back to article Cyber-IOU notes. Voucher hell on wheels. However you want to define Facebook's Libra, the most ridiculous part is its privacy promise

Facebook – the global ad business pilloried repeatedly over the past 15 years for privacy disasters – on Tuesday announced a scheme to allow account holders to buy credits and spend the digitized funds online through a network of partners, under a "strong commitment to privacy." The antisocial network's blockchain-tracked …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    There isn't enough 'FUCK, NO' in the world, or indeed the universe, for this.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      and yet

      it will thrive, with investors pouring in billions and millions, if not billions of facebookers cheering the "convenience". Until, one moment, their digital money goes "pop".

      That said, it's no worse than your money held on your bank account, when one moment the banks go "pop" and you're left staring at a 404 page (if that).

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: and yet

        Yep, the millennials and GenXers will be all over this like flies on a fresh steaming turd.

        1. katrinab Silver badge

          Re: and yet

          The millenials in my office mostly use Revolut. I use it too, as a Euro account for my holiday fund. Customer service could be better, but it does have some nice features like instant balance updates every time I use the card.

          1. cantankerous swineherd

            Re: and yet

            revolut: Take control over your account and turn off things like contactless, swipe payments, online payments and ATM withdrawals all from within the app.

            all good stuff, but I don't do banking apps :-(

          2. Warm Braw

            Re: and yet

            The millenials in my office mostly use Revolut.

            I believe Revolut has acquired a banking licence somewhere in Europe which it is "testing in Lithuania", though in the UK it's still saying on its website that it's operating under Electronic Money regulations. I believe N26 now has a UK banking licence, but its website merely states "a fully licensed bank" without any further details immediately visible. I haven't really found any of the "disruptor" financial operations to be very transparent about their status.

            When it comes to their bundled ("premium") accounts, they seem to make it as hard as possible to find out what you're actually buying until you've bought it. Which may be because they actually seem like very poor value when you compare them against offerings from traditional banks or buying the bundled products individually.

            In short, they're exactly like the existing banks - making up the margin on their free services by overcharging elsewhere and doing their best to keep you in the dark about consumer protection.

            Facebook will of course confront the same issue: there's not a lot of money to be made from basic consumer banking. However, they have more ways to lever money out of their disciples than banks do and they have the advertising platform to bombard them into submission.

            1. katrinab Silver badge

              Re: and yet

              First paragraph of N26's T&C for the UK account:

              These Terms and Conditions, alongside the further documents mentioned below govern the entire

              business relationship between you, our customer "you" or the "Customer" and N26 Bank GmbH, London Branch, a corporation established in Germany and authorised and supervised by the German Federal Financial Supervisory Authority (the "BaFin") and whose London Branch is subject to limited regulation by the UK Prudential Regulatory Authority and the Financial Conduct Authority ("we/us" or the “Bank” or "N26"). We are included on the Financial Services Register and our Firm Reference Number is 795007. Details about the extent of our regulation by the Financial Conduct Authority and Prudential Regulatory Authority are available from us on request.

              Translated into English, it is a German bank operating under EU passporting regulations.

              1. Velv
                Flame

                Re: and yet

                So not going to be operating in the UK much longer then...

                1. katrinab Silver badge

                  Re: and yet

                  The law here says that banks from other EU countries can operate here. That will continue to be the case until such time as the law is changed.

                  The law in other EU countries says the same thing, however, in the near future, the UK might not be an other EU country, so UK banks wouldn't be able to continue operating there. Italy have said that UK financial institutions will be able to continue operating in Italy post Brexit until such time as they change the law to say otherwise, but that's only Italy, not any of the other EU countries.

                  1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

                    Re: and yet

                    The law here says that banks from other EU countries can operate here. That will continue to be the case until such time as the law is changed.

                    Is this limited to just banks from EU countries? I was walking through The City last week and spotted quite a few of what looked like branches for overseas banks from beyond the EU, like Middle East/Gulf states, India and some others which I can't remember.

                    1. Stoneshop
                      Holmes

                      Re: and yet

                      I was walking through The City last week and spotted quite a few of what looked like branches for overseas banks from beyond the EU,

                      Those probably operate under different rules, and if the alternative is people flying in to Heathrow with suitcases full of cash, or probably just taking their business elsewhere, I expect that banks from their countries of origin would be quite willing to expend some effort to, ehm, subject themselves to those rules.

                    2. katrinab Silver badge

                      Re: and yet

                      They are registered here as UK banks, or in a couple of cases, as branches of banks registered in other EU countries. Paypal is registered in Luxembourg. Most have historically chosen the UK as their gateway to the EU.

            2. MonkeyCee

              Re: and yet

              "Facebook will of course confront the same issue: there's not a lot of money to be made from basic consumer banking. However, they have more ways to lever money out of their disciples than banks do and they have the advertising platform to bombard them into submission."

              I think it's the other way around. FB sell advertising. If they can show that an advert led directly to a sale, then they've cracked the advertising problem.

              Google want this too.

              With SV, always worry about what data they're gathering on you.

              Of course, if they're actually serious about supporting a UBI, then maybe they could just start paying it out. It'll be like tax, without the middleman :D

          3. iron Silver badge

            Re: and yet

            I can get an instant balance update on my bank accounts (and debit card) any time I want by sending a 3 letter text. Or a list of recent transactions by sending a 4 letter text. No need for spelling impaired millennial shite.

