back to article Triple-murderer prisoner keeps mobile phone in his butt for a week

An inmate of an Australian jail is on hunger strike in order to retain possession of a mobile phone he's kept inside his anus for up to a week. The inmate is believed to be Kon Georgiou, a convicted triple-murderer doing a long stretch inside Goulburn Jail's “Super Max” unit. That facility is reserved for the worst of the …

  1. Ole Juul

    What's the number?

    /evil grin

    1. Henry Minute

      Re: What's the number?

      Are you intending to ring his ring?

    2. DrXym

      Re: What's the number?

      He's probably got it set to vibrate.

      1. Bob Vistakin
        Facepalm

        Re: What's the number?

        At least it answers Orlowskis recent question - "nope - another is being created in the usual way ready for production as we speak".

  2. Streaker

    The inmate is believed to be Kon Georgiou, a convicted triple-murderer doing a long stretch inside .......

    Ha ha ha

    S

    1. IsJustabloke
      Meh

      Re Shit recpetion

      I bet he still gets better reception than I do on vodafone....

    2. TRT Silver badge

      If it's an iPhone 6+..

      It'll be a wide stretch as well.

      1. Tom 7

        Re: If it's an iPhone 6+..

        Shouldnt that be an iEeeeeeearghmmmphone 6+?

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Shouldnt that be an iEeeeeeearghmmmphone 6+?

          Also known as a "Jesus!!!!mobe"?

  3. Martin Summers Silver badge

    What about "Shit reception" or "talking out of his arse" jokes. Best I can do.

    I'm posting really to say thank you to all my fellow commentards over the last few years who have agreed with and upvoted me, enough to earn a silver badge sometime last night. Thanks!

    1. AndrueC Silver badge
      Joke

      Well at least they've got to the bottom of it.

    2. David 132 Silver badge
      Coat

      Does the phone have a "motion" detector?

      You'd think by now they'd sphincter check there for phones.

      Anyway, without a SIM it's for e-merde-gency calls only.

      And that's the best I can do. It's late.

    3. This post has been deleted by its author

    4. MyffyW Silver badge

      @Martin_Summers have an upvote hun, I got my silver badge last night too, so a big thank you fellow commentards from me as well.

      In terms of bottom-jokes the best I can manage is:

      "This is one of the most compelling use cases I can think of for the JCB Tradesman 2"

      1. TRT Silver badge

        I'm wondering...

        if he's tired yet of fellow inmates saying they'd like to send a message to their mum and can they use their dictaphone?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I'm wondering...

          Perhaps the warden is waiting for him to develop a case of Dial-arreha?

          Tadush boom

    5. This post has been deleted by its author

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Love the honesty

    “Frankly, I'm happy for him to rot there until the phone is passed.”

    If only the English were as forthright when it came to making statements. In the UK we'd hire a PR firm, to make a statement after consulting lawyers as to whether there were any potential implications to his EU mandated human rights.

    I do have an interesting question though. Where's the charger for all these phones in prison ? Or do they standardise the model and have charged batteries smuggled in, I think we should be told.

    1. JetSetJim

      Re: Love the honesty

      Equally, if it was here the prisoner would be straight in to the EU court of human rights, and would probably win.

      Interestingly, all that's happened is a metal detector has gone "ping", so it may not be a phone (even if that's the most likely item of contraband to make the detector go "ping").

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Love the honesty

        Ah but what would he win, the right to have a phone up his arse? He probably has a right to communication, whether that involves flexibility and talking up his arse would probably be debated at great expense.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Love the honesty

          If he wants a mobile phone up there, I think he should be allowed, nay, forced to.

          http://www.fulldhamaal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/173033mobiratalkman-slide.jpg

    2. Graham Hawkins

      Re: Love the honesty

      You could only charge it once it's been discharged...

