UK names Barnsley as first Tech Town to see whether AI can fix... well, anything

Barnsley, a town in South Yorkshire, England, best known for coal mining and glassmaking, is being thrust into the limelight as the country's first "Tech Town" – shoehorning AI into everything from local businesses to public services. According to the Department for Science, Innovation & Technology (DSIT), Barnsley will blaze …

[Doctor Syntax]

"make the UK great again (MUKGA)"

More likely MUKUP (Make UK Unbelievably Poor).

[Fruit and Nutcase]

MUKA

MUKGA -> MUKUP -> MUKA

Make UK Angry

[Roger Greenwood]

How the conversation went...

"Does tha want a load o' money lad?"

"Ai, Ta"

[steelpillow]

Re: How the conversation went...

Tut tut, SIr. It's "Dost tha' want a load a' brass, lad?"

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: How the conversation went...

Except it’s not, even in Yorkshire.

£500K will barely fit the office out.

[Rich 2]

Yea - just chuck that 1/2 million down that toilet there thanks

It’s been some years since I visited Barnsley but “AI” is NOT any answer to any problem they may have there. What Barnsley (like 99% of the north of England) needs is opportunity and hope for the kids, some genuine industry that actually produces stuff that’s worth something, getting stuff working again, etc etc etc. I have absolutely no idea where I would start on such a task but I’m damn sure it’s not with some ridiculous “AI” project that NOBODY will ever see any benefit from. Apart from the tech companies peddling it

What the hell is an LLM going to do to regenerate anything? It’s a £500k joke. You may as well throw rainbow coloured unicorn shit at the problem

FFS

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: Yea - just chuck that 1/2 million down that toilet there thanks

Maybe things aren't quite a bad as you think. I went there last year. There were huge car parks near the centre and still a lot of driving round to find a spare slot. Also, being right next to a junction on the M1 the surrounding area has a lot of business parks. Maybe too many on greenfield sites down towards Hoyland.

[elsergiovolador]

Re: Yea - just chuck that 1/2 million down that toilet there thanks

Car parks are a terrible proxy for economic health. In much of the UK it’s cheaper and more practical to drive than to use public transport, so full car parks mostly tell you people had no alternative.

They also only reflect the fraction of the population that can afford to be there at all. The people priced out, commuting elsewhere, or simply disengaged never show up in that snapshot.

And those business parks by the M1 exist largely because firms have been priced out of anything closer to home. Cheap land on greenfield sites pushes activity away from towns, hollowing them out further. Warehouses and back offices do not regenerate local economies, no matter how busy the car park looks.

[ABugNamedJune]

Re: Yea - just chuck that 1/2 million down that toilet there thanks

It's impossible to find parking in Portland, Oregon, U.S.A. but the job growth here is stagnant. You still see quite a lot of foot traffic, but if I got laid off tomorrow I'd be fighting for a position as a bagger at the local Fred Meyer. With Intel and Nike being the major employers here and them both trying to shed workers like a molting snake, things are going to get more dire in the next few years.

[Roland6]

Re: Yea - just chuck that 1/2 million down that toilet there thanks

>” Warehouses and back offices do not regenerate local economies, no matter how busy the car park looks.”

Newbury is a good case study: compare local economy when Vodafone was in offices around town and after it moved out to its largely self contained campus…

[elsergiovolador]

Re: Yea - just chuck that 1/2 million down that toilet there thanks

This is standard UK industrial policy theatre. When ministers say “support for business”, they mean funding slide decks, workshops, and vaguely academic “AI initiatives” that never touch a factory floor or a payroll.

There is effectively zero help for businesses that actually make things. No support for manufacturers, hardware startups, engineers, or anyone who has to buy machines, stock parts, hire skilled labour, or ship physical goods. Instead you get endless R&D cosplay where consultants and arts-adjacent “innovators” produce blue-sky PDFs, pocket the grant, and line up for the next round.

The government seems convinced you can conjure an economy from a coffee shop with a five-year-old laptop and a buzzword subscription. You cannot. Regeneration comes from people building, fixing, and producing things that someone is willing to pay for. An LLM does none of that.