            1. Andy The Hat Silver badge

              Re: and yet

              I assume you mean "an encrypted balance" and "an encrypted list of recent transactions" to an authenticated decryption app on my phone? You surely don't mean an SMS "text" as that would just invite about half a dozen attack vectors ...

          4. rg287

            Re: and yet

            The millenials in my office mostly use Revolut.

            Monzo and Starling seem to predominate around here. Both operate on UK Banking Licences with the standard £85k FSCS Protection.

            I got a Monzo account - not as a main current account, but just to pop money in periodically on holiday and get the 0% on foreign transactions (which the "challenger banks" all seem to do). Having a Mastercard in the wallet is also reassuring in the ahh, unlikely event Visa falls over and my debit/credit card stop working.

            They all seem to be well ahead on making life convenient for users - no having to notify for foreign travel or having features hidden in the online banking portal but not in the app. The phone buzzing with transaction notifications and being able to enable the mag stripe only when I needed it (in countries where Chip & PIN is still patchy) or indeed just freezing the card at will is all very reassuring.

            1. Is It Me

              Re: and yet

              Another happy Monzo user here, it even lets you send a link that lets other people pay money they owe you via a debit card.

          5. Dan 55 Silver badge
            Alert

            Re: and yet

            I hope everyone keeps money they can afford to lose in Revolut, it's not covered under the FSCS.

          6. Anonymous Coward
            Pint

            Better than Libra!

            I've got a great new idea for a bank. I'll going to call it myMilli and there'll be an app with a very cartoony UI in pastelly colours - Android and ioS. Whatever; it'll be written by very low-paid folk in a coding sweatshop.

            Whenever a 'customer' transfers money to 'Mlli' (a cartoon of a cute twenty-something woman), the money will go straight into my bank account. The cartoon will smile widely. (So will I but the 'customer' sure as sh*t won't see that). Whenever a 'customer' wants some money back, I'll just put up a banner saying "Aaaa! Milli's not feeling well", then show a video of kittens.

            Providing I vet my customers well ('Q1 - do you rely on social media more than actual life? Q2 - do you use the word like more often than any other word? Q3 - do you have any money') then I reckon I've got two years. Who's with me?

            1. jmecher

              Re: Better than Libra!

              > Who's with me?

              Are there special deals available?

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Better than Libra!

                Just answer our three easy questions which won't* affect your credit score**:

                Q1 - do you rely on social media more than actual life?

                Q2 - do you use the word like more often than any other word?

                Q3 - do you have any money?

                * yeah.

                ** sure.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Investors are "pouring in" a pittance

        $10 million is nothing to the banks and eBays of the world. They're doing it "just in case" it takes off. It isn't like they can't easily take their money out if it goes nowhere, since it can be directly exchanged at a price set against a basket of currencies. Worst case they lose a few percent of their investment.

        Facebook has had too many privacy scandals over the past couple years for people to trust them with MONEY, it has no chance. The idea that millennials will "be all over this" is particularly laughable, they are the ones fleeing Facebook the fastest or if not fleeing completely reducing their usage to a "few times a month". It is the older people especially baby boomers who are most resistant to leaving Facebook, because it is their only social network and it helps connect them to distant family and allows them to see photos of grandchildren etc.

        There isn't a core group of people to make a Facebook currency happen. Five years ago they could have done it easily, it is too late now.

        1. croc

          Re: Investors are "pouring in" a pittance

          Think about this... If you are of average intelligence, half the people around you are dumber than you.

          When it comes to Facebook, never bet against the stupidity of humans.

          1. Chris G

            Re: Investors are "pouring in" a pittance

            @croc. I wish I could give you more upvotes for that statement..

            Zuck has the whole world to play with there are millions of people who are not well informed and will make good targets for Farcemoney.

          2. iron Silver badge

            Re: Investors are "pouring in" a pittance

            As the only person who has never used Facebook I'm often the smartest person in the room.

            1. Muscleguy

              Re: Investors are "pouring in" a pittance

              I was like you, not on Fb but then I started as a Tutor, including online and needed a presence and I volunteer in a sensitive capacity and there's a closed Fb group for it so I needed an account to access that.

              It's for business purposes, I have a business page and the volunteer thing.

          3. Stoneshop
            Boffin

            Re: Investors are "pouring in" a pittance

            If you are of average intelligence, half the people around you are dumber than you.

            No, that's median. If you are in a room with 8 persons with an IQ of 101, yours is 100, and there's one Facebook user you'd be well above average, but still not smarter than half of the others.

            1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

              Re: Investors are "pouring in" a pittance

              No, that's median

              Not even that, unless "around you" means "in all of the sampled population", and we assume statistical accuracy.

              This "half the people around you" cliché (I've seen it before) is just a typical sophomorism, not a useful observation.

        2. oiseau
          Facepalm

          Re: Investors are "pouring in" a pittance

          Facebook has had too many privacy scandals over the past couple years for people to trust them with MONEY anything.

          There you go.

          Reads better now.

