Cornish recycling drive sows confusion among Reg Standards Bureau

The Reg Standards Bureau was plunged into uproar this week when a reader suggested a new unit for weight, inspired by Cornwall's revamped food recycling service. Cornwall Council announced that its revamped food waste collection service had boosted recycling rates by more than a fifth to 52 percent – a remarkable achievement …

[Korev]

The main thing is that you don't get over-excited and get your units confused and add Linguine to a pasty

Mine's a pint of Skinner's -->

[ICL1900-G3]

Proper Job!

[Korev]

No, that's from St Austell ales

[Colin Bull 1]

Also the birth place of the Big Job. Very worthwhile if you can find any.

[The Oncoming Scorn]

I knew the sales manager of Skinners, had lots of merchandise flung my way including Betty Stogs Mugs, which the now ex Mrs Oncoming Scorn wanted disposed of asap, when I pointed out the image was a dead ringer of her mother.

[Rivalroger]

Tinners for me

I've only been able to find it in a couple of pubs in Fowey though and St Austell don't seem too keen on making unfortunately.

On the pasty front: could the runners one be a pasty while the stodgy foodstuff be a Pasty?

[Korev]

Thinking about it, the A303 is the road that takes you through the crap bits before you get to Cornwall, so I propose that 303 is the final figure

[ParlezVousFranglais]

I have to commend and support your remarkable perception regarding the A303 - but I find your lack of appreciation for East Devon as a "crap bit" highly disconcerting...

[The Oncoming Scorn]

A bit harsh especially as the A303 only runs through East Devon for approximately 3.75 miles, before it becomes the A30.

[BartyFartsLast]

The difference between a Cornish and a Devon pasty also requires careful consideration, the obviously superior and almost always award winning Cornish pasty is a multifunctional device of measurement, diameter, weight, length, angular* and also direction (a pasty, when suspended by a string, will always point to it's home county)

* Each edge crimp is an increment of 9° on a proper job.

[Stephen Wilkinson]

I love pasties whether Devonian or Cornish, and as a Devonian I have to mention that the first recorded use of the word pasty was in South Devon.

[Dizzy Dwarf]

Do you put the jam or the cream on first?

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Cream first.

[that one in the corner]

Never understood "cream first", it is just Bad Engineering: even the yellowest of clotted cream can not support a sufficient mass of jam on top, without giving way. Especially as you can't spread it fully over the scone base without cracking the protective shell. But a fully formed deep plateau of jam first can then be heaped with a delightful peak of cream that reaches to the heavens.

After that, the *real* test begins: can you manoeuvre the massive morsel, without the baked substrate giving way, so that all of the goodness goes into your gob and not have any smeared upon your moustache*?

* a young child or elfin maid may, of course, allow a single blob of cream to remain decorously perched upon the nose, to be wiped off with an aunt's hanky or kissed away by a hopeful paramour respectively.

[Dizzy Dwarf]

I guess the next contentious issue is: is it pronouned scone or scone?

[Excused Boots]

Oh, that’s fighting talk!

[The Organ Grinder's Monkey]

There is no definitive answer to the cream or jam first debate. My solution is based on simple & sound engineering principles, the more viscous material should be applied directly to the scone, (pronounced scone, incidentally) & the runnier one goes on top. Otherwise you'll be trying to stick a sticky material to a runny one, good luck with that, I'll be on to my third scone while you're still fighting with your first.

(Full disclosure, I'm from Kent, so I'm probably not allowed an opinion?)

[Groo The Wanderer - A Canuck]

I don't care about the finer points right now. All this talk of Pasties has me thinking "time for breakie!"

[IceC0ld]

for YOU, Brekkie

for ME, all this talk of pasties has me thinking about nipples, A LOT ;o)

I'm just a sad little degenerate

but I do have hobbies

that's things to do, not the raptor

used to play Subbuteo

the soccer game, again, not the raptor :o)

[tiggity]

@IceC0ld

In your game (named after a hobby), did any of your Subbuteo teams feature a Dukla Prague away kit?

