back to article 'I am not a lizard' Zuckerberg proclaims in public Q&A

Mark Zuckerberg has denied that he is a lizard during an hour-long Q&A session online, when questions from the internet got a bit silly – who'd have thought it. "I'm gonna have to go with 'no' on that. I am not a lizard," he said in response to an online question. "But keep the high-quality comments coming in please, this is …

  1. gypsythief

    "To get the door is not that much work, but we're going to put in a lot of work to save us from walking to the door and opening it," Seinfeld responded."

    https://xkcd.com/974/

    That is all.

  2. Blofeld's Cat
    Facepalm

    Hmm...

    "Mark Zuckerberg has denied that he is a lizard ..."

    "Well he would, wouldn’t he?" - Mandy Rice-Davies, 28 June 1963

    1. J. R. Hartley

      Re: Hmm...

      Beat me to it. Go on, have an upvote.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Mark Zuckerberg has denied that he is a lizard ..."

    Nothing so benign.

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge
      Alien

      Re: "Mark Zuckerberg has denied that he is a lizard ..."

      Oh, so he's one of the grey aliens.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    >Zuck explained his plans to run a Facebook feed direct from the brain and right into the world's frontal lobes. He said that virtual reality was the next logical step for Facebook, with the intention of letting others experience what a user does as directly as possible.

    I'll let my mum know, but doubt she'll have much interest in either feature.

    1. Eddy Ito
      Coat

      So he means he's trying to corner the VR market in porn and voyeurism in one, ahem, blow.

      Oh dear, what is this in my VR pocket?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Disturbing...

    The Seinfeld section is unintentional comedy gold. Jerry tries in vain to establish that Mark has some humanity in him and all the latter can do is burble on about techno toys. When Jerry asks Mark to ask him a question you can see the panic in Mark's eyes. Er, what? Interact with a human? About something normal? Fzzt! Buzz! Does not compute! He ends up with "what did you eat for breakfast?"

    If that doesn't prove that he is a Lizard Overlord, I don't know what does!

    http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2016/06/jerry-seinfeld-mark-zuckerberg-interview

  6. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    'I am not a lizard'

    Agreed, you're not a lizard.

    You're an asshole. A lying scumbag. A thief and a stupid twat.

    But not a lizard.

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: 'I am not a lizard'

      For some reason, the word "leech" popped up in my mind.

      Digital leech? Data leech? Disruptive digital data leech?

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

        Re: 'I am not a lizard'

        Resistance is futile.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All companies eventually turn senile and can no longer innovate, or even acquire start-ups and successfully integrate them.

    Facebook is at that stage now, so all this talk about AI bots and VR is complete nonsense.

    Zuck may as well say "Facebook is planning to build a lunar base in the next 5 years".

    Well no you're not, because your company is a spent force. Just milk the facebook users until they age out of the system, then live on forever as a zombie husk of a company, like Yahoo and AOL.

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      "All companies eventually turn senile and can no longer innovate, or even acquire start-ups and successfully integrate them."

      A very good example: Yahoo!

  8. Mark 85

    Scary?

    Zuck explained his plans to run a Facebook feed direct from the brain and right into the world's frontal lobes. He said that virtual reality was the next logical step for Facebook, with the intention of letting others experience what a user does as directly as possible.

    Why do I find this scarier than either of the two front runners for President? Or even the Daesh? Why would I want to experience what an FB'er does? This goes beyond the privacy debate. It smacks of things way beyond the average TLA's wet dream of control.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Scary?

      It sounded WAY cool in William Gibson novel, but when Zuck says it, it's creepy as hell.

      Actually Zuck simply is creepy. It's like he's being controlled by a malevolent AI. He talks like reading from a script, but when the AI isn't controlling him he just looks dead-eye. Maybe that's just psychopathy.

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sorry Zuck I don't get you or Facebook

    There was never anything even remotely compelling about your site that made me start to think 'hey, this is a cool idea, why don't I sign up for it now'.