          O.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "That said, it's no worse than your money held on your bank account"

        Usually savings accounts are protected up to a given amount. Libra?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "That said, it's no worse than your money held on your bank account"

          your money's protected, sure - as long as financial situation is stable. Once it goes south... good luck trying to withdraw this 75K in cash, even with advanced notice (how would you be able to get through, by the way?), in the middle of a banking crisis. Not that in such a situation, a suitcase of paper is worth much more than a "balance" of digits on your screen.

          1. Matthew Brasier

            Re: "That said, it's no worse than your money held on your bank account"

            The point is that it is protected when the institution becomes unstable. It is underwritten by the government financial services compensation scheme. If the bank goes bust you will eventually get your money back from the government. Although that may take some time it is better than losing it altogether.

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: and yet

        In the UK you aren't so long as your money is on deposit with a real bank, up to £75000. It's easy enough to maintain accounts in a number of banks so as not to exceed the threshold - and the system is designed to encourage you to spread your risk.

        1. mr-slappy

          Re: and yet

          The FSCS limit is actually £85,000: https://protected.fscs.org.uk/

      5. J4

        When has that happened ?

        I know it's always fun to have a pantomime bad guy in the target sights, but I can not think of any example in at least the last 30 years where depositors in a bank in a EU/Nth American country have lost their funds when their bank shut up shop. Happy to hear of any cases where that is not true.

        1. Nick Kew

          Re: When has that happened ?

          You mean like BCCI?

          Back in the days when we had a government that believed in (relatively) free markets and didn't bail out bust banks like BBCI or Barings.

          1. mr-slappy

            BCCI

            I was at BCCI as part of the IT team supporting the auditors who went in to try and find out what happened. BCCI was very different to what seems to have happened at Barings: BCCI's owners were just stupendously, shamelessly, universally corrupt. They were taking millions out of the accounts and putting it into their own pockets and nobody stopped them until the money ran out. They all escaped abroad AFAIK. The less corrupt ones would take money out on a Friday night, invest it over the weekend and put it back in on Monday without anyone noticing.

            Weak regulation and a mind-blowing lack of oversight let all this happen.

            The saddest thing was that the staff left behind (business and IT) were required to keep all their money in BCCI accounts. These were ordinary people who lost everything - cash, savings, pensions, the lot. Tragic.

        2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

          Re: When has that happened ?

          Isn't this a part of what happened in 2007 when a number of financial organisations went down like dominos, or am I misremembering it?

        3. MJB7
    2. macjules

      Nonetheless, Facebook promises not to "share account information or financial data with Facebook, Inc. or any third party without customer consent."

      Or, translated from fb-pr-doublespeak, “No, we promise not to urinate all over you. Oh wait, yes we do.”

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Megaphone

        Right now I guess they are more interested in the transactions - which I guess will happen in a Facebook-controlled application - so the will "Close the Circle", they will know if an ad (and not only ads) will turn into a buy, when and where. so they can use those info to sell even more ads, and force seller/buyers to sell more data to Facebook.

        How much money you have in your Libra account may interest them a little less - their profile quite probably has already a full picture of your wealth (or lack of), regardless of how many money you put into Libra - and well, the account information will be quite the same of your Facebook account.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          I think they want to be able to have links on Facebook that take you directly to "buy" something, and having Facebook currency reduces the friction of the transaction.

          The question remains what is the incentive for Facebook users to turn their money in Libra bucks or whatever this is - which would probably mean linking Facebook to your bank account because I doubt they're going to let you mail them a check. I remember Google had a "Google Pay" back in the 00s for internet based transactions and they basically bribed people to use it via $10 off offers. I think maybe Microsoft did the same too? Groupon did the same early in their life.

          The problem is, once those incentives go away so do most of the users. That Google Pay thing is long gone I'm sure. I haven't seen a Groupon promotion in several years, so I don't even know if they still exist. If Facebook gives you free money I might be willing to link it to one of those prepaid debit cards you get for rebates if they allow that, to take advantage of them for purchases I was already going to make off eBay or Amazon. And then never use it again once the freebies are over.

      2. Stoneshop
        Holmes

        Or, translated from fb-pr-doublespeak

        “No, we promise not to urinate all over you."

        Note that it doesn't mention shitting.

  2. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    Likes for Libras

    No horoscope needed to predict that.

  3. don't you hate it when you lose your account

    Shakes head

    All I have to say

  4. jake Silver badge

    Just because I noticed it ...

    ... KTVU News (TV Channel 2 here in the Bay Area) ran a poll during the lunch hour. The question was "would you use Libra". It was running 95% NO to 5% YES last time I looked.

    One wonders at the overall intelligence level of those "YES" votes ...

    1. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

      Re: Just because I noticed it ...

      I would have thrown in a "HELL no" option, just to see how deep the sentiment runs :).

      1. Jedit Silver badge
        Pint

        "I would have thrown in a "HELL no" option"

        So would I, but in place of "Yes".

      2. macjules

        Re: Just because I noticed it ...

        Talking of HELL, This just reeks of the Immortal Souls Division in Good Omens, or:

        Crowley had been extremely impressed with the warranties offered by the computer industry, and had in fact sent a bundle Below to the department that drew up the Immortal Soul agreements, with a yellow memo form attached just saying: 'Learn, guys...”

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Devil

      "the overall intelligence level of those "YES" votes ..."

      Facebook shareholders, I guess....