    3. Jess

      Re: EU mandated human rights

      Would you be referring to the EHCR that was set up after WW2 (hoping to prevent more things like the holocaust) that we were instrumental in, and even Russia has signed up to?

      True the EU requires members to be signed up to it, but we were, well before we joined the EU.

      Seems like someone has believed misinformation from someone with an agenda.

      Just like most of the complaints about the EU, things that aren't up to the EU and we have messed up ourselves .(And we are always the only country with that problem too.)

      Back on topic - for hunger strikers, perhaps they should just deliver a nice pizza to the cell to test their resolve.

      1. 1Rafayal

        Re: EU mandated human rights

        No, they are probably referring to the Human Rights Act from 1998...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Mandated human rights

          I think Jess is right here, the rights concerned are not from the EU but the European Convention on Human Rights (which was mostly written by a British subject)..

          I'm also pretty sure the statement made by the Australian Minister doesn't contravene them and is one ministers in other ECHR countries might make. I think the concern with PC statements is largely a British one.

          Unrelated trivia: I believe in Belgium a prisoner had the right to escape but they are not allowed to do anything illegal to facilitate that escape. So they can't knock out a guard, or blow a whole in the wall but they could run away or climb over a fence.

          1. 1Rafayal

            Re: Mandated human rights

            Of course the Australian minister isn't contravening them. Australia isnt party to the ECHR.

            This is mainly down to Australia not being in Europe.

            Next up, the Human Rights Act 1998 are the laws made to enshrine the ECHR within British laws. I am paraphrasing that bit from the Labour party, they are the ones responsible for creating it as part of their manifesto pledge in the 1997 UK elections.

            And of course, it wasn't written by a British subject, but instead by all 12 members of the council of Europe at that time. If it had been written by the British, it would make actual sense.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Mandated human rights

              "British MP and lawyer Sir David Maxwell-Fyfe, the Chair of the Assembly's Committee on Legal and Administrative Questions, was one of its leading members and guided the drafting of the Convention. "

              I didn't mean to imply that he was solely responsible.

              Australia doesn't have to sign up for one of its citizens to say something which contravenes the convention... but I think you know that.....

              1. 1Rafayal

                Re: Mandated human rights

                you can only contravene an agreement if you have agreed to it. As Australia hasnt agreed to the European Convention for Human Rights then nothing has been contravened.

                I used the full title there, just so you know its to do with Europe. Which still doesnt include Australia.

                And Maxwell-Fyfe was just part of the process, he didnt "mostly write" it, you know like you said he did in your anon post.

            2. h4rm0ny

              Re: Mandated human rights

              >>"If it had been written by the British, it would make actual sense."

              No, if it had been written by the British it would be one page, mostly blank, with "Theresa May Can Do What She Likes" written at the top.

        2. Jess

          Re: Human Rights Act from 1998

          Which is pretty much just the same thing, but moved into British Law so British judges rule on it rather than having to got to ECHR.

    4. Cynical Observer
      Coat

      Re: Love the honesty

      @Philip Clarke

      Where's the charger for all these phones in prison ?

      Presume they would use a butt plug?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Love the honesty

        Seems that Trevor Baylis may have missed the opportunity for a wind up phone.

        1. Kevin Brown 1

          Re: Love the honesty

          gas turbine surely?

    5. TwistUrCapBack

      Re: Love the honesty

      "I do have an interesting question though. Where's the charger for all these phones in prison ? Or do they standardise the model and have charged batteries smuggled in, I think we should be told."

      They usually smuggle in a small usb charging cable which they then connect up to the communal wing playstation or whatever to charge their phones ..

      Apparently

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Love the honesty

        Lol... They dont have playstations in Australian gaols (That's how you spell "jail" in the Queen's English), or anything else accommodating a USB. But they do have electricity, so they would need the complete charger.

        Glad to see there are few jokes about us all being convicts... Some of us are turning the keys now!! :)

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Love the honesty

      I do have an interesting question though. Where's the charger for all these phones in prison ?

