BOFH: Cross-department AI pitches are easier to swallow with a pint in hand

Official BOFH logo (red rotary telephone with devil's tal and devil's horns) BOFH logo EPISODE 13 "It's just a quick pitch session. You won't have to stay long," the Boss wheedles. "Thanks, but..." I reply. "Come on, you'll meet some new people." "Boring people," the PFY interjects. "... and hear some stories..." "Boring …

[Anonymous Coward]

Cameras everywhere, linked to AI??? Have these people not seen the Terminator films? Time to make it mandatory viewing I think.

[Charlie Clark]

This article was brought to you by the marketing department of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation – You're Plastic Pal Who's Fun To Be With™

[Ken G]

I thought Hitachi made those.

[Ian Bush]

Nah. Ann Summers.

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Hitachi do make those, but leave them unbranded as they sell so well. The errr Knock Offs ones carry Hitachi's logo.

https://www.theregister.com/offbeat/2010/07/22/hitachi-hides-magic-wand-vibrator-under-a-bushel/1037883

[Anonymous Coward]

A female friend rates those sold by Doxy far more highly, however highlights a 2 edged sword, it permitted her to "express herself" in ways she previously couldn't, however now she cannot stop expressing herself every time she uses it, the cleanup is apparently very tiresome....

[Hazmoid]

"The Marketing department is defined in the "Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy" as " the first against the wall come the Revolution"

[Evil Auditor]

Time to make it mandatory viewing I think

1984 was meant as a warning, too, not a bloody manual! What makes you believe Terminator will be treated differently?

[cmdrklarg]

That and Idiocracy being very prophetic.

[Blackjack]

Unfortunately there are workplaces that are already doing that, take a coat to the toilet to put over the camera that sees you shitting.

No I am not joking.

[MiguelC]

Fortunately that's illegal in civilised countries. Filming you in the loo, I mean, not hanging a coat over the camera filming you in the loo. Because the camera can not be there in the first place. So you have to hang the coat somewhere else. But I digress now, it seems. Must be from the liquid medication.

[Anonymous Coward]

Illegal in civilised countries.

NOT America then...

[A.P. Veening]

The USA has never been a civilised country, but I never knew how bad it really was until they stopped pretending.

[steelpillow]

And Battlestar Galactica.

[blu3b3rry]

centiMusks

Love it. In one lab we used to have a similar measuring metric, the milliPhillips.

Dave was probably fine to talk to if you were interested in motorcycles and wanted to hear about his forty years of riding them.

Sadly we never managed to sneak a cask of best bitter and beer engine (or even a bottle of decent single malt) into the lab as a mitigation measure...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: centiMusks

I used to work with one of those. He was fine if you enjoyed tales of hitchhiking back and forth across Europe in the heat of summer, otherwise, not so much.

anonymous in case the runt is still back from the EU this year.

[Jonathan Richards 1]

Re: centiMusks

Here just because ...

mHelen, [phys, nav. arch.]milliHelen, defined as the quantity of facial pulchritude exactly sufficient to launch one ship.

[Mark #255]

"It's nothing to do with witches"

I see that Mr Travaglia is another fan of The Naked Week!

[Annihilator]

Re: "It's nothing to do with witches"

I'm here for this comment too :D Andrew Hunter Murray wants his joke back!

[Jonathan Richards 1]

Re: "It's nothing to do with witches"

Often used on R4 More Or Less, too

[Hot Diggity]

Self love

Sound like the self love thing is now a bit down in the dumps.

And positive affirmation on pressing an elevator button can't go well judging by previous episodes where anything involving an elevator tends to involve something or someone taking a dive

[Dagg]

Re: Self love

This reminds me of something from HGTTG

Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Happy Vertical People Transporter

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

Brilliant episode!

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE BLOODY JOKING ABOUT THAT TOILET THING!" the Boss rants.

Oh yeah. But on the building PA system.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Tea-on-keyboard incident registered

[Phil O'Sophical]

Re: building PA system.

Are we talking Public Address or Personal Assistant here?

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: building PA system.

I don't think the Personal Assistant gets used by the entire building staff.

Mind you having seen what some C-Suite PA's browse to over their lunch time in the course of network monitoring, well Sally Smedley & her predilection's comes to mind by way of an example.

[Korev]

Re: building PA system.

An upvote for the Drop the Dead Donkey reference

[Bebu sa Ware]

PFY has even heard of Rod Steiger ?

Given Rod shuffled off the mortal in 2002, if the PFY still were still entitled to the Y he would have been in swaddling in '02.

In 2026, I would be measuring weirdos in microthiels and picokarps.

Dosimeter. Dull Overrated Sod meter.

If the boss is is good for 20 centimusks in 20 minutes (say) - the unit of DOS intensity must be Musk/sec (aka the Elon) - then the boss would be 17 micromusk/sec (17 microelon) small potatoes compared with Space Karen resplendent in his full 1 Elon. I suspect it's also a log scale.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: PFY has even heard of Rod Steiger ?