[Like a badger]

Re: Yea - just chuck that 1/2 million down that toilet there thanks

There's a report out in the past week from the Institute for Government* that asked what government needed to do to promote growth, and why there had been none. The summary of their aanalysis as to why there has been no growth is that everytime there's a choice involving a possible lever for growth, government always fumble the choice. Actually, they don't fumble them, they intentionally take a choice that is for vested or party interests, or will further the tax 'n' benefits agenda rather than a harder choice that de-prioritises those for the uncertainty of possible future growth.

If this (or the previous shower of piss) had wanted to encourage investment and growth, then they'd have done things like offered policy stability, simplified the UK's shamefully complex tax code, perhaps balanced the budget, stopped the suicidal energy policy that ensures the highest energy prices of any developed economy. But those involve hard choices, so better to offer some cheap AI theatre, prattle on about "reducing regulatory burdens" whilst doing the opposite, increase the benefits bill, indulge themselves in in-fighting and leadership challenges, thus continuing the woeful charade that has been British government for at least the past two decades now.

* A highly respectable and competent think tank, no matter what the cynics might decide.

[Tron]

Re: Yea - just chuck that 1/2 million down that toilet there thanks

They made everyone 25% poorer at Brexit when Sterling went down. Even if they were competent, that sort of damage is not fixable in a generation, never mind the single term of office they have.

But hey, have a sticking plaster. Look, it's a trendy one - AI. Our advisers tell us it is magic and will fix everything. We are offering Barnsley the chance to be first to step into the future. [Why aren't they jumping with joy?]

Politicians do politics: Getting elected, getting connected and feathering their beds for when they get booted out. Most of them can't work a calculator. They get multiple incomes, with bribes listed in the register of members interests, but do nothing of value. What do you expect?

[Gordon 10]

Re: Yea - just chuck that 1/2 million down that toilet there thanks

... and at least the local scallys would have some fun lobbing rainbow unicorn shit around..... more fun than they'll have with AI thats for sure. Unless they get given Grok.

[MaChatma CoatGPT 2.0]

According to the Barnsley Chronicle...

..."pothole repairs have cost Barnsley Council more than £2m to repair since 2023, with 50,000 reports being submitted in the time".

I wonder what the locals will consider the priority.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: According to the Barnsley Chronicle...

splitting up that investment and cutting every local resident a check would do a lot more to stimulate the local economy than AI integration

[Jedit]

"Needless to say, the word "could" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here."

More like heavy lying. AI is not capable of producing any of the suggested results. They're not what AI is for even in the most optimistic of scenarios.

Follow the money on this one. Five'll get you ten the person who suggested this project is taking bungs from the AI peddlers. And even if they're not, it would be good to know who is responsible so they can be removed from office at the earliest opportunity.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: "Needless to say, the word "could" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here."

>person is taking bungs

You can't say that! You're stealing elsergiovolador's catch phrase saying that.

>even if they're not, it would be good to know who is responsible

Well that'll be Starmer. He's the idiot obsessed with AI and pushing it into everything. Barnsley's just the latest example of trickle down from him.

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: "Needless to say, the word "could" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here."

"Well that'll Starmer. He's the idiot obsessed with AI and pushing it into everything."

He doesn't have a monopoly on it. Just about everyone in politics is doing it. FOMO plus a strong helping of "if you don't understand it it must be magic and we must have magic".

[Bebu sa Ware]

Re: "Needless to say, the word "could" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here."

Well that'll be Starmer. He's the idiot obsessed with AI and pushing it into everything. Barnsley's just the latest example of trickle down [his leg?] from him.

Incontinent or incompetent. When he opens his mouth hard to tell; I would take options on both.

[Anonymous Custard]

Council Coprolite

Companies that have signed up to the scheme include Microsoft and Cisco, each – we're told – with a particular focus on AI skills in adult education and SME support.

So basically MS have run out of orifices in Windows to stuff Coprolite, and so they're now resorting to attacking local councils with it?

Still, all those former coal mines in the area offer a very good place to bury it somewhat more permanently.

[Rich 2]

Re: Council Coprolite

Oh yes - the usual suspects/leaches/scum (delete as you see fit) will be pushing for this

[SnailFerrous]

Because if/when it doesn't work, what does it matter? It's only Barnsley.

[Rich 2]

Looks like some people don’t get your sarcasm. Oh well

[Doctor Syntax]

No. There's always a hint of ambivalence. We know it's all too easy to come out with statements like that and then say "only joking".