    3. Martin
      Happy

      Re: Just because I noticed it ...

      "One wonders at the overall intelligence level of those "YES" votes ..."

      I'm surprised it's as low as 5% YES, from a country who voted for Donald Trump as their President.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Just because I noticed it ...

        That's because most of them are too dumb to use a computer anyway.

        They're the ones that need the pictures of the candidates next to the selection. On the plus side, voting pencils last longer in that region as most of them don't have the teeth left to nibble on them.

      2. Stoneshop

        Re: Just because I noticed it ...

        I'm surprised it's as low as 5% YES, from a country who voted for Donald Trump as their President.

        He only won by way of the Electoral College; he was 3 million down in the popular vote.

        Also, California, and especially the Bay area, is not exactly Trumpistan.

      3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Just because I noticed it ...

        "I'm surprised it's as low as 5% YES, from a country who voted for Donald Trump as their President."

        Meanwhile, here in the UK, it's looking highly likely we'll end up with Trump-lite for PM. Although in out defence, we the people have no say in that.

    4. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Re: Just because I noticed it ...

      Well, I'd use it, but only in the sense of suckering others into handing it over (perhaps as microtransactions?) and then cashing it out for actual money as soon as possible.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      You will never get 100% agreement for anything

      Especially in a radio station poll. If they asked "will you let us murder you?" they'd probably get a few percent yes from smartasses.

      If 95% of people are saying no, the real "no" number is higher - some of those who said yes are just doing it to mess with the poll, the rest don't even know what they're answering but think "I like Facebook I'll try something new on it" but will shudder in horror when they go to the signup page and it asks you to give Facebook the details of your bank account.

      Like I said above, they'll have to offer people freebies and basically give away money to get anyone to sign up, and once those go away so will most of their users. There won't be enough left after that to keep the service alive, so it'll be quietly shut down next year. The Libra service, not Facebook itself...sorry!

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Brilliant throwaway line

    "Some people may be giving Facebook, which this year suffered a corporation-wide 14-hour outage, too much credit..."

    Quite literally. Well done, I had to laugh at that one.

    It appears Zuck has decided that, if he has to stand in front of committees anywhere in the world anyway, he might as well engage in something more nefarious than mere privacy violations - let's take their money too. That also creates some protection against huge fines by authorities because of all the poor victims users.

    Absolutely no way. Not even with permafrost in Hell.

  6. katrinab Silver badge

    Pretty much any bank in the UK, including ones that are about 300 years old, will let you transfer money to other users via smartphone at zero cost, and the transfer usually takes between 3 to 10 seconds.

    Go to supposedly backward countries like Kenya, and you will find that everyone there is using M-Pesa to make payments using their phones.

    1. Cuddles

      "Pretty much any bank in the UK, including ones that are about 300 years old, will let you transfer money to other users via smartphone at zero cost, and the transfer usually takes between 3 to 10 seconds."

      Indeed. While the concerns about privacy and Facebook in general are valid, the more important question seems to simply be - what is the point? Facebook wants people to be able to send money to each other without using cash? We've been able to do that in various ways for at least two millennia. Meanwhile in the modern world, cards and bank accounts function perfectly well in actual shops, while any competent bank makes it possible, as noted above, to instantly send money to anyone you want. Exactly what benefits are added to the user forcing them to first buy nonsense Funbucks with some random erratic value before allowing them to do something that's already trivial? And then broadcasting everything they've done to the world in a public format?

      1. rg287

        What is the point?

        Absolutely. Even the new challenger banks like Monzo, Starling and N26 are doing away with fees for foreign transactions/card usage. Facebook aren't selling a good use-case for me.

        The only value I could really see is up the tree with another payment network/processor forcing a bit of competition to try and keep the (global) duopoly of Visa-Mastercard vaguely honest (c.f. the anti-trust settlement where they colluded to lock out Amex in the 90s) and make sure everyone is being competitive on swipe rates and the exchange rates they apply to foreign transactions.

        But even that's pretty marginal and relatively regional examples exist (Amex, UnionPay), which aren't terribly useful for quite a lot of travel destinations or merchants.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      re. Pretty much any bank in the UK,

      extremely serious case of heavy irony, I salute you sir!

      p.s. unless by "users" you meant "UK users", in which case, I pity you :)

      1. Stoneshop
        Facepalm

        Re: re. Pretty much any bank in the UK,

        p.s. unless by "users" you meant "UK users", in which case, I pity you :)

        EU users.

        It's in the US that banks still operate like they need to haul bags of cash around for a transfer. On horseback.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Facepalm

    Why am I not surprised?

    No matter how you measure intelligence, half the people are on the stupid side of the curve. No matter how you measure gullibility, half the nominally intelligent people are on the gullible side of the curve. No matter how you measure the willingness to do research, half the nominally intelligent and nominally not gullible are on the lazy side of the curve. Hence Facebook.

    1. Jedit Silver badge
      FAIL

      Re: Why am I not surprised?

      Or to put it another way: there's a Zucker born every minute.

  8. chubby_moth
    Paris Hilton

    So what is the blockchain for?

    In China both Alipay and weChat pay are widely used for years without a need for blockchain. So why add such a ecologic monster to it? Or can we mine them as well? Will be fun once quantum computing or other new exiting tech gets a hold of the encryption as well.

