back to article Young Frenchwoman desperate for fat pipe tumbles out of window

A 25-year-old French woman's search for a Wi-Fi signal ended rather badly when she fell out of a first floor window, suffering "multiple fractures". The network-needy numpty was apparently sitting last Friday on a windowsill in her flat in Menton, a coastal town in southeastern France, with her laptop extended into the void " …

COMMENTS

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  1. Miek
    Linux

    Attempted Darwinicide?

  2. nichobe
    FAIL

    We have all been there...

    And propped up our tablet or phone with a book on the windowsill so it can get a Free WiFi connection.

    She just took it to another level... Ground.

    1. Steve Knox
      Facepalm

      Re: We have all been there...

      No, we have not all been there.

      Some of us have the sense and self-control to go without wi-fi when it is not safely available. If you do not, I suggest you seek treatment for your addiction.

      1. Thomas 4

        Re: We have all been there...

        I think it was XKCD that said something like "there is no force in the universe that can stop a geek desperate for an internet connection."

        1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

          Re: We have all been there...

          I think it was XKCD that said something like "there is no force in the universe that can stop a geek desperate for an internet connection."

          Gravity?

          1. cloudgazer

            Re: We have all been there...

            http://xkcd.com/466/

        2. NogginTheNog

          Re: We have all been there...

          What, even personal hygiene and sunlight?!!

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Happy

          Re: We have all been there...

          http://xkcd.com/466/

      2. JDX Gold badge

        Re: We have all been there...

        Great as it is to know better than everyone else Steve, you might not be aware some of us use the internet for important things.

        1. James Hughes 1

          Re: We have all been there...

          @JDX,

          What, more important than you own safety?

          1. Thomas 4

            Re: We have all been there...

            That Firelands raid isn't going to organise itself and I speak from experience in this regard. -.-

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Thumb Up

          @JDX

          you are redeemed

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Thumb Down

        @Steve Knox

        well done Steve, no really, well done

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: We have all been there...

        I remember getting a bit dangly on a hotel balcony in Greece having successfully located a victim WiFi box to tap into.... using Linux and VPN mostly .... I would have used the hotel WiFi, but it was always mysteriously broken, unlike the wired pay-for PCs nearby! I suggested to the hotel lady that I could easily fix it but she seemed to not be too keen ... even after a visit by a little van of IT experts it was still "broken". For about 2 weeks as far as I know. Or permanently, who knows....

    2. Swarthy
      Go

      Re: We have all been there...

      I have been tempted.. but thankfully I had a less precipitous solution handy: The Pringles Cantenna. Or, for a less temporary situation, Wok-Fi.

      1. jon 72
        Go

        Re: We have all been there...

        A 2 liter Coke bottle wrapped in tinfoil also works better than most expect.

  3. ukgnome

    Zut Allors

    Cette femme est clairement un idiot. Des gens comme cela ne devrait pas se fier à l'aide de ciseaux de sécurité.

    1. Cirdan
      Happy

      Re: Zut Allors

      "Ciseaux de sécurité"

      SAFETY SCISSORS???

      Ceinture de sécurité, Shirly?

      ;-)

      1. ukgnome

        Re: Zut Allors

        Non, je voulais dire de ciseaux. Bien que je doute qu'elle ne pouvait faire confiance à une ceinture de sécurité non plus.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Yet another danger of WiFi ... someone should ban it immediately!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      There ought to be a law! Think of the children!

      /sarc

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Since this is a tech site.....

    .....can we at least have a note indicating the current state of said laptop? Did is survive the fall? What make was it? Did a z-list celebrity Tweet any condolance/support messages to it?

    1. Nev

      Re: Since this is a tech site.....

      Also which WiFi was she trying to connect to?

      SFR, Free, Orange....?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Since this is a tech site.....

        And did the signal strength decrease with altitude?

