So Bernard what happened to that juicy £1m IT project you were set to manage?
Some over enthusiastic intern got an SME to bid for it and turned it into a £100,000 tiddler. I didn't even get invited to Wimbledon this year.
But surely they can't have through the tendering paperwork? The equal opportunites policies. The statement on hazardous waste. The financial statements and five year trading histories supported by a sworn statement from the bank. The copies of all employees GCSE certificates to support full CRB checks.
They got help. The intern actually replied to their emails. Can you believe it?
But there must have been spelling mistakes, a grammatical faux pas that would disqualify the tender on the grounds of literary merit.
They wrote it in Welsh. it's allowed for any work that is part funded by the Welsh Assembly. We simply couldn't tell if there was the odd extra w or l in the wrong place. The whole thing was a complete disaster.
So they cocked up then?
Chance would be a fine thing. Delivered in record timeand under budget.
But that's terrible. What are you going to do for they next two years without a grovelling mulitnational at yor beck and call and the rounds of offsite project redfefinition workshops at expensive country hotels?
I know. I know. Not only do I not get to hire two new project managers with a grade level increase in salary, but someone might actually notice I don't actually do anything day to day. But I have a plan. I'm redrafting the tendering process as we speak. Tenderers will have to show they have male, female and non-gendered toilet facilities. That'll get them.