How do you solve a problem like Discovery?

The White House's Office of Management and Budget is grappling with how to transport Space Shuttle Discovery from the Smithsonian Museum in Virginia to Space Center Houston. How would you do it? NASA astronaut Andrew Morgan is pictured tethered to the International Space Station while finalizing thermal repairs on the Alpha …

[Aladdin Sane]

4, what could possibly go wrong? Send answers via albatross to the usual location.

[NoneSuch]

C'mon Guys, It's OBVIOUS...!

5. Engage Elon's Boring Company to dig a tunnel to Houston, then use Cybertrucks to pull it through.

Use some imagination...

[DrStrangeLug]

The obvious solution is...

Launch it from Washington, orbit it around the earth, do the re-entry and land it in Houston.

All you need to do is:

1. Recertify Discovery for flight

2. Build a Washington Launch complex

3. Build an external tank and use some SRB slated for the next SLS mission

4. Train a flight crew

5. Train a landing site crew.

[Lazlo Woodbine]

Re: The obvious solution is...

Use Trump's new "ballroom" as a launch pad, then everyone's a winner...

[jake]

Re: The obvious solution is...

What? And waste all that tacky gold leaf?

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: The obvious solution is...

You don't think they'll get round to building anything over top of that wreckage, do you?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: The obvious solution is...

With the price of gold these days it’s more likely to be a tin of gold spray-paint from Dollar General.

[DS999]

Re: The obvious solution is...

Its not Trump's money so he'll use the real stuff unlike at Mar-A-Lago.

[jake]

Re: The obvious solution is...

He claims that he's spending his own money.

But then he lies an awful lot.

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: The obvious solution is...

An interesting coincidence. He's claiming "damages" from the DoJ (run by his appointed lapdog and which he has to approve) which just happens to be almost the same value as the initial predicted cost of this "small extension" to the Whitehouse.

[jake]

Re: The obvious solution is...

Trump's tariffs are going to drive DG out of business. Nobody wants to buy chinesium crap at two-fifty per each.

[LogicGate]

Re: The obvious solution is...

Nope, this is 2025.

The obvious solution is.....

1: Use AI to reduce the Shuttle into a Blockchain

2: Use EVTOLS to transport the Blockchain to the nearest Hyperloop

3: In the Hyperloop, have a popular K-Pop band TikTok the blockchain until it becomes a Meme

4: Conclude that the Meme causes Autism and disclose this in a fumbling WhiteHouse press briefing

5: Use this as an argument to impose new Tariffs on Luxembourg

6: Send ICE and National Guard into Houston.

7: 3d print a new Ballroom in goldish ABS

8: Something something spaceshuttle!

[Kimo]

Re: The obvious solution is...

Too bad it isn't 2015 anymore. We could just upload the shuttle to the cloud and download it in Huston.

[jake]

Better option.

Leave it where it is and save the taxpayers some loot.

_{Note I'm one of said taxpayers ... and I vote.}

[Sartori]

Re: Better option.

I'm not one of the taxpayers and don't vote (not in that country anyway), but if it's going to cost an absolute fortune to move, and potentially in bits, the sensible option seems to be, don't do it then.

Just take a sensible pill and say well, yeah..... we know we said we'd do this, but it's just ridiculous as it turns out, so nope, not gonna happen.

[Phil Ni'Sophical]

Re: Better option.

Sensible option? Have you been following the news recently, friend Commentard?

[lnLog]

Re: Better option.

Yup, they wanted a vehicle that had been to space, why not send them a apollo or mercury capsule? I though that was what NASA had identified initially anyway.

[Jon Bar]

Re: Better option.

They already have Mercury, Gemini and Apollo capsules, all flown, on loan from the Smithsonian.

[Fred Dibnah]

Re: Better option.

From The Right Stuff film:

Alan Shepard: “That is a spacecraft, sir. We do not refer to it as a ‘capsule’. Spacecraft.”

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: Better option.

"on loan from the Smithsonian."

Maybe that's the problem right there? Loans can be recalled. They want to *own* something. So maybe just sell them one of the existing ones for a dollar. No transports costs, no new building. I'd buy that for a dollar :-)

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: Better option.

Note I'm one of said taxpayers ... and I vote. "

Yeahbut, unless you are teetering on the fence, this tiny little minor issue alone is never going to be enough to tip you one way or the other when it comes to voting time. :-)

[ParlezVousFranglais]

If it was up to me, option 3 - but just purely for the spectacle, floating it there is theoretically possible (providing you could get about 10 Hindenburgs to work in unison), so lets go for 1

Of course you forgot the most important question - "How many lawyers does it take to change a Space Shuttle location?..."

[Anonymous Coward]

"How many lawyers does it take to change a Space Shuttle location?"

I am certain we are about to find out.

Unfortunately.

[Doctor Syntax]

Instead of 10 Hindenbburgs use a huge cluster of those Baby Trump balloons. Steering it might be a bit tricky but an erratic course seems to come naturally to him.

[Bill Gray]

Re: use of Trump balloons

Already discussed on these fora a couple of months back, complete with the obligatory "assume a spherical Trump".

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: use of Trump balloons

Assume a spherical Trump - in a vacuum and on a frictionless plane. Not sure how that last helps moving Discovery, but, sigh, what an image.

Obligatory xkcd

[bombastic bob]

slightly more practical post

1. Use heavy lift helicopters to move it to one of Musk's SpaceX landing barges (grok suggests 5 to 7 helicopters)

2. Float it around Florida to the Texas gulf area

3. Helicopter it back onto a waiting uber-wide trailer where it can be hauled by a typical tractor rig like an 18 wheeler

4. Clear the roads and truck it on in!

(backup is helicopter airlifts to move it to a 2nd trailer further down the road, if needed)

[Richard 12]

Re: slightly more practical post

Normally I'd assume that was a joke, but as it's you I wonder...