[IceC0ld]

sorry for the delay

but I am SO old that MY Subbuteo only had a few teams,

all RED

all BLUE

all WHITE

RED shirts- WHITE shorts

BLUE shirts - WHITE shorts

there WAS a few of the LIGHT BLUE available so the assorted Chester FC / Man City FC could play along too

IF Dukla Prague played in the above colours, then YES, I had Dukla Prague apparently :o)

[Anonymous Coward]

(a pasty, when suspended by a string, will always point to it's home county)

(a pasty, when suspended by a string, will be quickly stolen by a seagull)

[Anonymous Coward]

The problem with Devon pasties is that they adorn them in the wrong order

[The Oncoming Scorn]

I Almost Went AC For Admitting This

I actually prefer eating a Cornish, rather than a Devon Pasty because of the way they are crimped.

I'd kill for a Ivor Dewdney pasty right now, have to wait until May when I am returning to the UK (Plymouth) for a concert, though I did manage to sate my pasty cravings during a visit in November.

[md56]

Re: I Almost Went AC For Admitting This

Can you still get an Ivor now? I have not had one since 1969 and I'm hungry

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: I Almost Went AC For Admitting This

Yes you can, Plymouth (Stoke), Newton Abbot Town Centre, Exeter (Rifford Road) & one or two other places.

They do pasties by post (Within UK).

[KittenHuffer]

An excess of pasties ....

.... has both increased my weight, and my circumference!

-----------> Mine's the one that's wider in the middle!

[Phil Ni'Sophical]

Re: An excess of pasties ....

Is it red, with white fluffy bits on the end of the sleeves?

[chivo243]

Re: An excess of pasties ....

An excess of pasties means this old man has stumbled into the wrong kind of club...

[Ol'Peculier]

2.4 and 4 inches. But it seems pasties are also rather variable, from 280 to 350 grams.

Oh for Bob's sake. Make your mind up if you're going to use imperial or metric, please!

[Empire of the Pussycat]

Pasty dimensions should be specified in Linguine

It's the law

[BartyFartsLast]

We're British, we buy cheese in grammes and measure distance in miles, we drank beer in pints and buy milk in litres.

[blu3b3rry]

......to the eternal confusion and amusement of my german partner! Everything is metric unless its on the road or in a pub, although (whisper it quietly) technically the standard beer serving in a pub is now 568ml

[OhForF']

586ml certainly is better than 0.5l or even 0.4l. I heard the EU wanted to define the standard unit of beer to 0.4l but Germany had to veto that idea to prevent riots in Bavaria.

[IceC0ld]

there is a reason we went to metric, but still like to use imperial, and TIME< not XKCD, but Calvin and Hobbes to the recue

https://www.bing.com/images/search?view=detailV2&ccid=JodI0q2A&id=1A6047F6882743DEBED7F438D0933700A2B565A5&thid=OIP.JodI0q2ApFSBgbaERhhKtwHaJg&mediaurl=https%3a%2f%2fi.redd.it%2fxofvlxqlce191.jpg&cdnurl=https%3a%2f%2fth.bing.com%2fth%2fid%2fR.268748d2ad80a4548181b68446184ab7%3frik%3dpWW1ogA3k9A49A%26pid%3dImgRaw%26r%3d0&exph=725&expw=565&q=calvin+and+hobbes+what+is+a+pecks&FORM=IRPRST&ck=68176CF83E8D00FFBE345EFFCAE982BD&selectedIndex=0&itb=0&idpp=overlayview&ajaxhist=0&ajaxserp=0

[FifeM]

And buy petrol in litres and measure its consumption in miles per gallon.

[Neil Barnes]

To be fair: how far you can go for a given quantity seems more intuitive than how much it takes you to go a given distance.

After five years living in Germany, and being presented with a small number of l/100km on the dash, I still mentally convert to mpg for something my head understands. It's a simple matter of multiplying the l/100km value by 1.6 and dividing the result into 455. Perhaps a small table would be easier.

