Psst. Wanna brush up your supervillain creds? Get a load of this mini submarine

As the world's arms sales folk and protestors alike gather in London's Docklands for the Defence and Security Expo International, one small business has what appears to be the perfect accessory for your Bond-villainesque lair: namely, a mini submarine. Subsea Craft's Diver Delivery Unit is a modern take on the old X-Craft …

[NoneSuch]

The Obvious Comeback...

"Do you expect me to talk Blofeld?"

"No Mr. Bond, I expect you to dive..."

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Re: The Obvious Comeback...

How's Musk getting on with the Lotus Esprit conversion?

[AIBailey]

Re: The Obvious Comeback...

The pedant in me wants to point out that it was Goldfinger that Bond was talking to, not Blofeld.

But a Bond (mis)quote is still a Bond (mis)quote, so I went with an upvote!

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: The Obvious Comeback...

Yes, but Goldfinger didn't have a hollowed out volcano.

[BebopWeBop]

Re: The Obvious Comeback...

He was working on it - wasn't there the hollowed out model c/w appropriate poison gas?

[NoneSuch]

Re: The Obvious Comeback...

DOH! Well spotted. I knew there was something wrong with it, but couldn't place it.

That's what happens when you are doing VMWare updates and trying to be creative.

[Evil Auditor]

Re: The Obvious Comeback...

Did you VMware updates go up in explosions, too?

[TRT]

Re: The Obvious Comeback...

I'm going to go with that one coming from the bloopers reel. Along with the one where Sean Connery is left tied to the slab and all the crew have gone off for lunch leaving the laser on (for a joke, of course). "Union rules, isn't it, mate? No more than 2 hours without a tea break and only special effects technicians are allowed to operate the controls..."

[Alister]

systems used by the RNLI

"Take her down, Cock-son... Oh sorry, Coxswain"

[Cuddles]

How would we know?

""incorporates features developed for systems used by the RNLI", that well-known operator of low-observable mini submarines."

We may not have seen the RNLI's fleet of low-observable submarines, but surely that's the whole point?

[Roland6]

Re: How would we know?

As the RNLI are involved, I assume it will come in any colour you like as long as its yellow;

stealth colours subject to government approval...

[Alister]

Re: How would we know?

as long as its yellow

Orange! RNLI use dayglow orange, not yellow.

[skeptical i]

Re: How would we know?

Hmm, "We all live in the dayglow orange submarine, the dayglow orange submarine, the dayglow orange submarine" is not how I remember the song went, but senility moves in mysterious ways. .

[Alister]

Re: How would we know?

Either I missed something subtle about Roland6's post, or you're talking about something different... The Beatles had a yellow submarine, but they were never in the RNLI as far as I know?

[Roland6]

Re: How would we know?

I was thinking of the Beatles and trying (to hard) to link it in.

The RNLI was just a means of justifying why the sub should be in a colour other than black. I think the yellow wellies and oilskins would colour match a yellow submarine nicely...

However, I thought the early RNLI inflatables were yellow (70's/80's), before everything was standardised on the modern orange colour scheme, but then I could be totally wrong and just getting confused with the yellow wellies etc.

[I ain't Spartacus]

Re: How would we know?

The Yellow Wellies is an excellent name for a band! What genre of music would they play? I'm thinking one of those folk bands with about 25 members, even if they're never all on stage at once.

[Alister]

Re: How would we know?

I was thinking of the Beatles and trying (too hard) to link it in.

Ah gotcha. Sorry, that bit went whooooosh!

I think you're correct, they used to wear yellow oilskins and boots.

[I ain't Spartacus]

Re: How would we know?

Cuddles,

We may not have seen the RNLI's fleet of low-observable submarines, but surely that's the whole point?

A few years ago, a secret report determined that modern shipping was becoming incredibly safe. And that there would soon be no need for lifeboats, as life-guards could deal with all the lost swimmers on beaches.

