back to article Whisky snobs scotched by artificial tongue

Think you know your Bell's from your Balvenie? Your Jim Beam from your Jameson? Well, if a team of German researchers have their way, an artificial tongue might have you licked. The team, based at Heidelberg University, have developed a "tongue" (OK, it's an assay plate with wells of 20 different fluorescent dyes that act as …

  1. WraithCadmus
    Flame

    Peatiness

    Disappointingly for whisky fans, though, the tongue failed to distinguish whiskies based on their peatiness

    As an Islay fan that's a bit of a shame. Though of course not everything from that wee island is peated (see most of Bruichladdich's output).

    Icon: What a good Ardbeg tastes of.

    1. Dabooka

      Re: Peatiness

      I got bought a bottle of their Very Young for my 30th.

      God I wish I had kept it rather than drinking it all, nice though it was.

  2. Kevin Johnston

    waste of a taste

    My Father-in-law converted me to drink single malts as he had an amazing collection but sadly he developed a medical condition which precluded him drinking them....Hmmm whatever was a good son-in-law to do? Oh yeah, drink it all for him so he didn't have to look at it any more

    I have yet to find one I cannot form at least a temporary friendship with

    :)

    1. Ian Michael Gumby

      Re: waste of a taste

      You sir are a disgrace to your father-in-law. :-(

      Seriously... Scotch is an acquired taste.

      What do you like to drink? There is a wide variety of single malts and blended scotch and something should tickle your fancy.

      If not... you can always sell the unopened bottles.

      1. HieronymusBloggs

        Re: waste of a taste

        "You sir are a disgrace to your father-in-law."

        Shurely shome mishtake. I think you might need to read that post again.

  3. frank ly

    Numbers

    Twenty dyes and it can monitor a change in brightness of each one. Make a conservative assumption that it can resolve four levels of brightness change, i.e. two bits. That's forty bits of data which is 2^40 unique possible results.

    The technique seems to have great possibilities for identification of various liquids.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "For high-end whiskies, asking prices range from €10,000 to €135,000 per bottle," the researchers write. "For this type of price, one might worry about counterfeits

    And I bet there are - many drinkers really can't tell the difference, but like to think they can.

    It's like how in the USA they all have to buy the Dom Perignon when they can't distinguish between that and regular Moet & Chandon.

    Heck, most of them can't tell the difference between Moet and carbonated grape juice. Or in worse cases, between that and carbonated vinegar.

    1. Hollerithevo

      Same goes for wine

      Lots of Masters of Wine caught by white plonk dyed red.

    2. uncommon_sense
      Mushroom

      >For high-end whiskies, asking prices range from €10,000 to €135,000 per bottle<

      People who pay more than than an average yearly income for a bottle of rotten grain DESERVE to get cheated!!!

      1. PyLETS

        "People who pay more than than an average yearly income for a bottle of rotten grain DESERVE to get cheated!!!"

        It's the emperor's clothing - the oldest scam in the book. And the psychology is all to do with the presentation. Once the mark who is parting with the cash has been sufficiently flattered, their vanity will override their sense of taste anyway. And frankly I don't see anyone parting with that much cash for a blend of organic substances and residues preserved in spirits aged beyond where it can still have very much flavour wanting to waste a drop by putting it into a reagent testing machine anyway. Yes it's true - all beverages will lose their flavour if aged beyond what's best for them, which in the case of fine whisky can be up to 20 years.

    3. Ian Michael Gumby

      @AC

      But you can actually train your pallet and can tell the difference.

      A friend of mine was a bartender. He had me turn around, and he poured 5 different Vodkas.

      He asked me to do two things.

      Find the vodka I usually drank, and then which vodka I liked the most.

      I was able to do both and as it turned out, they were different.

      Some people can tell the difference. And for some, they preferred the cheaper drink

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: @AC

        Perhaps you can tell vodkas apart, but unless you drink it straight, it doesn't matter. No way you can tell the difference when it is mixed with OJ or whatever.

    4. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      "Heck, most of them can't tell the difference between Moet and carbonated grape juice."