A Sikorsky S64 rotor disk is 22m diameter - 11m radius. Discovery has a 23m wingspan.

If you put one on each wingtip, the helicopters will instantly crash into each other and be destroyed, killing all occupants - see icon.

The absolute maximum number of helicopters that could be connected to lifting lines would be two (2) - one at the nose, the other bridled to wingtips - and that would be incredibly dangerous as both helicopters would be in the backwash of the other, causing massively derated lifting capacity and significant flight instability.

No pilot intending to see tomorrow would even consider attempting it.

[David Hicklin]

Re: slightly more practical post

> A Sikorsky S64 rotor disk is 22m diameter - 11m radius. Discovery has a 23m wingspan.

What you need is a giant lifting beam so that the helicopters can be well spread out, maybe different length ropes/wires to stagger them further

For the full Hollywood/Thunderbirds effect don't forget to design a weak spot that goes with a big crash but will also allow the beam to remain just intact enough to complete the job

Ah Thunderbirds! Just call International Rescue, I am sure they will have some kit stashed away somewhere

[ParlezVousFranglais]

Re: It must have been transported...

Because the two 747's modified to carry it are long since decommissioned, and converting and certifying another one would probably cost 3 times the available budget just on its own

[seven of five]

Re: It must have been transported...

Conversion could be replaced with Speed tape (place Orbiter on Boeing and wrap a few kilometres of tape around), certification could be done by Boeing. Problem solved.

[MrReynolds2U]

Re: It must have been transported...

I wouldn't rule out duck tape as an option (or duct tape if you prefer that name).

[8BitGuru]

Re: It must have been transported...

We do, because it's tape (originally) used to seal ducts. Ducks do not require sealing.

[seven of five]

Re: It must have been transported...

origin is unclear.

iirc, "Duck" is a brand name (belongs to Henkel group). Additionally, google gives me "first tape was made using "cotton duck", a type of canvas".

either way: Ducks are self sealing and float, correct.

[Andy The Hat]

Re: It must have been transported...

Given the level of activity off our local colony, it appears that unwary floating sea ducks could be under sealed and cease to float.

[The Oncoming Scorn]

Re: It must have been transported...

either way: Ducks are self sealing and float, correct.

King: A Duck!

V: Exactly! So, logically...

P1(thinking): If she ways the same as a duck... she's made of wood!

V: And therefore,

All: A witch!

V: We shall use my largest scales.

[Doctor Evil]

Re: It must have been transported...

"P1(thinking): If she ways the same as a duck... she's made of wood!"

No weigh did the Pythons write it like that!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: It must have been transported...

So how many ducks would it take to lift a space shuttle? Remember to allow for the weight of the collars and leashes. For extra points, compute if using duck tape to replace the collars and leashes would reduce the number of ducks required.

[that one in the corner]

Re: It must have been transported...

Quoth seven of five: Ducks are self sealing

I believe you may be confusing ducks with stem bolts. With that moniker, you ought to know the difference.

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: It must have been transported...

"Tighter than a ducks arse" is a well known saying for a reason. It's self-sealing :-)

[The Organ Grinder's Monkey]

Re: It must have been transported...

Also aka stage tape or tank tape (depends on context) in my now quite lengthy experience,

[Not Yb]

Re: It must have been transported...

Stage tape is NOT duck tape. Use duck tape on a stage, and your prop and electric departments will get mad. It's not just differently named... the adhesives are better designed.

[jake]

Re: It must have been transported...

It's not called stage tape, it's called gaffer tape. For all around use, ShurTape P- 628 will handle just about anything you throw at it. I generally buy it by the case when I see it on sale. I also keep various versions of ProGaff on hand for specialty work (wet conditions, automotive/boat upholstery backing, etc.). Both are kinda spendy, but you get what you pay for.

[Anonymous Coward]

Ducks do not require sealing.

But, do seals require ducking?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Ducks do not require sealing.

Where I'm from we don't Duck Seals. I do, however, often find Seals blown.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Ducks do not require sealing.

No, I've just been eating ice cream.

[Rafael #872397]

Re: Ducks do not require sealing.

Have an upvote, while I can still type this on my coffee-soaked keyboard.

[NapTime ForTruth]

Re: Ducks do not require sealing.

Seals are naturally self-ducking.

The Trump administration is naturally self...(rhymes with "ducking")

[that one in the corner]

Re: It must have been transported...

> it's tape (originally) used to seal ducts

All of the versions of the origin story I've come across describe it as originally used for sealing ammunition cases in WWII.

They also used to say that the tape was referred to a "duck tape" because the water rolled off it, just like a duck's back - as per its original intent. However, with the creation, and enthusiastic protection, of the brand name Duck such claims appear to be melting into the mist. So we appear to be left with a later generic name, which may originate from people using it largely to fix ducts after WWII, when less ammo-oriented uses came to the fore, or maybe publications were - nudged - to use a similar-sounding but not trademarked name when referring to the tape in generic terms.

Personally, for the benefit of any lawyers reading this, I do, of course, believe that the Duck branding was wholly invented by the company in question, they have every right to monetise that name and there is no possible reason to ever say it was once a generic term. I also believe that Coca-Cola has never contained cola leave extract or any other substance that could be described as, however mildly, inebriating, addictive or in any way able alter to the consumer's brain chemistry in any fashion that might encourage anything other than purely voluntary product intake. Also, Fanta was never...

[jake]

Re: It must have been transported...

Proper duct tape is adhesive backed metal foil. The fabric backed tape commonly called duck tape should not be used for sealing ducts[0]. It is not built to hold up to that kind of work environment.

_{[0] Neither should proper duct tape; there are better alternatives these days. Look up Aeroseal.}

[Not Yb]

Re: It must have been transported...

