Porsche panic in Russia as pricey status symbols forget how to car

Hundreds of Porsches in Russia were rendered immobile last week, raising speculation of a hack, but the German carmaker tells The Register that its vehicles are secure. According to reports, local dealership chain Rolf traced the problem to a loss of satellite connectivity to their Vehicle Tracking Systems (VTS). This meant …

[BartyFartsLast]

More cloudybollocks

That's going to be so much fun when the manufacturers decide to shut down the servers for your "vintage" IoT vehicle.

[Blackjack]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Yeah, it is insane you literally cannot use these cars without a satellite connection.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Wonder if you can mimic the satellite signal? Maybe a new hood ornament that spoofs the heartbeat data?

On the flip side, could be hazardous jamming the signal of vehicles on the highway.

What an overengineered mess.

[RAMChYLD]

Re: More cloudybollocks

So these cars can't use underground parking then? because there's definitely zero satellite signal in the basement of most malls.

[Not Yb]

Re: More cloudybollocks

You'd have to leave the car parked underground for several weeks or months. This is a "countdown timer" sort of thing, not "must stay in touch every minute to remain authorized."

[Almost Me]

Re: More cloudybollocks

"You'd have to leave the car parked underground for several weeks or months. This is a "countdown timer" sort of thing, not "must stay in touch every minute to remain authorized.""

Your countdown timer proposal would require cars left underground for several weeks to be towed back to the surface level before they could be used...

Unless Porsche engineers are particularly incompetent, there's more to this story than poor satellite reception.

[retiredFool]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Not just that, but if it takes several weeks for the timer to activate, what good is it. A chop shop would have the thing in pieces in hours, not weeks. So no protection against theft at all.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Your don't have your own satellite in the garage?

Peasant !

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: More cloudybollocks

No-one here is alone, satellites in every home.

[Androgynous Cupboard]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Lots of outrage from people who haven’t considered that the alternative is having your car stolen. So chaps, how would you solve this? Anyone?

PS. “Don’t buy an expensive” car isn’t going to fly if you want to keep your job at Porsche.

[that one in the corner]

Re: More cloudybollocks

The only alternative to needing a satellite signal is to have your car stolen?

So they don't have securely lockable doors? Bit of an oversight there.

Maybe parking in a garage would help - but presumably not one without decent reception.

[hoola]

Re: More cloudybollocks

These will all be keyless entry that can be spoofed along with picking it up and putting it on a transporter.

Physically defeating the locks went yeas ago.

[that one in the corner]

Re: More cloudybollocks

>> So they don't have securely lockable doors?

> These will all be keyless entry that...

You could have just said "No, they don't".

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Alternatives:

Catch the bus

[BartyFartsLast]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Lots of outrage and hyperbole from someone who hasn't considered that we manage to keep cars from being stolen perfectly well without them throwing a tantrum if they miss their regular call home to nanny.

[Not Yb]

Re: More cloudybollocks

The solution to car theft is not "make sure the owner can't drive the vehicle if Porsche shuts down service." Current engine immobilization tech works just fine to prevent easy car theft, and doesn't require a wireless connection back to the corporate HQ.

[Androgynous Cupboard]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Lovely, thank you for your replies. I'll deal with them in order:

* Lockable doors - very clever. It's a £100,000+ car, please excuse my while I smash the windows and open the door from the inside.

* Get the bus? You have just lost your job as head of anti-theft department at Porsche. Next!

* Two replies saying everything is fine as it is. Given what we have now is the ability to remotely disable the car using satellite comms, I'm not sure that's the winning argument you think it is.

Every system has flaws. The fact Porsche (and other high-end manufacturers) have been using this for years and you've only just noticed does seem to indicate that it's, largely, effective. And you're all missing the point that customers actually want this, because it's better than having your car nicked.

[Charlie Clark]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Bricking a car because it doesn't get a signal isn't the same as preventing its theft…

Customers tend to want all kinds of shit if you sell it to them hard enough, which is one of the reasons manufacturers use to justify the larger, heavier and less efficient vehicles they've been foisting on the market for the last twenty years. Nothing to do with the higher profit margins they have…

[Androgynous Cupboard]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Oh for the halcyon days, when a family car came with a 4L V8, you could spray tetra-ethyl lead onto passers-by with gay abandon and break into a car with a coathanger or half a tennis-ball. Where "crumple zone" was the just place where you squashed your litter before throwing it out the window.

