back to article Pokemon NO! Hospital demands ban on virtual creatures after addicts invade private wards

An American hospital is behind one of 72 complaints lodged with a US watchdog over Pokémon Go – the game in which people with nothing better to do with their lives try to track down virtual animals using smartphones. “We are a small hospital in Oregon and Nintendo Pokemon Go players are descending on our halls and asking to go …

  1. Phil Kingston

    not a fan then?

    1. JDX Gold badge

      I think this was supposed to be tagged as Bootnotes but it got through as a serious piece. It's almost like reading the Daily Mail.

      A slightly higher standard of journalism might be hoped for... sure make the joke but do you really need to hammer it so crassly? And I don't even like Pokemon!

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Kids wandering into unsuitable places, particularly roads. Without looking

    I call that natural selection.

    1. AndyS

      Re: Kids wandering into unsuitable places, particularly roads. Without looking

      Weren't the people running the museum in Auschwitz also in the news recently, complaining that pretend digital monsters appearing in nazi gas chambers was a bit... insensitive?

      I think the onus should equally be on players to know better than to be using their phones in places like that, but that doesn't excuse the game's manufacturer.

      1. JDX Gold badge

        Re: Kids wandering into unsuitable places, particularly roads. Without looking

        Kids have always loved getting into places they shouldn't be, even before the days of smartphones. I don't think placing an onus on kids to act like mature adults is realistic or indeed desirable. How many times did we have adventures which looking back, were a hair's breadth away from being very dangerous?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Kids wandering into unsuitable places, particularly roads. Without looking

          I've got plenty of scars from being adventurous, one of them an inch away from being paralyzed but I don't recall ever crossing a road without looking. There's a world of difference between taking a calculated risk at doing something dangerous even with a brain not yet capable of fully understanding that risk and walking blindly into a stream of traffic.

      2. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
        Paris Hilton

        Re: Kids wandering into unsuitable places, particularly roads. Without looking

        "digital monsters appearing in nazi gas chambers"

        What has Charles Stross got to do with any of that.

      3. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: Kids wandering into unsuitable places, particularly roads. Without looking

        > I think the onus should equally be on players to know better

        Like the idiot in (I think) Brizzle that rang 999 to complain that someone had stolen *her* Pokemon?

        1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
          Alien

          Re: Kids wandering into unsuitable places, particularly roads. Without looking

          Kids (and US presidents) have often trouble distinguishing the Real World and the Make Believe world.

          Maybe VR games mixing the two are civilizationally-wise not the best idea. Just a thought.

        2. T-Unit

          Re: Kids wandering into unsuitable places, particularly roads. Without looking

          That's extra stupid because the game doesn't even work like that. The pokemon appear for all players, they don't go away when one person catches them.

          1. x 7

            Re: Kids wandering into unsuitable places, particularly roads. Without looking

            from what I gather from my son, if you capture one then its denied to other users - thats the whole point. However replacements do seem to respawn eventually

    2. Crazy Operations Guy

      Re: Kids wandering into unsuitable places, particularly roads. Without looking

      While boarding a DeHavilland Dash-8 (one of those tiny 30-seater planes that require you to go out on the tarmac to board) a teenage passenger wandered right out of the cordoned loading area and managed to get to the edge of the taxi-way before they realized where they were and ran back to safety, apparently there was some Pokemon creature in the grass between the taxiway and the runway... Would've ended pretty badly since there were a couple wide-body trans-oceanic jets operating along the taxiway and the runway.

      Ground crew was too busy dealing with a passenger that didn't want to give up their carry-on suitcase to notice the kid wandering away until the kid was too far away to do anything safely.

  3. big_D Silver badge

    There have been a lot of complaints in Germany, with Pokemon being placed on private property and people breaking into gardens to get their kicks.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @big_D

      Just out of curiosity, how would you go about placing a few on private property in Texas?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: @big_D

        Buy Lure Modules from the eShop. Same tactic used in armed robberies targeting players.

    2. Tom 38

      There is no way in the game to see the distance nor direction of Pokemon listed as "nearby sightings". It's not like there is a radar that says "Walk this direction to see an Onix". If you can see one on the map, then you can already catch it from your current location.

      So I really don't understand this argument. Are they wandering into gardens on the off chance there is a pokemon there?

      1. x 7

        " If you can see one on the map, then you can already catch it from your current location."

        Don't think thats true - my son seems to get them appearing too far away to catch, meaning he has to track them down

      2. Aqua Marina

        @Tom 38

        "There is no way in the game to see the distance nor direction of Pokemon listed as "nearby sightings""

        Almost right, there is a direction you can infer from the nearby sightings using a process of elimination, but you are correct that there is no distance scale.

        The sightings tab is a 3X3 grid in the same format as a telephone keypad, 1 to 9. 1 is the closest, 9 is the furthest away. If you walk in a particular direction, and see the pokemon in position 5 move to position 3, then you know you are walking in the right direction towards the pokemon now in position 3. It's very easy by simply walking in 50 yards in each direction to work out the approximate location of pokemon, and even easier if you have a friend with you walking in the opposite direction from your starting point you can confer with.