[The Oncoming Scorn]

I have the same issue in Canada, so my truck is set to the American version of imperial for its performance monitoring (Also makes tyre pressures a lot easier to comprehend).

[PRR]

> my truck is set to the American version of imperial

It's confusing, but I think US Gallon and Imperial (old Canada) Gallons are different. "Canadian gallon, called also Imperial gallon has 4,54609 litres. US gallon has 231 cubic inches or exactly 3,785411784 litres" so like 20% different.

[Anonymous Coward]

> Perhaps a small table would be easier.

You'll get a good mileage riding on a Swedish table, but it will Lack something on the autobahn.

[The Organ Grinder's Monkey]

"Lack"

I see what you did there...

[Bebu sa Ware]

we buy cheese in grammes and measure distance in miles, we drank beer in pints.

and butter in firkins (~25kg) ? ;) Surprised milk isn't in gills (¼ pint. :)

If you read old (before 1960s) recipe books these old units were still used. US books were worse using volumes rather than mass(weight) and in pre internet days working out what a stick of butter weighed was a major undertaking. (It's 4 oz US or 113g. Here the packaging is often graduated in 50g increments ~ ½ stick.)

One of enduring legacies of the French Revolution and Bonaparte's European adventures has to be the metric system (and arguably European bureaucracy, unfortunately.)

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

Re: we buy cheese in grammes and measure distance in miles, we drank beer in pints.

My favourite mix of measurements is making a roux with 50g butter, 50g flour and a pint of milk. Er, em, Béchamel sauce, I guess... the roux is the just fat/flour.

[that one in the corner]

Re: we buy cheese in grammes and measure distance in miles, we drank beer in pints.

Which is where the US went wrong.

If they'd only waited a few more years and had the US Revolution *after* the French Revolution, then the French could have brought the metric system over with them and the 13 colonies would have leaped at the chance for another way to distance themselves from the English Oppressors. Which would have then better prepared them to invade the remaining, what, 90% of the continent as they would already have their ammunition properly sorted out (9mm etc).

[Pomgolian]

Re: we buy cheese in grammes and measure distance in miles, we drank beer in pints.

Ah, the firkin. A truly magnificent unit of measurement.

I remember that morning when as a young lad I had deposited a four pint take out container in the fridge, only for my mother to ask "Is this firkin yours?"

I can still feel the thick ear I got when I replied: "Yes of course it's firkin mine"

[Tron]

Real gardeners...

...use feet and inches. Centimetres are bollocks all use in the garden.

[Empire of the Pussycat]

If only Lester were still with us, he'd know

To wherever he may be ------->

[blu3b3rry]

I guess we could always have both units of measurement, appended as follows:

pasty (cornish)

pasty (nipple)

with units of "pc" and "pn" respectively. Given their differences in size, they are both useful.

[MiguelC]

Giving you something like, Knowing that a cornish pasty weights 1 pasty (cornish), it's area is 2 pasty (nipple), and it's height is 1/8 linguine, calculate it's volume in bulgarian airbags and it's density (Whoa, another missing unit??)

[Anonymous Coward]

> density (Whoa, another missing unit??)

Physical density: clearly has to be related to witches.

- the hedge-witch (or "mock" witch) being the same density as water, at STP, has neutral buoyancy and remains static at whatever depth you place her.

- the standard witch floats, obviously, often with the help of the cunning wicker and waxed fabric construction of her hat; the pointy bit makes for a good daggerboard, providing excellent handling in a crosswind, but the refusal to draw it in has led to many sandbar groundings.

- the Granny witch stands entirely proud of the water, just daring you to mock her.

Mental density: based on current events, start at the bottom with a M*

* the author of this note has been advised not to finish that line of reasoning.

[druck]

Density in Dunning-Kugerands.

[John Brown (no body)]

Is the confusion something to do with the US-centric spelling and grammar prevalent on El Reg these days? I thought the difference was in both pronunciation and spelling, ie the nipple "paste ons" are pasties pronounced as paste-ies, not past-ies

[that one in the corner]

> not past-ies

Who says "past-ies"?

