back to article Scientists prep robo-Freud for depressed astronauts

In space, nobody can hear you trying to reconcile your latent mother issues. Science is still working on that one. Low Earth orbit is generally not the ideal place to seek treatment for depression or other psychosocial problems. On the other hand, cruising over Earth at speeds of 27,700km per hour in the freezing vacuum of …

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  1. Zmodem

    floating around

    doing nothing with massage pads all over your head and body. would be a bonus. then if your midding the wife theres always the vacuum

  2. Francis Boyle Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Paris

    because she's already published a "therapeutic troubleshooting program".

  3. Chris G

    Jobs disassociated with life on Earth

    So the ideal subjects would probably be politicians !

    Or possibly games designers. The only other option I can think of would be tabloid journo's as they are not generally in touch with real life only the crap they can find in the depths of their keyboards and grubby little minds.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sounds like Eliza

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ELIZA

  5. Vaughan
    Coat

    Does it run on Windows?

    Planet Earth is blue and my screen of death is too...chungka chungka chung kachung chung

  6. Frank
    Thumb Up

    Dr. Moon

    I was going to make a joke about Dr. Moon but it's a serious and laudable research effort.

    As for the technology industry, I know some managers who's psychoses would seriously test this program.

  7. Anonymous John

    They could call it the HAL 9000

    "You sound a bit depressed Dave"

    "Dave!. What are you doing Dave?"

    I really don't think you want to open that airlock door, Dave"

    "Dave!!"

    <Whoosh>

  8. Luther Blissett

    Yankee astronauts want their Mommies

    Thanks, Austin. Now I know that even astronauts (the Right Stuff, y'know) really miss their Mommies, I feel really good (not to say relieved) about the general social program of infantilization going on down here. Check Bernays and the Coca-cola Company's invention of Santa Claus for starters.

    If they really want to learn about the problems involved, there are places sensible researchers would better go to. Like Guantanamo Bay, or the Russian Mir experience - but of course there's the Not Invented Here roadblock. But if you want to be the Big Cheese on the block (to whit: in the Great Vacuum), why tie one hand behind your back?

    Perhaps the atronauts themselves might recall that ol' saying of a bygone age - free your mind and your donkey will follow. (Garbage in, garbage out also - like WTF programmed this computer?!?). It wouldn't hurt either to study the sayings of that Zen Master of outer spaces, amanfromMars.

  9. Peyton
    Flame

    I wonder

    ""While astronauts are not particularly prone to psychological problems..."

    In light of the whole "driving all night wearing a diaper to kidnap but not really the girlfriend of your boyfriend that's not really your boyfriend" episode, I wonder if he managed to say that with a straight face.

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