    But yeah,.. no doubt this will become a success if you consider that Facebook is promoting something for it's own benefit. Considering how little influencing it took to get Trump elected, it can only be so. Soon we'll all pay to the Zuckerbots with Lubera.

    "Lubera,.. your rectum,.. our pleasure.."

    We're doomed I tell you... DOOMED!

    Paris,.. for obvious reasons.

    1. katrinab Silver badge

      Re: So what is the blockchain for?

      Remember, if your MySQL files are stored on a zfs formatted volume, (or btrfs or refs) then you are using a blockchain.

      I’ve been using zfs as my main storage pool for about 8 years now. It’s better than the lvm+ext3 setup it replaced, but not that revolutionary in the overall scheme of things. It is still just a big shared network drive that I can access via smb, rsync, or webdav. The benefits are zero data loss and no need to use my backups in the past 8 years despite the fact that the only surviving original hardware from the 8 year old storage pool is 1 out of the 9 hard drives in it, 8 of the 9 sata cables and and two sata power splitters.

      I’m going to replace it later this summer purely because my stock of spare 3TB hard drives is running low, and I’ll replace it with probably 6 10TB drives on a new computer.

      Bitcoin’s USP isn’t actually the blockchain, it is the proof of work algorithm, and it’s also a technological dead end because it doesn’t scale, by design, and its lack of scalability and its inefficiency are essential to its operation.

      1. Tom 38

        Re: So what is the blockchain for?

        ZFS is not blockchain.

        1. katrinab Silver badge
          Flame

          Re: So what is the blockchain for?

          Yes it is

          https://blogs.oracle.com/bonwick/zfs-end-to-end-data-integrity

          "A ZFS storage pool is really just a tree of blocks. ZFS provides fault isolation between data and checksum by storing the checksum of each block in its parent block pointer -- not in the block

          itself. Every block in the tree contains the checksums for all its children, so the entire pool is self-validating.

          [...]

          "The blocks of a ZFS storage pool form a Merkle tree in which each block validates all of its children. Merkle trees have been proven to provide cryptographically-strong authentication for any component of the tree, and for the tree as a whole."

          Blockchain is just another word for Merkle Tree. It is a pretty decent but boring technology that has been hyped way more than is justified. Anytime you see a paper extolling the virtues of "blockchain" replace the word "blockchain" wherever you see it with "computer". Find a time-travelling device and turn the clock back about 60 years. Now that you are in the late 1950s, the hype expressed in the paper might be justified. "You will be able to transfer money in seconds using a handheld computing device". Hello, it is 2019, there are people in my office who are too young to remember a time when this wasn't possible.

          1. Tom 38

            Re: So what is the blockchain for?

            ZFS is a Merkle tree of blocks. Blockchain is a Merkle tree of blocks. ZFS is not blockchain.

            I am a collection of cells. An amoeba is a collection of cells. I am not an amoeba.

            1. jake Silver badge

              Re: So what is the blockchain for?

              On the 'net, no one knows you're just an Amoeba.

    2. doublelayer Silver badge

      Re: So what is the blockchain for?

      I believe this transcript I stole from Facebook will make the point of blockchain clear:

      PR Exec [name redacted]: "We have heard some concerns about the privacy and integrity of our new currency. We'd first like to tell you how we're ensuring that money can't disappear from users' accounts. You may have heard of the revolutionary technology blockchain. This technology is used to ensure the integrity of data, like how much money each user has, even when those users don't necessarily trust one another. You don't have to trust us; the blockchain will keep people from doing anything at all to your data without your specific approval."

      Extremely high-level executive [name redacted]: "How will you handle it if they notice you've not answered the privacy question?"

      PR Exec: "Standard boiler plate, failing that I just threaten them with their blackmail file."

      EHL Exec: "Oh, by the way, how much of the blockchain do we control?"

      Tech Exec [name redacted]: "100%, sir."

      EHL Exec: "So we could in fact delete all the money in about how long?"

      Tech Exec: "It's a big button on the main page. Takes about two seconds to propagate. After all, we have a lot of money to spend on reliable systems for things that matter."

      EHL Exec: "What if it goes down?"

      Tech Exec: "That doesn't go down. It's not low-importance like all the rest of the services."

      EHL Exec: "Well done. You can leave now."

      [Sound of door opening and closing]

      [Silence lasts eight seconds]

      EHL Exec: [maniacal laughter, see recording] [Transcriber's note: If listening to recording, mental health services are recommended, contact transcriber for further details]

      1. WeirdFlexConfigButOK

        Re: So what is the blockchain for?

        This is exactly what people should be worried about. It's just a social credit system with a different catchy name that will have everyone and their dogs enrolled.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: So what is the blockchain for?

      A blockchain is different from a cryptocurrency that uses "mining" to generate "coins". You can use a blockchain to store transactions without cryptocoins.

      I don't think Facebook is interested in an artificial shortage of "coins" to create an artificial value. Facebook will be interested in giving people all the "coins" they want in exchange for real money, as they will be used to track users more - especially those very valuable data that are actual transfers of money.

      Using a blockchain is "sexy" - and will make lusers think they are on the bleeding edge... while Facebook exploit them better and deeper.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      What the blockchain for is obvious

      To get companies to agree to invest $10 million each in this endeavor, since there are still some companies that haven't got the memo that the blockchain hype is over.