It's a terrible duct tape, but as duck tape it's just annoying. (Seriously though, don't use it on ducts, or ducks. It does NOT deal well with temperatures frequently found in US attics)

[jake]

Re: It must have been transported...

You don't keep ducks in the attic. You keep pigeons in the attic.

_{And bats in the belfry, of course ... which require holy bat-tape, as any fule no.}

[Rich 2]

Re: It must have been transported...

I’ve heard that the 747s used to transport it are no longer about. Which is fair enough

But unless the 747 landed on the lawn of the museum, the shuttle must have been transferred by road at least some of the way. I’m pretty sure a 747 needs a pretty long runway so I’m doubting it landed at the museum

Can anyone shed any light on this?

[Flocke Kroes]

Re: It must have been transported...

The museum is right next to an airport. Satellite images show some kind of wide path or road connecting the runway to the museum.

[Rich 2]

Re: It must have been transported...

Ta for the clarification

[Jon Bar]

Re: It must have been transported...

Correct - between IAD's Runway 1R/19L and the Udvar-Hazy Center is a large taxiway, which is regularly used to move aircraft to the museum; most recently an F-15C in August. Discovery rolled in, and Enterprise rolled out, in April 2012 via SCA NASA 905.

[martinusher]

Re: It must have been transported...

"Our" one, Endeavor (the one in Los Angeles), was flown to LAX and then hauled by road to the museum site that's south east of the city center, about a dozen miles. Although most of the journey was on specially designed robotic wheels for a short part of the journey it was hauled by a Toyota Tundra because the on-road transporters were too heavy for a freeway bridge. Moving the shuttle was quite a performance.

I'm actually surprised that they haven't tried to steal Endeavor. Its being set up in launch position complete with fuel tank and (dummy) boosters. Putting real ones on it and lighting them would not only get the thing off the ground but also level a significant part of Los Angeles, likely a double win for Trump.

[Jellied Eel]

Re: It must have been transported...

Because the two 747's modified to carry it are long since decommissioned, and converting and certifying another one would probably cost 3 times the available budget just on its own.

Why bother Boing? The C5s are still in service and can lift more than a 747. Would still need some conversion work, and would still be a waste of money vs just leaving Discovery where it is.

[HausWolf]

Re: It must have been transported...

From reading: The fact that a C5 has a high wing setup ruled it out as a transport originally when the program was conceived

[Kimo]

Re: It must have been transported...

The Air Force just got a 747 from a foreign government that could be diverted to shuttle carrier duty.

[jake]

Re: It must have been transported...

"Why don't they haul out the records\plans from that time and modify as necessary?"

Because the specially modified 747s that transported the various shuttles are no longer airworthy.

Shuttle Carrier N911NA was cannibalized for for parts, and only exists as a rather photogenic ghost of it's former self. Shuttle Carrier N905NA was hacked into several large pieces, before being welded back together in a static display. A wiki near you has more info, and links to other, probably more useful, sites.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shuttle_Carrier_Aircraft

[Anonymous Custard]

Re: It must have been transported...

Somehow I do wish that you hadn't mentioned the fate of N905NA.

It might give them the very wrong idea (if they haven't already had it)...

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: It must have been transported...

Just convert the free jet from Qatar to be a shuttle transport jet. Then Trump can take it down himself the next time he flies to Huston. That would save lots of money.

[renke]

Re: It must have been transported...

> Because the specially modified 747s that transported the various shuttles are no longer airworthy.

Easy peasy! Trump gets gifted all the time by his middle-east buddies, including Jumbo Jets*. When he wants the shuttle moved to Houston he can use one of his planes as SCA.

*) okay okay, only *one* 747 so far. but exaggeration is so common nowadays. Trump's gilded SCA will be the bestest ever.

[AC one above got there an hour earlier.]

[vtcodger]

Re: It must have been transported...

It must have been transported...

... to the Smithsonian in the first place.

It didn't land there.

Discovery isn't at the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum in Washington DC. It's at the Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center of the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum. in Chantilly, VA which happens --- not coincidentally one guesses -- to be a few hundred meters off the end of a runway at Dulles Airport. That's roughly 20 miles (32km) West of DC and about that far from the nearest navigable body of water. It was presumably transported in by air. NASA used to have two modified 747s used to transport Space Shuttles. They were decommissioned in 2012. One is on display in Palmdale, CA. The other is, ironically, in Houston with a dummy space shutttle attached https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shuttle_Carrier_Aircraft#/media/File:Shuttle_Independence_and_NASA_905_at_Space_Center_Houston.jpg

Presumably, neither is airworthy nor capable of being made airworthy,

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: It must have been transported...

Sir I dispute your well researched facts and replace them with an easily chanted "verb the noun" slogan, as is my right as an idiot politician

[Locomotion69]

I would go for option 1 if you have to.

Yet another option would be to relocate Houston instead.

[Anonymous Coward]

"Yet another option would be to relocate Houston instead."

How many megatons do you reckon ?

[Flocke Kroes]

Re: "Yet another option would be to relocate Houston instead."

They did not have to transport the gulf. Just change the name.

[ComputerSays_noAbsolutelyNo]

Wait and let AI figure it out

[Anonymous Coward]

Gemini says on the back of a 747

It does acknowledge that both the transport planes have been decomissioned and that it would cost a fortune to get one back in service. It also mentioned that the infrastructure to put it on the plane was all dismantled too. In fact, it seemed to be doing its best to persuade me not to do it.

[Jon Bar]

Re: Gemini says on the back of a 747

When Discovery arrived at Dulles, they used several commercial cranes to remove it from the SCA, and later to mount Enterprise on the same SCA. But that's the only bit of kit that was used which can still be found intact. While I didn't track Endeavor, I imagine they used the same process to remove it from the SCA at LAX before towing it through the LA streets. In 2011, that move cost $200 Million and took 3 days to cover 12 miles. At that pace, it'd take over 3 months to move Discovery to Houston by land.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Gemini says on the back of a 747

So a series of multiple sets of 7 cranes could be used to move it from static mount to another along the few 1000mi from Washington to Houston

[David Hicklin]

Re: Gemini says on the back of a 747

> So a series of multiple sets of 7 cranes could be used to move it from static mount to another along the few 1000mi from Washington to Houston

Or lift it over the bridges that are too low.....