      I'm more interested in who they can presently convince to hook up that specific phone to a charger :).

      1. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

        Re: Love the honesty

        I'm more interested in who they can presently convince to hook up that specific phone to a charger :).

        Causing a connect spark in that specific environment may amount to "cruel and unusual punishment", though. On the plus side, the wait for spontaneous evacuation would certainly be over..

        :)

    7. rototype

      Re: Love the honesty

      In all actuality they probably leave them switched OFF most of the time, partly to preserve battery power and partly to avoid detection. If they're only using them for the occasional weekly ET then the battery should last for a couple of months before going flat, by which time it would generally have been found and confiscated - thus meaning they probably wouldn't have any need for a charger.

      On another note, they'd probably only leave them on Vibrate if they enjoyed that sort of thing.

  5. Mark 85
    Coat

    So any phone calls will be from Earth to Uranus?

    1. TRT Silver badge

      There's a whole galaxy inside Uranus.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        There's a whole galaxy inside Uranus.

        Thank God they come in a wrapper.. :)

  6. Sir Barry

    Butt

    This is butt dialing taken to a (w)hole new level.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Australia - The biggest open nick in the world (obligatory Australian prison joke as told by me to every Australian I have ever known and it is always received with it's intention of being just fun)

    Apparently it's an iPhone they asked Tim Cook to remove it so he wrote an open letter about the privacy of apple users and how he respected their collective arseholes and that be would not breach their walled garden,

    1. AndrueC Silver badge
      Joke

      Apparently it's an iPhone

      So someone is finally holding it properly?

      1. Scroticus Canis
        Thumb Up

        @AndrueC - new keyboard please

        Uppies for you even if my keyboard now looks like it has had the rectal treatment.

    2. Cynical Observer
      Trollface

      iPhone....

      Bet he's glad it's got rounded corners.

  8. Steve 114

    Nokia was there first

    I used to covet a Nokia mobile that looked like an oversize Minox C. Didn't know at the time where they'd probably been holstered.

  9. Graham Hawkins

    Ring ring....

    That's all.

  10. Potemkine Silver badge

    Technology never ceases to amaze me

    Is this some new way to recharge batteries?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Technology never ceases to amaze me

      Alas not it a new test of fartpay.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Technology never ceases to amaze me

        Some new kind of ISuppository? What will Cuperico come up with next?

        1. Mark 85

          Re: Technology never ceases to amaze me

          Well, it is the logical (for some value of logic) next product after iWatch. While it's up there, turn the camera and every proctologist will be happy.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Technology never ceases to amaze me

            While it's up there, turn the camera and every proctologist will be happy.

            Ah, so we finally DO have someone who has light shining from their arse..

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Technology never ceases to amaze me

      It may be the bedrock of Qi, and the driving force behind ApplePay, NFC, AirPrint, CloudPrint, tap and pay, AirPlay - Look Ma, no hands!

  11. thomas k

    inquiring minds want to know

    Frustrating lack of details here.

    Did he just begin his sentence and had the phone with him when he arrived or did he acquire the phone while he was already inside? The latter would indicate he received it from a guard or another prisoner.

  12. Locky

    Semi sensible question

    <Obligitory butt-dialling joke>

    Everyone agrees that phones aren't allowed inside the click, including staf. Prisionors will always try to smuggle them in becasue, well, they are useful

    So why not install jammers around the building, making them useless? I'm sure there's an obvious reason that I'm missing....

    </Obligitory butt-dialling joke>

    1. GrumpenKraut

      Re: Semi sensible question

      > So why not install jammers ...?

      Because staff want to be able to make calls?

      1. Stoneshop
        Facepalm

        Re: Semi sensible question

        Because staff want to be able to make calls?

        And this can't be done with POTS?