A lot of short or selective memories around here. I'll leave you to your nostalgia.

[Charlie Clark]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Wow, that's a big bucket of whatabouts you've got there!

[Zolko]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Oh for the halcyon days...

in those days the car-keys were on top of the sunshield inside the non-locked car. Didn't you watch Terminator (2 I believe) ?

[Stuart Castle]

Re: More cloudybollocks

I'm just wating for someone to spoof the signal using a Software Defined Radio, probably connected to a raspberry pi with battery in a nice small unit that can be stuck in a bag quickly..

[andy gibson]

Re: More cloudybollocks

"* Lockable doors - very clever. It's a £100,000+ car, please excuse my while I smash the windows and open the door from the inside."

Deadlocking has prevented this for decades

[TheFifth]

Re: More cloudybollocks

I was going to say the same thing. You can't just smash a window and open the doors on my crappy Peugeot, so I'd hope it also isn't possible on a Porsche!

[Flocke Kroes]

Re: More cloudybollocks

I do not work for the anti-theft department at Porsche, but if I did: Remove the locks and anti-theft devices. Every stolen car creates a new sale.

My current solution is to park next to a more expensive car. A thief probably cannot steal both at the same time and will likely pick the one with the higher resale value.

[APro]

Re: More cloudybollocks

They'll knick the more expensive car after ripping out your expensive (thus lucrative) headlights to sell on - unless it's an ugly Panamera, in which case condolences and you'l be fine.

[m4r35n357]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Dirty knickers ;)

[hoola]

Re: More cloudybollocks

And loss of parts revenue.

These types of vehicles are rarely stolen to drive but to break for parts. That said the route is normally theft here, break and sell the parts where authenticity is not a key criteria.

[the spectacularly refined chap]

Re: More cloudybollocks

That only really works for the joyriders.

A professional thief won't give a Ferrari, Bentley or whatever a second glance, they are far too niche and attract far too much attention.

Much better to grab something mass market and anonymous, much easier to pass off under a cloned identity, or break up and shift as parts.

[Mimsey Borogove]

Re: More cloudybollocks

My current solution is to park next to a more expensive car. A thief probably cannot steal both at the same time and will likely pick the one with the higher resale value.

My husband and I have discovered a nearly foolproof way of preventing theft: standard transmission. We know this works, because we frequently experience long delays after valet-parking our car while they look for someone who can drive it out.

[Jellied Eel]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Every system has flaws. The fact Porsche (and other high-end manufacturers) have been using this for years and you've only just noticed does seem to indicate that it's, largely, effective. And you're all missing the point that customers actually want this, because it's better than having your car nicked.

Judging by the number of Porsche and other expensive vehicles that get stolen, existing security measures don't seem very effective. Keyless entry doesn't mean what many buyers think it means, and just means the thieves don't need a key, they just need to buy or rent a spoofing box. Those are being made illegal, so it'll be fine.. right? It will also be illegal for garages to offer key duplication or reprogramming for $50 instead of the stealership's price of $500.. or more. Same with attempting to defeat serial numbered parts paired to a specific vehicle, or bypassing BMW's attempts to charge you $50/month to enable the heated seats that have already been installed in your car.

Lots of stuff has been marketed as better for security, yet cars still get stolen. Which cynics may say is the point because then manufacturers can flog a replacement vehicle. Customers might just prefer their car wasn't stolen, unless they've realised they can't afford the low monthly payments and are trying for a spot of insurance fraud.

Then there's how security becomes insecurity, ie keyless entry/ignition. Or tracking and remote kill switches. People might not want tracking, but then every new car sold in the EU now comes with a complementary black box so the vehicle might be found, if you've had an accident. Or at least that's the spin, and it's absolutely nothing to do with implementing road charging. But also potentially a useful theft recovery system, eg Onstar has the ability to track & remotely put a vehicle into limp mode, or disable it so thieves might get caught and vehicles recovered. But invoking it seems a bit slow & clunky, and it's one of those things where an 'EU Standard' might make life easier for LEAs and insurers. No idea if this is something in the pipeline now EU cars have those black boxes though. But also something that needs future proofing given a lot of 'smart' modules relied on systems like GSM & 3G, which is increasingly being turned off.. But that would be for older cars, which would be out of warranty, so the stealership will happily charge owners a few thousand to unbrick their vehicles.

