back to article Shock: NASA denies secret child sex slave cannibal colony on Mars

NASA has not enslaved a colony of children on Mars nor is it using them for vile orgies on the Red Planet nor feasting on them to harvest their precious bone marrow, officials have told The Register. We had our doubts, too. Asking the US space agency's spokespeople to confirm or deny the existence of a murderous conspiracy in …

  1. Paul Crawford Silver badge
    Alien

    School boy mistake

    To assume you harvest alien sex slave's organs. You just periodically drain them of their bodily fluids at said orgies.

    Really, where did this Robert David Steele guy get his education? OK boys, he clearly needs a refresher course (or three) of The Probe. Got enough lube in the ship's hold?

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Black Helicopters

      Re: School boy mistake

      "where did this Robert David Steele guy get his education"

      more like re-education.

      think drug-induced hysteria during exit interview from CIA [plausible deniability].

      heh heh heh

      black helicopters? Oh, NOZE!

    2. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: School boy mistake

      Really, where did this Robert David Steele guy get his education?

      More interesting question is wtf did this guy do @ CIA and how many more lunatics are left there. Frankly, I am no longer surprised at its tendency to sponsor lunatics. Fruitcakes sponsoring fruitcakes.

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

        Re: School boy mistake

        Either late onset psychosis or this guy is psyops.

        I mean, the CIA likes to kill Castro, delivers weapons to ISIS and can't detect an Arab Spring onset, but organharvesting on Mars?

        There is even a Wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_David_Steele

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
          Alien

          Re: School boy mistake

          "There is even a Wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_David_Steele"

          Wow! Cinsidering this guys life and education, either he's off the cliff bat shit crazy or there's something much deeper going on here. I'm going with the former as the more plausible :-)

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Black Helicopters

        Re: School boy mistake

        I'm sure that it's not Mr. Steele's fault. He probably had his brain fried by the CIA during the mandatory workplace LSD-laced sleep deprivation studies.

        1. Dave 126 Silver badge

          Re: School boy mistake

          Is Robert Anton Wilson still alive? It might be time for the Illuminati Trilogy to have a forth instalment, a la the HHGTTG

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: School boy mistake

            HE

            'Is Robert Anton Wilson still alive?'

            Sadly, he's gone...

            It might be time for the Illuminati Trilogy to have a forth instalment, a la the HHGTTG

            alas, Robert Shea is also gone.

            Even though I've got copies on my Nook, I now feel a need to dig out my 41 year old paperback copies of the Trilogy..

            AHD

            1. oldcoder

              Re: School boy mistake

              You might find what they have been changing ...

              :-)

          2. handleoclast
            Coat

            Fnord

            Title doesn't say it all. Title doesn't say anything at all. Title is completely blank.

            1. Sgt_Oddball

              Re: Fnord

              That just leaves me feeling quite uncomfortable..nay even mildly anxious for reasons I can't quite put my finger on.

            2. Joe Harrison

              Re: Fnord

              Mods there is something wrong with this post. I somehow can't read it my eyes keep unfocussing away from the screen.

        2. Dave 126 Silver badge

          Re: School boy mistake

          Umberto Eco passed away last year sadly, though Foucault's Pendulum only took the piss out of conspiracy theories from the Knights Templar up to the book that Dan Brown ripped off (The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail).

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: School boy mistake - Umberto Eco passed away last year sadly

            That's what they want you to think.

            The Bavarian Illuminati have got him locked up and are trying to extract from him the secret occult message hidden in Il nome della rosa. He keeps telling them it's a spoof but they say "of course you would say that".

            Anon for obv. reasons.

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: School boy mistake

          Seeing as though I'm unable to top the sheer f*cking craziness of the article I'm going to go with another theory.

          Trump supporter interviews CIA person to show he's a complete f*cking crackpot to discredit the CIA due to a certain investigation about Russia.

          That's some deep tin foil hat shit right there but it could actually be true which is f*cking scary.

          Ogilvy knows best with regards to Mars.

        4. macjules

          Re: School boy mistake

          "I'm sure that it's not Mr. Steele's fault. He probably had his brain fried by the CIA during the mandatory workplace LSD-laced sleep deprivation studies."

          No, it was the excessive rectal probing that did it.