    2. imanidiot Silver badge

      Re: Semi sensible question

      There is no way to stop the jamming from interfering with phone use outside the perimeter of the prison. Would suck to need an ambulance just outside a prison and being unable to reach the emergency services. Use of jammers is prohibited for a reason.

  13. joshimitsu

    He'd have to take care not to butt-dial anyone,

    lest he be proven guilty.

    This topic has proved to be a hilarious cause of poo-chat around the office.

    1. Jedit Silver badge

      Re: He'd have to take care not to butt-dial anyone,

      Doubly so while wiping his bottom, lest he swipe to unlock.

      And here I was, thinking only the Duracell bunny had a high-capacity battery stuck up its bum.

  14. Henry Minute

    Free the Goulburn 1

    It's a bum rap!

  15. TRT Silver badge

    Dial the speaking clock.

    At the turd stroke, the time will be...

  16. kmac499

    "a convicted triple-murderer doing a long stretch inside.. "

    Well I expect a triple murderer has such a reputation; it's likely to be the first 'n' incher he's tried.

  17. smudge
    Pint

    Well, I did it, so ...

    “The first rule of command is never expect your people to do something you're not prepared to do. This includes asking officers to put on a rubber glove and extract a phone from Georgiou 's bum.”

    The UK Cabinet is now terrified of Cameron saying "Actually, I did stick my prick into a dead pig's mouth..."

    1. x 7

      Re: Well, I did it, so ...

      "The UK Cabinet is now terrified of Cameron saying "Actually, I did stick my prick into a dead pig's mouth...""

      If he'd stuck his mouth around a dead pigs dick, then no-one would have thought any more of it.

      Sausages anyone?

  18. psychonaut

    he's lucky

    that this isnt 20 years ago.

    hang on, ive just got a fax coming through....uuurggh....oohh...hot hot hot hot....ouuggh

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The convict could still be using the phone if he has a Browntooth Arsepiece attachment.

  20. x 7

    I guess the earpiece and microphone will be crapped up when it finally exits. To be honest it would be funny if the battery had an exotherm while it was inside.....

    more sensibly, why don't prisons just jam mobile phone signals? The technology is cheap enough. The same bit of kit could jam GPS as well, reducing the drone risk

    1. Jedit Silver badge

      "why don't prisons just jam mobile phone signals?"

      Because there are more people than prisoners in prisons. They'd also jam the signal for visitors, including lawyers, and more importantly they'd jam it for the guards.

      1. x 7

        Re: "why don't prisons just jam mobile phone signals?"

        "Because there are more people than prisoners in prisons. They'd also jam the signal for visitors, including lawyers, and more importantly they'd jam it for the guards."

        Not relevant, as everyone has their mobile phone taken off them on arrival anyway. You can't carry a mobile phone into a prison, or at least not legally

        1. Richard 12 Silver badge

          Re: "why don't prisons just jam mobile phone signals?"

          Because it affects those outside, and probably won't even work.

          Jamming is done by transmitting a "wrong" signal that's strong enough to make it impossible to detect legitimate signals.

          It is physically impossible to limit the jamming to within prison walls due to actual Physics.

          So there will be large areas outside the prison where phone signals are jammed.

          On top of that, reliably jamming throughout a complex shaped space with lots of metal and other RF reflectors/absorbers is basically impossible.

          There will be "live spots" in the prison where the jamming doesn't work but external signal does.

          Most probable places for these is inside some of the the cells...

          You can ask the mobile phone companies not to cover the prison. This is more effective but also means that there won't be any mobile signal within a few miles of the prison either.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This would be the perfect phone location..

    .. to accomodate some of the idiots who I've had to deal with over a long career of making things happen despite them. It would be the first time the mic would be near the orifice they use to talk from.

    Note: I would not stand behind this guy when he coughs :).

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Phone model suggestions?

    The SpareOne as reviewed by el Reg? little large but 15 year standby AA powered battery life.