  4. Your alien overlord - fear me

    Those sad lonely nerds didn't go to hospital looking for a Pokemon, they went to find Nurse Joy :-)

  5. Tromos

    Enterprising pub

    Seen on my travels - sign outside a pub proclaiming "Rare Pokémon in beer garden"

    1. lglethal Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Enterprising pub

      It needs to be followed up by the sign:

      "Two drink minimum..."

    2. RJG

      Re: Enterprising pub

      One of the pubs around here has Grilled Pokemon* on their food menu.

      * when avalable.

      1. Swarthy

        Re: Enterprising pub

        Better than one of the Mexican joints near me - it's got a Rattata nest.

  6. Anonymous South African Coward Bronze badge
    Trollface

    Place a couple of these over the grand canyon, that'll sort them out quick enough.

    1. Mark 85
      Devil

      Not a bad idea but then it won't be a canyon very long when the bodies start piling up.

      1. Stoneshop
        Boffin

        won't be a canyon very long when the bodies start piling up

        According to the US National Park Service, the volume of the Grand Canyon is 16.6*10e9 Olympic Swimming Pools. Taking the volume of an average human as 39.9 micropools, you can easily calculate that you need 416*10e12 humans to fill the Grand Canyon to the rim, discounting any squishing of the lowermost layers

        Given that the Earth's population is about 7*10e9 humans, the Grand Canyon will be filled to about 1/50000th of its capacity if you dump them all in.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: won't be a canyon very long when the bodies start piling up

          Thanks for that. Kind of illustrates how insignificant 7 billion people are compared to one little hole in the ground. When the machines and aliens and cats take over they won't have to waste much time burying us all.

        2. Crazy Operations Guy

          Re: won't be a canyon very long when the bodies start piling up

          Of course there is also the fact that the game is predominately played by children, which take up a smaller volume. Then you have to factor in the difference of volume between a living human and a dead one (Due to off-gases during putrefaction). Also, humans are mostly liquid, which would spill out and get washed down the river in short order. You could easily put twice as many humans in there..

    2. MrDamage Silver badge

      Nah, the unwashed masses who freshly escaped from their mothers basements would pollute the water supply.

      Meteor Crater in Arizona would be a better option.

      1. Stoneshop
        Boffin

        Meteor Crater

        is just 23852.8* Olympic Swimming Pools, with a capacity of 597803.3 Average Humans**.

        If we allow putting a cone with a 30 deg slope on top, we then get an additional 50253.7 pools (frozen), or 1257784.4 AHs, resulting in a total of 1855587.7 AHs, which is 0.0265% of the world's population; not even half of Los Angeles will fit in.

        * assuming the crater to be cylindrical for ease of calculation, so discounting the sides being tapered.

        ** rough estimate, with 400-pound lardarses offsetting kids

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sad dull

    tedious bastards.

    Can we have a lemming pokemon please, and have it near a big fuck off cliff.

    1. Graham Cunningham

      Re: Sad dull

      You don't know me or anything about me, and are therefore not entitled to have an opinion of me.

      As you say, "f*ck off".

      I would contend that playing a harmless game which all of a family can enjoy while getting some fresh air and exercise is a rather better use of time and money than sitting in front of the googlebox getting pissed.

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        Re: Sad dull

        You are 100% correct Mr Cunningham but this is The Register and any opportunity to be scornful about anything will be taken. It is the nature of some folk, it makes them feel better about their own shortcomings.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Sad dull

          Any adult who plays a childs game and then willingly walks into a private room in a hospital, or across a main road deserves all the scorn they get.

          Twats.

          My shortcomings do not include a lack of common sense.

      2. Jimmy2Cows Silver badge

        Mostly harmless

        I would contend that playing a harmless game ...

        Indeed, so harmless that players unwittingly yet willingly walk into traffic, private property, radiation exclusion zones...

        However, I contend this is neither the game nor the publishers' fault, more the result of society getting progressively more stupid. An effect which seems to be accelerating.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Mostly harmless

          However, I contend this is neither the game nor the publishers' fault, more the result of society getting progressively more stupid. An effect which seems to be accelerating.

          Common sense should be considered a super power these days.

          Pedestrian 1 - "Look at that man, he's actually using the crosswalk properly instead of blindly walking into traffic!"

          Pedestrian 2 - "Don't you know who that is? That's no ordinary human being, it's Common Sense Man!"

          I hear JJ Abrhams is going to direct the inevitable superhero film...

      3. David Pollard

        Re: Sad dull

        better use of time and money than sitting in front of the googlebox

        I wonder how many Reg commentards have been stuck in front of a monitor re-loading a broken Windows box when they would much rather have been playing outside; or even paying a visit to a congenial hostelry and quaffing a gentle jar or two. Notwithstanding its benefits, the unwanted side-effects of computer technology are not negligible.

