back to article Multiple fondling on the MIGHTY 12-INCH iOS 9 SLAB — so, so close now

As we approach Cupertino's Worldwide Developers Conference (WWDC) ripened rumours continue to fall off the Apple tree. News comes to the world this morning of the next generation of fondleslab, which – fanbois take a breath – may ship with dual-wielding app support in iOS 9. NDTV Gadgets suggested Tim Cook's workers have …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Wow...

    ...just Wow.

    1. PleebSmash
      Angel

      Re: Wow...

      Apple Windows Enterprise Edition is no joke.

    2. big_D Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Wow...

      Anything Microsoft can do and we ridicule, we can do too... And it's cool.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Wow...

      So almost certainly vastly inferior to the Surface Pro 4, probably more expensive, but it comes with an Apple logo so no doubt the gullible will buy it in droves...

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        Re: Wow...

        Can we have most the above comment as a sticky post at the top of all articles about Apple products?

        Also add "xxx did it in 1624 but when Apple do the same it's new and miraculous", plus some references to ovine beasts and stuff about xxx device already does that and only costs 50p.

        It will save all these people from the risk of RSI typing the same thing every time.

  2. Andy The Hat Silver badge

    Double the pane?

    How come nobody thought of having more than one window or application open at a time before?

    Must have been a massive leap of faith by a designer to suggest something so radical ...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Double the pane?

      Better make sure they patented it...

    2. fruitoftheloon
      Thumb Up

      @Andy the hat: Re: Double the pane?

      Andy,

      Yup, you are right on there matey.

      So says I, commentarding on my rather pleasant 12" Samung Note Pro thingyamajig (recently bought for dramatically less than the implausible launch price...)

      Cheers,

      J.

    3. SW10

      Re: Double the pane?

      2 or 3? Why not 4?

      Would that be awesome or some foursome?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Double the pane?

        Because every man dreams of a threesome?

        1. Will Godfrey Silver badge
          Meh

          Re: Double the pane?

          Four panes! Now that's an idea. Maybe they could arrange some form of 3d context. I know! How about a box with the panes on each side, and the ability to drag a window round the corner. I'm sure nobody ever thought of that before.

          (well nobody with any money)

          And another thing. Make the box semi-transparent and have fish swimming around in it. Awesome!

          1. John 104

            Re: Double the pane?

            @Will Godfrey.

            Have a pint on me.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Double the pane?

      Let's see how long it takes Samsung to rip that one off

      ...tongue in cheek

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    They are getting bigger......

    I see the future as being the iCoffeeTable. Massive iPad with legs. Kinda like one of those Space Invaders tables you used to get in youth clubs in the 80's.

    1. FartingHippo

      Re: They are getting bigger......

      iWall. 8ft high by 12ft wide.

      1. PleebSmash
        Terminator

        Re: They are getting bigger......

        close

    2. Russell Hancock

      Re: They are getting bigger......

      What, you mean kinda like the "original" Microsoft surface (the not tablet / laptop thing!)

    3. emmanuel goldstein

      Re: They are getting bigger......

      one day, hopefully soon, we will all live in a shiny, round cornered, iUniverse.

      1. fruitoftheloon
        Happy

        @Emmanuel: Re: They are getting bigger......

        Emmanuel,

        yay! most of the walls in our house have rounded edges...

        J

        1. Darryl

          Re: @Emmanuel: They are getting bigger......

          "most of the walls in our house have rounded edges..."

          Expect a visit from Apple's lawyers

          1. fruitoftheloon
            Thumb Up

            @Darryl: Re: @Emmanuel: They are getting bigger......

            Darryl,

            I would love to have a chat with Apples legal eagles about design precedents (I know less than f'all about this area of law)...

            But as our house was built about 600 years ago we may have prior art methinks...

            Have one on me buddy!!!!

            Cheers,

            Jay

  4. Little Mouse

    Percy's Horse

    Double the screen size? Two windows? Two users?

    It sounds to me like someone saw two iPads next to each other and put, well, one and one together.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Percy's Horse

      Surely if they put one and one together they would have got three.

      Only after extensive design work and testing (OK - 5 minutes between coffees) did they reduce the users from three to two.

      Otherwise how would they patent everything?

    2. David 132 Silver badge

      Re: Percy's Horse

      Maybe one of the colour options will be Purest Green.

  5. This post has been deleted by its author

  6. RachelG

    Funny how the multi-user aspect is mentioned as an afterthought (everywhere) but imho is the bigger deal.

  7. Ralph B

    Lawsuit?

    I wonder if Microware will give their lawyers another go at biting Apple regarding "iOS 9". (They lost back in 1999 for Mac OS 9.)

  8. returnmyjedi

    So you can snap two apps together, either 50/50 or ⅔/⅓? Truly magical/revolutionary.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      this truly is the future, actually that's garlic bread, but this is, well its revolutionary, and something that you've not been able to do on say a windows tablet for well for ever. The ability to have, feck me, more than one user and to display, bugger me backwards, two windows side by side, I'm going to soil myself with excitement.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "So you can snap two apps together"

      Apple are preinstalling Windows 8?