      Is there one?

      1. Dabooka

        At a tasting event last year

        Me and my two pals opted for a South African blend (Bains) as our #1 of the day, priced at about £25. Second went to a Scottish single malt which was five times the price, and although we debated long and hard on our little table the cheaper one won out. That blend put a lot of the other far more expensive samples to shame, including a good range of established Scottish distilleries.

        Of course we were tarred and feather by the (incorrect) purists.

  5. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    WTF?

    Holy s**t 10K-135K Euros a bottle

    No wonder people are concerned it might be a wrong'un

    People have been working on "artificial noses" for the wine industry for decades.

    Like them this looks like a classic candidate for neural networks

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Holy s**t 10K-135K Euros a bottle

      I only clicked to post something pedantic about tongues, so I'll do it here.

      I'd be surprised if anyone could tell much about whisky with their tongue. Almost all taste comes from the nose. Hold your nose, and you can't tell the difference between apple and onion.

      Now as some whiskies are sweeter than others, I'd imagine that you can tell those apart with tongue alone. But almost all the other distinguishing features are going to need your nose.

      So I reckon I might be able to tell the difference between a Balvenie and a Bells with tongue alone, but doubt I could tell a Balvenie from any given speyside.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Holy s**t 10K-135K Euros a bottle

        "But almost all the other distinguishing features are going to need your nose."

        That was my reaction. It makes GC sound more realistic as a testing method.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Holy s**t 10K-135K Euros a bottle

          If you can't tell the difference, you shouldn't be spending 100K and up on a single bottle!

  6. Mystic Megabyte
    Pint

    Slàinte mhath!

    but that could also apply at the low end of the quality spectrum,

    Goes off to open a bottle of Queen Margot, known around here as "cooking whisky"!

    If you want a non-peaty excellent dram try Old Poultney, it's veeeery nice :)

    1. MiguelC Silver badge

      Re: Slàinte mhath!

      Ahh yes, Queen Margot, the only whisky that lists its ingredients.... It only starts to be drinkable (not quite enjoyable, though) after the fourth or fifth glass, if you can endure that!

      1. PhilipN Silver badge

        Re: Slàinte mhath!

        After the fourth or fifth I don't care about the label. Pour the next one!

  7. Captain DaFt

    Works both ways

    -"For high-end whiskies, asking prices range from €10,000 to €135,000 per bottle," the researchers write. "For this type of price, one might worry about counterfeits, but that could also apply at the low end of the quality spectrum, where large amounts of cheap alcoholic beverages and low-quality counterfeits are sold as branded scotch."-

    Unfortunately, I can see this very device being used to help 'tweak' the counterfeit booze so it'll pass as the real stuff.

    "The machine's chart says if we add 10 microliters of Amylopectin per liter, they'll never know the difference!"

    1. SkippyBing

      Re: Works both ways

      'Unfortunately, I can see this very device being used to help 'tweak' the counterfeit booze so it'll pass as the real stuff.'

      So you're saying it's a business opportunity?

      Look my plan of winning the lottery isn't working out and separating people willing to spend that kind of money on a bottle of paint stripper from their cash is my next best idea.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Works both ways

        "Look my plan of winning the lottery isn't working out and separating people willing to spend that kind of money on a bottle of paint stripper from their cash is my next best idea."

        eBay scam it :)

        eBay won't allow you to sell a bottle of whisky as a beverage, but you can do so as a collectible. So having a bottle of the good stuff that has been emptied, refilled with rotgut and resealed can be resold on the basis of the bottle and not the contents.

        If the buyer complains, eBay will defend you as you sold as a collectible, and the bottle is genuine.

        1. DrRobert

          Re: Works both ways

          That's the sort of positive thinking that generated the seed capital for Uber. Well done sir, you're a credit to your MBA school.

  8. Sloppy Crapmonster

    Does it have alcohol in it?

    I'll take that one.

  9. Mark 85

    "Past the teeth and over the gums: look out, stomach, here it comes." generally works for me but then, I'm a heretic.

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