One problem solved....what’s left ?

[Snake]

Or...

"How do you solve a problem like Discovery?"

Get Rodgers & Hammerstein to finish writing the rest of the lyrics.

[Alex 72]

Get a crawler, convert TACOs Qatari bribe, I mean sky yacht, I mean plane into a shuttle carrier land it a Dullas, strap her on and fly her to Houston use another crawler to put her in a new purpose built facility.

Or take a few million dollars light it on fire give the annoyed Houston reps a corvette and a bottle of dom each to drive around the burning money and just build a replica, it would still be cheaper than moving it without damaging it. Not damaging it would still be less morally reprehensible than wasting all that money.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Get a crawler, drive it from Florida to Washington, attach Shuttle, drive it from Washington to Houston.

[WolfFan]

I’d pay real money to see the Crawler headed north on I-95 from KSC and then back from DC on 95 to I-10 and Texas. I'd pay even more if it could be arranged that Ronda DeSatan was the driver, it'd keep ol' Ronda busy for a few months. With Skeletor Scott as the relief driver. Bliss.

[HaViK]

Cheap Musk way....

Just do what Musk does, ignore the laws and have Ute's drive in front of the transport and lift electrical lines up with long sticks to let it go underneath...

[ParlezVousFranglais]

Re: Cheap Musk way....

Or even get his Boring company to dig a tunnel...

[Anonymous Custard]

Lift it up, rotate the Earth so that Houston is underneath it, then lower it down.

[laughthisoff]

The answer is LEGO!

Just build a full-size LEGO model and ship it in parts to Houston and re-assemble. They'll never notice. Leave the original Orbiter in-situ.

SB

[Jon Bar]

Re: The answer is LEGO!

Houston already has a full-sized model shuttle.

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: The answer is LEGO!

OK, simple solution then. Swap the seats between model and real shuttle. Houston's model now has seats that carried astronauts to orbit and back. Close enough for government work.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: The answer is LEGO!

The Lego Shuttle kit says suitable for ages 12 and older. Where is Houston going to get the sort of skill level?

[HausWolf]

Re: The answer is LEGO!

I would think Houston has the required skills, it's DC where there would be the skills gap.

[b0llchit]

Radio call rescue

You hire a radio operator in Washington and station it next to the vehicle. The radio operator will say 24/7/365 "Houston, we have a problem". Then you can leave the vehicle where it is and everybody is happy.

[FrogsAndChips]

It's just physics

Elevation in Chantilly, VA, where Discovery is stored: 98 m

Elevation in Houston, TX: 32 m

Just remove the brakes and let gravity do its job.

[that one in the corner]

Re: It's just physics

Good, good, no mention of doing things spherically or in a vacuum*.

However, for that amount of inclination you may find it best to utilise a frictionless plane.

* although that is (was) Discovery's natural habitat

[Doctor Syntax]

Re: It's just physics

"you may find it best to utilise a frictionless plane"

From what I hear Washingon has a surfeit of grease these days. That should help.

[45RPM]

1. Build a Time Machine

2. Go back to before the 2024 US Elections

3. Do a better job of campaigning for not-the-MAGA-Republicans

4. Not the MAGA Republicans win and…

5. Donald Trump and his enablers go to prison, and have all their ill gotten loot confiscated.

6? There is no 6. No one is discussing a preposterous plan to move a space shuttle.

Step 1 might be the hardest. Followed closely by step 3.

[Anonymous Coward]

Step 1 might be the hardest.

1. Build a Time Machine

The MAGÆ and Republicans would vote you a Musk compensation sized appropriation for this if you pitched that they would not only never lose any subsequent elections but they could win all the previous elections they had lost.

Tricky Dicky in the Oval Office in 1960. Doesn't seem too bad by comparision with the current schemozzle but then the whole show might have been nuked in '62.

[45RPM]

Re: Step 1 might be the hardest.

Much like Musk and his robot army, I would retain complete control over the Time Machine. So those pesky MAGAots won’t get their grubby mitts on it. Unfortunately, power corrupts - and I cannot make any promises that a world government led by me will be an improvement. Just differently corrupt. Muhaha.

[KittenHuffer]

Re: Step 1 might be the hardest.

Baby Hitler? Never heard of him! Who is he?

[Gary Stewart]

Re: Step 1 might be the hardest.

I believe you can find him in Brazil.

[alain williams]

1. Build a Time Machine

But that makes a different problem: one of getting Discovery to 88 miles per hour. You cannot use the better alternative as Discovery is too large to get in through the Tardis doors.

[NapTime ForTruth]

The TARDIS is bigger on the inside. We need only to turn it inside out, place the shuttle in the resulting external multidimensional involute space, and turn the TARDIS right side out again.

Reverse the process at destination and Bob's your father's brother.

Job done.

[John Brown (no body)]

Even simpler solution. Just materialise around it :-)

[John Robson]

A vehicle which has carried a crew....

There have to be other vehicles which fit the bill...

Mercury, Gemini, Apollo, heck even dragon.

Be cheaper to get SpaceX to make a new Dragon for use and bring one of the currently active ones to Houston.

[Irongut]

Re: A vehicle which has carried a crew....

Starliner would also fit the bill.

Or a Soyuz capsule - for many years the only way for American astronauts to get into space.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: A vehicle which has carried a crew....

That would be hilarious. Tell them they're getting exactly what they asked for and send a shuttle sized crate there containing a Soyuz.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: A vehicle which has carried a crew....