Isn't is "pass-tees" or "par-stees" (or "parrr-stees", the number of 'r's giving you localisation that GPS could only dream of)?

"Past-ies" sounds like you're reminiscing about golden treats from years gone by (or maybe just Ginsters from the Student Union).

[John Brown (no body)]

My excuse is my local accent. While I do live in England, I'm about as far away from Cornwall as you can get without being in a different country! There are parts of Scotland further South than me :-)

[NoCoffee]

The GP is a Thermal Unit!

Being Northern, I have to say that I find The Gregg(s) a superior unit to the Pastie, not only does it do weight but it also done thermal as its the unit of measurement the govt uses to be Amibent for tax reasons and we know how wonderful HMRC are, also for health and safety, happy Christmas.

1 Greggs Pasty (GP) = The amount of thermal energy required to be molten-lava hot on the outside while remaining geologically cold in the centre.

The Greggs Heat Scale

• 0.2 GP – Warmish. Safe. You think, “I’ll bite the corner.”

• 0.5 GP – Deceptively hot. Steam escapes. Confidence still unjustified.

• 1.0 GP – Standard Greggs Pasty

Outside: surface of the sun

Inside: Victorian cellar temperature

• 1.5 GP – Tongue damage likely. Regret sets in. You keep eating anyway.

• 2.0 GP – Full mouth burn. Roof-of-mouth skin sacrifice. No lesson learned.

• 3.0 GP (Festival Variant) – Has been under a heat lamp since 6am. Classed as a controlled weapon.

Common Usage

• “That coffee’s about 0.7 Greggs.”

• “Careful mate, that’s at least 1.3 pasties.”

• “Microwaved lasagne? Solid 2 Greggs, edges lethal, middle frozen.”

Key Scientific Properties

• Non-uniform heat distribution (core remains inexplicably cold)

• Time-dependent danger (cooling curve lies to you)

• Overconfidence amplification in hungry subjects

In short:

The Greggs pasty is not a precise unit; it’s a warning system.

[Korev]

Re: The GP is a Thermal Unit!

A downvote for considering Gregg's as acceptable food

[NoCoffee]

Re: The GP is a Thermal Unit!

Down vote as there is no apostrophe, it's Greggs... not Gregg's.... Greggs of Gosforth if you want to be posh!

[Korev]

Re: The GP is a Thermal Unit!

An upvote for your pedantry

[vistisen]

Re: The GP is a Thermal Unit!

We need a measure for pedantry... which will almost ceratinly have something to do with railway modellers..

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: The GP is a Thermal Unit!

If you wanted to be posh, you wouldn't be eating anything from Greggs.

[BartyFartsLast]

Re: The GP is a Thermal Unit!

A downvote for considering Greggs as food

[FirstTangoInParis]

Re: The GP is a Thermal Unit!

Can we have Greggs-Con as an alternative to DEFCON? OK the scale goes the other way, but Greggs-Con 5 likely means emergency services need to declare a Major Incident.

[I ain't Spartacus]

Re: The GP is a Thermal Unit!

NoCoffee,

So near, but yet so far. The Greggs scale should be for their cheese slices! Which are worse, because they can be deceptively cool on the outside, and then reach temperatures hotter than the centre of the Sun in the middle. The pasty is merely an amateur in comparison, when it comes to customer injury effectiveness. Cheese also has an additional advantage, in that having burnt the roof of your mouth and tongue, there's then a slight delay before an errant stretchy cheesy string can slap itself onto your lips and chin, to administer the coup de grace of burn/laceration, to complete the suffering.

Although, both pale in comparison to the might Pop Tart. Or "Napalm covered in cardboard" - as Greg Proops once described them.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: The GP is a Thermal Unit!

Greggs is a geographic unit.

Just like Cornish Pasties have special designation to only be from Cornwall, Greggs are the defn of Northern

No longer do southerners at the BBC have to decide if the need to send their Northern Correspondent to cover a story in Nottingham. They can just fix the north south divide based on local Greggs density

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: The GP is a Thermal Unit!