[Mimsey Borogove]

Re: More cloudybollocks

How about The Club? https://gearjunkie.com/motors/the-best-car-anti-theft-devices

It's been immobilizing steering wheels since the 80s, and still works fine.

[nobody who matters]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Except that those steering locks only serve to delay the theft - the thieves can easily overcome them, it just takes a few minutes longer. Bottomline, if the thief wants your car, they will still succeed in taking it.

The only crook lock that seems to offer any real resistance in any of the tests that have been done is the Disklok (https://disklokuk.co.uk/product-category/disklok/), but they are expensive, and cumbersome to fit.

[Sorry that handle is already taken.]

Re: More cloudybollocks

The brave new world is already here

I was once very interested in EVs, however my current vehicle – which only went out of production in 2021 – has no connected features, nothing that can't be repaired by someone competent, and (if you're brave enough) even traction control that can be totally disabled by pressing a button. I think I'll have to make it last because the very near future looks like a nightmare.

[tip pc]

Re: More cloudybollocks

I was once very interested in EVs, however my current vehicle – which only went out of production in 2021

my current car was made in June 2020, must have been the last of its line, the refresh was made days after and has a different entertainment & nav system.

i knew before i purchased 2nd hand, & weighed up that the older system with less connected features was better.

aside from the headlights & ent/nav system, everything was the same.

just wishing it had the 3g comms module instead of the 4g now

[Sorry that handle is already taken.]

Re: More cloudybollocks

just wishing it had the 3g comms module instead of the 4g now

I was going to say that won't do you much good because 3G's being progressively turned off around the world... and then I realised that might be the reason.

[Sampler]

Re: More cloudybollocks

"The cybersecurity of our vehicles is a central concern for Porsche"

My S reg Micra had great cybersecurity, as there was literally nothing to hack, even the stereo was AM radio, no tape... I think I bought it for less than a porsche tyre...

[Screepy]

Re: More cloudybollocks

True that the old Micras had great cyber security (ie. nothing to hack), however it was also incredibly easy to steal.

My R reg Micra would open it's doors if you coughed next to it.

On the positive side, no one wanted to steal it :D

[herman]

Re: More cloudybollocks

After service, my wife once drove somebody else's Micra home. We took it back before hers could disappear too.

[hoola]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Same for an Austin Allegro.

Once in a carpark my Dad got in and drove out of the carpark. It was only when he reached for something in the door pocket the deception was revealed.

Two of these abominations parked close to each other.

[Ian Johnston]

Re: More cloudybollocks

BL only used five (iirc) different keys across all the cars they made. Not that you need that 20% chance, because any one of their locking petrol cap keys would open any of their cars.

[The Organ Grinder's Monkey]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Ref "BL only used five (iirc) different keys across all the cars they made"

Can't speak for BL, though certainly the lock used with the tiny ignition key that all their cars used into the early seventies would wear to the point that a screwdriver would operate it after just a few years.

When I was at college (hi to all North Staffs Poly alumni) all but one of the 6 people that I shared a house with had Ford's, mid 70s to early 80s.they could all open & drive each other's cars with their own keys, except my 1978 transit, curiously.

Not a uniquely UK problem, as per a post of mine from months ago:

Ref Ford's with interchangeable keys, have they put that right? I remember a demo of the standard issue US police cars only having six key differs across all the ones ever built. I'm not in the US, so don't know what model it was, or whether it's current model, but it looked recent to me.

[nobody who matters]

Re: More cloudybollocks

I rather think that is one of those 'urban myths'. Whilst I think you are right in saying there were only around five key 'blanks', the actual tooth patterns that were used across those blanks meant there were substantially more actual different keys.

Whilst all manufacturers used a limited number of different key patterns in those days, the issue of duplication was perhaps less of an issue for theft as back then cars always had a different key pattern for opening the doors from the one that fitted the ignition switch.