There's the rusting Buran. I'm sure his best friend would give him it for free (*)

Or at least in return for having an airforce base in the USA

[David Hicklin]

Re: A vehicle which has carried a crew....

> There's the rusting Buran

Do they still have the carrier plane for the Buran? It was supposed to be a pretty exact replica of the shuttle anyway.

[Casca]

Re: A vehicle which has carried a crew....

No, the carrier plane got blown up by russians at the start of the Ukranian invasion.

[Flocke Kroes]

Re: A vehicle which has carried a crew....

Check on Alibaba for the price of a Shenzou. The may be a surplus Starliner. Next year an Orion may qualify. VSS Unity has retired and is still in one piece, as is its carrier aircraft.

[Claude Yeller]

Re: Shenzou on Alibaba

"Check on Alibaba for the price of a Shenzou. "

Like this one? That is not that expensive.

But I think they rather want this one.

Note that all of these options are equally functional as the original Discovery.

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: Shenzou on Alibaba

Hmmmm...I'm not sure if the Chinese write numbers in a format I'm not conversant with,but "£136.48-378.35" looks like either a VERY large number, or it's a range estimate based on which tariffs may be in force on any given day :-)

[Anonymous Coward]

The cheaper option ...

Trot down to the local timber/hardware merchant in both Virginia and Houston.

In Virginia

• purchase sufficient pine framing timber and plywood sheets to completely enclose Discovery in a wooden box.
• run some random old cables into the box and on the outside add some flashing LED pleb fascinators.
• paint the box in appropriate hi-tech themed colours.

In Houston basically exactly the same thing minus the shuttle.

Label both with a very large sign

 Discovery AI Facilitated Slow Quantum Teleportation Project: DO NOT DISTURB.

 Estimated rematerialization time: six years.

The individuals bereft of any semblance of sanity that are pushing this are gullible enough to believe that peeking would decohere the entanglement between the inside of the two boxes and kill the shuttle teleportation deader than Schrödinger's moggy.

In six years time either something vaguely resembling sanity in the US might be restored or the whole show falls apart into chaos or someone peeked or Discovery is in the crate in Houston but no one can be arsed to check.†

_{† Chaos would be the bookies' favourite at this juncture.}

[I ain't Spartacus]

Re: The cheaper option ...

We have a winner here!

The box / quantum teleportation / wait and see approach is clearly best.

Although option 3 of the cardboard model of the Shuttle saying tough luck you lost is also an excellent option.

Tarring and feathering the Texas Congressmen for being a waste of atoms would also be good.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: box / quantum teleportation...

But don't you need a cat to make quantum stuff work in a box?

[NapTime ForTruth]

Re: box / quantum teleportation...

You are Erwin Rudolf Josef Alexander Schrödinger, and I claim my five pound!

[Ken Shabby]

Re: box / quantum teleportation...

My cat reckons that physics is still in its infancy and that the true nature of reality is elusive.

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: The cheaper option ...

"In Virginia

purchase sufficient pine framing timber"

Hah! That plan falls at the first hurdle. There's only one pine in Virginia. And it's lonesome!

[Anonymous Coward]

Be creative

Rename any city with a space shuttle to Houston, rename the state to Texas. Job done

[Flocke Kroes]

Do it the authoritarian way!

Announce the date of the move. It is up to the Smithsonian to move other exhibits out of the way. Tow Discovery outside smashing anything the did not move.

There is a wide road up to the runway of Dulles airport. Tow Discovery along that. Close the airport and tow it the length of the runway.

Close Dulles access road and the railway that runs down the middle. Use a crane to lift Discovery from the runway to 3 self propelled modular transporters on the motorway and re-open the airport.

It is about 20 miles to Arlington. The journey would take about four hours but Discovery will not fit under the bridges. Lift it over using a crane. I am not sure how long that will take but it doesn't really matter. The motorway is really busy but anyone that matters can charter a helicopter during the shutdown. If the plebs protest disperse them with tear gas.

That gets Discovery as far as the junction with 495. After that the roads are too narrow. Send in the bulldozers! Its is then a clear path all the way to the navigable part Potomac. Crane onto a barge to the Gulf of Trumpland. Use a heavy lift ship to carry the barge across the ocean.

Unpack the bulldozers in Texas and you can deliver Discovery where it is required.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Do it the authoritarian way!

As for "not fit under the bridges". I saw this used out west. Not sure what they were moving, looked like a very, Very big engine. It took most of two lanes of the interstate. Police escort so no one would try to pass as it went 30-40 MPH. I think it did fit under the bridges, but the 30-40 MPH on the interstate was a PITA for all of us following it.

But the useful part here is, they eventually took an off ramp to let the backed up traffic pass. That would let you move it without lifting it over bridges. Just bulldoze a wide path around all the off ramps along the way.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Do it the authoritarian way!

Or just use the shuttle crawler transport.

When you weigh 2700t you don't need no roads

[hammarbtyp]

2 options

1. Get a scale model of the shuttle

2. Add a crew of cockroaches (No one says the crew needs to be human)

3. Launch model on weather baloon above the Karman line

4. Send recovered model and desicated cockroaches via UPS (no one said the crew had to survive)

5, Bill Texas for $85 million

Alternatively, the recovered parts from the ill-fated Shuttle Columbia are currently taking up storage space in Cape Canerval

Since it is already convieniently dis-assembled. Crate it it up and send it signed delivery to Mt T.Cruz, Texas

[Boris the Cockroach]

Re: 2 options

I have issues with this one

point 2. a crew of cockroaches? really? are you going to train them, teach them howto fly a shuttle, and do all the other stuff the crew of a shuttle did? or are you just going to grab some poor innocent cockroaches off the street and launch them on a terrifying ride into orbit on board a cheap copy of shuttle?