  9. Brainman

    Side-by-side Windows on 12" Pro tablet with stylus like a Samsung Android tablet?

    I am currently typing on one side of my Samsung Tab S with YouTube in the other with 2 variable halves.

    I can do the same with my 2 year old Samsung Note 3 Phablet and can overlay a mini calculator, phone, clock etc. Phablets that since 2011 Apple fanbois mocked until the 6 plus blatantly copied it with a fudged version of 1080p while Samsung had already moved on to 1440p & soon 2160p.

    Oh yes the 12" Samsung Tab Pro and Note Pro (with stylus) you can have 4 quarters.

    Glad to see Apple is 'inventing' a 12" Pro Tablet with stylus and multiwindow 18 months after Samsung did it.

    I await the derision of the Apple fanbois.

    1. Brainman

      Re: Side-by-side Windows on 12" Pro tablet with stylus like a Samsung Android tablet?

      ... and of course the Samsung tablets have the true multi user capability built in Android.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Side-by-side Windows on 12" Pro tablet with stylus like a Samsung Android tablet?

        No but the Windows ones do.

    2. Infernoz Bronze badge

      Re: Side-by-side Windows on 12" Pro tablet with stylus like a Samsung Android tablet?

      Got a Tab S 10.5 myself, and it really does humiliate the overpriced crapple slab e.g. near 4K OLED display, support for OTG wired Ethernet, ANT+, support for 128GB micro SD cards, stylish Titanium Bronze case choice and Logitech deemed it worthy to make a nice Bluetooth keyboard case for it too. It is a joy to read books, magazines, 2 facing pages of reference books on and watch video on too.

  10. Mike Taylor

    "equal halves or unequal thirds"

    Are you writing for idiots?

  11. DJV Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    "The future is truly here"

    Sarcasm tags not required - ha ha!

  12. Khaptain Silver badge
    Coat

    Multiple apps but ...... (wait for it)

    Only one menu bar... yup it's a Mac

  13. Andy The Hat Silver badge

    now it's 12inches we could add a little keyboard and perhaps a mousey thing and, since it's so unwieldy the user could support it on their knees - we could call it a 'knee-pad' or 'lap-pad' or something and, since it'll be so fab and great, charge one meeeelion dollars ...

  14. Lyndon Hills 1

    fondleslabbage

    noun - vegetable similar to cabbage but better designed.

  15. Stevie

    Bah!

    I'll give him this (amongst much else), Steve Jobs understood the downside of multi-user login: a drop in actual device sales. My observational data suggest people are buying extra iPads so as to not have the kids play with theirs.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What next ... ?

    ... a file browser?

  17. Tromos
    Joke

    Ban it

    This could be used for two users communicating with each other securely without going out to the internet. The implications for terrorist use are obvious. This must be stopped NOW!

  18. Hilibnist

    Running background apps

    Two apps in view at once? That'd be nice. Maybe it'll be possible to play YouTube audio in the background while doing something else on my iPad at last.

  19. John 104

    Tossers

    This reminds me of the amazing feature they introduced in the iPhone of being able to *gasp* talk AND do something outside of the dialer at the same time!

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    two screens? good idea! Proposed by Microsoft in 2008...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmIgNfp-MdI

    1. John 104

      Re: two screens? good idea! Proposed by Microsoft in 2008...

      Yes, but when Apple invent it it is new and magical.

  21. shufflingB
    Holmes

    So who said that Apple ever did anything that was new?

    Apple's always been more about doing it with more polish, a bit of style _and_ making a profit from it; rather than anything particularly new. I'd suggest waiting and seeing rather than dismissing it as ho hum, lot of people thought the same thing about iPhones and iPods and we know how that ended up.

    Have a nice weekend :-)

    1. Looper
      Devil

      Re: So who said that Apple ever did anything that was new?

      "Apple's....blah...blah...blah...ad infinitum...blah...

      Have a nice weekend :-)"

      Fuck off you smarmy fanboi twat.

  22. lone_wolf

    two applications open at the same time

    I don't understand how having 2 applications open at the same time with each using half a screen could be considered patentable?

    You could do that on computers since the 90's, or how that could been seen as revolutionary...

  23. Mark Solaris

    Oops

    That awkward moment when you are playing in your half against an opponent in their half of the MASSIVE 12 in screen, and up pops bae in a notification with a salacious booty call offer.

  24. Frederick Tennant

    Dual Screens

    Well this is how apple works, the dual screen was first seen in Jag and now in the Merc Maybach, this is where the driver sees navigation on his view, and the passenger can see a movie on there side. So what Apple has done is one screen with multi viewing angles so the you can lay the screen flat and the person opposite will see a different screen to the one you are using, if they can be used at the same time well that would be a first.

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