I tried my first two Greggs Steak Bake's during my November visit back home.

Can confirm the temperature scale, loss of skin on tongue & roof of my mouth, I really thinks trading standards should get involved as in calling it a steak bake as the meat content was minimal & was mostly gravy.

[blu3b3rry]

Re: The GP is a Thermal Unit!

"Greggs Gravy Bake" doesn't sound quite as appealing, though.

I can't remember if the steak bakes were always that crap, but the go-to is either the cheese and onion or just the sausage roll both of which used to be good enough for the price.

[BartyFartsLast]

Re: The GP is a Thermal Unit!

And for indication o higher temperatures, such as those needed to sustain fusion reactions, there's the McDonald's apple pie filling.

[Giles C]

Re: The GP is a Thermal Unit!

The same effect can be accomplished at home by mr Kipling fruit tarts and heating them for about 2 minutes, nice and cool to touch the outside - the filling can blister the roof of your mouth..

Other brands can achieve the same but they are the ones I have tried…

[Doctor Syntax]

"And certainly not on the window of the 11:30pm train after The Reg Christmas party."

So what was it that el Reg tried to stick on the windows of the 11.30pm train? Curious minds want to know. Or maybe it would be better not to know.

[Korev]

Maybe they saw the Moderatrix down the train and were trying to escape...

[BartyFartsLast]

Ah, Ms Bee is still missed.

[Dr. G. Freeman]

I hold out hope one day she'll return.

[vogon00]

I miss her too, as I miss watching her paddle certain members of the community:-)

[The Oncoming Scorn]

I got a new paddle as a secret satan.....err santa gift at a munch this week.

I just need a willing or semi-unwilling volunteer to christen it.

[Anonymous Coward]

I'll be happy to spank Mrs Scorn with it for you but I'm a little surprised you're not going to do it yourself.

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Shes a Ex Mrs Scorn.

[jake]

"secret satan.....err santa"

Santa and Satan are the same being, everybody knows that.

As proof, one is an anagram of the other.

Secondly, Oct 31 and Dec 25 are the same number (ask any techie).

Thirdly, have you ever seen Saint Nick and Old Nick in the same room together?

This makes even more sense when you think about it further ... For example, who would YOU pick as the patron saint for a holiday best known for hedonism, libertinism, decadence and debauchery?

[that one in the corner]

> who would YOU pick as the patron saint for a holiday best known for hedonism, libertinism, decadence and debauchery?

That's one of those sneaky questions, isn't it?

You want us to say (hmpphh) but then the klaxon will go off!

[TimMaher]

Re:- “sows confusion”

I read that as a confused pig.

But then…

[ComicalEngineer]

Proper Pasty

Cornish pasties were originally invented to be a complete mean for miners and other workers, and having two compartments, the first containing meat, potatoes, vegetables etc and a second smaller compartment containing the pudding e.g. filled with jam or something similar. The Pasty was designed such that it could be carried in a lunch box or bag without disintegrating.

None of the above mentioned Pasties takes into consideration the jammy bit.

[Jellied Eel]

Re: Proper Pasty

Cornish pasties were originally invented to be a complete mean for miners and other workers..

But then along came Ginsters and some heavy lobbying and regulatory capture to define the Cornish pasty* as the product they churn out & nobble competitors. Which means an official Cornish pasty actually weighs only 227g and will probably get lighter through shrinkflation.

But as for the pastie and stickiness, one should perhaps consider defining the merkin. With an average weight of 90kg, that really won't stick, although I guess it could be wedged into some folds.

*top crimp > side crimp, but that's not how Ginsters machines were configured, so the inferior side crimp won.

[NXM]

Re: Proper Pasty

Merkins apparently have pasties, but they substitute rutabagas for turnip. And they probably weigh at least 2kg. Therefore totally different and the Reg Standards Authority should not consider them.

[Bebu sa Ware]

Re: Proper Pasty

"Merkins apparently have pasties."