Point 4. You utter bastard. us roaches are people too, no one deserves to die by being transported via UPS, how about us roaches stuff 47 humans into a 6 foot box and fly them around the country until UPS actually reads the address on the label. there you wouldn't like it would you?

Just for that I'm going to spend the weekend under your fridge, drilling holes into it and drinking all your beer

PS who's William Texas?

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: 2 options

PS who's William Texas?"

He lives in a cave up a mountain. Mt. T Cruz :-)

[Oh Matron!]

Would it not be cheaper....

To build a life size one out of lego

People in Texas aren't particularly bright, so probably wouldn't notice

[Rich 2]

I have an idea

Tie up the orange fuckwit and all his disciples and use them as rollers to move the shuttle along in a “cave man moving big stones” kind of a way

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: I have an idea

What about a bunch of log rollers, a large number of proud hard-working Americans and some guys with whips? Go Cecil B DeMille on them.

It worked for the Pyramids *

* Yes I know the pyramids weren't built by slaves but most Texans think they were built by aliens anyway

[Ididntbringacoat]

Ahktuallly . . .

. . . The proper resonse is . . . DON"T.

Leave the damn thing where it is and let people do the moving.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: let people do the moving

So for $85 million, how many Texans can you fly to see the shuttle where it is now?

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: let people do the moving

About $200 per head for a round trip according to Google, so about 4.25 million

Population about 32.5 million. Subtract the flat earthers, young earthers and others of similar ilk and those who don't care, have no interest, and there'll probably be money left over :-)

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: let people do the moving

But they only way Texans would leave the great state would be if they joined the National Guard and were deployed to Washington.

So at Military Airlift Command rates that would be around $3000 each way

[Acrimonius]

Thunderbirds

Send for the Thundebird

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Thunderbirds

I know she lacks the acting ability and range of facial expressions of Lady Penelope, but I'm impressed that you can't see the strings on the Melania

[lglethal]

I've got the answer!

Rename Chantilly (the suburb in Washington where the Udvar-Hazy Center is (and Discovery currently resides)) to Houston. It would probably cost a few million to change all the maps and paperwork, but there you go, there is now a Shuttle in Houston. Exactly as the Law requires. And with 85 million to play with, I'm sure at least some of that could end up back in Politician pockets.

Job Done!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: few million to change all the maps and paperwork

Why? Just declare that it is now named Houston, threaten to arrest anyone who opposes it, and pocket the $ 85 million or use it for golden trinkets for your new ballroom!

[that one in the corner]

Good plan

If I may tweak it a bit, to avoid any senators who want to nit-pick.

At the renaming ceremony, invite a token delegation of the old Texan Militia and surrender to them, ceding the territory to prevent it falling into the hands of Mexico.

That will ensure that everyone can say, with a straight face, that Discovery in now in, specifically, (an) Houston, Texas.

There may be some issues with the local population having to learn how to pronounce "yeehaw" and similar expressions, but such things are surely minor compared to the problems raised by other suggestions regarding Discovery's fate.

[John Brown (no body)]

Does the law, as written, specify *which* Houston? There are at least 20 in the USA, the nearest to Washington being in Deleware. There also one in Canada (LOL, watch Trump reaction to shipping the Shuttle there!!) and the "original" in the UK (origins traced back to the 12th century)

[ComicalEngineer]

Options #n=n+1

1/ Hook it up to a couple of Tesla Cybertrucks and let it find it's own way.Self driving cars are the future right? :-P

2/ Let some car customisers loose with a few Nitrous Oxide canisters (in the UK it would be Demon Tweeks) and drive it across the states.

3/ Build a Hawker Harrier (AV8B) type ski-jump and fly the baby home. [see the Larson far side cartoon "OK let's get this baby off the ground".]

4/ Send for Tom Cruise who will use it in TopGun Maverick #2. He'll kick the tyres, light the fires and bring that mother home

5/ Hope that Captain Kirk and Engineer Scott will materialise above Charlottesville and beam it up.

[Anonymous Coward]

There is a precedent for the President.

Back in the early 2000s the US made its 'enhanced interrogation' programs legal by having the tortu.... 'interrogations' performed on land that was officially, but temporarily, ceded to other nations so everything that went on was done under the laws of that other nation.

So just declare those few square meters of Washington under the orbiter as belonging to Texas.

[vtcodger]

Re: There is a precedent for the President.

The Discovery is in Virginia, quite a ways from DC, but that doesn't detract from the brilliance of the idea. They could fly a Texas flag, play scratchy recordings of The Yellow Rose of Texas, Deep in the Heart of Texas, etc, celebrate Alamo Day on March 6, and so on. Great roadside attraction.

[wiggers]

5. Helicopters

The dry mass is 70t but if you stripped out the rocket motors, cargo doors, etc, You could get it down to under 60t. Then you'd just need three Mil Mi-26 each with 20t capacity. I'm sure some drone squadron software could be used to synchronise the flight of the helis. No?

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: 5. Helicopters [Already done !!!]

I did the Helicopter option 21 days ago !!!

https://forums.theregister.com/forum/all/2025/10/02/dismantling_discovery/#c_5155085

Obtain 4 of the very largest helicopters. [Russian Mil Mi-26]

Build strongest & lightest 'cradle' for Shuttle.

Place Shuttle in 'cradle' horizontally.

Pick up 'cradle' with 4 Helicopters. (One each corner)

'Hop' the shuttle to the destination, refuelling the helicopters as we go in a cycle of ... lift 'cradle', move forward, land 'cradle', land helicopters, refuel Helicopters ... repeat !!!

Possible if money is 'no object', landing points are pre-planned and Helicopters & pilots are available.

Go USA ... or is it now ... Heil Herr Trump ... one often misses the latest changes in the political landscape in the US of A !!!

:)

[David Hicklin]

Re: 5. Helicopters [Already done !!!]

You only need to get it to a barge on the Potomac, its easy after that

[Jellied Eel]

3. 3 is the magic number.

