy day, the most fun was starting the thing as it had the original centrifugal starter, sounded like someone throwing a bucket of spanners out of a top floor window. Had it's uses though, good for soft and short strips. Couldn't wait to get back to the DC3 I usually flew, now THATS a fun airplane.

        1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
          Black Helicopters

          Re: Its on the list of planes I want to fly in

          The DC3, I used to work at a servicing company in Exeter after I left school.

          Fate & timing meant that the number of "test flights" for the staff had all but ceased, there were two more & I missed out on both of them.

          I finally got to fly in one in 2009, as part of the farewell tour before they were forcibly withdrawn from "Heritage" flights (Still have the t-shirt & mugs).

          Removing & refitting the wings was usually a all hands on deck task (Wing washer part number 143908-SR300-093 is still ingrained in my memory).

          Despite a fairly grotty time there as a school leaver, I recall the birds fondly, but the things I don't miss about them is pumping oil into the engine or manually pumping the undercarriage up & down (It was on jacks).

          Fun sites.

          https://www.dc3dakotahunter.com/

          http://www.douglasdc3.com/

          Really fun thing to do with a DC3

          https://www.dc3dakotahunter.com/blog/airborne-aircraft-carriers-wing-tip-coupling-giving-a-free-ride-2/

          1. Martin Gregorie

            Re: Its on the list of planes I want to fly in

            I know about DC-3s - I used to travel in them regularly when they were the standard plane used by NAC, the NZ internal airline, but have never visited the cockpit of one. I still have vivid memories of going through French Pass below cloudbase, which was on the hilltops, in a DC-3 during a flight from Nelson to Wellington. Very turbulent - in each big drop the massed retch from pax almost drowned out the engines. Me? I wasn't ill.

            I'm also familiar with seeing AN-2s when visiting former Eastern Block countries, and so would enjoy a ride in one. I'm a glider pilot, so not particularly interested in actually flying something with an engine on it, though I did enjoy having hands-on in a Tiger Moth at Duxford a few years back.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Same AC re DC3s

            They certainly take a lot of punishment, I remember flying a team of mechanics out to some other company's DAK stranded in the bush due to hitting a wing on a tree on landing. (Zaire back in the 80's). The guys just pulled off the loose bits, stuck a bit of Gaffer tape over the stump and good to go. (It was a good 20 inches lopped off the end). I believe it flew normally.

            As for fitting/removing wings I once saw, (Zaire again) Some of the locals using a fork lift to straighten out a bent wing on a 727 at one of the northern Airports. It seems due to incompetence the pilot touched a wingtip on landing. His punishment? he had to fly it back to Kinshasa (long flight) or they'd just leave him there. (no one else would fly it).

            Ah Zaire, a laugh a minute.

        2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Its on the list of planes I want to fly in

          centrifugal starter, sounded like someone throwing a bucket of spanners out of a top floor window

          So - much like the sound you get when starting a Ducatti motorbike? Also akin to the noise that said Ducatti makes when all the engine internals attempt to make their frequent breaks for freedom..

    2. Ranae

      Re: Next iteration for the Tverian Healing Project

      don't the priests do enough sprinkling of their fluids onto children already?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @Ranae - Re: Next iteration for the Tverian Healing Project

        This is more for Catholic priests. Orthodox priests are allowed to marry and many do before receiving a parish.

    3. Steve K

      Re: Next iteration for the Tverian Healing Project

      No triplane required - a monoplane has been proven to be fine despite those insisting on a triplane (or no plane at all)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Next iteration for the Tverian Healing Project

        I think you and Martin Gregorie missed the joke. Triplane was obviously (well to me at least) a reference to the Holy Trinity - in this case tri (three) planes in one plane.

  3. Zog_but_not_the_first
    Trollface

    So....

    A sort-of aquatic Spanish Inquisition then....

    (I bet you didn't expect that).

    1. macjules

      Re: So....

      Nobody expects that.

  4. Rich 11

    Biplane is cheating

    I'd have been more impressed if they'd been flown over the city by summoned angels rather than an old biplane. That would have been a better demonstration of their magic powers.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    There's holy water for the flock (H2O) and there's holy water for the clergy (CH3CH2OH).

    1. b0llchit Silver badge
      Pint

      Chemistry is high-flying

      With that type of chemistry in their bloodstream they should be able to fly just fine. Using a plane is cheating. Real believe is doing it without earthly tools and simply praying that it works(*).

      (*) Works well any way that turns out. Either it is divine proof or ceremonial bye-bye.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      If it's coming from an inexhaustible chalice, I'd be a little bit suspicious of your formula, and I'd suggest there might be some involvement of NH3, courtesy of some chap called Baldrick....

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What happens if the choir boys get wet?

    1. Rich 11

      Orthodox priests are allowed to marry, so the choirboys might be a little safer than those of churches requiring celibacy.