      If Zuck asked them "will you invest in Facebook Cash" he would have been laughed at.

  9. Dippywood

    What could possibly go wrong?

    Really, I mean how long will the list be? Which order of magnitude will be required?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: What could possibly go wrong?

      It's going to be a license to conjure-up and mint money out of thin air.

      It's going to make the South Sea Bubble look like a pebble on the seashore.

  10. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
    Stop

    Soooo, to sum up...

    A financial service from a "disruptive" Silicon Valley megacorp, provided at a random exchange rate guaranteed to fuck over its victims (I mean customers), with privacy guaranteed by Mark Zuckeberg, coded by Facebook in a brand new programming language also designed and written by Facebook.

    Hmmm. Lemme think about that for a second.

    I don't know whether to run away screaming in terror of the inevitable doom-fail - or run towards them screaming abuse and carrying a very large axe.

    Fuck me! What an absolutely hideous idea! Normally I'd do the line about "what could possibly go wrong". But in this case the real question is what will go wrong first?

    1. katrinab Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Soooo, to sum up...

      “I don't know whether to run away screaming in terror of the inevitable doom-fail - or run towards them screaming abuse and carrying a very large axe.”

      Do both. Run away screaming, grab the axe, ...

    2. Stoneshop
      Pirate

      Re: Soooo, to sum up...

      or run towards them screaming abuse and carrying a very large axe.

      No, you don't scream and you don't run. Just move steadily toward them holding that very large axe and look straight at them, unblinking and with one eyebrow slightly raised.

      If it's a large group you will not get some of them, but you can easily trace those because of a brown, smelly trail.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Soooo, to sum up...

        You'll only get one of them. That's a throwing axe, the handle is too short for felling, and too long for carving (the 490-2 is still a throwing axe, badly balanced by the long handle). Instead, I'd recommend this, for both visual effect and close-in functionality. Or this, just because it's the best store-bought felling axe I've ever used.

        1. Stoneshop

          Re: Soooo, to sum up...

          I know it's a throwing axe, but the people you're going after probably don't. And it looks sufficiently threatening; the one I was looking for was actually a Viking-era double-edged battle axe replica, but they don't list it, and a few other medieval replica axes, any more.

  11. oncebitten....

    Did they not check the name?

    Prior use of Libra as a feminine hygene product guess that says it all

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Did they not check the name?

      Didn't stop the iPad.

    2. Nick Kew

      Re: Did they not check the name?

      Never heard of that usage. Is it a brand name or something?

      Not sure how far back it goes, but Rome had it as a currency more than 2000 years ago, and it's been a currency (whose symbol £ is of course a fancy L) ever since. Italy used it until the Euro replaced it. Some Roman-influence countries still use it, notably the UK and Turkey.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Did they not check the name?

        Being pedantic, Rome did not have a currency called "libra" over 2000 years ago. At the time it meant a set of scales, or a pound mass.

        When the pound of silver became a popular measure of value, in the Middle Ages, the libra (in the forms of lire, livre) became the usual name.

        Of course fiat currencies led to rapid devaluation (Gresham's Law) and before long the £ and the lire were worth very little by the silver standard - though the Maltese lire held up much better than the Italian one.

        I mention this simply because I suspect that after an initial boost Facebook's libra is soon going to be worth as much as an Italian lire.

        It's extraordinary how many people are already out on social media attacking the US Representatives who want regulation. Especially as a lot of them seem to have no previous posting history.

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Headmaster

          Re: Did they not check the name?

          Benson's Cycle

          To pedant upon your pedant...

          Gresham's law doesn't state that fiat currencies lead to devaluation.

          Gresham's law is usually stated as, "good money drives out bad." The original meaning was that if you debase a commodity coinage, the bad money will circulate while people hoard the good coins. So when Henry VIII did this with England's silver coinage he got the nickname "Old Copper Nose" as apparently the thin layer of silver rubbed off his nose first (assuming that story is actually true). But the debasement was definitely true and since Henry VII and previous coins had a higher silver content and the same face value, they were hoarded and people would try to only spend the crappy modern coins. You could even melt down the old coins, and sell the silver to someone for more than their face value in modern coins and make a handsome profit. If you didn't get caught and executed...

          It's since been used in analogous situations. So for example if the Italian government print their threatened miniBOTS (small denomination government debt instruments with no expiry date and no interest rate), they'll have created a parallel currency to the Euro that they can print, without technically breaking the treaties. Though I'd love to see the ECJ rule on that - and it won't be in favour of Italy, even if they have to make something up...

          But anyway it's not commodity money, they're both fiat - so Gresham's original law doesn't apply. But what will happen is that transactions in Italy will increasingly be done in miniBOTS. Because you can use them to pay taxes, and buy petrol from the state oil company petrol stations. At face value. So Euros will be hoarded for spending on foreign stuff, because if this happens Italy is almost certainly on it's way to the Eurozone exit door. And the Italian currency will be expected to fall. But people will take payments in miniBOTS at a premium over euros. Especially if they've got a tax bill coming up.

