Continuous Lifecycle London: Less than eight weeks to go

You may have missed the early bird pricing, but there are still plenty of good reasons to snap up some of the remaining tickets for Continuous Lifecycle London. The programme is fairly well set now, with a broad range of speakers taking you from the theoretical end of the continuous delivery pipeline right through to the nitty …

[BrowserUk]

Buzzword, buzzword, buzzword {blah}

If I never had to see another buzzword soup advert -- thinly disguised as a news item -- here, damn it would make me happy.

Continuous Lifecycle this; DevOps that.

And "ONLY" another 8 weeks. Really, Eight more weeks of this crap?

I hope that you guys are earning big from the advertising you're giving whoever is running these SnakeOil pitches; because it better be worth the damage to your "biting the hand that feeds" journalistic reputations.

[Anonymous Coward]

I, for one, am looking forward to it...

I mean, for the BOFH "I attended a DevOps conference and didn't bring enough cattle prodders" report.

And after that they can start again creating hype for the next one: only 44 weeks to go... unless they think they can pull this every three months.

[Lysenko]

You may have missed pointedly ignored the early bird pricing...

FTFY

[Doctor Syntax]

Still plugging away? Those tickets must be really hard to shift?

Still, I suppose these ads aren't popping up, playing videos or downloading malware so I suppose we should be grateful for small mercies.

[G Watty What?]

I think I have a better offer

Start your journey of continuously delivering agile processes and developing your operations in 8 weeks time. Via witchcraft and voodoo, I'll take your business and get everyone stood up from top to bottom. We'll sprint into a future where the Product Owner is king (or queen). Don't worry if you haven't got one, I'll force that role onto the first person recognises your product's name, I don't even care if they know what it does.

Now you might have heard that automation is where its at, you're right. I'll give you the tools to push out any change you want to any environment you want at the speed of light. I'll get your developers doing ops and ops doing development so neither need take ownership of anything, I call this collaboration. I'll have you swapping desks and wearing so many hats you'll never be bored (you won't really achieve anything but god it'll be a good ride).

I'll have your business in so many clouds you'll never worry about seeing the sun again, I'll spaff your data into any virtual system that'll take it and squidge it all together into something that was kind of what you had already. Think this might be hard to manage? Think again. I've got a tool that'll manage all these cloud providers so you'll never know where anything is.

I'll break down barriers, smash the walls of silos and push everything to the left. Failing fast is good and don't worry you'll be failing with the best of them, just much much faster. Good aye?

After I've done all that, I'll still not be finished, I'll give you a backlog so long you'll never finish grooming it. We'll prioritise things into sprints and JFDI like never before. Changed your mind? No problem, a sprint starts every 30 seconds so feel free to change the requirements as much as you like because honestly we ain't delivering and everything we deliver is half finished anyway.

So if this is what you want come and see me.

If you don't want this, come and see me anyway because I'll have a list of failing clients in a right pickle who'll need some solid engineers to help them out.

It's win-win. Well win-win-win because I don't give my expertise away for free!

See you in the future

[John 104]

Re: I think I have a better offer

@G Whatty What

I love you.

[Rafael 1]

Containerization is...

...doubleplusungood.