back to article Ship-swallowing GREEN BIO-STORM spotted FROM SPAAACE

The European Space Agency (ESA) has spotted a new threat to Earth: a Ship-swallowing green “storm” in the Baltic sea. The storm is an algal bloom that, as of 7 August, occupied a decent slab of the sea and was said to be growing rapidly thanks to a handy (for algae) combination of warm weather and calm seas. The ESA craft …

  1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

    Probably means this sea is a bit like Mr. Creosote right now?

    you might see the face of Cthulu

    MADNESS!

    1. g e

      Re: Probably means this sea is a bit like Mr. Creosote right now?

      Fhtagn Fhtagn, etc

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nah, that would only happen in the mountains (of madness.)

  3. Voland's right hand Silver badge

    It can "swallow" ships

    Algal blooms like this killed the high speed sea transportation in the Black Sea in the late 1980-es.

    Prior to that, the Comet was the way to travel. Up to 3 times faster than car or bus from any point on the coast to any point on the coast. All countries had a service (albeit under different names).

    Well, its engines were outboard water cooled (as on most high speed hidrofoils). Works fine in clean water. 30 minutes of traveling across an algal bloom like this and the heat ex-changer is completely clogged up with gunk. That is where your journey ends.

    1. Cameron Colley

      Re: It can "swallow" ships

      Should have replaced them with "Caspian sea monsters" -- has to be the coolest method of transport out there.

    2. Alan Brown Silver badge

      Re: It can "swallow" ships

      "30 minutes of traveling across an algal bloom like this and the heat ex-changer is completely clogged up with gunk."

      Cue aircoolers....

  4. Ragequit
    Joke

    Quickly!

    Like the Australians/Americans/humans are oft to do! Introduce a new algae eating species to the Baltic to "solve" the problem. Nothing will go wrong!

    We're seriously bad at meddling with nature.

    1. Elmer Phud

      Re: Quickly!

      Other than it not being 'introduced' by some dexter (I'm left-handed - the rest of you are all Dr Evil) organisation bent on desabilising [insert targret here] -- and that the alge IS natural, I canlt see why the 'joke' icon --or is it the "Nothing will go wrong!".

      Anyway --there's a lot of oxygen given off by that stuff.

      1. Alan Brown Silver badge

        Re: Quickly!

        "Anyway --there's a lot of oxygen given off by that stuff."

        Only during the day, and only whilst it's alive.

        Algae blooms result in net decreases in dissolved oxygen, but net increases in sequestered carbon when they sink to the bottom.

        They also contribute to oceanic anoxic events (Look it up and start worrying)

    2. skeptical i
      Devil

      Re: Quickly!

      Nah, just get some trick cyclists to say it cures $health_issue because it contains $magic_woo et voila, problem solved. Say it leaves rhino horn in the dust for curing male ... shyness ... and China will hoover it up.

      Unless this falls under the category of introducing parasites ....

  5. Avatar of They
    Happy

    Nice.

    I like the idea of a satellite being just as happy taking photos of algae. Like the rover probe in planet 51, has some programming but seems intent on something and will go off doing it's own thing.

    All alone in space just taking pics, when the mood takes it before going all Austin Powers.

    Nice photos though.

    1. Androdgenous CowHerd

      Re: Nice.

      Will it beam back all those high rez shots of Uranus?

      Fnar!

  6. frank ly

    Do I see a ship?

    Is that a ship wake (black line), with a ship at the front of it in the top picture? The lower picture has similar lines but with a wavy course.

    1. It'sa Mea... Mario

      Re: Do I see a ship?

      "I see no ships, only hardships"

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Catch it all

    and there will be enough biomass to power a few cities for a good long time.

    too hard? thought so.

  8. Mystic Megabyte
    Alien

    Coming soon

    An astronaut aboard the space station will meet their previously dead spouse.

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      Re: Coming soon

      This is not Solaris.

      1. lawndart

        Re: Coming soon

        But you have to wonder where Lem got the idea from.

      2. Martin Gregorie

        Re: Coming soon

        Its not Solaris, but it might could be Greg Benford's "Timescape" appearing 17 years late.

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: Coming soon

          "Greg Benford's "Timescape"

          ...or, getting back to the algal bloom, Trevor Hoyle's "the Last Gasp"

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Coming soon

            How about Reliquary (Pendergast, Book 2) by Douglas Preston. Still haven't read past that one.Disturbing, even for this Horror fan.

  9. x 7

    excellent export sales opportunity - seaweed to China. They eat tonnes of the stuff, and grow it in lagoons. Shouldn't be difficult to find a way of harvesting it

    1. Gene Cash Silver badge
      Facepalm

      It's not seaweed, you idiot. Seaweed is a long-leafed complex plant, usually rooted on something. Algae is a primitive green scum floating on the water.

      1. x 7

        @Gene Cash

        don't call people idiots when you've no clue what you are talking about

        Seaweed IS algae. What else do you think it is? Its certainly not a flowering plant

        now please crawl back into your troll cave

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Algae

    2. Lars Silver badge
      Flame

      Most of that is actually poisonous, dogs have died drinking it and you wouldn't let your kids swim in it. All a result of polluting the Baltic sea.

  10. ContentsMayVary

    All seaweed is algae, but not all algae is seaweed. Specifically, the type of algae that causes a bloom is NOT seaweed.

    1. x 7

      "Specifically, the type of algae that causes a bloom is NOT seaweed."

      these Chinese seem to think differently about their blooms....

      http://www.scmp.com/news/china/article/1284156/cause-qingdaos-green-tide-algae-mystery

  11. Graham Marsden
    Alien

    That is not dead...

    ... which can eternal lie...

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    CO^2 fix

    A very large, heat propelled, greenhouse gas muncher!

    We're DOOMED! or Saved.

  13. Nixyp
    Pirate

    The Kraken's Krap!

    Looks like the Kraken has taken a dump after devouring ships more like!

  14. Dan Paul

    They now can make oil out of ...

    seaweed/algae.

  15. JJKing
    Happy

    Food for thought

    Personally I think a large container of Soylent Green has sprung a leak. If it gets hoovered up now you won't need to add salt.

  16. TRT Silver badge

    Perhaps it can be used to make dog food...

    It'll be alright so long as no ships carrying liquid alsterene have to plough through it.

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