An odd coincidence that merkin and pasty both can have the sense of a modesty patch—just covering different parts.

[I am David Jones]

Re: Proper Pasty

A big hairy patch covering a big hairy patch? Yup, that’s just how I like my nipple covers!

[Excused Boots]

Re: Proper Pasty

"An odd coincidence that merkin and pasty both can have the sense of a modesty patch—just covering different parts.”

Oh you really had to go there didn't you?

Of course you’re not wrong.

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: Proper Pasty

Turnips are sold as turnips in Canada, rutabagas are what I would call a swede.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Proper Pasty

> rutabagas are what I would call a swede.

That's unkind.

Herdy gerdy, hurdy gurdy, furty durty, schnippity snippity, bork, bork, bork.

[David 132]

Re: Proper Pasty

> Herdy gerdy, hurdy gurdy, furty durty, schnippity snippity, bork, bork, bork.

Doctor, quick! This man has Stockholm Syndrome!

[Korev]

Re: Proper Pasty

But then along came Ginsters and some heavy lobbying and regulatory capture to define the Cornish pasty* as the product they churn out & nobble competitors. Which means an official Cornish pasty actually weighs only 227g and will probably get lighter through shrinkflation.

A downvote for using the G word in polite company

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: Proper Pasty

"scalding hot potato, turnip, and God knows what else"

For a pasty it should be a swede, not turnip, but otherwise that's the very model of a Ginsters Pasty, 30 years at least since I last had one as they really unsettle my gut, making hunger preferable.

[Fruit and Nutcase]

Re: Proper Pasty

lighter through shrinkflation...

Have you noticed, with some mass produced food that is encased in pastry, they have preserved the volume of the pastry covering, but the volume of the filling is much less.

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: Proper Pasty

That achieved its ultimate destination decades ago in my experience. A Stranraer* to Larne ferry had something called a Scotch pie on sale in its definitely not restaurant. I made the mistake of buying one. It consisted of a rigid pastry case whose contents were a greasy smear on the bottom.

* Yes, that long ago. In fact, longer.

[The Organ Grinder's Monkey]

Re: Proper Pasty

I remember that "recipe" from British Rail. Thinking about it, BR did run several ferry services around the UK, presumably therefore the Stranraer one was one of them?

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: Proper Pasty

"The Pasty was designed such that it could be carried in a lunch box or bag without disintegrating."

I thought it was designed to be dropped down a mine shaft without disintegrating.

[Jellied Eel]

Re: Proper Pasty

I thought it was designed to be dropped down a mine shaft without disintegrating.

Thus ending an errant Knocker* rightly, when a detachable pommel was unavailable-

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knocker_(folklore)#

The Knocker, Knacker, or Tommyknocker (US) is a mythical, subterranean, gnome-like creature in Cornish and Devon folklore.

Which I think also explains the connection between pasties and knockers as a form of pre-emptive self-defence. If the knocker is pastied, it can't see and won't attack. Probably. Might also explain why merkins prefer Tommyknockers with their pasties because British knockers typically contain less silicon or mineral oils.

[KarMann]

Re: Proper Pasty

Am I to understand that you are one of those poor benighted souls who doesn't know their silicon from their silicone? Or are you under the impression that the Merkins' knockers are augmented with microchip implants rather than the usual kind?

[The Organ Grinder's Monkey]

Re: Proper Pasty

"Cornish pasties were originally invented to be a complete mean for miners..."

You didn't mention the key part of that fact, which is that the hard crimped edge isn't supposed to be eaten. It's there as a disposable handle to enable miners to eat them with dirty hands without slowly poisoning themselves with whatever you get covered in in tin mines. (Tbh could be an urban myth, but if so is well-entrenched, & makes sense)

An aged friend refers to Cornish pasties as "armoured Scouse" as the filling resembles the local "delicacy" that gives Liverpool natives their nickname.

[Sparkypatrick]

Nice try.