Key duplication still remains a big issue for agricultural and plant even now - until relatively recently all the cab doors on a particular brand worked off just one key pattern, and likewise the separate ignition key was the same shape for all (and frequently fitted most brands of machine). It is only in the last 30 years or so that some manufacturers started using different key patterns (but even then on a limited basis).

Things have really only improved in the last 5 to 10 years - most now have an immobiliser with a chip in the key grip, and many construction and plant machines now also have a separate immobiliser code which has to be entered on a key pad by the operator.

[Sampler]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Easy to steal, yes, but, why would you?

I once shot a music video for a mates band in Whitby, we spent a good twelve hours there shooting in various parts of the town, having something to eat, bit of busking.

Walking back to the car parked in a huge field with hundreds of other cars I'm patting down my pockets wondering where my keys are, damn, did they fall out whilst I was rolling around on the floor trying to get a good angle? As the car in front of mine finishes reversing out and pulls off to show, nope, left them sticking out the boot!

My adhd ass was so distracted that I'd locked the boot after getting the gear out that I simply forgot to take the key out and take it with me. Twelve hours, sat there with the key in for the world to see (not even a little out of view like down the side in the drivers door like I'd done in Tesco car park one early morning), no one had taken it with the key there invitingly, don't think anyone's going to go through the hassle of actually trying to break in..

[The Organ Grinder's Monkey]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Ref left keys hanging out of boot lock for 12 hours, a mate once left his house in Witney, Oxfordshire, for a 7 day work trip to the US, & left his front door wide open with the keys in the lock. When he came home the keys, were still there & no-one had set foot in the house, or at least nothing had been disturbed / taken.

Especially remarkable as his house fronted the old A40 into Oxford, & had a heavily-used bus-stop immediately outside the front door.

[Charlie Clark]

Re: More cloudybollocks

AM is mono…

[herman]

Re: More cloudybollocks

AM can be stereo - using the two sidebands -1980s technology. When I woz in the army, we would use two man pack SSB radios and with careful tuning get stereo muzak.

[Captain Badmouth]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Indeed, back in the late 60’s someone from Swansea (iirc) uni. modded a radio with the (then) new ceramic filters and fed usb and lsb to l and r inputs of the amplifier section. Great fun listening to the night time fading of the am signal as it moved between the speakers.

I believe it was published in Wireless World at the time, anyone have any info?

[Charlie Clark]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Sigh

[Captain Badmouth]

Re: More cloudybollocks

I’m not suggesting it was anything other than mono, but I, for one, would have loved listening to radio Caroline or Luxembourg etc. on such a set-up.

Takes the sting out of the night time fading.

[Charlie Clark]

Re: More cloudybollocks

Indeed – AM was pretty good use of spectrum, with known trade-offs. Not that "stereo" really means that much, especially not in the uphlostered tin can of a car.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: More cloudybollocks

......until we get a widespread Linux solution............

Link: https://www.zdnet.com/article/this-new-linux-platform-will-let-you-update-your-next-car-at-home-as-soon-as-2027/

[Brave Coward]

ASS

Automobile as a Shitty Service.

[JimmyPage]

"It wasn't a hack"

Mandy Rice Davies applies.

[Doctor Syntax]

If it needs a view of satellite to work how does it cope with being parked in an underground garage or even one with a metal-clad roof? Or driving into a tunnel? And stay away from car ferries.

[Richard 12]

They'll generally work for "a while", before locking out the next attempt to start if no signal is received while running.

Partly to limit the effectiveness of the rubber hose technique, partly because such vehicles are generally stored in underground secure parking.

[Androgynous Cupboard]

… and if you answer the question sensibly and accurately, you’ll be downvoted a second time. I hope you’ve learned your lesson young man!

[DS999]

"A while"

Seems like a really long time considered Porsche pulled out of Russia over three years ago. If you park your car in a garage for longer than that I guess you'll have to push it out and let it see the satellite before you can drive it.

[BartyFartsLast]

Re: "A while"

Radio (satellite) signals don't stop at borders which is why Voice of America, BBC world service etc etc exist(ed) so I don't think VAG group pulling out of a country would necessarily stop cars with this idiotic system installed.

[hoola]

Re: "A while"

The article states the service is managed locally.

This looks more like a failure in the satellite or bills not being paid.