Alternatively..

Figure out how to get a space-shuttle shaped balloon to get to double the current balloon altitude record

Load it with a couple of bodies that have been donated to science

Figure out how to land it again

Stick it in a box and mail it to Houston.

The wording in the bill didn't specify live astronauts, nor did it specify 'shuttle', so could save more money by just using a regular shaped balloon. Which would still be expensive, and I doubt would even be possible to get a baloon above the Karman line anyway. Or the Karman line locally, and temporarily, let a couple of Smithsonian staffers sit on the cardboard cutout and call it good.

[Bonzo_red]

Balloons in the sky

A couple of hundred Baby Trump in Diapers (nappies for the Brits) filled with the national helium reserve to float Discovery down to Houston could work. A couple of laps of the White House first, of course.

[Simon Harris]

This really should have been a Special Project for the much missed Lester Haines.

[TrevorH]

I seem to recall that the Chinese had a line of really large balloons that may or may not have accidentally flown over the continental USA by mistake and been shot down. Maybe they can borrow half a dozen of those and strap the shuttle to them and airlift it to where it needs to go.

[goblinski]

ERRATUM: Please note that 4) is stated incorrectly:

Allow Elon Musk to launch a Starship from Virginia, strap Discovery to it, and let nature take its course

is to be read:

Allow Starship with Discovery to launch from Virginia, strap Elon Musk to it, and let nature take its course.

We apologize for the typo.

[Gary Stewart]

I've got many people in the current US political arena to add to the strap on (yep, it's on purpose). Would need an extra Super Heavy to get there but I think it would be worth it.

[Sudosu]

ROAD TRIP!

Here is a cool video of Endeavour "driving" down the streets of LA.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdqZyACCYZc

My vote is a long road trip like this staring Norman Reedus where it wasn't really about getting to the destination, but the friends you make along the way.

We could call it Discovering America.

[mickaroo]

Re: ROAD TRIP!

That video is AWESOME!

How many people in the world can say:

"We heard a bang outside. I climbed out of bed to check everything was OK; it was just some pecker-head driving by in a Space Shuttle..."

[AGT]

Drones. Lots of Drones. Seriously though, even if you lost a few you'd have redundancy built in. Either that or box her up, attach 4 Chinooks to said box, and away she goes...?

[RockBurner]

Can we not just rename Washington to Houston?

(damn, beaten to the punch.... twice!)

[FurryCreature]

Land swap?

Couldn't they just agree to swap a few acres of land? So a little bit of Virginan where it is now sitting becomes Texas, and Virginia gets a little bit of Texas. Kind of like a foreign embassy. Maybe Virginai could even use their bit of Texas to build something useful, like a healthcare facility.

[doohicky]

its not like it needs to be airworthy.

Just cut it up (nicely), transport it in trucks or something, and then stick it back together again.

[mpersico]

What did LA contribute?

I never understood why LA got one. And I am from NY and I am not quite sure how the Intrepid got one either, but that was Enterprise, so I never went to space.

[grndkntrl]

Re: What did LA contribute?

They got one (Endeavour) because all of the Shuttle orbiters were built by Rockwell International in Palmdale, Los Angeles County, California.

[John Brown (no body)]

Re: What did LA contribute?

And also because they "bid" for one when the fleet was decommissioned and offered out. Unlike Texas, who didn't even bother to bid (or was it a really low-ball bid? I forget), hence why they didn't get one.

[Anonymous Coward]

Build a high speed rail system to move it.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Now you're just being ridiculous

What about a flock of migratory swallows clutching vines ?

[RockBurner]

African or European?

[TheGriz]

THREE!!!

3 for sure!!!!

[JoeCool]

This is the perfect justification to ...

Restomod a 747 into the Carrier / Launcher used in the original development program.

Commentards below were halfway there, but for some inexplicable reason veered into practicality.

[Brave Coward]

The French Solution

Ask French robbers. It will be done in seven minutes, and cost a mere 88 M6 $.

On the other hand, the birdie may not be spotted in Houston at the end of operation, but, in a Trumpian Weltanschauung, all that matters is the bloody thing being *removed* from woke hairy mad democrat state, isn't it?

[that one in the corner]

Use some basic(!) maths

Taking our hints from the well-known 1938 paper A Contribution to the Mathematical Theory of Big Game Hunting and trivially generalising from the concept "lion" to the concept "shuttle" (by way of topological equivalence, modified by actuation of the loading bay doors), there are a variety of tried and true methods that may be applied to this problem.

For example, we place a spherical cage in Houston, Texas, enter it and lock it from inside. We then perform an inversion with respect to the cage. Then the shuttle is now inside the cage, and we are outside. Carefully dismantle the cage.

A complete worked solution is left as a problem for the student; full marks will only be awarded if Discovery is left on the tutor's desk by the end of office hours on Thursday.

[Not Yb]

Re: Use some basic(!) maths

Place a large box in Houston labelled Schroedinger's Shuttle Container. So long as the interior remains unobserved, the shuttle is both inside and outside the cage.

[spold]

Make it somebody else's problem...

Put a large box around it and call you favourite courier

[Herby]

Re: Make it somebody else's problem...

"Hello Federal". They do have cargo planes that they use. Problem: Most are 767's not 747's.

[Sudosu]

Re: Make it somebody else's problem...

So it will carry the shuttle, and a bunch of parcels.

[kmorwath]

Re: Make it somebody else's problem...

List it on. Amazon and ask Prime to deliver it overnight

Although even Bezos had issue with his yacht and a bridge 'too low'

[Anonymous Coward]

Just hire some "undocumented workers"

If you've seen what they can pile into the bed of a 30-year-old pickup truck, I'm pretty sure they can move the Shuttle intact for about 1/1000th the cost of any other option, and get it done over the weekend.