However this has since changed. Since the RNLI began deploying their fleet of armed and stealthy submarines, shipping losses have increased again - confirming the continuing requirement for lifeboats.

There is no connection between these two facts. There is nothing to see here. Please place your money in the lifeboat shaped collection boxes - after all that's a very nice ship you've got there - and we wouldn't want anything to happen to it now would we.

[Brian Miller]

No Das Boot here

No, I've been on a U boat, and that little thing is nothing like those. That little submersible, only shown in computer mock-ups, is more like a submersible dinghy. I doubt any villain worth his salt would bother with one of those.

[Evil Harry]

Re: No Das Boot here

Certainly an improvement over the little plastic ones you filled with baking soda that would occasionally fall out of a box of cornflakes.

Link below for the whippersnappers.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baking_powder_submarine

[AceRimmer1980]

Re: No Das Boot here

Launched from a vinegar volcano :P

[TRT]

Re: Vinegar volcano...

I'm going to go with science project here, rather than anything related to vinegar strokes.

[ZenCoder]

Re: No Das Boot here

You secretly launch it from your super villain yacht.

[J. Cook]

Re: No Das Boot here

Is that the one with the hyperbaric chamber and spots for a pair of stolen nukes?

Time for me to disco volante...

[BebopWeBop]

Re: No Das Boot here

A villain on a budget?

[Mark 85]

Re: No Das Boot here

A villain on a budget?

Well, one does have to start someplace so starting small is an option.

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: No Das Boot here

"A villain on a budget?"

Mini-Me?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: No Das Boot here

Does it come with a crew of sweaty greasy German sailors?

Asking for a friend .....

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: No Das Boot here

Did you mean greasy seamen?

[TRT]

Re: No Das Boot here

No, they all ended up in the navel yard.

[red floyd]

Emergent Technologies?

Shouldn't this have been listed under SUBmergent technologies instead?

[Claptrap314]

Re: Emergent Technologies?

What does down is supposed to come up, don'tcha know.

[Steve K]

If they don't sell any...

If they don't sell any the company will go under

[Dippywood]

All those years after the other spares stopped selling

Glad to see the surplus Sinclair C5 handlebars went somewhere...

[Anonymous Coward]

South American drugs smugglers might be interested as well.

[Chris G]

"South American drugs smugglers might be interested as well."

Probably the most likely customers for this, they already build similar things, just leave out 6 of the 8 passengers and replace with white powder.

Wonder if there's a discount for cash?

[Anonymous Coward]

Search for narco submarines...the South American drug cartels have built some quite large cargo carrying subs, where this beastie is more like a speedboat with relatively limited space and limited subsurface capabilities (100ft depth/25nm range)...designed by someone who maybe watched a wee bit too much Stingray when he was young..

I'm not criticising it, and would love to have a play with one, but the marching powder merchants have designed and run some interesting submersible beasties capable of shifting tons of their stuff.

[beep54]

Cost?

Was going to ask about that, but then, if you have to ask.....

[cosymart]

Re: Cost?

Does that include a mini-bar and suitably clad host(ess)?

Just wanted to use the pirate icon :-) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[J. Cook]

Re: Cost?

For enough money, yes.

[Kevin McMurtrie]

1500 HP?

OK, I'm a little disappointed that this little cruiser has a whopping 1500 HP but can't deploy a hydrofoil to sprint at ludicrous speeds. Or drive water cutting jets to slice open other boats as you pass by. I'd even settle for a reto laser over the periscope. There's a real lack of sinister gadget accessories on this sub. Hopefully there's a big space for DIY projects.

[Jellied Eel]

Re: 1500 HP?

OK, I'm a little disappointed that this little cruiser has a whopping 1500 HP but can't deploy a hydrofoil to sprint at ludicrous speeds. Or drive water cutting jets to slice open other boats as you pass by.

Ramming speed!

ISTR talk some years ago about undersea planes being the next big thing, ie using aerodynamic principles in hydrodynamic ways to 'fly' underwater. Not heard much about that lately, so guessing it either didn't work, or did & has gorn dark.