          Of course this isn't all bad. It'll increase the Italian money supply, something that's been desperately needed - but they can't because they were stupid/unlucky enough to join the Euro. And Italy has had deflation (or been on the edge of it) for a decade now. And it allows the government to pay its suppliers on time, also boosting the Italian economy. Also, giving people a currency that encourages them to pay taxes could be a really good idea in Italy...

          As it's technically legal, it might even be just enough to keep Italy in the Euro without the desperately needed Eurozone reforms that just never seem to happen (as nobody can agree on what to do).

          1. KBeee

            Re: Did they not check the name?

            Surely it's "Bad money drives out good"?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Did they not check the name?

        And to be doubly pedantic, Italy's currency prior to the Euro was called the Lira. No 'b'.

      3. iron Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: Did they not check the name?

        That was the LIRA.

  12. mrjohn

    And so the world becomes completely dependent on lithium.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If you *really* want to get into Crypto ...

    #BorisCoin

    "Crypto-" Etymology: From Ancient Greek: κρυπτός (kruptós, “hidden, secret”)

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    When it's Spring again, I'll bring again

    Libras from Amsterdam.

    1. Stoneshop

      Re: When it's Spring again, I'll bring again

      Amsterdam has better stuff on offer than this putative Libra.

  15. Blockchain commentard
    Childcatcher

    Why are they saying it's a cryptocurrency when in fact it's just a digital equivalent of Disney Dollars (other theme parks are available, possibly with or without their own 'currency' to lock you into themselves).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Disney Dollars

      I think I'd rather trust the Bank of Mickey Mouse than trust Facebook.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Disney Dollars

        At least it is backed by Scrooge McDuck pools of gold and mountains of dollars Far more believable than Zuck's assets.

    2. jake Silver badge

      I wouldn't even call it that.

      It's more along the lines of pinball tokens.

      1. STOP_FORTH

        Re: I wouldn't even call it that.

        Or supermarket trolley tokens.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All hail the Emperor Zuck

    (I've said that before)

    Zuckcoin will he hopes rule the world and make everyone totally dependant upon Lord Zuck. At a whim, he (or rather his minions) can make you bankwupt and destitute by denying you access to this ficticious pot of cloud based nothingness that you supposedly own.

    He'll dodge the inevitable class action lawsuits as even the plaintifs lawyers will bill by the Zuckdollar.

    FUCK NO.

    Can someone just stop him in his quest to rule the world?

    I'll say right now that if this thing takes off then I'll pay for things using groats and never Zuckmoney. (change the Z for and F and you might get the idea).

    Never even seen a Faecebook login screen and hopefully never will. I am NOT a Zuck Slave I am a Free person.

    If I ever met him I'd probably spit in his face as thanks for all the misery, suffering, trauma and even deaths his 'cunning plan' has bought on this world.

    1. NetBlackOps

      Re: All hail the Emperor Zuck

      Having been locked out on a subsequent second account as well for not having a cell phone number, that's very possible.

  17. dave 93

    FaceBucks is the obvious name

    isn't it?

    1. Roger Greenwood

      Re: FaceBucks is the obvious name

      Zuckerbucks is what I heard .....

    2. jake Silver badge

      Re: FaceBucks is the obvious name

      FakeBucks.

  18. WeirdFlexConfigButOK

    With everything going on with social media these days, this is a firm no. Social credit system inbound.

  19. Dan 55 Silver badge

    E-Corp E-Coin is here!

    And Zuck saw Mr Robot and thought it was good and said "I'll have some of that".

  20. Twanky
    Big Brother

    So, how long until...

    ...we have to offer some of our Libra credits for an ad-free Facebook experience or even for subscription to a Situation Publishing site?

    They would end up knowing even more about us. It would not improve privacy - just an illusion of privacy.

    1. iron Silver badge

      Re: So, how long until...

      Never. Libra is designed to make the ad targetting more accurate and lucrative so they will never allow you to remove them for a paltry sum.

  21. UberMunchkin

    I don't trust Facebook to have my Phone Number, there is no way in hell I'm going to do any kind of banking through them.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I don't trust Facebook to have my Phone Number ...

      That's fine. Someone you know will have entrusted them with it on your behalf. :-/

  22. J4

    What is the 'stable asset backing' ?

    FB seem to claim that they will hold punters' cash deposits into their currency in underlying 'safe assets' rather than cash, and pay the costs of running the service from the interest received on those assets. Not clear why they want to do that, but hey let's go with it.

    What are these safe assets ? Presumably not commodity derivatives or pole dancers' buy-to-let mortgages in Florida. The usual definition of safe assets is ~AAA rated government bonds - US, France, UK, Germany, Japan, etc. Only problem is that in general those bonds pay negative interest, not positive. While that is a temporary situation as a result of the GFC, it has been temporary for the last 10 years and shows no signs of easing up in the next 5.

    And what happens to prices if there is a sudden influx of new demand for a fixed supply, such as FB suddenly wanting to swap cash deposits into bonds ? Yep, they go up, which with bonds means that the interest paid becomes even more negative. Wonder if the Zuck realises that his cost model means that he will be paying to run this service and paying at a rate determined by the bond traders at the biggest banks, who coincidentally happen to be his biggest competitors for cash payment systems.

    1. Twanky
      Trollface

      Re: What is the 'stable asset backing' ?

      'Wonder if the Zuck realises that his cost model means that he will be paying to run this service...'