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I can confirm lots of Grenouille-commentards are asking how the laptop is doing ..... ;)

  7. MikeyD85
    Thumb Up

    Defenestration!

    My favourite word!

    Was the laptop made by Apple and was she holding it wrong?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Defenestration!

      She defenestrated(?) herself, so she was definitely doing something wrong.

      1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Re: Defenestration!

        The word you're looking for is "autodefenestration".

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Defenestration!

          defenesturbation

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Defenestration!

      It is a good word despite being fairly French in nature.

      Robert Rankin (he of Sprouts of Wrath fame) used the word to describe what you need to do to solve the small screw problem. When you take something to pieces and reassemble it you're bound to be left with a number of small screws that came out of said laptop/watch/etc, and it is important to defenestrate them immediately lest they breed and multiply.

      1. Aaron Em

        Re: Defenestration!

        French in nature? I think you mean Latin -- considering that even in German it's "Fenster", if we're going to talk about anomalous words for 'window', then 'window' is the place to start.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Splendidly misleading title

    ...perfect for a Friday. Well done sir!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Meh

      Re: Splendidly misleading title

      Is it wrong that my brain went with the innocuous way to take the double entendre before the risqué one?

      1. Steve Knox
        Happy

        Re: Splendidly misleading title

        Is it wrong that my brain went with the innocuous way to take the double entendre before the risqué one?

        Yes.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Splendidly misleading title

        Is it wrong that my brain went with the innocuous way to take the double entendre before the risqué one?

        I would also go with "yes" as this is The Register on a Friday afternoon. If your first response is the innocuous one, then possibly some retraining may be in order.

        1. A K Stiles
          Gimp

          Re: Splendidly misleading title

          Ha - and when I read your comment for the first time I thought you'd suggested some restraining, rather than retraining!

  9. M Gale

    It takes all sorts.

    I have to ask, did she expect to be able to use the laptop while extended out at arm's length?

    Has she not heard of a USB wifi adapter and a long extension lead?

    Wonders will never cease. Shame there's no headscratching icon because, well, I am.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: It takes all sorts.

      Who hasn't tried to get that vital email to send in a poor signal area, eh?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Thumb Up

        @TRT

        Steve Knox, or so it seems

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It takes all sorts.

      >Has she not heard of a USB wifi adapter and a long extension lead?

      She may have done, but if she had to head to Le Clerc to buy one she could have just popped into a cafe with WiFi (weefee).

      Using stuff already in her home, she could have tied the laptop to a broom with duck-tape...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: It takes all sorts.

        Have you "tried" to buy WiFi gear in France? It looked like it was maybe contraband goods where I was. :P

        Easy to buy PCs and printers though. And cellphones, and countless 3G dongles.....

    3. Vic

      Re: It takes all sorts.

      > did she expect to be able to use the laptop while extended out at arm's length?

      I had to hold my phone at arms' length out of a plane door the other week[1]. And it worked fine :-)

      Vic.

      [1] I needed to get a GPS fix for my tracker application. A clear view of the sky tends to mean a faster lock...

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Mis-read instructions for using Word

    Open window, and type into it...

  11. Colin Miller

    What was the device in question,

    and did it survive the Defenestration. Enquiring minds want to know!

    1. TRT Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: What was the device in question,

      If it was a the next generation MacBookAir, she could have held onto it and floated gently down, right? I mean, with all this weight reduction Apple claim, helium filled drives and so on, the next generation must be lighter than air.

      1. Aaron Em

        How silly

        Surely everyone knows that MacBook Airs use SSDs that don't weigh anything at all.

        Trouble is they also use tiny little surface-mount connectors that don't plug in to anything at all -- boss's son demolished an Air, I got the resulting box of bits, and now am the proud owner of a teeny little 128G SSD that I can't bloody use!

  12. Paul Renault

    So, she took it on the chin, eh?

    I mean, if you're going to use Scottish words and all, and if Scotland's second language is STILL French...I can't believe I'm the first to say it.

