BOFH: Forward-facing AI brand experience meets forward-facing combustion risk management

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns The Company has organized a guest speaker for an early morning business strategy presentation. Which no one has RSVP'd to. In an effort to boost the numbers, they then added a free out-catered breakfast, which resulted in so many responses they had to book the big conference room. …

[KarMann]

Be prepared!

[F]eeling around in my back pocket to see if I've got my Swiss Army gutting knife.

Good thing. You never know when you're going to need to gut a Swiss Army.

[Anonymous IV]

Re: Be prepared!

> > Feeling around in my back pocket to see if I've got my Swiss Army gutting knife.

> Good thing. You never know when you're going to need to gut a Swiss Army.

It was for syntactic ambiguity reasons that the hyphen was invented.

[herman]

Re: Be prepared!

Maybe when you visit the Vatican. I have never seen Swiss army anywhere else. They are very shy.

[M.V. Lipvig]

Re: Be prepared!

Effective though. When Hitler told Switzerland to surrender or be swamed by an army 10 times larger, Switzerland told him they'd just need to shoot 10 times each - and Hitler decided to leave them alone.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Be prepared!

That, and they reminded him where he and his top officers were keeping their embezzled money.

[MJB7]

Re: Be prepared!

Have you tried looking in Switzerland? There are an awful lot of them there. Some are even in uniform.

[Persona]

Re: Be prepared!

Switzerland has National Service and hence a lot of well trained part time soldiers.

A BOFH colleague of mine from the Zurich office was responsible for commanding a missile system in the event of war. He did refresher training every few months.

A BOFH in charge of missiles ..... what could go wrong.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Be prepared!

And are required, I believe, to keep up their skills with regular sessions on the shooting range so they are proficient with the military issued guns they keep at home.?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Be prepared!

Yes, every household has a military rifle and ammunition. The ammunition is strictly audited and they can get more at the range for practice.

[The Mole]

Re: Be prepared!

Alongside their bomb shelter that was mandatory to be installed in new buildings for a while, plus the rather numerous army bases dug into the sides of mountains.

[Ken G]

Re: Be prepared!

That's the Swiss Guard.

Where exactly do you expect to see the Swiss Army?

[Anonymous Coward]

Sounds like the extremely highly paid

Consultants a certain stock exchange I once worked at hire to influence their leaders into more mindless decisions! Total oxygensucking vampires devoid of any redeeming value whatsoever!

[keith_w]

Re: Sounds like the extremely highly paid

The consultants, the leaders or both?

[Casca]

Re: Sounds like the extremely highly paid

Yes

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

"... as invaluable as the 1-port network switch, a marzipan heatsink, or write-only memory!"

Brilliant, the marzipan heatsink being a nicely seasonal touch, I feel. Neat little bit of foreboding with the mention of the words non-iron being more of a warning than a product feature

[Giles C]

Re: "... as invaluable as the 1-port network switch, a marzipan heatsink, or write-only memory!"

You mean those monitors with a 2 part hub, one uplink cable and then one spare - so why did I connect the cable to the monitor again….

[the spectacularly refined chap]

Re: "... as invaluable as the 1-port network switch, a marzipan heatsink, or write-only memory!"

To get a high power port.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: "... as invaluable as the 1-port network switch, a marzipan heatsink, or write-only memory!"

To get a usable USB port for the keyboard and mouse dongle as it's about the only place they won't immediately suffer interference from any Bluetooth source.

Some of these have about as much power as a mosquito with the flu.

[renniks]

Good to see the BOFH & PFY's feelings on AI are the same as mine!

[Philo T Farnsworth]

I love a good free breakfast, as well, but I generally stop at two.

[KarMann]

Well, by two o'clock, it's no longer breakfast, it's lunch or tea, anyway. But you could probably have had five breakfasts by then if you really put your head down and get to it.

[Philo T Farnsworth]

Ya got me.

[ArguablyShrugs]

BOFH feeling festive before Christmas or what?

Since Darryl got off it quite lightly – just a bit of CO2 suffocation and a ruined cheap suit – I'd have expected *both* a lynching *and* an impression in the pavement.

[LybsterRoy]

I wonder if the lack of comments are due to my early arrival or if so few are seeing the BOFH posts these days?

[KittenHuffer]

It was only posted to the site just over 30 minutes before you posted your comment.

[Giles C]

I only get time to read the register on my lunch break so didn’t see it until after 12

[MacGuffin]

It may be the are fewer readers on the other side of the pond Today as they are off work due to Thanksgiving and Black Friday. I would think any BOFH worth anything would do all their comments on work hours.