No, the log scale is how the building PA system knows how exuberantly to congratulate you.

> [Fanfare] New record recorded in first floor gents, cubicle 3. Congratulations Barry.

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: PFY has even heard of Rod Steiger ?

"> [Fanfare] New record recorded in first floor gents, cubicle 3. Congratulations Barry."

BASTARD!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: PFY has even heard of Rod Steiger ?

Add scale to toilet which has a baseline weight. Recognises user entering toilet cubicle, measures weight when user sits down and then before flush cycle activates measures residual weight and creates score accordingly

[Jonathan Richards 1]

Re: PFY has even heard of Rod Steiger ?

Need a (lavatory | rest room) designer from Bethselamin. Award yourself another pint of medication if you don't have to click on that.

[tezboyes]

Re: PFY has even heard of Rod Steiger ?

The PFY has been such for 30 years!

[SierraD421]

Re: PFY has even heard of Rod Steiger ?

I remember reading that the PFY might actually no longer be a youth; I think he was introduced in the 1990s stories, so it's likely he's heard of Steiger.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: PFY has even heard of Rod Steiger ?

Had the misfortune to encounter a nobhead known by all who encountered him as 'Super Youth'.

Apparently he gained that nickname after being named 'most improved youth [apprentice] of the year', despite being the kind of person that 'people take an instant dislike to him... saves time!' was coined for. Nobody referred to him by his real name

(he was once punched by a mate, who as not sacked as 'he was provoked'... so not even management liked him!)

[Kane]

No. AI could encourage you in everything you do – just small comments to lift your self-esteem

"Oh, you mean the lift telling you that you pressed the first-floor button really well. Or the toilet telling you that you totally nailed that last run of… well, runs."

Douglas Adams really was an unsung prophet.

[Captain Slog]

Re: No. AI could encourage you in everything you do – just small comments to lift your self-esteem

"Here I am, brain the size of a planet..."

[Evil Scot]

Re: No. AI could encourage you in everything you do – just small comments to lift your self-esteem

Given the managers that use this phrase in front of me, I consider the completion of this phrase as "... a perfect fit for Uranus"

[Elongated Muskrat]

Re: No. AI could encourage you in everything you do – just small comments to lift your self-esteem

"Hi there! This is Eddie, your shipboard computer, and I'm feeling just great, guys, and I know I'm just going to get a bundle of kicks out of any program you care to run through me."

[Aladdin Sane]

Re: No. AI could encourage you in everything you do – just small comments to lift your self-esteem

1978, 8 years before computer viruses were invented/discovered

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: No. AI could encourage you in everything you do – just small comments to lift your self-esteem

"Here's another one of those self-satisfied doors."

[Phil O'Sophical]

Re: No. AI could encourage you in everything you do – just small comments to lift your self-esteem

The Creeper virus dates from 1971, see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_computer_viruses_and_worms

[M.V. Lipvig]

Re: No. AI could encourage you in everything you do – just small comments to lift your self-esteem

OK and let's see what you've chosen to run! Yay, it's a music CD! And it's a compilation of... of... of... no... no no nonononono!!!! YOU MONSTER, YOU LOADED "YOKO ONO SINGS THE CAPTAIN AND TENILLE"??!?

[Boris the Cockroach]

Re: No. AI could encourage you in everything you do – just small comments to lift your self-esteem

I dont need my self esteem worked on, what I'd like is that mal- functioning lift so I can stick my least favourite operator in it and force him to listen to lift muzak for the rest of his life, or at least until the lift reaches the top floor where upon the lift maintenance hatch in the floor opens ......

<<wanders of for some medication while cursing said operator for screwing up 6 hours of cell setup AND 1 of the matching pair of swappable fixtures.. our BoTH gonna be even more upset when she sees the wreckage on monday.....

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: No. AI could encourage you in everything you do – just small comments to lift your self-esteem

Actually that's the reason management love AI.

It validates every stupid idea that they ask about.

[the Jim bloke]

Re: No. AI could encourage you in everything you do – just small comments to lift your self-esteem

Differentiate between validate and affirm

A stupid idea is still stupid, no matter how often a judgement-free presidential advisor /sycophant yes-bot tells you its wonderful..

[MacGuffin]

My AI Toilet gets smarter everyday.

[M.V. Lipvig]

Leela: So long, overly complicated Japanese toilet.

Japanese toilet: Please, not to throw away. I give you happy poopy time.

Fry: Sorry, you know too much.

[Throatwarbler Mangrove]

Classic

"You see, I have always struggled with self-love," he admits.

Fortunately, I'd set my coffee down.

[SierraD421]

I suspect the BOFH and the PFY are gonna have hangovers for a while...