[DS999]

Re: "A while"

Satellite signals don't stop at borders but they do have some control over where they hit, and Moscow is far enough from the border it could easily be excluded even if places closer to the border would still work.

[herman]

Re: "A while"

Well, if it was parked due to a lack of spare parts during the boycotth, then it may be parked a while longer.

[MachDiamond]

"

They'll generally work for "a while""

You'd want to know precisely what "a while" is. If it's a couple of days on the ferry, will you be driving the car off or will you be paying a hefty fee for towing and penalties to the ferry company. Having the ferry company forklift your expensive Porsche off of the boat might lead to some damage (for which they assume no liability for).

[Not Yb]

If it was set off by just "a couple of days on the ferry" there would be a LOT more complaints about this.

[Doctor Syntax]

They'll generally work for "a while", before locking out the next attempt to start if no signal is received while running.

If that were the case you'd expect the problem occurrence to be spread depending on when the car was last driven. This seems to have happened more or less all at once. And only a single country is affected? If it's related to tracking S/W the system will require mapping data. It sounds like a problem downloading a new country map.

[mr.K]

What about Jags?

I mean there has to be hundreds of villains keeping Jags in their underground lairs too deep for the satellites to reach. I assume then that Jags do not have this in their cars, or at least have the villain underground package which lets them disable it.

[simonlb]

Re: What about Jags?

Jags don't need that to break down, there's plenty of other things on them that will inevitably break and leave them stranded anyway.

[MachDiamond]

Re: What about Jags?

"I mean there has to be hundreds of villains keeping Jags in their underground lairs too deep for the satellites to reach."

Is it Jags now? I thought it was Aston Martin's.

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: What about Jags?

Are cars stolen to be sold or broken for parts?

I wonder if the collection of parts is worth more than the sum of the whole? Especially the higher value ones which may stand out more if selling on whole as "good runner, one lady owner".

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: What about Jags?

My brother once bought a nonfunctioning 4Runner, with the intent of using it for parts for his mostly-functioning 4Runner. The first thing he did was sell the wheels for more than he paid for the vehicle.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: What about Jags?

>The first thing he did was sell the wheels for more than he paid for the vehicle

And the 2nd was to sell the wheel-less car as an art piece commenting on the failure of cars as a means of transport

[The Organ Grinder's Monkey]

Re: What about Jags?

I spent several years dealing in motor salvage, buying damaged & stolen / recovered cars from insurance companies & selling them to dismantlers etc to break for their components.

I eventually had to give it up as buyers working out of Eastern European markets were paying more for damaged cars than UK buyers could get for them either repaired or for their parts when fully dismantled. Specifically they were most keen on high spec diesels from Volvo, Saab, VAG etc, but as Saab & Volvo were my thing it killed my little sideline completely.

(They'd solved the transport problem too, as there were so many trucks coming loaded to the UK & returning empty that they were happy to take a couple of cars home each time for a donation to their fuel costs.)

[CorwinX]

Parts v whole car

This is a totally true story. I swear it in the name of the Goddess.

Liverpool in the 80s. Joyriders used to steal cars, razz them around, then leave them on Kirkby beach.

I was going out with a girl from a particular family.

They didn't steal cars themselves, they'd only strip them once abandoned.

Two trucks, one with a winch to take the engine out.

One crew exterior (wheels, engine, etc) the other interior (radio, seats, dash, etc).

Approx 30min to only leave the body-shell and exit.

Any law-enforcement reading this... 45 years ago - no, I can't remember names!

[The Organ Grinder's Monkey]

Re: Parts v whole car

Ref 30 mins to strip car, you've reminded me of a thing from my years in motor salvage.

Insurers spotted that mk4 Escort convertibles were disproportionately represented in theft stats in East London (UK). That they were trivial to steal was well known (see Fords anecdote up-thread) but E London was way ahead of the rest of the UK.

Long story short, stripped Escort 'shells, would appear in laybys, owners would claim for stolen cars,' shells would be sold as repairable salvage, "kids" would buy them & take them back to a railway arch in E London, steal a complete one, strip it for the parts to rebuild the shell that they'd just bought & dump the now stripped stolen one in a layby, & so the circle is completed.