        5. Version 1.0 Silver badge

          Re: School boy mistake

          "LSD-laced sleep deprivation studies" ... which my eyes read as

          LSD-laced sheep deprivation studies. which I think makes much more sense.

          Seriously, we elected an idiot and people are acting surprised when this sort of crap surfaces? I have completely given up reading any on-line news source in the US,.

      3. Greenee

        We know he's CIA cos he said so???

        And we know he is ex-CIA ...because he says so?

        Used to be folks who claimed to be Napolean were put in sanitarium. Now they get press Headlines like "Napolean interviewed; says he lost Waterloo because Jewish yetis were wearing his socks. Chief Rabbi puts out press release. Says Yetis don't currently wear socks"

        Please rewrite article; crazed delusional lonely 70yo with no verifiable credentials believes he's ex-CIA; manages to provoke national response from of NASA ?

      4. Greenee

        We know he's CIA cos he said so???

        And we know he is ex-CIA ...because he says so?

        Used to be when people claimed to be Napolean we put them in a sanitarium. Now they get press Headlines like "Napolean interviewed; says he lost Waterloo because Jewish yetis were wearing his socks. Chief Rabbi puts out press release. Says Yetis don't currently wear socks"

        Please rewrite article; crazed delusional long 70yo believes he's ex-CIA; manages to provoke personal national response from of NASA ?

    3. oldcoder

      Re: School boy mistake

      Shouldn't need lube - he has enough sleaze to not need any. Besides, you might even get his attention focused.

      You wouldn't want to have any contaminated lube around anyway.

    4. Amorous Cowherder
      Facepalm

      Re: School boy mistake

      Well, they laughed and mocked Darwin when he posited that the earth was millions of years old and that we were descended from apes...although it has to be said this shite about Mars paedo-colonies is pretty far out there when it comes to whack-o-doodle theories!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: School boy mistake

        "he posited that the earth was millions of years old and that we were descended from apes"

        They would have been right to do so had he said that, but he didn't. He said we might have a common ancestor.

        1. William 3 Bronze badge

          Re: School boy mistake

          That's not what the religious wackos heard him say though, was it.

        2. Sweep

          Re: School boy mistake

          If gorillas are apes, and humans are apes, then it follows that our common ancestor was also an ape.

          And actually he did say, in The Descent of Man;

          "If the anthropomorphous apes be admitted to form a natural sub-group, then as man agrees with them.....we may infer that some ancient member of the anthropomorphous (ape) sub-group gave birth to man."

      2. Woza
        Joke

        Re: School boy mistake

        They laughed at Galileo, they laughed at Einstein, they laughed at Darwin... but they also laughed at Bozo the clown.

    5. TheVogon

      Re: School boy mistake

      Apparently NASA also recently issued a denial that intelligent life had been found in the WhiteHouse...

    6. Farnet

      Re: School boy mistake

      Brings new meaning to the term "American Intelligence"

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Trollface

    Wow...

    Just when I thought this world couldn't get any stupider...

    No wonder people like Elon Musk are so eager to get off this planet !

  3. DagD

    Cover Up

    Didn't Bill Clinton take a private shuttle to the red planet last year???

    Jeffrey Epstein is up to something...

  4. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Unhappy

    Reigniting the debate on what constitutes an important skill

    And spotting when someone is crazy as a s**thouse rat remains one of them.

    1. Vector

      Re: Reigniting the debate on what constitutes an important skill

      "And spotting when someone is crazy as a s**thouse rat remains one of them"

      In this case, that's not a skill. Skills require training and practice. This just requires a brain.

    2. handleoclast
      Coat

      Re: Crazy as a shithouse rat

      Nope, "crazy as a shithouse rat" doesn't cut it. It's totally inadequate to describe the situation.

      Gotta be "Crazy as a shithouse rat in a lunatic asylum. On the Napoleon ward. Which is infested by squirrels. And bats. After somebody put LSD in the water supply. And Donald Trump came to visit."

      FTFY

      1. Alien8n

        Re: Crazy as a shithouse rat

        @handleoclast

        "Don't eat the eggs"

        "Why not?"