    /sigh... Look up 'menton'.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: So, she took it on the chin, eh?

      Hi Paul, I believe that sadly a mandatory language (usually French) was dropped as a High School subject several years ago, in favour of kids individually choosing a lame easy subject like "studies of Powerpoint studies", or something.... much to the disgust of my parents (retired French and Latin language teachers) but never mind, chin up! - French is still the most popular second language being learned in schools. Amongst people that aren't brazen slackers destined for History of Art degrees at St Andrew's Uni, that is.

      Additionally, most wannabe independent nations in Northern Europe normally wanna-be like Nordic countries (presumably because they are unusually financially well-off) but for some reason they seem reluctant to learn Norwegian, Swedish or Finnish .... ;)

      Seems that Spanish might be more popular than German at the moment, additionally..... appears that Mandarin Chinese has leapfrogged German, although if these kids go on holiday to the EU they might be in for a bit of a shock.... especially in Germany, Italy, Switzerland, or in Brussels.... etc.

      Plus, having seen the location of Menton, perhaps she was trying to get a signal from Italy? Perhaps she was signalling ahead for a spaghetti order with a fast getaway car waiting, Ronin-style to get her over the border to her table? ;)

  13. andreas koch
    Paris Hilton

    What absolutely amazes me

    is the fact that even after more than 2 hours nobody has yet stated the obvious:

    That using Windows* for internet access is potentially dangerous.

    Oops, that should have been a lower case 'w' in windows, of course. My bad.

    Paris, for several reasons . . .

  14. Crisp

    What happened to the laptop?

    Was it still working afterwards?

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: What happened to the laptop?

      her lap or the machine?

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    War-diving?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      You're not proposing driving while fiddling with your laptop.

      ZOMG... there's not a law!?

      There ought to be a law!!!

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    And the guy across the street...

    I can see the guys across the street, moving the access point back further and further into the apartment.

    "Hey, let's see how far out the window she'll go!"

    1. Miek
      Coat

      Re: And the guy across the street...

      "Move the lead sheeting closer to the window and get the camera ready ..."

    2. Spiny_Norman
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: And the guy across the street...

      Love it!

  17. Scott Pedigo
    Coat

    Is that a picture of her wearing the Road Kill T-shirt?

  18. Nick Ryan Silver badge
    Joke

    Yes, yes, all very well.

    But was she good looking? This is all that matters when it comes to IT and girls. Especially on a Friday.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Defenestration

    Installing Linux on a Windows laptop?

  20. Pirate Dave Silver badge
    Pirate

    Uh...

    Do the French build houses with a first floor that's 30 feet high? Why would she need a trip to the hospital after falling out of a first floor window?

    1. Gobhicks
      Headmaster

      Re: Uh...

      You must be a Merkin. Over here the first floor is the one on top of the ground floor.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Merkin?

        Well, I'm a Brit, and it has confused me all my life.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Uh...

        Oooooh. Zero-based counting!

    2. Old Handle
      Holmes

      Re: Uh...

      I was momentarily confused as well, until I remembered you use zero-based numbering for floors over there.

    3. jonathanb Silver badge

      Re: Uh...

      Well the floor would be about 2.5 to 3 meters off the ground, and the window maybe another 1.5 meters above the floor. Not quite 30 feet but certainly enough for a fall to cause injury.

    4. pjosephson

      Re: Uh...

      Many countries call the first floor the "ground floor," then second floor is called the first floor. I can't remember if this is true in France.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: Uh...

        Many countries call the first floor the "ground floor," then second floor is called the first floor. I can't remember if this is true in France.

        It is. Ground floor is "premiere", ie 1st.

        1. jonathanb Silver badge
          Meh

          Re: Uh...

          In France, UK, and any other country I've been to, the ground floor is called the ground floor, and the first floor is called the first floor. Why on earth would you call the first floor the ground floor? The ground floor is the one at ground level.