    2. Ranae

      everybody knows your not supposed to get choir boys wet nor feed them after midnight

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Devil

    Reminds me of the old joke...

    Customs officer: "Father, are you aware that all these bottles in your luggage labelled 'Holy Water' actually contain whisky?"

    Priest: "Saints be praised, another miracle!"

  8. Arthur the cat Silver badge
    Pint

    The icon of the Inexhaustible Chalice

    I wonder what the Inexhaustible Chalice has in it. Vodka would do, but a decent single malt would be better.

    1. AceRimmer1980
      Angel

      Re: The icon of the Inexhaustible Chalice

      When partaking of Satan's double vodka, I take my holy water in frozen cubical form, as penance.

  9. bussdriver

    Dump the whole bowl on Putin

    Maybe Putin will get a soul.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Dump the whole bowl on Putin

      Then he can ask the Wizard for a heart, and a brain for each of his lapdogs Boris and Donald ?

      1. Jemma

        Re: Dump the whole bowl on Putin

        Thanks muchly for that - now I have images of Darth Dumbass and his little apprentice licking their balls and sniffing asses..

        Oh wait, that's reality

        It's time for the brain bleach again.

        1. Chris King

          Re: Dump the whole bowl on Putin

          "Thanks muchly for that - now I have images of Darth Dumbass and his little apprentice licking their balls and sniffing asses"

          Was that before or after they got their brains ?

          (and would anyone even notice the difference ?)

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Dump the whole bowl on Putin

        No wonder I got downvoted - what was I thinking, wasting two whole brains like that?!

        Half of one for each would still be generous.

  10. This post has been deleted by its author

  11. Andy Non Silver badge
    Pint

    It sounds batty enough to have been

    a Father Ted episode, with Father Jack waving his fist at the plane demanding "Drink! Drink! Drink!"

  12. Zebo-the-Fat

    Holy water?

    Is it true that they make holy water by boiling the hell out of it?

    1. phuzz Silver badge
      Angel

      Re: Holy water?

      Why not scale up the whole operation, and just bless the rain clouds?

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Levity

    You mean they actually had to use a plane? Cripes - THAT'S no sign of religious power! I would expect nothing less than a hoard of angels, hauling the religious bumpkin up into the clouds with levitating golden ropes, for him to do his sprinkling from his elevated position. By the way, you absolutely sure it WAS holy water he was throwing around?

  14. SVV
    Angel

    Stop alcohol use, drugs, stop fornication... does it cause laughter?

    Yep, all of them can cause laughter.

    As can saying that throwing water out of a plane can prevent them.

  15. Unbelievable!

    nothing is wrong. or right. just perceived

    I do like Russia and the things they are reported for due to some extreme weirdness by western standards.. But one thing is certain. They don't f^%k about too much.

    "Red tape" is not so much a bureaucratic thing in Russia. It is what what you get forced wear around your important bits for being an A$$.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Together with the icon of the Inexhaustible Chalice we have been flying over Tver since 2006. It's a city relic."

    The Icon of the Inexhaustible Chalice seems to be a poor choice if the object is to get people to STOP drinking.

  17. Christoph
    Devil

    Has anyone warned Crowley?

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Chemtrails.

    Delivering salvation from 30ft.

    1. Andytug

      Re: Chemtrails.

      Can be stopped by spraying vinegar into the air and burying many (expensive) crystals around your house, apparently.

  19. Winkypop Silver badge
    Devil

    Bonkers

    Yes, religion again

    1. Adam 1

      Re: Bonkers

      No, the bonkers were on the ground.

  20. sbt
    Angel

    Aeronauts and prayers

    The true believers sally forth into the sea of uncertainty and confusion, winning converts just by their willingness to claim, "We have the answer!". That they don't doesn't matter.

  21. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

    "Any disease is from a virus, and a virus is a demon."

    Well, since the first clearly isn't true (unless genetic problems and bacteria are somewho reclassified as 'a'virus' I'm not holding out much[1] hope for the second being true..

    [1] Does zero count as 'not much'? Even if (an equal chance methinks) demons exist then the chance of a virus also being a demon is vanishly small.. Not good on logic are they these Slavic Orthodox types?

  22. DuncanLarge Silver badge

    OMG what is this stuff I'm driking!

    > a man spontaneously gave up drinking alcohol after spotting a plane in the sky.

    So he was drunk, had never seen a plane before and was scared shitless about the flying dragon in the sky that everyone else seemed to not be bothered about?

  23. Myself

    Turns out this practice has been widespread in other parts of the world for years! You perform the prayer service and sprinkle the stuff into the clouds as they form, so the precipitation all contains a titration of holy water. And it eradicates vampires wholesale.

    That's why all the vampire stories are from eastern Europe -- somebody already blessed the rains down in Africa!

  24. earl grey
    Trollface

    the rains down in Africa

    I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too! (poor Toto).

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