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/01/09/phone_maker_punts_aa_powered_blower/

    The Nokia 8110 without spring loading from the Matrix films, useful keyboard cover and banana shaped,

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nokia_8110

    or the possibly more comfortable Motorola Razr but unfortunately named

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motorola_Razr

    1. Down not across

      Re: Phone model suggestions?

      I would've thought 8800 or the old 8850 would be be bit easier to accomodate.

      I had 8110, and the actual model that was being sold did not have spring loading slider. The later (and larger) 7110 did however have a spring loaded slider. Why, yes I did have that too and the navi-roller was rather nice feature.

      1. PNGuinn
        Boffin

        Re: Phone model suggestions?

        "I had 8110" ....

        Enquiring minds.....

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Were anyone to look

    I think you'd find the phone is in his rectum, not his anus.

  24. Sleep deprived
    Happy

    A good case for induction charging...

    The current loop could be fitted on a loo...

    1. Cynical Observer
      Coat

      Re: A good case for induction charging...

      Could be charged under the Offences against the Person Act?

  25. Alan Ferris
    Coat

    Is that the phone with a fingerprint log in?

    Or can you log in via a different route?

  26. albaleo

    Worst job I ever had

    Give me lobsters and Jayne Mansfield any day.

  27. Graham Bartlett

    I can hear the conversation with the doctor now

    "So doc, you say he's got a phone up his arse?"

    "Rectum, boss."

    "Yep, I bloody bet it did."

  28. Number6

    He'd better hope it's not fitted with a dodgy battery pack.

  29. Chris G

    Of course

    I have a phone up my arse!

    I'm a communications analist!

  30. albiemills

    Crack it

    Wonder if the FBI will force a crack on it

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Maybe that's a good thing?

    Perhaps if they surgically sew his butt hole closed he could keep the phone there permanently.

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Headmaster

    I would like to propose...

    That El Reg not describe someone storing items up his anus as doing a "stretch", long or otherwise. :)

  33. x 7

    just proves mobile telephony isn't all its cracked up to be

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The prisoner was recently spotted checking Amazon after he read somewhere that "Our unique ring fin [blabla] to help control reentry"

  35. stevenotinit
    Thumb Up

    Love these comments haha

    You Brits are hilarious. We Yanks are famous for having no sense of humor. :p

  36. Oengus

    Recharging?

    He is being victimised...

    He is actually a really brilliant researcher who is totally misunderstood.

    He has come up with a radical new design for a new methane powered fuel cell to power mobile phones with a continuous recharge cycle. He is testing it in the most secure research facility he could find as it was the only way he can ensure that even CrApple won't steal the design.

  37. NeonTeepee
    Coat

    Im an expat brit living in Australia and this is the best comments section I have seen for a long while. Upvoted a few.

    As for phone blocking it cant be that hard. I dont have anything to do with mobile infrastructure in my job so dont shoot me if these are daft but here are a couple of suggestions

    1) Farraday cages that block all signals. Would be easy to 'wallpaper' the inside of the cells with metal mesh then plaster over it. Doesnt require power and is permenant.

    2) Set up a low power jammer in the ceiling of each cell, laundry, kitchen, anywhere where the cons are left alone. If they dont exist employ Thales or someone to make one the government loves burning money on silly projects. Guards can go in the guard rooms etc to make calls. http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Your-Own-Cell-Phone-Jammer

    3) Setup a local tower in the prison that fakes the real tower and have a whitelist of IMEI numbers (Guards, Lawyers, Visitors)

    I'll just fetch my coat.

    1. PNGuinn
      Thumb Up

      @ NeonTeepee

      But we're back to jamming.

      Suggest a slight modification to your proposals.

      All the screening, PLUS a series of very local femtocells INSIDE the screened areas.

      No need to block any connections - just monitor all traffic in and out. Catches inmates, their contacts, AND dodgy staff. I can't see the need for ANYONE inside to have access to a mobile, certainly not in a secure area.

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