        2. It wasnt me
          Thumb Down

          Re: Uh...

          No its not. My flat in France is on the "Rez de chaussee". The next floor up is clearly marked '1' in the lift.

    5. Trokair 1
      Holmes

      Re: Uh...

      Well as a "Merican" I can see the use for calling it a ground floor. I still feel that in number it should be the first floor. When I count apples I do not start with zero apples because at the time I do in fact posses one. Therefore if you have a floor you would begin with 1. Zero floors would be the absence of a floor.

    6. Pirate Dave Silver badge
      Pirate

      Re: Uh...

      OK, thanks for the replies. I am a Merkin, and am slightly less culturally ignorant now. I must tell the Missus.

  21. James Gosling
    Facepalm

    Allo... Allo..

    Wee wee she said, I lit the candle with the handle on the gateau at the chateau then came home to check on the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies by Van Klomp, which I keep in in a long knackwurst sausage. While attempting to signal the resistance I fell of the window sill and landed on General Von Klinkerhoffen's little tank! Oh where is Rene when you need him!

    1. Miek
      Linux

      Re: Allo... Allo..

      Gruber had the little tank, but, Bravo!

  22. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge
    Trollface

    The other first

    When are you Brits going to stop calling the second floor a "first floor"? "First above the ground" makes it, from any rational point of view, the second floor. I can see the French doing it to preserve quirky ancient cultures and all that, but this is a bleeding edge, high tech, serious online publication here. Even computer nerds know that an element at index zero is the first element, not the first after the zeroth.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The other first

      Typical of a country that cant spell basic English words correctly.

      We start with the descriptive "Ground" floor usually meaning street level. each floor above that is counted. Is it really that hard to understand?

      The American way is not universally right.... or accepted.. get over yourselves...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The American way

        But there are a hell of a lot more of us than there are of you, so by rule of popularity, we are correct. Just because you were the first doesn't mean you are right, get over yourselves.

        1. mikeyt

          Re: The American way

          i downvoted you coz i'm a brit. but if it's a numbers game you win hands down. just got back from china and in the four cities i visited all their lifts showed ground as 1.

          But i believe their children are born at 1 as well so what we would call their first birthday is actually their second.

          Foreigners, go figure.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: The American way

          I thought the Indians in Silicon Valley were trying to teach you Real English, there's plenty more of them at home, and it is their second official language, especially if they don''t speak Hindi .... ;)

          Also, aren't "a hell of a lot of you" native Spanish speakers by now? ;)

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Facepalm

        Re: The other first

        Isn't something equally confusing done with ships and decks?

        <---- bringing maritime terminology into such a debate can ensure it runs for years and years

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: The other first

          Even better. In a boat the floor is not the floor, that is the sole. There are numerous floors and each one is attached to the keel, and holds a pair of frames. The sole may rest on the floors but it doesn't have to. And to make it even more fun, the ceiling is the inner layer of planking over the frames, so that when the boat rolls you can sit on the ceiling.

          So currently I am building a boat with ten floors and no ceiling.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The other first

      In the traditional British hovel there is no floor at ground level, merely compacted earth. The "first floor" is the one over your head.

      1. frank ly

        Re: The other first

        Some of us have compacted straw and horsehair. I can recommend it, especially in winter.

    3. 4.1.3_U1

      Re: The other first

      Obviously when one counts floors one begins with zero for the ground floor, first floor above ground is one, first below ground is minus one. If one were to be writing lift (or "elevator") management software this is how one would number the floors; some lifts I've used even use this numbering scheme on the buttons for humans to choose the required destination level (-2,-1,0,1,2 etc).

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The other first

      > I can see the French doing it to preserve quirky ancient cultures and all that

      In France we often call the *second* floor, first floor. Below that there is the entresol (but not in every building), and below the entresol de rez de chausée, or ground floor. Below the ground floor one may have one or more sous-sols (basement, underground floors), which sort of makes it handy to have a 0 point in the scale. How do you cope with that in L'Amérique?