That circle was only broken when the scrotes got lazy / process became so widespread that they started stealing the reassembled salvage cars, (quite possibly with the purchaser's blessing) that they'd just sold, so the same VINs started to appear over & over on the insurers books. The insurers crushed a batch of 'shells & broke the cycle. Took them a long time to notice, though. No visit to a London salvage dealer's yard in period (early 90s) was complete without pausing to admire & wonder at the long line of perfect Escort convertible shells gleaming in the sun (or rain, most often, this being England.)

[VonLugersButter]

Re: Parts v whole car

There are some impressive stories in here- you lot should get together and write a book.

Local prison where I grew up had a kind of car maintenance program. The cars they worked on were Opels, guess what the most popular cars stolen by joyriders was?

The 80s was seriously messed up.

[MachDiamond]

Re: What about Jags?

"I wonder if the collection of parts is worth more than the sum of the whole?"

With Porsche not selling in Russia anymore, yeah, parts will be really dear.

[JLV]

> Faraday cage to block the antenna and prevent tracking.

This is Russia, so I look forward to the experience gained with "cope cages" in Ukraine being leveraged onto pretty Porsches.

Best of luck, comrades.

[nobody who matters]

<i."Hundreds of Porsches in Russia were rendered immobile last week..."</i>

Rich Russians. Am I supposed to care??

[Anonymous Coward]

Schadenfreude

(NSFW, but you knew that already my fluffy fiends)

[MachDiamond]

"Rich Russians. Am I supposed to care??"

I'm conflicted. I don't care about rich Russians, but I also don't want these sorts of systems showing up in Honda's or Toyota's. I'm an old guy so getting in and out of a small sports car is a real chore.

[Neil Barnes]

/me looks at his thirty year old Fiat

Looks like I dodged a bullet there!

[David 132]

Re: /me looks at his thirty year old Fiat

Bravo!

...or should that be Brava!, or Punto!, or Multipla! ....?

[The man with a spanner]

Re: /me looks at his thirty year old Fiat

I have an Idea.

(Not many other people do as they sold abismally in the UK)

[Neil Barnes]

Re: /me looks at his thirty year old Fiat

Coupé. They only made seven thousand UK models in six years or so; mine is serial number 16.

[Jimmy2Cows]

Re: ...or should that be Brava!, or Punto!, or Multipla! ....?

Oh God no! Never a Multipla! Don't know WTF the Fiat board was smoking when they approved that design, but it must have been damn strong.

[The Organ Grinder's Monkey]

Re: /me looks at his thirty year old Fiat

Ref 30 yo Fiat, iirc you're living in France Mr B, & presumably towards the south.

A 30 year old Fiat in the UK is something that you move with a dustpan & brush (but which would somehow still be rife with electrical faults...)

[vogon00]

How time changes things...

FIAT used to stand for 'Fix it again tomorrow'. At least you could fix things yourself then. You can keep your modern 'tech nightmare' on wheels!

My current runabout is a 2001 Renault Clio...which you can work on yourself quite easily.

_{Also : Ford - Found on road dead. Lotus - Lots of trouble, usually serious. BMW - Bavarian manure wagon. (YMMV)}

[MachDiamond]

Re: How time changes things...

"My current runabout is a 2001 Renault Clio...which you can work on yourself quite easily."

My mom had an old Dodge Dart with a slant 6. You could climb into the engine compartment, sit on a fender and wrench on the car. Super bare bones too so there wasn't that much to go wrong on them.

[sedregj]

Re: How time changes things...

My first car was a Ford Fiesta MK 1 (UK). It was tiny but there was nearly as much space around the engine as my current EV has under the bonnet.

In the end there was nearly as much wire mesh and body putty as sheet steel and there was a nasty draught up your right trouser leg. Its second engine costed £100 including fitting in a tiny garage near Plymouth Central. It finally passed away just off J30 of the M5 (Exeter Services). It was sounding a bit rough whizzing up the A38 and it turned out I had basically blown two cylinders out of four. Well I got a good year out of that engine. The AA recovered it for me back to Plymouth and I got £25 from the scrappers for it in 1994.

[AVR]

Re: How time changes things...

I thought BMW stood for Burn a hole in My Wallet?