        "We put LSD in the eggs"

        "We also put LSD in the water"

        "But we're drinking the water"

        "I know, great isn't it"

        *in my defence this is from memory, but it's still a great film :)

  5. b0llchit Silver badge
    Black Helicopters

    I'd like to see for myself

    Where do I sign up for a trip? Please?

    Space travel seems like a nice adventure. Having an orgy at the destination only makes it more juicy and attractive.

    Oh, and never again ask to deny a good conspiracy theory. Feeding the trolls is best left to the little green men on Mars. And, yes, they are green. It is the advantageous low-contrast combination since all good conspiracy believers are red-green colorblind too. That is also why they forget to eat their greens and turn red all the time when you ask them a question.

    1. Stevie

      Re: I'd like to see for myself

      Smells like a well-funded astro-paedo honeytrap to me.

      Stage 2: Advertise cheap rocket flights to Mars using voiceover copy taken from Ray Bradbury's Martian Chronicles and footage from Expanse.

      Stage 3: "Please step through this Mars Rocket hatchway".

      Stage 4: Release the tiger.

      1. Stoneshop

        Re: I'd like to see for myself

        Stage 4: Release the tiger.

        RSPCA on line four for you.

        A sixteen-ton weight will work just as well.

        1. Stevie

          Re: Stage 4: Release the tiger.

          RSPCA on line four for you.

          A sixteen-ton weight will work just as well.

          Not on a gang armed with strawberries it won't. They might have a whole punnet each.

          1. collinsl Bronze badge

            Re: Stage 4: Release the tiger.

            What if they have pointed sticks?

            1. Stevie

              Re: What if they have pointed sticks?

              Shaddup!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I'd like to see for myself

      Heh,

      ever read 2000AD?

      Remember Chump-dumping?

      I must also query this part of your post

      'Feeding the trolls is best left to the little green men on Mars. '

      surely you meant to write

      Feeding the trolls to the little green men on Mars is best..

      (not that I know anything about the existence or otherwise of Martian LGM you understand...just remember, Human flesh is porky meat...)

  6. maccy
    Alien

    An investigation is needed

    I think we should send Alex Jones to Mars, to check out these disturbing allegations.

    1. yakitoo

      Re: An investigation is needed

      Yes but do we have enough elastic bands?

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: An investigation is needed

        If you amputate his limbs a significant mass saving can be achieved. If you just took his brain, then the payload would be measured in grams (for American readers, that's equivalent to say a $40 bag of weed)

  7. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

    Only one question

    Where's the Playmobil reconstruction?

    1. The Indomitable Gall

      Re: Only one question

      You are one sick puppy.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The inward spiral in journalism continues ..

    This hack seem to be ready for retirement.

    Imagine when Google starts censoring ElReg for fake news.

    Wont be long now...

    1. Alien8n

      Re: The inward spiral in journalism continues ..

      @AC

      New here?

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Trump listens to this guy

    That's all you need to know about his administration's credibility in determining what's "fake news" and what isn't.

    At least unlike the "pizzagate" idiot, it isn't possible for a nutcase with a gun to show up on Mars to free the child sex slaves...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Trump listens to this guy

      Turns out Alex only got a one day pass that anyone who publishes can get. Heck, they even give them to high school students!

      So much for Jones being "a pal of President Trump." Nice try tho. ;-/

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: Trump listens to this guy

        @Big John

        There are other quotes from Trump in support of Alex Jones. I'm sure someone here can dig out a video.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Calling Captain Video...

          I'm afraid they can't do that, Dave.

          1. Blank Reg

            Re: Calling Captain Video...

            Oh really?

            http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/02/politics/donald-trump-praises-9-11-truther-alex-jones/index.html

            And

            http://www.thewrap.com/trumps-relationship-to-alex-jones

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Calling Captain Video...

              BR, you do realize those links have NO video backing up the thesis that Trump is best buds with Jones, right? Oh, there was an unlinked quote from Trump telling Jones ""Your reputation is amazing. I will not let you down." It sounds like typical political boilerplate given to a supporter, which only the desperate could stretch that enough to put Trump in bed with Jones.

              So far, no video. And no clear statement from Trump that he "listens to" Jones whatsoever. Sigh. Sure wish the haters were a little more on the ball, this is getting boring.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Calling Captain Video...