        1. MrDamage Silver badge

          Re: Sad dull

          >"I wonder how many Reg commentards have been stuck in front of a monitor re-loading a broken Windows box when they would much rather have been playing outside"

          I'll give it to you, the graphics for The Outside World are great, but the plot sucks, and I dont think it was beta-tested as much as it should have been.

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Sad dull @Graham Cunningham

        News for you.

        I don't give a fuck about you, your opinions or your opinion of me.

        There, now we both know where we stand.

        If your idea of a family day out includes this shit then you are welcome to it.

        Mediocrity awaits.

  8. John G Imrie

    I'm waiting for this years Darwin Awards

    They are going to have to have a new category.

  9. This post has been deleted by its author

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    pokemon

    pokenurse

    1. toxicdragon

      Re: pokemon

      That would be chancey, no joke a nurse chancey has appeared in the anime a couple of times.

    2. You aint sin me, roit
      Joke

      Re: pokenurse

      No telling what you might catch...

    3. Crisp
      Boffin

      Re: pokemon

      I thought the pokenurse was called Joy.

      1. Tom 38

        Re: pokemon

        Yeah it's Nurse Joy (joi meaning woman doctor in Japanese, its a pun). Every Nurse Joy (Joy is their family name) usually has a Chansey pokemon.

  11. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    "Help Dr Kuhlman / San Cristobal Medical Facility - Intensive care unit"

    So, who is that "Geiger" guy?

    Even Wikipedia gets it right: H.R. Giger

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      Re: "Help Dr Kuhlman / San Cristobal Medical Facility - Intensive care unit"

      ...or maybe it is about the Music of Erich Zann, who evidently is an excellent Geiger keeping otherworldy terrors muscially subdued.

    2. MrDamage Silver badge
      Holmes

      Re: "Help Dr Kuhlman / San Cristobal Medical Facility - Intensive care unit"

      >"So, who is that "Geiger" guy?"

      You mean this guy? You know, the one who a certain type of counter is named after?

  12. DNTP

    Nature of existence

    A few months ago I convinced my younger brother, who was just picking up the Go craze, to go for a walk in the woods because there might be "nature pokemon" there. Halfway through he says, "There are no pokemon here." This is actually an interesting statement because depending on your viewpoint, it can be either subjectively or absolutely true.

    1. IanRS

      Re: Nature of existence

      They were probably eaten by the local Gruffalo.

  13. Anonymous South African Coward Bronze badge

    How long before a serious accident occur on a freeway/highway due to somebody having the pokemon app open and got a notification of a new and rare pokemon?

    Surely this will rank with vulnerable/pwned IoT spamming/nuking other sites...

    Not waiting with bated breath for accidents of this kind to happen.

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Windows

      Millenials can't remember but we had those when the Tamagotchi craze was unfolding back in the 90s.

    2. CowardlyLion

      That sort of thing has already happened...

      " I crashed my car playing Pokémon Go

      "I saw this Lapras was close. As it’s a water-type creature I assumed it must be down by the nearby lake. I jumped into my younger brother’s car

      https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/aug/05/playing-pokemon-go-crashed-car-experience

  14. x 7

    There are still Pokethings in the sea at Morecambe, just waiting for the first drowning.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The first time one of them wanders into a railroad yard or on a track, we'll hear all about it.

    1. Stoneshop

      one of them wanders into a railroad yard or on a track,

      Has already happened. And for at least one such occurrence it hasn't even ended in being a deterrent for other PG players.

  16. heyrick Silver badge

    So planet earth is good for pokemon?

    Rather than whitelisting a number of suitable places, these bastards[1] can turn up anywhere? Hospitals, dead nuclear reactors, my back garden...? How does that go with regards laws on trespassing, people in countries where trespassers are met with bullets, anywhere with guard dogs? I know we crusties refer to this as the entitled generation, but a game encouraging people to just go wherever the hell they please is really taking the piss.

    Maybe Anonymous ought to hack the thing and put all the digital critters where they belong - Area 51. Let all the hunters trespass there and, well, the problem will kind of take care of itself, right?

    1 - I'm referring to the smartphone wielding numpties, not the pokemon.

  17. fidodogbreath

    Truth

    no one wants to be in bed recovering from an illness or surgery and have some nerd wander in looking for a Squirtle so he can briefly fill a hole in his meaningless, empty life.

    Truer words were never spoken.

  18. JLV

    evolution in action

    Well, we had two morons go onto a live subway track here.

    And I almost collided with 3 nitwits crossing a bike path unexpectedly while staring at their 4.5 inchers. Well, that's not true, I was expecting stupidity so slowed down.

    I suggest Pokemon instead spawn 5% of its creatures right past the end of our local piers.

    P.S. if the Reg stopped reporting on Pokemon, then the problem would likely fix itself as well - user numbers are already dropping massively and we can just wait on the next dumb digital fad.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Our local STD clinic placed lures...

    ...or whatever they're called, to bring the yoof into the clinic. Not sure how many eight-year olds they got in their net!

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