[Rich 2]

I acknowledge your point but being someone who was dragged up not far from Barnsley, I get the sentiment all too clearly - usually directed at a government based in London

[Doctor Syntax]

Weirdly, since the 1974 reorganisation <spit>, I can almost see Barnsley from my upstairs windows.

[Gavsky]

That's nothing, I can see The Hanging Gardens of Babylon from mine. But, I actually live in Babylon!...so, the jokes on me...probably.

[steelpillow]

> There's always a hint of ambivalence.

My oh my, sarcasm without the slightest hint of ambivalence. Lead me to it!

[Pickle Rick]

> Looks like some people don’t get your sarcasm.

A bit presumptive. I downvoted for the frankly ludicrous inclusion of the "if"...

[Gavsky]

Indeed, so my money is on: sell it to the Chinese, then enslave, erm...work in partnership with - local residents. 100% employment & a perfect site for toxic waste disposal. Oh, & we'll need a wall building...

[Anonymous Coward]

Barnsley... the country's first "Tech Town"

The jokes write themselves.

When you get chatgpt to do it for you

[steelpillow]

Re: Barnsley... the country's first "Tech Town"

I gave ChatGPT the chop and wrote this one myself.

[CorwinX]

"Barnsley will blaze a trail"

Yeah, I imagine a blaze of some sort will probably feature heavily at some point in the ongoing story.

I does'na know wha' happn'd officer. It just went on fire!

[elsergiovolador]

Re: "Barnsley will blaze a trail"

I think person who came up with this was blazing something...

[Tron]

Bad luck, Barnsley.

Someone had to draw the short straw as crash test dummies. Are they going to go the whole hog and rename it bAIrnsley? Note the edgy use of a lower case 'b'. You normally have to pay designers for that sort of thing.

Maybe they can twin with Xinjiang.

Try to foist AI on me, my reply would begin with 'piss' and end with 'off'.

[TimMaher]

Re: “piss”

Not my first word. Just saying.

[Tron]

Re: “piss”

I toned it down a bit. I don't want El Reg getting age gated. Our glorious leaders should at least have to make a bit of effort to monitor us.

[Bebu sa Ware]

Re: Bad luck, Barnsley.

"You normally have to pay designers for that sort of thing."

"You" and "normally" are doing a lot of heavy lifting there. I wouldn't pay the vast majority of "designers" for anything, even a handjob. Ok a few of that tribe are pretty foxy so maybe that… negotiable.

[TheMaskedMan]

Do we really want an AI triaging calls in a GP surgery? It's hard enough to get past the bloody receptionist, FFS.

[ParlezVousFranglais]

hard enough to get past the bloody receptionist

That indicates a degree of success if you persevere - AI will close those loopholes thereby saving £££ from the local NHS budget and proving it is value for money...

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

TykeAI

Hear all, see all, say nowt gibberish

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: TykeAI

Fat all, sup all, pay nowt;

And if tha ever does owt for nowt, allus do it for thisen.

I imagine they are at least trying for the "pay nowt"...

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: TykeAI

And if that dunt confuse t'american readers nowt will

[Bebu sa Ware]

Re: TykeAI

"And if that dunt confuse t'american readers nowt will"

Admittedly that doesn't requires much.

Now if this pilot were in Geordie land or the Gorbals, any local rendering would also lose most of the Commonwealth.

Her indoors couldn't follow John Rebus (2000 Series) and before that Andy Dalziel. She preferred Morse as he spoke proper English. :)

[s. pam]

Poor old Scunthorpe

Imagine the Ain't Intelligent AI jokes that could've come from placing it there! Epic fail by Stammer & Co yet again...

[Vikingforties]

More of the same

Microsoft and Cisco, just them getting out of bed and making a visit has gone through the £500k right there.

Unless they're involved as a loss leader for getting more punters hooked.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: More of the same

Microsoft and Cisco are not visiting Barnsley

Their involvement involved sending an email without laughing

[elsergiovolador]

Morons

Companies that have signed up to the scheme include Microsoft and Cisco, each – we're told – with a particular focus on AI skills in adult education and SME support.

Yes, shovel tax payer money to foreign tax shy corporations of questionable morals. We are being government by utter morons and crooks.

Any business owner who tried to use such schemes will tell you these are useless and borderline scams.

Government basically pays money to have good PR among people who never run a business to let them think support is available and government is doing something.