                @Big John

                Dash nag it, those god damn liberal media types again.

                I agree there is a witch hunt but tell me this in the style of Monty Pythons Romans, what has Trump ever done for us?

                1. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: Calling Captain Video...

                  > "Dash nag it, those god damn liberal media types again."

                  Dash nag? Um, it's "Dag nab it." And FYI that phrase was invented to obfuscate the use of the phrase "God damn it," which was considered blasphemy.

    2. Justin S.

      Re: Trump listens to this guy

      No, but it is possible for a nutcase with a gun to show up at a NASA facility.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Trump listens to this guy

      this is a very important issue. I think Mr Trump should take it seriously and investigate it himself, it's that serious. In fact, it could hardly be more serious, so perhaps he should go right now.

    4. BJisfun4AJ

      Re: Trump listens to this guy

      That is exactly what I said my husband lets put them in a big box shake it up and open it in the desert saying only 'go find them'

  10. Stevie

    Bah!

    And who said the CIA didn't have a sense of humor?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Bah!

      After reading Mr. Steele's allegations, I'm inclined to believe that he "sampled" a bit too much LSD while on duty....

      1. Sanguma

        Re: Bah! "sampled" a bit too much LSD "

        Nah! He must've been on duty when the FBI showed up with a bag of what they claimed was pure cocaine, liberated from Manuel Noriega's private quarters, and probably his private stash. So he took it and in the process of testing it, snorted the entire bag.

        Good ol' cornmeal, it was, and he's never been the same since.

        It's not often that people show serious signs of mental derangement from snorting cornmeal, but here we have our example.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Astro nuts

    Please... any ful no that there is no Mars... the Earth is flat! Rockets are a lie! GPS is faked to convince pilots they are going around the world when in reality they... yes nurse, I'll take some of the sippy go night-night juice now...

    1. collinsl Bronze badge

      Re: Astro nuts

      * any fule kno that it's any fule kno and not any ful no

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The classic response to this is that surely the fact they have now denied it means that it's true or they wouldn't have bothered denying it.

    Though to be fair I'm not sure there is enough tin or aluminium on the planet for the size of hat this nut job needs.

    Just when I thought the world couldn't get any crazier.

    1. Mark 85

      Just when I thought the world couldn't get any crazier.

      Wrong... craziness is an unlimited, unregulated resource. The mere fact that these "people" make the news regularly and the claims get more outlandish each time would be proof of that.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "Wrong... craziness is an unlimited, unregulated resource"

        if you could bottle it, what would you call it? (Special Brew is already taken)

      2. pffut

        craziness is an unlimited, unregulated resource

        Einstein [supposedly] said it well - "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

    2. fidodogbreath

      The classic response to this is that surely the fact they have now denied it means that it's true or they wouldn't have bothered denying it.

      And the lack of evidence is proof of the cover-up.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        And, sirrah, by pointing that out, you too prove you are part of the cover-up!

        (and the merry game continues..I'll get my tin-foil hat&coat on the way out)

    3. Down not across

      Just when I thought the world couldn't get any crazier.

      Careful there. To quote great DA:

      There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

    4. Stoneshop
      Boffin

      Other elements

      Though to be fair I'm not sure there is enough tin or aluminium on the planet for the size of hat this nut job needs.

      Some subcutaneous polonium will do just fine. Or plutonium.

  13. Chris G

    Standard CIA ploy

    When you have something really crazy to hide, tell the truth, everybody thinks you are lying and won't believe you.

  14. Munchausen's proxy
    Pint

    As someone once said

    They would say that, wouldn't they?

  15. redpawn
    Pirate

    I'm about to

    go up there with my AR-15 and rescue them. Wish me luck and watch for me on the news!

    1. DrRobert

      Re: I'm about to

      You ought to quickly remove any ambiguity about where you're about to go with the AR-15.

      for your own sake

  16. drone2903 in Kanuckistant

    Djesus Khrist on a byke! I knew our south neighbours where kinda weird, but lately they are reaching new heights!

    BTW, we (some 8 family and friends) were planning some R&R in Maine ( a classic for Montreal folks).

    My wife is Ukrainian, my friend is Iranian, his wife is Tunisian. So much fun with the "new rules"

    Just canceled the hole thing. Had so much fun telling that to the resort manager in Old Orchard.

