Jubcropgate: El Reg in snake-fondling nude nipslip outrage

El Reg had Middle England choking on its Coco Pops a couple of weeks back following the failure of its jub-detection algorithm (JDA) - an advanced piece of coding designed to protect sensitive readers from an eyeful of unchecked chesticle. The JDA compares images uploaded to our media servers with a photographic database of …

[TRT]

That there nipple...

is in a weird place. Anyway, thanks for pointing it out, El Reg. I hadn't noticed it myself.

[Zaphod.Beeblebrox]

Re: That there nipple...

I had noticed, but I wasn't telling. Makes you wonder who did, eh?

[Robin]

I saw this

I noticed this at the time, but was so outraged that I haven't visited the site since.

[Pete 2]

Erroneous zones

We should stop and reflect just how lucky we are, that the busybody who makes these decisions on which bits of flesh can / cannot be displayed didn't choose noses to be the subject of the nation's modesty, instead.

Not only would we *all* have to traipse around in "nose bras", but you'd probably get locked up for picking your schnozz in public, As for sneezing - I hate to think.

Why erroneous? Consider all the mistakes they've caused.

[I ain't Spartacus]

Re: Erroneous zones

Noses are red,

Violets are blue.

My nose is naked,

And proud of it too!

[Anonymous Coward]

I don't see the problem.....

We've all got them.....

it's just half the population have bigger ones and the other half will do almost anything to see them.

Time for survey perhaps?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: I don't see the problem.....

I was half expecting a fat joke there. Some sort of "Half the population have big ones and the other half are women," kind of thing.

[Chris Miller]

For the benefit of those under the age of 60

Michael James (Peter O'Toole): Did you find a job?

Victor Skakapopulis (Woody Allen): Yeah, I got something at the striptease. I help the girls dress and undress.

Michael James: Nice job.

Victor Skakapopulis: Twenty francs a week.

Michael James: Not very much.

Victor Skakapopulis: It's all I can afford.

What's New Pussycat (1965)

[mike 32]

Re: For the benefit of those under the age of 60

Ah, thank you. It had passed me by...

I'm 30.

[Anonymous Coward]

WTF

El reg seems to be turning into the Daily Mail, with various semi naked pictures of women running down the side of the page.. WTF happened

[AndrueC]

Re: WTF

It's called progress?

[Fibbles]

Re: WTF

Some weeks have more jub related articles than others but it's been a reg tradition for as long as I can remember that they keep us abreast of such important news. Especially on Fridays.

[William Boyle]

Modesty taboos and religion

Modesty taboos are an offshoot of religious strictures, both of which have no place in a pluralistic society. Let people wear what they want (or not, as the case may be), and let them believe what they want in the religious domain - just don't let others tell me what to wear (or not) and what to believe!

As for people who cancelled their subscriptions over a few errant pixels - their loss, and probably fewer trolls for the rest of us to deal with!

[Robin]

Re: Modesty taboos and religion

"As for people who cancelled their subscriptions over a few errant pixels - their loss, and probably fewer trolls for the rest of us to deal with!"

I think you've missed the ... ah, never mind.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Modesty taboos and religion

True to a degree, but, even as a frothing-at-the-mouth atheist I'd prefer any young children in my care didn't have adult dangly -bits swinging in their direction at (the children's) head height.

It's all natural, yes, and there is too much prudishness, especially when it comes to the odd nipple, but letting it all hang out all the time - I'm not convinced.

[Anonymous Coward]

If you want my opinion ...

OK, so you don't, but I'm going to tell you anyway ...

My opinion is that any part of the body with curly hair on it should be kept covered because it's disgusting. So for me, men going topless is more of a problem than women going topless.

And some people need to wear hats permanently!

[Phil O'Sophical]

Re: If you want my opinion ...

> any part of the body with curly hair on it should be kept covered

And just how am I supposed to type if I'm wearing gloves all the time?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: If you want my opinion ...

> My opinion is that any part of the body with curly hair on it should be kept covered because it's disgusting.

Great. Now I have to buy a hat.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: If you want my opinion ...

"My opinion is that any part of the body with curly hair on it should be kept covered because it's disgusting."

It isn't always curly - depends on your genes. On the other hand "smoothies" bald follicle bumps make them look like plucked chickens.

El Reg should take a cue from the 1950s "Health and Efficiency" air-brushed removal of body hair and nipples. A generation of boys grew up with a very distorted education obtained from scavenging in wind-blown hedges. The next generation had the more natural windfalls of Penthouse.

[Zaphod.Beeblebrox]

Re: any part of the body with curly hair on it should be kept covered because it's disgusting

That's me off to buy a full body suit then. I'm not saying I'm hirsute or anything, but I was often teased as being a gorilla whilst growing up.

No, that's *not* a fur coat I'm wearing...

[I. Aproveofitspendingonspecificprojects]

Re: Modesty taboos and religion

> Let pretty people wear what they want (or not, as the case may be)

FTFY.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Modesty taboos and religion

It was once observed:

The British feel uncomfortable if under-dressed compared to everyone else in the place. Scandinavians feel uncomfortable if they are over-dressed.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Modesty taboos and religion

and Americans feel uncomfortable if their shoulder holster is showing.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Modesty taboos and religion

"Let pretty people wear what they want (or not, as the case may be)"

Unfortunately very few people look "pretty" without the help of clothes. As D H Lawrence wrote in his poem about figs: clothes, no matter how little, are not to hide anything - but rather to adorn and attract attention to what can't be seen. Humans are animals with a high degree of curiosity.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Modesty taboos and religion

"Modesty taboos are an offshoot of religious strictures, [...]"