      Yes. It's part of the free service he offers for the benefit of mankind.

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: What is the 'stable asset backing' ?

      J4,

      It's true that a lot of government detb is earning very poor returns. That was actually the whole point of QE. To force down the interest on government detbs and push money out along the risk curve in order to, for example, lower corporate borrowing costs. There's lots of AAA rated corporate debt that pays a return.

      You can also do what pension / insurance companies do and have a mixed portfolio of investments. Because obviously the plan is for this currency to exist forever, so you can have a pool of stuff invested in the stock exchange to make you long-term profits, and other assets in corporate bonds and only some in the safest and most liquid investments like government debt.

      It's still a shit idea, but this bit would be the easy bit. If Facebook were trustworthy, rather than greedy, incompetent scofflaws.

      1. J4

        Re: What is the 'stable asset backing' ?

        Yeah, except that FB explicitly say in their docs that it will be "low-volatility assets, such as bank deposits and short-term government securities from stable central banks". No mention of corporates, munis, short paper, and certainly not any equity or equity-linked.

        There is more than USD 12.5 trillion of debt already in negative yield and there are fewer than 20 AAA rated non-bank debt issuers worldwide. The point about a sudden demand increase from FB driving yields down below their operating costs still stands even if they extend their mandate beyond govvies.

  23. R J
    Big Brother

    The Prisoner

    Suddenly it occured to me how this goes.

    It's like a certain show. That is, like The Prisoner. At least that's what Lord Zuck wants, a nice, little village where he controlls everything 'connecting people'.

    But..

    As "Number Six" would put it: 'I am not a number! I am a free man!'

    And further: 'I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered! My life is my own!'

    So, no thanks. I won't join.

  24. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

    Ugh...

    I only just about tolerate having to use Whatsapp to communicate with a small group of friends that use it. Even then I only use the bare minimum of words to communicate.

    The chances of me having anything to do with some Farcebook currency exchange is non existent. Hopefully this will fail similarly to the Farcebook / Zynga credit based gift-tokens that were all over the supermarkets a few years ago.

  25. LenG

    They must be joking!

    "buy credits and spend the digitized funds online through a network of partners, under a "strong commitment to privacy."

    I laughed so loud when I saw this that I scared the cat. He is now sitting on the other side of the room looking at me as if I were mad.

  26. Nick Kew

    PR move?

    They were talking about this on t'wireless yesterday. They had on an interviewee who is a highly respected editor of one of our biggest personal finance publications. Asked "will you use it?", she answered "probably, yes".

    I wonder if the goal is a world where Facebook is custodian of many peoples' money? Not large amounts, but a working balance. Enough that you'd piss off an awful lot of people if you took too heavy-handed action against Facebook in the wake of some scandal?

    1. tiggity Silver badge

      Re: PR move?

      Heard her on Radio 4 - she seems clueless as to what existing banks and other services already offer (was v. critical of what was on offer - obviously not knowledgeable on some of the newer entrants in the banking field)

      Clueless on IT / security implications of it all - she was obviously a Facebook user & (like many FB users) lives in a bubble of ignorance (be it deliberate or otherwise) about FB issues so long as she can like her friends posts in FB.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Trusting Facebook with your money is like trusting Gary Glitter with your kids.

    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Except Gary Glitter has oversight from law enforcement agencies...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Or Jimmy Savile with your dead grandma ('ows about that, ladeeez'n'gennlemen, can you see, where, my, hand is now. Ows about that...')

  28. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
    FAIL

    We have failed!

    The Register collective have failed! Us commentards should hold our collective heads in shame - as should the subbies what write the headlines.

    The first reply to that absurd Twitter post linked in the article about how digital and crypto currencies will be more stable than national ones (tee fucking hee!) - well they got it. To quote them:

    "Libra? They should have called it Cancer."

    Is there anything more to say on the subject of Facebook after that?

  29. Missing Semicolon Silver badge
    Stop

    The end is near

    Face it. The vast majority of Facebook users will be very happy. They can now share bills, lend each other a few quid, buy stuff from each other, with no friction.

    The real worry is that its ubiquity causes it to be the default way of processing micropayments for web sites. Now you must be logged in to Facebook to browse the web. The end times are nigh.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Zuckerberg needs to do a PR stunt...

    John McAfee made the bold statement that he would "Eat his own d*ck" if Bitcoin doesn't reach 1M.

    https://cryptocur.exchange/john-mcafee-will-eat-his-d-ck-if-bitcoin-doesn-t-reach-1m-by-2020/

    Maybe Mark Z. could announce that if Libra doesn't reach 1 Bilion he would eat McAfee's ...(well, you get the picture)

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Facepalm

    In this world of ever dwindling resources...

    ...we should divide the citizens of the Earth into two groups: those that think a new 'currency' devised and controlled by two companies with, shall we say, less than perfect trust profiles, is a really wicked-cool idea that can't help make everything fizzy, and the rest of us.

    The former group, let's call them 'the stupids', can be sent to do an on-location year-round survey of penguins in the arctic*, whilst the rest of us live in peace with far more to go around and far more chance of getting things fixes.

    (* I know, I know... that's the idea. I don't want these idiots to actually disturb real penguins who never asked for this nonsense).

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I feel now is the right time to compare all this to the Nazis.

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