Quite amusing story, but only holds up when written down. And even then requires a misspelling. Cornish Pasty, burlesque pastie. Pastie pronounced like paste, i.e. the adhesive used to attach it. So not really to be confused in spoken conversation. And yes, in NI a pasty is a pastie, but the pronunciation is (basically) the same.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Nice try.

So in NI the strippers wear a pair of pasties?

Handy if you fancy a nibble I suppose

[the spectacularly refined chap]

Re: Nice try.

It has to be linked...

[Phil O'Sophical]

Re: Nice try.

But an NI pastie is a different animal, served with 'a chip' (meaning a portion of chips) as a pastie supper. And now I'm hungry, and hundreds of miles from a decent pastie. Damn.

[jake]

The pasty is usually singular ...

... but pasties come in pairs.

So I'd suggest the pasty is obviously the unit of mass.

_{Beer: often found in close proximity to either option.}

[Pete 2]

GUT feeling

Maybe what is needed is a Grand Unified Theory. One that connects the mass of a pasty with it's size.

Quantum field theory can help here. We have Einstein's E = mc² to associate mass with energy and QFT can be stretched to consider Planck's constant multiplied by the speed of light. Here "c" might be cancelled from both the energy term and the distance.

Some jiggery pokery might then lead to the wavelength of a (cornish) pasty by invoking wave-particle duality.

The ambivalent nature of pasty / pasty might also be resolved through a Schroedinger's cat approach. Put both items in a box, microwave them and see whether the result smells delicious or like sweaty bodies.

After that, you're on your own

[Bebu sa Ware]

Live and learn

I am not clear whether the nipple guard is required only by the athletic amongst the usually better endowed fairer sex (and chaps with gynecomastia.)

A quick oogle suggests even the less active ladies also use them as modesty patches beneath revealing garments.

I think the two words are pronounced slightly differently. The Cornish comestible, the pasty appears to rhyme with "ass tea" whereas the pāste·on nipple accessory pāsty rhymes with "hāsty." (Also tasty but that's a horse of another colour entirely.)

Given the varying diameter of the pāsty is not due to the size variation of the nipple but rather the commonly pigmented areola surrounding the nipple, perhaps the unit of circumference might be called the areola even though etymologically it's a "small area."

1.0 areola (pāsty) = circumference of a pāsty 0.5 lg (70 mm or 2.756") => 1 areola ~ 1.57 lg (220 mm or 8.66")

A notable omission is a reg·unit of energy or work (Joule, kWh, erg) — the closest would be a Norris·linguine (No·lg.)

Also lacking a pressure unit although Norris/nanoWales (No-nW^-1) might serve as might badgers/nanoWales if we take bagders as a unit of weight rather than mass. Curiously 1.0 badger·nW^-1 ~ 4.1 pa.

So 1.0 atmosphere ~ 24.7 kbadger·nW^-1 and car tyres pumped to 50 kbadger·nW^-1.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Live and learn

I can advise that amongst the athletic population it's usually the less well-endowed gender that requires nipple protection. They chafe on the inside of a shirt/vest, particularly in cold/wet conditions. The more well-endowed tend to wear a sports bra to hold everything in place and thus don't experience the same chafing.

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: Live and learn

and thus don't experience the same chafing or black eyes.....

[Jellied Eel]

Re: Live and learn

and thus don't experience the same chafing or black eyes.....

Also true for merkins, especially whilst clam diving. Plus if micro/autoclave or dishwasher safe, crabbing. Other mentions of hygiene wrt smooth finishes might still get you a black eye if you ask "why? don't you shower?'

[Marc 13]

Are we talking the weight of the whole item of the consumed part? ...Remembering the important step of leaving some of the crimp for the "knockers"* down the mine!

*So perhaps tassels are relevant?

[Excused Boots]

Sorry but how in the name of fuck did a discussion about a Cornish delicacy (sic), end up tailing about boobs?

This is entirely why I like this forum and community!

[nkm]

Do we need another measure for the amount of chafing when running - femtoWales of rash per Brontosaurus?