As for supervillains, well, Paul Allen's Octopus is for sale, which had a mini sub. But the ultimate supervillian yacht should surely be a 200m pleasure palace that can dive deeper and outfight a Seawolf or equivalent.

[TRT]

Re: 1500 HP?

Seawolf, Seaview or Seaquest? Oh, hang on... PAUL Allen, not Irwin Allen. My bad.

[batfink]

Re: 1500 HP?

There's a basic problem that's common to "flying" both in air and in water: when you use forward motion, gravity takes over.

In the air, with a bit of luck you might be able to glide to the ground.

Underwater, it would probably be relatively easy to glide to the ground. However, that might not be the most desirable outcome.

[TRT]

Re: 1500 HP?

Not if you add in a bit of buoyancy it's not. Becomes quite an interesting set of maths, really.

[96percentchimp]

Re: 1500 HP?

IIRC the subs were to be designed so that their hydrodynamics would fly them to the surface by default.

[89724102172714182892114I7551670349743096734346773478647892349863592355648544996312855148587659264921]

...yes but how much cocaine can it carry?

[TRT]

4 hours of air...

at 30 knots... and a knot is one nautical mile per hour...

and a 250 nautical mile range...

[Is It Me]

Re: 4 hours of air...

The 4 hours is for when you are submerged using the electric motors which (I think, but can't be bothered to check) the article said can do 25NM.

The idea is that you approach at high speed, drop below the surface for the approach and then release the "operators" to do what ever they are there for and have the option to wait several hours underwater before they are deployed.

[TRT]

Re: 4 hours of air...

Of course, yes. Diesel's need air too, so only surface running. Still, you don't want someone to step on a frogman, as it were.

[Anonymous Coward]

Roger the cabin boy

Yes, Master Bates!

Seaman Staines, set a course...

[Wiltshire]

Re: Roger the cabin boy

Left hand down a bit.

And, as Julian Clary so notably commented, there's a lot of seamen discharged in Portsmouth.

[Velv]

Mark Thomas

Phone the London Expo centre and claim there's a bomb in the building. It's technically correct.

[Ochib]

Quick Question

How many kilos of Bolivian marching powder can this sub ship? Asking for a friend

[Anonymous Coward]

Carbon fiber hull?

A, uh, friend of mine is curious if it could be fitted with upper deck hatches and forward/rear hatches for egress of self-guided cylindrical devices capable of moving at high speed and delivering a useful payload to the destination. Would said modifications compromise the structural integrity of the vessel, or have such allowances already been made and simply need to be installed? Also, does it come with an option for leather seats?

[Sgt_Oddball]

Leather?

It's all about the Alcantara dontcha know?

Also if it can eject seamen frogmen whilst submerged, I'm pretty sure something with more underwater umph could be employed instead.

Mines the one with the matching Sou'ester hat...

[batfink]

1500hp of Diesel?

How stealthy is something with 2x750hp diesels???

[Joe Gurman]

Nice addendum on the X and XE-class midget subs

But the most successful midget sub actions were the Italians' daring raid on the Alexandria anchorage in 1941 the put the HMS Valiant and Queen Elizabeth on the (admittedly shallow) bottom and out of action for a year. For days later, only one of the five IJN Kō-hyōteki-class midget subs managed to get into Pearl Harbor, but it put a torpedo in to the USS West Virginia, and a similar craft seriously damaged HMS Ramilles in Diego Suarez in 1942, putting the vessel out of combat operations for over a year.

[batfink]

Re: Nice addendum on the X and XE-class midget subs

Sometimes the raids weren't all that effective. A Japanese mini-sub managed to get into Sydney Harbour and managed to sink a ferry before it was sunk in its turn. Not a good ROI really.

IIRC the casualty rates for the X/XE-class were pretty horrific (well, mini-subs in general). Not taking away anything from the success of course, but I don't think I'd be a volunteer...