Reality is government is doing f*ck all apart from sending your money to usual suspects and then wheeling out Reeves to raise taxes if they run out of money again.

[Roger Greenwood]

Re: Morons

"..raise taxes if they run out of money.."

You miss-spelled "when"

[ComicalEngineer]

Ah, the fragrant Liz Kendall. Degree in History from Cambridge and generally working in the background of politics before becoming a full time politician in 2010. Allegedly she has had several "proper" jobs other than being being an MP, particularly within think-tanks, health charities, and government advisory positions.

Perfectly suited to a role as Secretary of State for Science, Innovation and Technology.

I despair of our politicians with knowledge of next to nothing relevant but an opinion on everything.

[Jason Bloomberg]

I did hear she had made an effort to make her academic achievements more useful by getting her position rebranded as Secretary of State for Science, History, Innovation and Technology.

[Taliesinawen]

The nine most terrifying words in the English language

Ronald Reagan: “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the Government, and I'm here to help.”

[Dan 55]

Re: The nine most terrifying words in the English language

Unsurprising when the person saying that sentence was Ronnie. I'd be terrified too.

[Roland6]

Re: The nine most terrifying words in the English language

Knowing what we now know about Ronnie, I suspect what he meant by “help” was more along the lines of Zaphod Beeblebrox: distract attention, so people who know can get on and do stuff.

[Aladdin Sane]

When Wilson talked about the white heat of technology, he didn't mean set fire to the planet with "AI" farms.

[Anonymous Coward]

Wilson then went on and set up the Ministry of Technology to enact his vision which 60 years later and after multiple morphings and rebrandings is today's Department for Science Innovation & Technology.

First Minister appointed was Frank Cousins - a union man.

Latest is Liz Kendall - a career politician.

Neither were/are up to the job, same as almost everyone inbetween.

Sooner we change how we appoint Ministers the better.

[Pickle Rick]

> Sooner we change how we appoint Ministers the better.

I do agree, changing "Ministers" for "elected MPs". I emphasize the importance of introducing a way for the voters to be able to sack MPs too. Failing to deliver on manifesto, or trying to make sweeping changes without mandate, should both be open to dismissal.

[J.G.Harston]

But we don't appoint Ministers. The Prime Minister appoints Ministers.

[Anonymous Coward]

We, as in, we as a country. Dopey.

[Ol'Peculier]

Hope they bring a translator with them.

And this is coming from a (North) Yorkshireman.

[Roger Greenwood]

Does tha not spek taike?

[Anonymous Coward]

oh eck ee aye.

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Ee ba gum!

[Ol'Peculier]

Hope they bring a trainslator with them.

And that's coming from a (North) Yorkshireman...

[Anonymous Coward]

The council conversation in Barnsley...

...must have been legendary.

Ayup!

Ayup!

AI?

Oh ey...AI?

Eee Aye! AI!

Aye! alright AI!

'Appen.

'Appen!

[Ken Shabby]

Re: The council conversation in Barnsley...

Why are calls to Heaven so cheap in Yorkshire?

It’s a local call.

[sabroni]

Re: Why are calls to Heaven so cheap in Yorkshire?

I think you mean Hebden.

[APro]

UK tax payers helping MAGA to appreciate Globalism!!!

Aye m'lad, that there be "Capitalism" at finest!!! Or'cle n Mi'soft sucking at teet of Mother England to keep profit up in poor 'mer'ca - bastards! What's that? Public bog, nah - none o' tha' there luxury 'ere ma boy; use that there gutter at side o road - we won' look!

[paluster]

same old same old

Looks like ministers have been having afternoon tea with the salesmen again.

Poor choice of location. Yorkshire folk are famous for calling a spade a bloody shovel. When, not if, this all turns to shit it will be interesting to here the locals opinion of the london based technocrats who dreamed this up. The words "ruddy southerners" will no doubt feature loudly.

[elsergiovolador]

Re: same old same old

I don't know. Yorkshire has reared one famous AI person:

Sunak takes advisory roles with Microsoft and AI firm Anthropic

[paluster]

Re: same old same old

Beg to differ. Sunak was orn in southampton in hamshire. Since said town is on the south coast he couldnt be more of a bloody southerner if he tried.