    5. jonathanb Silver badge
      Flame

      Re: The other first

      No, the first floor above the ground is the first floor. The second floor is the second above the ground. How could it be any other way?

      1. PhilipN Silver badge

        Re: The other first

        Remember the almighty IBM would number installation diskettes 0 (or rather no number at all), then 1, then 2, etc.

    6. Cameron Colley

      Re: The other first

      I'm not convinced ALL USians start at one. I had a discussion with a colleague from the US about this and he told me some buildings there (Baltimore) had a ground or zero floor.

      Can any other USians confirm this?

    7. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Re: The other first

      Not only do we number from zero, *we* know that the one after the 12th floor isn't the 14th...

    8. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The other first

      This coming from somebody in a country where they had a problem understanding the difference between imperial and metric measurements and lost a space probe as a result...

      http://articles.cnn.com/1999-09-30/tech/9909_30_mars.metric.02_1_climate-orbiter-spacecraft-team-metric-system?_s=PM:TECH

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ideal recuperation project

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cantenna

    Get yourself some Pringles, ma cherie

  24. Arachnoid
    Facepalm

    I wonder if the hospital had a better wifi signal

  25. Bucky 2
    Pint

    So Confused

    The word "theft" didn't appear in the article. The word "apartment" did. It would be cuckoo-bananas to assume her own WiFi router wasn't INSIDE her apartment, so why was she moving her laptop FARTHER AWAY from it in order to get a better signal?

    Maybe I'd understand better if I didn't drink so much.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: So Confused

      France has almost national Wifi coverage. Subscription based.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: So Confused

        Interesting, but it seemed to be somewhat less than fully implemented when I was there 1 year ago?

        Occasional building-based subsription WiFi boxes..... usually in odd locations and bad signal. But otherwise most people using 3G dongles at stupid data costs, which is why the students are normally extremely keen to hang out at cafes with free wifi! Actually come to think of it so were many adults. Some were brazenly using the tables outside the cafe but within range of the AP... without buying anything :P

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: So Confused

      Maybe if you had read the original article, and its comments section, you would have learned that:

      "[....] En effet, il me semble que menton est doté d'un système wifi "libre" mais payant dont le signal est parfois souvent difficilement accessible de l'intérieur. [....] "

  26. JeffyPooh
    Pint

    Our old Acer laptop has "two high performance Planer-F antennas"

    Said so right on one of the features decals. Works great. From the 12-floor of a Hong Kong hotel we could get dozens of open access points out there, amongst the city lights. No falling out required.

  27. b166er
    Coat

    Maybe she thought she'd get a better signal if she was properly earthed

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    First Parkour now this.

    The French eh - anything for a kick.

    Logging WIFI access points while falling, parachuting or wing suit flying.

    Sod all that skimming the mountain at 120mph how many access points could you get at the time and can you update your facebook while on the way?

  29. Franklin Newton-Steyn

    shoot fellers, I done thought the story was gonna go in another direction, seein' how 'pipe' is a word that

    also means (telephone rings in the background) hold it, boys, I better see who that is...

  30. Maty

    false logic

    I'd agree the 'Merkin system of numbering floors was more logical if it actually was. However, if we are counting the number of floors in a house, and only that, then the first floor is the basement.

    Many US houses have basements that include pool rooms, gyms, and a room for the grown-up son. So these count as 'floors' in every sense. And if we discount a level because it is below ground, then it's every bit as logical (or illogical) not to count the floor at ground level either.

  31. Pirate Dave Silver badge
    Pirate

    And just to muddy the floor counting debate further

    I work at a small college, and in some of our dorms, the basement (underground) floor is floor 1, the ground floor is floor 2. So, yes, I guess we do some strange things here.

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