[keith_w]

Only the central part of the northern part of this side of the pond. The northern part of the northern part of this side of the pond held thanksgiving over a month ago, after the harvest, when it should be held.

[Anonymous Custard]

Count on it

"Digital rebranding?" I echo. "Don't tell me, ones and zeros are out, and twos and threes are in?"

I thought the current one was sixes and sevens?

[Elongated Muskrat]

Re: Count on it

Careful, there might be some charge left in those fire extinguishers.

[b0llchit]

Re: Count on it

There is only an Octal charge left to let it become a Decimal extinguisher.

[Bebu sa Ware]

Dear Santa

Please, can you bring a Bergonic chair ? I have a few acquaintances I would like to fry try with it.

The very high voltage version might be best. :)

[Bill Gray]

Re: Dear Santa

For those who, like me, missed the reference : here's a pretty horrifying picture of a Bergonic chair (early electroconvulsive "therapy" device).

[PB90210]

Re: Dear Santa

"In 1973, California banned electroshock; that law was later struck down"

Nice to see legislators have got your back and are not swayed by outside influencers and dodgy practices... we, the people, demand to be fried!

[Antron Argaiv]

Re: Dear Santa

Yikes! [winces]

[Jedit]

"Knows almost nothing about AI outside of plagiarised PowerPoint slides"

Ah, so Darryl composed his patter using AI then.

[Bebu sa Ware]

"I, unfortunately, have Diabetes Pessimistus."

And Daryl, Diabetes Insipidus ?

Pissing out copious doctored spin effluent.

[Charlie Clark]

Re: "I, unfortunately, have Diabetes Pessimistus."

Look, he's going hyperbolic! Someone get the cattle prod!

[Denarius]

Re: "I, unfortunately, have Diabetes Pessimistus."

ROFLMAO. That turn of phrase "sugar-coated cornucopia of optimism – but I, unfortunately, have Diabetes Pessimistus." is one of best BOFH comments. It precisely expresses my sentiments on most AI and all AI boosters. Pity no car park impact from 5 floors up with no chance of survival. Preferably into a big waste skip, 5 minutes before pickup

[Doctor Syntax]

"he'll make a massive impression on the surface of the car park two floors below our office window."

Are two floors really enough for a massive impression? Some experimentation is required.

[LogicGate]

Well, the splatter might be impressive.

By the way, what is the difference between falling out of the ffirst floor window and the tenth floor window?

It is "doink - waaaaah!" versus "waaaah - doink"

[KittenHuffer]

<citation needed>

[Doctor Syntax]

Darwin gets there eventually.

[M.V. Lipvig]

You don't really want that. I saw a 10 story suicide at the hotel next door to my work place shortly after it happened. It.wws, shall we say, less than pleasant, and the, umm, splat... goes quite a bit further than you'd expect.

[stewwy]

Somwhere there must be a table for blood splatter radius vs fall height , probably with corrections for wind direction and many other variables.

Probably better visualised as a graph,

or maybe a scatter plot.

[xasperated]

Splatter experiment

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0379073818309502

[Elongated Muskrat]

It may be two floors below the office window, but somehow, Darryl managed to slip and fall from the cab of the crane doing building works on the office building next door.

[Boris the Cockroach]

And into the awaiting maw of the woodchipper?

Speaking of woodchippers, when you see someone you dont like fall into one, is it the done thing just to stand there and laugh or do you make the token effort to try pulling them out before letting the woodchipper have its way with them?

Asking for a friend... well enemy really

[KittenHuffer]

There is the option to hit the emergency stop on the woodchipper!

This is not necessarily the soft option ..... every time you see them after that you can smile at the fact that they'll never be able to count to 20 again!

[Korev]

Unless they come from Norfolk and then they'll wonder why they only have twenty

[Herby]

Count to 20 again...

No, count to 21 again. Probably only to eleven.

[T. F. M. Reader]

Could we please have a new series

about Stephen's adventures as a boy scout? Maybe on Wednesdays?

[Blackjack]

Somehow this was tamer that expected, must be all those breakfasts.

[herman]

The one thing that is always good in this company, is the quality of the outside catering.

[Anonymous Anti-ANC South African Coward]

Fourth Breakfast, anybody?

omnomnomnomnom

[nevarre]

Marzipan Heatsink

Marzipan Heatsink is an awesome name for a band.