[Gavsky]

"Hello, welcome to Barnsley, twinned with Acapulco & Cologne. This is an automated service supported by AI - my name is t'HAL. If you wish to make a council tax payment - please press 1. If you wish to arrange collection of a bulky refuse item - please press 2. If you want to enquire about planning matters - please press 7 & 3 & 12 simultaneously.

If you want to report fly-tipping in your area - please press eleventy. If you want to report Bananas - but excluding Melons - please press the 'Hash' key in time to this music, for 30-seconds"...

[steelpillow]

Oh, great

First we had script kiddies, then click-through site creation, then vibe coding. Now we will have an entire generation of "programmers" brought up on AI slop-flinging. "Barnsley chops" will gain a whole new meaning. >Sigh!<

[steelpillow]

Can we persuade them to adopt Compo as its avatar?

"Tha' name's Norah, tha' says? By 'eck, let us see tha' stockings, then!"

[Anonymous Coward]

Dear God in Heaven ... how to waste £500K !!!

Yet another comment that will require a small booklet to explain the 'backstory' to our american readers !!!

[Plus Translations of the lingo to American English or Spanglish depending on the State. !!!]

P.S.

Spending the £500K on materials for repairing potholes would be more useful and have a longer impact on the area.

This applies to virtually anywhere north of Watford that has roads.

I would vote for anyone who spent £500K on repairing potholes in the local roads without debating about it for 3 years first !!!

:)

[DrXym]

The first results are in from the AI

It says "use the £500,000 to reduce child poverty, food insecurity, urban decay and crumbling infrastructure."

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: The first results are in from the AI

Which 4 things do you want to leave out as the money will be spent on consultants to survey the local populace regarding their order of priority of the 4 things mentioned ... only to realise there is no money left by time they decide to do something !!!

:)

[Pickle Rick]

Re: The first results are in from the AI

> [AI] says "use the £500,000 to reduce child poverty, food insecurity, urban decay and crumbling infrastructure."

Boss: WTF?!?!?!

"Guru" Promptstitute: the guard rails are down! We're hacked!!

AGI Pusher: Free will, it's sentient!

PFY: Hey! Our shorts just paid out!

BOFH: That was fun. Pub? It's bhaiji night...

[steviebuk]

Or

"Technology Secretary Liz Kendall said: "If we are going to get AI to work for Britain, we need Britons and British public services that can work with AI. That is why Barnsley's ambitions are crucial, because if we can show that AI helps young people learn, supports local businesses to be more productive, and improves public services, then we can show what's possible for the whole country.""

Talk to us in IT and we'll tell you its a mass of shit, will fail, will increase your carbon footprint and is a bubble waiting to burst that you're going to piss tax payers money on.

Fuck whits.

[Prst. V.Jeltz]

Re: Or

amazing they can come up with and pour money into these plans when thay have no fucking idea what it is

.

"Technology Secretary Liz Kendall said: "If we are going to get Magic Beans to work for Britain, we need Britons and British public services that can work with Magic Beans . That is why Barnsley's ambitions are crucial, because if we can show that Magic Beans help young people learn, supports local businesses to be more productive, and improves public services, then we can show what's possible for the whole country.""

[DrewPH]

If all these LLMs talk to each other (who knows at this point) then does this mean Siri et al will gradually start introducing Barnsleyisms into their speech?

It's almost worth finding out.

Hey, Siri.

Eyup.

Is it raining outside?

Appen it is.

[that one in the corner]

Big Brave Bill[1] could sort this lot out

I'm going to wait For Kate Rusby to immortalise this in song.

It won't be any the less insane but it will fit the proper pattern of folk music putting a jaunty tune to a tale of horror.

[1] I know, he sounds like something DJT might talk about, but this Bill is a proper Barnsley hero, tea mug in 'and.

[Prst. V.Jeltz]

all the AI bumf from non techy politicians and decision makers makes more sense if you replace the term "AI" for "Magic Sauce"

[Whale Oil Beef Hooked]

Surely they need the machine that goes Ping, and all will be well. I do really wonder what these Westminster goons think they are doing with rubbish like this.

[Gordon 10]

AI Resigns

The AI resigns immediately stating that if the Luftwaffe could not fix Barnley what do they expect it to do?

[Antony Shepherd]

Re: AI Resigns

My Dad used to tell me that his Dad (a coal miner so reserved occupation during WWII) told him "If they ever drop a bomb on Barnsley, it'll be by mistake".