    Will stay here and enjoy the 150th instead.

    1. Hollerithevo

      Wot? You even planned to be elsewhere?!?

      Even Montreal folks should have stayed in canada for 1 July by choice. Sir, do you spit on the maple leaf daily?!?

      1. drone2903 in Kanuckistant
        Pint

        Re: Wot? You even planned to be elsewhere?!?

        Nope. The 150th is more than July 1st. Many special celebration all year.

        And for the Montreal 375th also.

        (we were in Ottawa on th 1st btw)

        The vacation plan was for the next 2 weeks, so instead of 1 week in Old Orchard, we are heading to NS !

        Dont know yet for the other week. Will se as we go.

        Peace!

  17. The Mighty Spang

    most entertaining video about alex jones

    is on Internet Comment Etiquette

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHbAsndSKXA

    though you might want to get a bit of a handle on AJ before watching that so you know which bits are parody...

    there is also a theory that alex jones is bill hicks

    1. Haku

      Re: most entertaining video about alex jones

      I think that theory is some conspiracy nutjob trying to see a correlation between the words "joke" and "funny", because:

      Bill Hicks is funny.

      Alex Jones is a joke.

  18. Terry 6 Silver badge

    It's not that Trump listens to these sort of people..

    It's that there are millions of Americans who listen to Trump who listens to these sort of people. The sheer fact that there are so many people that think this stuff is OK. That Mars has a colony, the moon landings didn't happen (both??), that evolution, global warming, vaccination etc are all real conspiracies, with plenty of others for the idle weekend's contemplation (Sharia law at KFC on Snopes at the moment). It's nuttier than a bag full of nuts - but there are people who really think this stuff is true. And support trump!

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: It's not that Trump listens to these sort of people..

      That would make a great new motto for America:

      "Warning may contain nuts"

  19. Pen-y-gors

    Care in the community

    Massive fail!

    Sometimes I think our ancestors had the right idea when they built the Bethlem Royal Hospital.

  20. Peter X

    Ark B

    Can someone just build "Ark B" now please? And send Robert David Steele a ticket... make him "Captain" if it helps!!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Ark B

      Whilst I agree with your sentiment the B ark survives.

  21. heyrick Silver badge

    That's a very restrained response from NASA

    "You gotta be fucking kidding me!" is what they should have said. It's what I would have said. Hell, it's what I am saying...

    1. Richard Boyce

      Re: That's a very restrained response from NASA

      The Register may have damaged its own reputation by wasting NASA's time in this way.

  22. Haku

    Joe Rogan podcasts - some are seriously interesting listening.

    I say that because he's had 2-3 hour long chats with some really interesting people such as Louis Theroux, Brian Cox and Neil deGrasse Tyson etc. (YouTube links)

    But the one Joe Rogan podcast I refuse to listen to/watch is the one with Alex Jones because that guy is an absolute fucking nutjob, his perception on the world is completely whack, plus I just can't stand his voice.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The allegations must be true, because The Reg has already confirmed the moon landing was faked!

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/09/09/apollo_17/

    Anon, cause they're watching...

  24. Alister

    Important clarification

    But this hack will eat his hat if they find any evidence of interplanetary sex slaves having their organs harvested.

    I would just like to confirm, Ian, that you do actually own a hat?

  25. Eddy Ito

    think nuttier than squirrel crap

    Clearly you have a misunderstanding of the diets of the average squirrel. Nuts are good for protein and fat but they aren't perfect. I mean if we consider all squirrels equally the diets of glaucomys, marmotini, and sciurus vary considerably.

    Offhand, I'd suggest a bit of rodentblock and some applesauce to add a bit of sweetness for the more picky eaters. Of course it gets tricky depending on how you intend to prepare one.

    Whatever you choose, bon appetit!

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    eat his hat

    He ment shift+6

  27. dbannon

    You call that a denial ?

    What worries me is we have absolutely no credible proof this colony does not exit. A lame statement from a NASA Spokesperson. Saying exactly what you'd expect him to say. And maybe even an honest statement, not everyone within NASA would know the full details..........

    1. dbannon

      Re: You call that a denial ?