There is a deeper instinct of status display. It has been said that some naked Amazonian tribes will avoid a visitor until they have had time to put a string of beads about their waist.

What counts as immodest varies almost incomprehensibly. Some Middle Eastern religions have no problem with nudity per se - but require that the face be covered in social encounters outside the family.

As Salome proved - it is not the naked body that is alluring but the tease of not being able to see part of it clearly.

[Keep Refrigerated]

Re: Modesty taboos and religion

Whhhhoooooooooosh!

[LinkOfHyrule]

A friend of mine...

...uses a third party JDA system on their computer to protect the kiddies - totally blocks out pictures of Cherry Bakewells on the Mr Kiplin website!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: A friend of mine...

Pictures or it doesn't happen!

Also, some shame on the manufacturer would be appreciated.

[ukgnome]

Hardly the shocker that I expected - I have seen more nipple on my train journey from Norwich to Ipswich. A truly terrifying time was had when I controlled the flesh filter fir a strategic health authority. It was often quite hard to gauge what email should go through and what should be blocked.

*Paris, because she would never let a nipple slip upset her.

[The Indomitable Gall]

OUTRAGE!!!!

If you look back at the comments to the original story, there wasn't any outrage -- the problem was that El Reg had broken the sacred code of NSFW. A few people were worried about corporate JDAs and off-the-shoulder eyeballs. This article is just overstating it for amusing effect.....

[GrahamT]

I, for one...

welcome anything that obscures tits. It means fewer pictures of Boris and Dave to look at.

[Brent Longborough]

Re: I, for one...

And Ed, and Ed, and Ken, and David, and Tessa... the list is endless

[Carl Zetie]

Finally some nipples!

Thank goodness. I thought we never going to see any naked breasts on the internet.

[Anonymous Coward]

Ode to Teenagers Wot Would

The Register (so they say),

Is 'the place' if you want to play;

While reading 'bout Apple

As with your todger you grapple

With jolly japes all the day.

Paris, because she knows how to grapple.

[Roby]

Great, that's another monocle smashed.

[jungle_jim]

Speaking of fun bags

Based on searching google images for the 100 most popular girls names this year. The following are not recommended when naming your newborn girl: (top worst bottom less so)

Gianna

Madelyn

Nevaeh

Hailey

Kayla

Brianna

Kaylee

It's friday. Enjoy.

[I ain't Spartacus]

Re: Speaking of fun bags

"It's friday. Enjoy."

That's a funny name for a girl...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: a funny name for a girl...

Yeah, you'd think Friday would be a man

[I. Aproveofitspendingonspecificprojects]

But as Crusoe used to say

Any <Censored> in a storm.

[BorkedAgain]

Please tell me this was just an excuse...

... to boost the ratings with another shot of the snake-fondling Pole. I'd be horrified to think that anyone on here would be truly offended by a chance glance of a "slither" (I see what you did there, by the way) of nip.

By the way, nice to see that joke again. Has it really been forty years?

[Anonymous Coward]

That's an outrage! I am writing to the daily mail over this and you can be sure your local residents committee will be writing a very pointed letter to your neighbours asking them to cough loudly and with an air of disgust when they next see you.

Disgusted

- Tunbridge Wells

[Danny 14]

Her boobs dont seem to look right. Has the snake bitten them first?

[Sloppy Crapmonster]

So you're throwing poor Dave under the bus(t), eh?

[Anonymous Coward]

So where can I buy a couple of those El Reg pasties?

[Anonymous Coward]

Jubcropgate

What did Lester know, and when did he know it?

[mike 32]

To be fair...

her bronzed skin tone is possibly a little *too* even. I certainly didn't notice the issue in the cropped version.

[Sean Nevin]

Newspapers

Isn't the Register from the same country where the newspapers have nude women on page two? Why is it OK in the daily paper but not the *internet*?

[M7S]

Re: Newspapers

It's deemed OK to have them in newspapers as these days children are not taught to read, so they won't get past page 1

[Anonymous Coward]

I wonder...

...how y'all ever got through your baby age, I really do...

[Eddy Ito]

An eyeful!

You call that an eyeful? When I was a lad a mere glimpse could be seen through the keyhole and if you wanted a proper eyeful you needed a mate to prop you up to the window sill. Here I was expecting something at least .033 square linguini or 3.1e-5 NanoWales and that's at the paltry 1360 x 768 resolution of my laptop. I hate to think what those poor bastards with retina or equivalent displays have to suffer with. I imagine it barely triggers more than a rod and a pair of cones here and there. An eyeful indeed.

[Mr_Blister]

The photo reminded me of the infamous cover artwork on the Whitesnake album Lovehunter...

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-W0Bc4j_iIGY/TZUdOmruBRI/AAAAAAAAANI/udKif1mi86o/s1600/front.ipg.jpg