Discussion
customer service> I am sorry sir, but Bill Gates is currently discussing his marriage problems with Epstein.
Drunk Van Halen fan called Microsoft support and demanded to speak to Gates
Some support calls become memorable because of the technical problem. Others stick in the mind because the caller has apparently consumed an adult beverage or three before demanding to speak to the boss. Microsoft veteran Raymond Chen has shared one from the latter category. His tale comes from a now-retired colleague who once …
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Thursday 1st October 2026 10:01 GMT Doctor Syntax
Re: Well - that is a turn around
Much like "John, the energy advisor for your postcode". He rings off when asked which postcode this is.
As he's no idea I'd be tempted to stay on to find out if he (or Jackie, the other frequent caller along these lines) wants to send somebody out to the premises - leads generation seems the likeliest way to monetise this - and then give them the ICO's address. I've never had the patience.
However I did bag John with the Long Stand treatment a few weeks ago. I interspersed "Yes", "Are you still there?" etc with off mic pretending to be interrupted by someone and then asked him to hold the line a minute while I dealt with it and he agreed. Success! Nearly as good as the double glazing salesman whose manager rung back to say they'd lost the call - and fell for the same treatment.
Now we've been transferred to Digital Voice I note that the Fritzbox can provide multiple answering machines and even has an option for announcements with no message taking. If I can work out how to quickly transfer a caller to an answering machine without their noticing I think I'll create an oubliette by recording the same spiel. One of the advantages* of DV is that there's a second line so we wouldn't miss any calls while the victim's still holding.
* There had to be some small advantage to try to compensate for the overwhelming disadvantage: the loss of resilience. I installed a UPS for it but Murphy still struck.. The entire area lost internet less than a week after we switched over.
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Thursday 1st October 2026 06:22 GMT PRR
Dearest friend designed a website, before the web was ready for her. It was important to auto-play "Heartbreak Beat" on load.
We've got the radio on, And it feels like love; There's a heartbreak beat, Playing all night long....
We were trying to move from 2400 to 9600 baud. I sliced and diced and bit-crushed that track to a pulp. It is gonna haunt my dreams tonight.
But I/we didn't blame Bill, or drink about it.
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Thursday 1st October 2026 09:49 GMT richdin
True tale
One day in the 90s, I was at a demo of email @Microsoft Israel - and the person running the show sent off an email addressed to Bill G. He was unaware that the system was live... and about 15 minutes later a reply came, asking if we could repeat the query in English instead of Hebrew and he'd be delighted to reply.... No consequences to the FTE as far as I know...
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Thursday 1st October 2026 10:19 GMT Stuart Castle
Stoned users
I remember dealing (in person) with a user who was complaining he couldn’t hear me.
He was so stoned he didn’t realise that the reason he couldn’t hear me was that he had a massive pair of over the ear headphones on. I was gesturing for him to remove them, but he didn’t understand.
So, my boss came over to see what was wrong, and when he saw, he ripped the headphones off, and asked can “you hear now?”