      "What worries me is we have absolutely no credible proof this colony does not exit. "

      Ha Ha, fantastic ! I got 9 down votes from (presumably) people who thought I was serious. And you reckon ex-CIA operatives are gullible !

      Incidentally, here in Oz, we have our own "A.Jones", radio presenter, ours is Alan not Alex but otherwise, good match.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: You call that a denial ?

        'Ha Ha, fantastic ! I got 9 down votes from (presumably) people who thought I was serious. '

        Yes, 'tis a serious business for some you understand...I swear you could hear the whoosh! noise increase in volume with every downvote..but, as that was funny in it's own right, why stop the fun?

        Incidentally, here in Oz,

        Ah, maybe they don't appreciate the subtleties of antipodean humour...

  28. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Unhappy

    "Well Trump / The President listens to him."*

    Hopefully this presidency will give USianns a solid grounding in the "halo" effect and why you shouldn't trust its effects

    *Because bu***hitters love bu***hitters who can bul***it.

  29. Anonymous South African Coward Bronze badge

    Qualitay, this can't get better!

  30. Winkypop Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Pizza-Gate + Mars-Gate. Therefore

    One can get Pizza on Mars!

  31. Lotaresco

    Leather Goddesses of Phobos

    Everyone knows that this is not NASA, it is the acolytes of the Leather Goddesses who snatch people out of a bar in Upper Sandusky, OH. The first thing you know about it is when you wake up wearing just a brass loincloth in a cell with a guy named "Trent".

  32. scrubber
    FAIL

    Almost...

    NASA: OK, you caught us, we've been lying and covering this up for decades and we fully admit ... wait, child sex slaves on Mars? No, I can completely deny that.

  33. Unicornpiss
    Meh

    So now you know

    So, whenever any of us expecting rationality in the world are amazed that [insert your favorite name here] got elected, got promoted, got rich, received some kind of support or accolade that makes no sense, proposed or passed some idiotic legislation, or just plain seems to operate on a form of logic that makes the famous Pentium bug look 100% fit for purpose, all we must do is remember this article. People are absolutely crazy and are the broken gears that drive a mad, mad world. If someone that is completely batshit (beyond even the normal standards) can rise to a prominent government post, causing who even knows how much harm in the course of their career, then have a public channel with countless listeners to further confuse hearts and minds, what hope do any of us have? It really makes a person just want to find an island and withdraw from society.

  34. Wolfclaw
    Big Brother

    If you look at the dark side of the Moon, you can see the new CIA detention camp, next to the camps of NK, China, Russia, 5eyes and all other leading repressive regimes.

    1. Unicornpiss

      On the dark side..

      If you look at the dark side of the Moon, you can see the new CIA detention camp, next to the camps of NK, China, Russia, 5eyes and all other leading repressive regimes.

      At least in the course of building these things they eradicated the Nazis:

      Nazis on the Moon

      1. Wolfclaw

        Re: On the dark side..

        True, evicted for being a bunch of liberty loving pussies.

  35. JJKing
    Thumb Up

    Re: An investigation is needed

    I think we should send Alex Jones to Mars, to check out these disturbing allegations.

    I totally agree but the capsule must be devoid of any life support, should also be open to the elements and sent in the opposite direction of Mars. Just to be sure, to be sure, to be sure.

    Alex Jones must take comfort in the fact that if any 2nd Amendment chappies put a lead projectile between his eyes that said projectile is certain to miss his brain by a good 6 feet. That's 13.0634 Linguine, 0.1984 double-decker bus or 0.0832 Brontosaurus (just wanted to cover all the distance bases)

    1. Blank Reg

      Re: An investigation is needed

      Why waste any resources on any sort of capsule? I though NASA were working on some sort of railgun for launching satellites, I think he would make a great candidate for the first test launch. We should just make sure his tinfoil hat is made nice and pointy for reduced drag.

  36. This post has been deleted by its author

  37. Sgt_Oddball

    couldn't we just ask?

    where's amanfrommars to confirm or deny these wild accusations?

    1. MrDamage Silver badge

      Re: couldn't we just ask?

      We could ask him, but would any of us understand his answer?

  38. thx1138v2

    Oh, really?

