Yes! It's true! Windows 11 is an agentic platform

OPINION In the time zone of the keynote, it's dystopia o'clock. These days, it always is. The fervent CEO prophet strolls around an empty stage, backlit by a giant altar of light on which they display their magic and impart visions of a future that address none of our fears, choosing instead to add to them. The format has as …

[andy the pessimist]

We have captain picard for the (sounds swedish) borg. And the ravenous bugblatter beast of traal for the vogons.

Go get him.

[may_i]

Well, borg means castle in Swedish, but it's not pronounced anything like you'd pronounce it in English. The g at the end sounds more like a y.

[Aaiieeee]

They actually said it.. ??

I can't figure out to what you are referring by the "They Actually Said It Award" in paragraph 5. It seems to be alluded to but not actually quoted, like the previous two examples.

The only thing it could be is "'Six months ago, that totally would have worked" some paras later but doesn't seem to be as award-worthy as the others.

[Joe W]

Weird...

So, Microsoft is the hope for privacy?

[Bebu sa Ware]

Satya Nadella, sadly lacking top hat, tails and a spangly waistcoat,

Not so sure about the tail.

[Dan 55]

Still flogging the AI horse

Shame it's dead.

Or maybe there'll be life in the old nag yet and the bubble will be blown up a little bit more after the sell off.

[Bebu sa Ware]

Re: Still flogging the AI horse

> bubble will be blown up a little bit more after the sell off.

Dead bear's bounce ?

Curious how these stocks are also sensitive to the Feds rate remaining higher. I would have imagined that most of the traded stock volume was from non-leveraged investment which wouldn't be that sensitive. With all the circular investment in the AI Ponzi, some of the players might be sensitive to funding costs which could be now causing disquiet in the broader market. Clearly a lot more in play.

As I think Warren Buffett once said to the effect "if you don't understand the business, don't invest in it."

This whole circus reeks far more of Bernie Madoff than of Warren Buffett, but with a definite aroma of Elizabeth Holmes and topped off with the mad hair of Sam Bankman-Fried.

[Roland6]

Re: Still flogging the AI horse

There was no horse, it was just an hallucination…

[Bebu sa Ware]

agents are just another kind of user,

When you think about it users don't actually exist inside a computer. What masquerades as a user are processes labelled by some identifier (uid) linked to the user.

So the idea that processes belonging to an agent might be so labelled as such too, is not exactly Einsteinian insight. Not really differing much from background or demon processes."

A process' capabilities and how it acquires or inherits them might differ between users and agents.

I imagine if you were running agents under Linux you might keep them on a pretty short leash with SELinux (enforcing.).

"[Microsoft] has rediscovered what an operating system actually is and actually does." — You think ?

Have to be grateful the clowns didn't wedge CrapPilot into the Windows' kernel, I suppose.

[MiguelC]

Devil in the detail

I always call a priest to exorcize my computer whenever I suspect of demon processes running.

The priest usually uses a daemon to run the exorcism in the background - he's very IT savvy :)

[Jedit]

"he's very IT savvy"

ChristOS Contractor?

[Dan 55]

Re: "he's very IT savvy"

TempleOS.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: agents are just another kind of user,

So we finally have an excuse to take Local Admin Rights away from the rest of the users? Maybe it will actually happen this time.

[Someone Else]

Re: agents are just another kind of user,

Have to be grateful the clowns didn't wedge CrapPilot into the Windows' kernel, I suppose.

How do you know they didn't/aren't?

_{They probably would have already, were there anybody still there who had the slightest inkling as to how to do it. (And that includes CowPileIt.)}

[ComicalEngineer]

Every breath you take...

I'll be watching you.. [The Police 1983 - the pop group ones, not the Feds]

Basically your operating system is sucking up everything you type and reporting back to the mother ship, well it is if you're using MS, Google or Apple(?)

I'm typing this on a Linux machine. :D

Your data is becoming increasingly more valuable for marketing purposes and for "monetisation" of everything you do.

Probably one of the most sinister I have come across is one of my acquaintances who has a particular medical issue and who receives targeted advertising for all sorts of drugs and quack cures, most of which originate from China, India and Russia with offers of cheaper medication than his prescription medication.

[Someone Else]

Re: Every breath you take...

See the article about web bugs and "Metapixels" in 96% (IIRC) of Medical web "portals".

_{E.g. this one or this one. both are El Reg articles.}

[David Hicklin]

Re: Every breath you take...

I wonder how the trackers are doing for me now that my email (Thunderbird) and most of my web browsing (Firefox*) are now on Linux having upgraded from Windows 10 - there must be a huge black hole in their analytics where data is no longer being collected.

* with NoScript, Ghostery and uBlock Origin plus a PiHole !

[Caver_Dave]

Re: Every breath you take...

Yes, creepy. I knew about my wife's new medical condition from the ads before she was sure and told me!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

Agentic Windows in action

a. Click on the UAC prompt.

b. Identify assignment and token generation.

c. Run the Agentic AI containerization in a sandbox.

d. Evaluate Access Control List (ACL).

e. Monitor output interception & firewalling.

f. Audit real-time behavior.

g: Wipe temporary token on session termination.

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

"Autopilot, an omniscient, omnipresent trickster god of an agent"

Not something I would want. As sir Terry Pratchett wrote "tricksters have the robust sense of humour that puts a landmine under a seat cushion for a laugh."

Doffs hat (grey Tilley once more) to the late, great sir Terry Pratchett.

[JLV]

Re: "Autopilot, an omniscient, omnipresent trickster god of an agent"

Yeah so take “mordant wit” a la Pratchett, add a good dash of malice a la Gibson and strip away Banks-style innate benignity, and, especially infallibility. Give it a good shake.

Wanna bet your soul the result will work out for you?

[[e-mail]]

Wadaya mean Agentic?

By "agentic" do you mean that Windows gets things wrong about 10% or the time?

[Dan 55]

Re: Wadaya mean Agentic?

Surprised Satya hasn't said that Windows has always been non-deterministic so it's always been agentic yet.

[Steve Davies 3]

Re: Windows gets things wrong about 10% or the time?

Wot! only 10%? nearer 50% in my book.

[the Jim bloke]

Re: Windows gets things wrong about 10% or the time?

10% of the time, it gets things wrong.

The other 98%, it just fucks up

[Joe Gurman]

Um....

"Imagine shipping your OS with a CLI package manager, eh, Apple?"

You mean like, softwareupdate ?

I know, I know, all it does is list available packages, as well as actual installs and upgrades. No configuration, because why would you want to?

[JLV]

Re: Um....

Hmmmm, methinks you missed the point: Homebrew’s origin is as the users’ FOSS package manager of choice in macOS, ahead of macports, which I gather is itself originated from BSD ports.

[Anonymous Coward]

"delightful dollop of digital darkness", yes (you could write headlines for news outlets if you don't already)