[bob, mon!]

pasty vs. pastie, pastie vs. pasty?

Because "nipple cover" and "meat-filled pie" are just too darned unambiguous?

Although I could manage something salacious with "meat-flled pie" if I try hard enough. And from a biological point of view nipples are involved in nutrition....

[Anonymous Coward]

280-350g seems far off for a nipple pastie

Quick research shows that 300g will get you a complete silicon B-cup breast.

Most pasties have negligible weight, the biggest I could find were 60g (per pair, I think. It wasn’t clear).

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: 280-350g seems far off for a nipple pastie

300g of silicon gets you a cube about 5cm on a side. I'm not sure that would be a B cup, and even if anatomically shaped it would be fairly uncomfortable..

[KarMann]

Re: 280-350g seems far off for a nipple pastie

Most pasties have negligible weight, the biggest I could find were 60g (per pair, I think. It wasn’t clear).

I don't see what their opacity (or lack thereof) has to do with either their weight or their mass.

[Captain Hogwash]

Re: flogging overpriced own-brand groceries

Better that than peasants as in days of yore.

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: flogging overpriced own-brand groceries

Well I wouldn't call my play partners peasants.

Icon, I'll get my....you can guess.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: flogging overpriced own-brand groceries

I've no idea what you're reaching for inside that coat, but...

[Edwin]

Both!

Considering the US insists on using the same unit for volume and weight, I don't see why El Reg can't do the same for circumference (or area) and weight.

[Jellied Eel]

Re: Both!

Considering the US insists on using the same unit for volume and weight,

Good pint. Having a standardised cup size might make shopping for pasties easier, although unlikely to prevent trips to HR, should you try shopping from work.

[Tron]

Nipple protectors?

Snowflakes! Man up.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Nipple protectors?

Man up!?? No, no, that is a totally different thing. Look, there are these birds and sometimes the bees...

[andrewisaround]

The rate increased because all the Ginsters pasties went into the food recycling bins

[Ace2]

Yeah, no, “long distance running” is not where Americans encounter pasties.

Mostly they’re a sign you cheaped out when picking which club to visit.

[Colin Cruikshank]

Political Discourse

As the Pasty, Pastie varies in spelling, pronunciation, size, weight and other defining characteristics. I propose that it is in fact a descriptor for what our politicians say and how it is interpreted by the unwashed masses.

Everyone says it is this characteristic but no one agrees on that is, include the politicians who originally said it.

[martinusher]

A 300 gram pasty is an empenada

I know that shrinkflation** is alll the rage these days but a proper Cornish pasty is is quite a big thing, its pretty much a day's food for a tin miner, not finger food for social hour at the local wine bar***. We used to get good ones from the village fire station, it was an off hours side hustle for them at that time (probably long gone because of 'elf and safety). I've not met anything similar that's worthy of the name since.

(**Its a sign of the times. Even our local Indian shop has shrunk its samosas -- it used to be difficult to eat more than one, now they're starting to be more snack sized.)

(***OK, its a pretty big piece of finger food at 300g but "you know what I mean")

[xyz]

I'm shocked and appalled...

there's no laden or unladen pasty jokes

[Scotthva5]

This is the best El Reg comments section in ages.

Please, do continue.

[STrRedWolf]

Yank thinking… why not the Yorkie and the pork pie?

Given the confusion of a pastie/pastry, why not bin that for two standards:

For lighter weights, I’d nominate the Yorkie candy bar.

For heavier weights, the average pork pie, which seems to be upwards of 700 grams from my cursory research.

[StewartWhite]

FFF System

I don't understand why the FFF (Furlong Firkin Fortnight) system (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FFF_system) hasn't been brought into the discussion as a practical remedy.

Obviously the Furlong needs to be replaced by the Fathom in nautical settings (e.g. in Whittlesea as Network Rail insist on calling it or the "Hope and Anchor" in Islington) but otherwise it's pretty much perfect. For example rather than asking "mein host" for a yard of ale it should be 1/2 a fathom instead. All aboard the Skylark!