I'm not going to try and maintain a car myself, but I'm also not going to buy a Porsche. Nice of these rich people to beta test the new systems before they reach me.

[herman]

Re: How time changes things...

Blik Met Wiele

[Charlie Clark]

Re: How time changes things...

Bring mich Werkstatt in Germany – they used to have a terrible reputation for reliability. But when did something like that ever bother the spivs that like to drive them?

[The Organ Grinder's Monkey]

Re: How time changes things...

It was Bob Marley & d'Wailers when I lived in North London, & there was another alluding to the same stereotype of the typical owner of an older BMW in that area, which I'll not reproduce here.

(Also, these days the typical driver of an older BMW or Audi round here is a steroid-abusing meathead, so it's probably not valid anymore.)

[Evil Auditor]

Re: How time changes things...

Lots Of Troubles, Usually Serious. Confirmed. Fifty years old and ate its own gearbox but, at least, not vulnerable to any cyber satellite threat.

[Not Yb]

Re: How time changes things...

It lasted 50 years before the gearbox failed? That's not bad...

[Evil Auditor]

Re: How time changes things...

That would truly be amazing! But no, the gearbox had been grinding its teeth much, much earlier. It probably started when rolling out of Hethel...

[The Organ Grinder's Monkey]

Re: How time changes things...

When I first met my current "carer" she was getting about in a mk1 Clio 1.2

It was in the most basic "pauper" spec imaginable, no PAS, no EW, no CL, etc.

The alternator drivebelt started squealing as they do when old / loose. Usually adjustment is a trivial job, but Renault had other ideas...

I popped the bonnet & searched in vain for the drive belt. It was at the very bottom of the engine bay, completely obscured with other stuff (despite pauper spec, remember). Someone had given her a Haynes manual for the car (cf Mitchell etc in US) & the instructions for adjusting the drive belt began:

Jack up OSF corner & secure on stands, remove OSF roadwheel, remove plastic wheel arch liner...

Keep in mind that on eg a contemporary & similar Vauxhall / Opel / Holden you could have adjusted the belt with one hand whilst holding the bonnet open with the other. If you're paying garage labour rates that difference isn't even slightly funny.

Sadly this sort of design is absolutely typical of French cars, though I've long suspected that it's far worse on the right hand drive versions, presumably still getting revenge for Agincourt & Waterloo?

Similarly, the book time for an automatic gearbox replacement on a Saab 9000 Griffin (front wheel drive, transverse 3.0 V6) was 4 hours, on a Peugeot 605 (similar size & also fwd / transverse V6) it was nearer to 10 hours. That's 6 hours extra labour coming out of your pocket, potentially £600 these days, just to finance lazy design. Friends still in the car trade tell me they're even worse now than they were when I was last on the spanners, (nearly 30 years ago now.)

[nobody who matters]

Re: How time changes things...

"Ford - Found on road dead"

I always knew it as Fix Or Repair Daily :)

[The Central Scrutinizer]

What sort of messed up world do we live in where people have to worry about the cyber security of their cars?

Seriously.

[Anonymous Coward]

The first satellite command disables the car

The second one bricks the cars ECM.

Code scan tool brings up error: “No turnip for you comrade”

[BartyFartsLast]

Re: The first satellite command disables the car

Dashboard displays a NAFO Shiba Inu meme...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: The first satellite command disables the car

I'd go for a Ukrainian flag.

[mcswell]

What, me worry?

From the article"...engine kill systems were pushed as an anti-theft device. But "the technology could also be used by hackers to cause havoc and could also be used by totalitarian governments to shut down vehicles belonging to 'enemies of the state.'"

Yeah, and all those inexpensive cars being built in China...

[Alumoi]

Re: What, me worry?

Yeah, and all those expensive cars sold to Russia...

[PRR]

> a criminal could create a Faraday cage

No creation needed. Use a shipping container. Stolen cars usually cross the ocean in containers so they must be available worldwide.

[Anonymous Coward]

I've worked in a couple of container ports, standard containers don't make great Faraday cages, you can get a mobile signal in a closed one and active vehicle trackers can be (and are occasionally) activated in them

[Martin an gof]

you can get a mobile signal in a closed one

I think the real question here is, why would you let yourself be locked inside one to find out?