    The same applies even more today.

    I don't want the world (and especially the Ad agencies) knowing more about me than they already do so yours and all other (anti-)social media sites are just not on my radar.

    With you losing active users, you really do need to think long and hard about what your site is about now and the future.

    Go on, be brave. Do like what the owners of 'FriendsReuinted' did, close it down. Facebook is an idea whose time has passed. Just admit it and then get on with your life.

  10. Graham Lockley

    >But it's at least 50 years away, he said

    If there is a God* then I offer thanks to him that the obsolescence he built in to me means I will never see this

    * of course there isn't, silly

  11. 101

    Yes, he is a lizard

    A simple denial such as his is considered an inadequate defense or proof of innocence. Thus, I would say, yes, indeed, he is a lizard. Does he have a forked tongue...? No one knows for sure do they?

  12. veti Silver badge

    Note to Jerry Seinfeld

    Butlers don't open doors, unless the house is lamentably under-staffed. Porters or footmen do that. A butler's job is to manage all the other household staff.

    Pleb.

  13. JustNiz

    Looking at the photo, I think its pretty clear that it's actually Seinfeld who is one of the Lizard People.

    1. hplasm
      Happy

      "...one of the Lizard People."

      They all are. It's Lizards all the way down!

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    'I am not a lizard'

    I can see a meme of a lizard with this quote below. 3...2...1....

  15. TeeCee Gold badge
    Facepalm

    Of course not.

    Lizards have two dicks, so they're twice the wanker he is.

  16. Rol

    Obviously the next big thing for FB is

    Smell That.

    FBers will be able to fart into their FB seats and other FBers can then smell them through their FB snorkel.

  17. Gobhicks

    It's all true

    What's he like?

    What's he Like?

    David Icke

    David Icke

    David Icke

    David Icke

    What's he like?

    That David Icke

    (source: a friend of my bro's who's name I can't remember, but who's awesome lyrics I remember all too clearly)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It's all true

      Presumably in that (unlikely) case then the blood of a Zuckerberg can be called "ichor";) Or possibly LHM, the proper green blood of the Déesse if we assume he could be an hydropneumatic sculpture :P

  18. Joe Harrison

    I'm not worried by the lizards

    What I'm worried about is the guy who thinks it's fine to get up in the morning, go to the lab, and terrorize some mice with electric shocks. Then terrorize some more mice. And he lives in a country where you can buy guns in the supermarket.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's ok, they were only implanting false remembered terror, what could possibly go wrong ;)

  20. andy gibson

    Marc Singer

    I'll only believe it once Marc Singer has pawed his face

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WP49-qftyuk

  21. enormous c word

    The _B_rotherhood

    "Members of the Brotherhood include the British royal family, the Bush clan, Business leaders, the Bilderberg Group, and the late Bob Hope"

    ... infact anyone or any group whose name begins with a "B". There's a guy who lives down our street called Brian - I bet he's one too.

  22. enormous c word

    The _B_rotherhood

    My father in law is a Barry too...

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Zuk:

    ~ Facebag constantly scans & watches what you're doing, no matter how trivial. Regardless of whether you're logged-in, regardless of whether you're a registered user. That sounds an awful lot like a Peeping-Tom to me...

    ~ Zuk constantly slurps and pimps your data off to the highest bidder. Trafficking your data across borders, without any effective permission or oversight. Isn't that what a Pimp does?

    ~ Zuk preaches about 'Connecting the World'. But what that really means is connecting you to the all-seeing 'Eye' of Advertisers & Intelligence-Agencies. Which I suppose means 'Connecting the World', if you're a total Psychopath...

  24. Roger Varley

    He's not a lizard,

    he's just a very naughty ..... oh, never mind.

  25. Robert Moore

    Obviously not a lizard.

    Crab people.

    Crab people.

  26. David Pollard

    "stimulating the brain cells ... extreme signs of fear"

    Be afraid, very afraid.

  27. Disk0

    sociopath

    that is all

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