back to article Revealed: The true horror of being a big CEO

Our attention has been drawn to the work of a plucky reporter Julie Bort from Business Insider, who spent a day shadowing Oracle CEO at its OpenWorld jamboree in San Francisco. Finally – a chance to see the real glamour behind the scenes with a top flight chief exec. The day started with coffee at 8am although we were …

  1. 's water music

    right of substituion

    Billy Joel had the audacity to cancel two weeks before the event. Luckily he got hold of his mate Sting to fill in, with help from Gwen Stefani

    Maybe Billy is worried about getting caught by IR35

  2. Pisartis

    This ended at seven o’clock, after which Hurd had a steak dinner with a member of staff and, we imagine, a massive shit.

    What makes you think the staff member is a massive shit?

    1. Warm Braw

      Was his name Larry?

    2. getHandle

      I assumed the massive shit joined the pair of them for dinner.

    3. BillG
      Happy

      The days of two-bottle lunches and meetings with whisky and cigars are long gone.

      I can assure you, those days are still with us, we just don't do that in front of reporters we just met.

    4. Bob Vistakin
      Holmes

      I heard word Hurds turd erred and blocked the John it was so large.

  3. Natalie Gritpants

    Up at 4:30, neither eats nor drinks

    He'll be so dehydrated and sleep deprived it is a good thing he only concentrates on sales and operations, imaging the damage if he was in charge of product design.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Up at 4:30, neither eats nor drinks

      Dehydration is something we humans get.

      Since Hurd is a puppet he doesn't eat nor sleeps. He just awakens when his master fills him in from behind.

    2. Naselus

      Re: Up at 4:30, neither eats nor drinks

      " imaging the damage if he was in charge of product design."

      'Hey, what if we remove the headphone jack?'.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Confirms what everyone knows

    All they do is shoot the breeze and bullshit the bullshitters all day.

  5. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "Helpfully Bort included a picture of the empty chairs."

    It's good to make sure your readers don't have to puzzle over what such things look like.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "and, we imagine, a massive shit."

    This is why I love you, Reg

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      A massive...

      Or as Hurd would say, "I dumped my (transaction) log".

      Others at Oracle just use the great man's name directly: "sorry my massive Hurd caused such a blockage".

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Are most people unable to go a whole working day without taking a shit? Am I alone in being able to shit once per day, first thing in the morning?

    1. Dave 15

      Best thinking

      My best thinking is done on the throne... if I am highly productive I am highly productive... :)

    2. Leeroy

      No shit

      Are most people unable to go a whole working day without giving a shit?

      FTFY

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Yes, single shitting man. You are alone. You must learn to be less tight, to let go, to let it flow.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        My skills were honed as a child and young adult, never wanting to use public bathrooms.

    4. Naselus

      "Am I alone in being able to shit once per day, first thing in the morning?"

      Possibly this was what Hurd had been doing since 4:30am.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So that was a "typical" day?

    Just schmoozing with people, no actual work then? Where do I sign up?

    And there was I thinking being a CEO involved things like strategy, culture, finance etc etc...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Just schmoozing with people, no actual work then? Where do I sign up?

      If you can't be a CEO - just add 'Cloud' to your job title - doesn't really matter where.

      We had someone on the Reg forum recently who claimed to be a Cloud Architect. He was getting all hot and bothered about something, I forget what, but after all the verbiage, he was just (a) unintentionally funny and (b) content free.

      1. Tom Paine

        Re: Just schmoozing with people, no actual work then? Where do I sign up?

        An architect who specialises in castles, presumably.

    2. Mark 85

      Re: So that was a "typical" day?

      So he didn't hit on the reporter? Or maybe the unnamed staff member was the target of the day? Given his history... I guess I should go check out one of the scandal rags for this info.

    3. Tom Paine
      Terminator

      Re: So that was a "typical" day?

      You'd rather be interacting with humans than staring into a monitor?

      Are you sure you're in the right place?

    4. Naselus

      Re: So that was a "typical" day?

      "And there was I thinking being a CEO involved things like strategy, culture, finance etc etc..."

      Clearly, you're unfamiliar with Hurd's previous work.

  9. disgruntled yank

    Billy Joel and Sting?

    Maybe it is time to short Oracle stock. I bet the AWS conferences book musicians under 60.

    (No, dammit, I'm not discriminating at the older among us, for I'm getting up there, too: I just think that certain jobs, e.g. pop musician, pop music critic, and high school athlete ought to have an age limit. Sing opera and I'm happy to let the conductor tell you when it's time to step down.)

    1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: Billy Joel and Sting?

      > pop musician

      Oxymoron alert :-)

      (Musicians in real genres can go on to pretty advanced ages. So can the Rolling Stones..)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Billy Joel and Sting?

        Have you heard the Stones latest stuff? It's not good.

    2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: Billy Joel and Sting?

      Well, 60 is the new 30.

      You know, student loans finally paid off, ready to build your own little home in the suburbs, start a family, etc, etc...

  10. Tom Paine

    Glad I persevered

    I llol'd in the office.

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