    If you don't believe there are alien "chimeras" right here on Earth do a search on "Sheila Jackson Lee". That creature is not from this planet.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Children sent to surface of what is belived to be a dead planet and then having their bone marrow harvested? Someone needs to tell him that "The 100" is not a doucmentary.

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If you think Mars is bad you want to see Uranus, they have penis lollies.

    1. Unicornpiss

      I don't want to see Uranus

      That is all.

      1. Simon Harris

        Re: I don't want to see Uranus

        He'll be Mooning all day now!

  41. Sanguma

    Further Breaking News!!!

    April 1 20xx

    UN Plaza, New York City

    Princess Dejah Thoris, the head of the Martian Permanent Embassy to the United Nations, today told reporters at a press conference, that the Federative Government of Mars was renouncing its exclusive claim to Phobos, a claim it has vigorously upheld for the past three billion years.

    "We were misled by our reliance upon the claims made by Dr. Iosif Samuilovich Shklovsky in 1958" she said. "We greatly regret any inconvenience."

  42. David Roberts
    Black Helicopters

    You thought Men In Black

    Was fiction.

    It was a documentary.

    Hang on, somone at the door. I'll post this then come back and add the rest.

  43. Maty

    no

    This is typical CIA obfuscation. Don't be taken in by this attempt at misdirection. OBVIOUSLY, there is no Mars colony.

    It's on Venus.

  44. Potemkine! Silver badge

    The best of the Net

    Decades ago idiots were local attractions people were laughing at. Nowadays any wacko can become famous thanks to the Net... some even succeed to become President of the United States.

  45. User-1

    So anyone keeping track here? Is it about 50% / 50%? Half buying this story hook, line and sinker and half is filing this in the Oh Brother file? So any bets when someone will show up with a shotgun?

  46. Richard Wharram

    The One Show has clearly lost the plot

    Get back to stories about hedgerows and 80s pop stars please!!

  47. Simon Harris
    Pint

    20 years ago since Pathfinder/Sojourner landed.

    Was it really that long ago? (well, I suppose it was only 10.6 Mars years!)

    That calls for a pint!

    Here's one for all the engineers who put stuff on Mars and kept them running...

    and a commiseration pint for those that nearly made it!

  48. Chris Jasper

    Wackadoodle

    It's a word that you dont see much but is perfectly fitting for some people.

    Complete wackadoodle.........

  49. yellowlawn

    Taken from the film Paul:

    *Why* does everyone always assume that? What am I doing? Am I harvesting farts? How much can I learn from an ass?

    While everyone is trying to rationalise what this guy has said. What if just 0.1% of these tin foil hat comments are in fact correct?

  50. ApatheticPlatypus
    Facepalm

    Help

    My inner monologue makes absolutely no sense at all when I'm reading the quotes!

  51. batfink
    Black Helicopters

    But, but...

    Hang on a minute - given that these poor children were snatched and sent on a 20-year trip (probably a bit longer for some, as surely you'd want to wait until you had a full rocket) to have their organs harvested etc, doesn't this infer that there's already somebody there to do the harvesting? Who are they? What have they been doing there these last 20+ years - sitting around setting up the harvesting devices?

    And then what happens to the harvested organs/blood/whatever?? Wouldn't it therefore be a 20-year trip back again?

    And clearly this wouldn't be a once-off, because it would seem like a lot of effort just to harvest the organs of a single rocket-load. Think of the inefficiencies! Then there should be a stream of rockets going back & forth.

    And of course, there's always the WHY, FFS????

  52. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    FAIL

    Well, well, well!

    According to the Daily Mail, there is an offshoot of this colony right here in the UK (giving link to RT because the Daily Mail Shutterstock pics are kinda disturbing, and possibly illegal in the UK)

    Actually Sad!

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    And we know he is ex-CIA ...because?!

    And we know he is ex-CIA ...because he says so?

    Used to be when people claimed to be Napolean we put them in a sanitarium. Now they get press Headlines like "Napolean interviewed; says he lost Waterloo because Jewish yetis were wearing his socks. Chief Rabbi puts out press release. Says Yetis don't currently wear socks"

    Please rewrite article; crazed delusional long 70yo believes he's ex-CIA; manages to provoke personal national response from of NASA ?

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