M.

[Anonymous Coward]

Perhaps because if you're there, and the opportunity presents itself to test an idea, you'd give it a go?

Obviously you need to trust colleagues on the outside of the container.....

[BartyFartsLast]

Hahaha, no, it wasn't me that got trapped in one, it's a long story involving UKBA and some people who'd taken the extreme budget option on a cruise.

[MarkMLl]

Old news.

Russia's in the middle of turning off its 3G, on which the VTS relies to talk to the security servers.

Nothing to do with satellites.

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: Old news.

That sounds more credible.

[Mike 137]

"The cybersecurity of our vehicles is a central concern for Porsche"

If it wasn't an effin smart phone on wheels you wouldn't have to worry. My almost entirely^* mechanical Volvo is 30 years old today, running perfectly, and has never been broken into or "hacked".

_{* it does have an electronic engine management system}

.

[997Ahoy]

I’ve a 2012 Porsche 911 (hate me, it’s a beautiful piece of engineering) with one of these tracker things.

I haven’t ever paid the tracker subscription so it’s never been active. The service is, as the article says run by local telcos - in my case, Vodamafone.

It failed a couple of years ago - the AA had to truck it to the local dealership who diagnosed a dead tracker appliance, replaced it under warranty and all was good.

In the interim I’ve been on multiple long ferry crossings from the UK to Spain and stored it underground for 4-6 week periods. All no issues.

Bit of a media storm in a teacup if you ask me

[Anonymous Coward]

It's simpler than that.

Cyrillic language support has been disabled as part of the sanctions against them for invading Ukraine. Serves them right, they probably stole them in the first place.

[Jellied Eel]

Re: It's simpler than that.

Cyrillic language support has been disabled as part of the sanctions against them for invading Ukraine.

Err.. right-

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyrillic_script#

With the accession of Bulgaria to the European Union in 2007, Cyrillic became the third official script of the European Union, following the Latin and Greek alphabets

Cyrillic is an alphabet not a language, and is used by many languages, not just Russian. One of which is, well, Ukrainian, which although it has it's own alphabet, wasn't much used prior to 2014.

[Anonymous Coward]

TITSUP

Total Inability To Support USSR Porsches.

[CorwinX]

Why, in the name all that's holy..

... would someone buy a car that could be immobilized remotely?

Anti-theft is one thing. Having your car shut down while doing 70 on a motorway (or stranded miles from anywhere) is a whole different kettle of fish.

[MachDiamond]

Re: Why, in the name all that's holy..

".. would someone buy a car that could be immobilized remotely?"

Jeremy Clarkson bought a Ford F-40 and the security system would go off all of the time. He'd get a call that his car may have been stolen and he'd tell them, "nonsense, I can see it in the garage from where I'm sat in the garden". It happened so often that he had to budget twice the time to make a trip to deal with getting locked out/immobilized. He eventually gave up and made them take the car back as a complete pile o' crap. The car itself was fine, but the "security" system made it unfit for purpose.

[tiggity]

Re: Why, in the name all that's holy..

@MachDiamond

maybe that particular security system had a special wanker detector causing it to misbehave?

[The Organ Grinder's Monkey]

Re: Why, in the name all that's holy..

Those systems are speed aware, they don't immobilise the car until it's stationary.

[MachDiamond]

Re: Why, in the name all that's holy..

"Those systems are speed aware, they don't immobilise the car until it's stationary."

H&S and all that, Fine. Where does that leave you if you pull over in a lay-by to watch a sunset in the middle of a country drive, attempt to get back in the car and it's locked you out? Cue the rain making machine and have a shot of the lead character peering through the window staring longingly at his nice warm rain coat.

[Ropewash]

and that is why I'm glad..

..that when I last had my vehicle serviced, despite being a 2025 model, the report very specifically noted that they had to update the system manually because remote networking of any sort is not enabled.

Which is exactly what I had requested when buying it.

[Tim99]

But, but, but

I thought we were worried about "the Chinese" bricking these new fangled EVs?

[CorwinX]

There's also the Cut&Shut

Two mostly identical cars.

One's hit a lampost, the other's been tail-ended.

Hack both down the middle, weld the undamaged ends together and respray the resulting Frankencar.