[Paul Hovnanian]

Letter of the law

"relocate a space vehicle that has flown a crew"

Do we still have the Mercury capsule that Ham flew in?

[Groo The Wanderer - A Canuck]

Definitely option 3 for me. You can see why Drumpf ended up bankrupt so many times - the man pisses away money like watery American beer!

[the spectacularly refined chap]

Simple really

Send Houston 100 tons of scrap metal, composite, ceramics and whatever else the shuttle is made of.

To be doubly sure, send it in shoebox sized parcels via UPS ensuring at least half of them get lost en route.

If Houston ask explain you had to dismantle the shuttle for transport.

When the Orange One leaves office pull the real Discovery out the garage you had hidden it in.

[Paul Kinsler]

Easy

Rename Texas as "Virginia", and Virginia as "Texas".

Solved :-)

[martinusher]

The Cheapest Option

Contract with appropriate talent -- set and prop designers -- to build another shuttle on site. Since it won't have to actually work then it should be quite cheap to make relative to the original. With a bit of appropriate comingling of authentic Shuttle parts and spares it should be enough smoke and mirrors to convince people that the shuttle they have in their museum is actually the real one, especially if you move bits around (think 'shell game' -- keep those cups moving and the 'rubes will never know where the coin actually is).

Personally, I think the entire STS project was a gigantic failure. It probably needed to be undertaken just to prove that this just wasn't the way to go but like Buran it should have been shelved once everyone realized that it was really just an accident waiting to happen. There are better ways to achieve the same goals.

[Not Yb]

Re: The Cheapest Option

The STS did many of the things it was designed to do. "Going to space" was lower on the priority list than "Keep the aerospace industry in many states funded for decades," and mostly "Launch spy satellites that look much like Hubble for some reason."

See also "pork barrel" project, etc. etc.

[Anonymous Coward]

Solomonic Idea:

Cut the Orbiter in half down the middle, and ship half of it to Houston. The threat of this will surely (/s) convince the parties involved to work out a compromise instead.

[Spherical Cow]

Semi-serious?

It can be lifted by 4 big helicopters. Let's use 6 to be on the safe side. Lift it the 5 miles to the river and set it down on a barge. Use the helicopters again at the destination.

[Yet Another Anonymous coward]

Re: Semi-serious?

Have barge survive a 1000mi trip down Atlantic coast, past Cape_Hatteras, around Florida and into the Gulf of Cuba.

You could put it on one of the many commercial sea lift vessels capable of carrying 100x this capacity, but you would have to use an American built, owned and crewed ship

[Anonymous Coward]

Send an inflatable one. Cruz is too dumb to notice.

[David Newall]

send it by post

Grind it up and send it by post in 40 million DL envelopes. That would be so on-message for Usania.

[Anonymous Coward]

How 'bout this: Take the $300 million that's being spent on Donnie's Playroom and get UPS to figure it out. Bet it's taken care of efficiently and quickly. Unlike anything the government's doing lately.

[RiverRock]

Helicopter

Empty they are about 80 tonnes.

The heaviest lift helicopters can lift 20 tons

So just use 4 of them.

The helicopters works likely be Russian which would please somebody...

[Pcoughlin404]

Project Orion

We construct a dome of ablative material beneath the orbiter and light off a few nuclear bombs beneath it to get the old girl back in the air Project Orion style. Then we need Tom Cruise to land it in the new museum. The US has plenty of nukes laying around and we can tap the strategic circus peanut reserve to line the dome. The biggest expense will be product for Tom Cruise's hair. Things are only hard if you make them hard.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Orion_(nuclear_propulsion)

[Excused Boots]

Honestly I don’t see why this has stored up so much controversy. It simply won’t happen. That Shuttle is going nowhere, we all know it.

And it’s a case of irrespective of what your Congress orders, hypothetically if they were to pass a Bill and the President signs it in to legislation that everyone is to flap their arms and fly to work each day, yes that might technically be ‘the Law’, but it won’t happen will it?

Similarly, what has been legally mandated simply isn’t possible and hence, won’t happen. End of story,

[stiine]

I wouldn't, I'd buy a soyuz from Russia or a Dragon from SpaceX and have it delivered to Houston.

[Paul S. Gazo]

Apply MAGA-level understanding of science.

To get Discovery to Houston, use these three easy steps:

1} Lift it up.

2} Wait for the Earth to rotate.

3} Put it down.

I mean... there may be some debate within MAGA over if Earth actually rotates, but so far the official position hasn't said otherwise. Yet.

[Winkypop]

The answer is obvious

Trump can use the Qatar Boeing 747-8 he was gifted.

The old mounting harnesses are not that difficult to build.

Fly it there.

Mind you, they may need to strip out the aircraft interior of all it’s mahogany and gold first.

[Diez66]

Insert it

Insert in into the ginger one's A***, making sure you got the right end as it can be hard to work out where the most s*** comes from,

Then onto Airforce 1, a 747 just like the old days, job done.

[Anonymous Coward]

Treat the shuttle like an embassy. Make the ground it currently stands on part of Texas.

[AbeSapian]

Get a Broom

Why don't they just sweep up the remains of Columbia and reassemble it in Huston. It's already disassembled so it will be easier to ship.

[Anonymous Coward]

But seriously...

First, to anyone not from Houston - F*CK YOU. Show some respect.

Second, the most logical way to move it would be via barge. It's not really that big and there are proper channels all the way around the intercoastal to get it home.

Thank you for coming to my anonymous TED talk.

Best regards,

Houston Spaceflight Enjoyer

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Show some respect.

There are two separate things here which might be shown respect: (a) the denizens of Houston, and (b) the Shuttle itself as an engineering/historical artifact.

Naturally, although I don't know any of them, I am happy to respect the denizens of Houston en-masse as a matter of principle, but if they insist on moving the Shuttle to Houston at the cost of it's integrity as an artifact, I might become less so inclined.

But perhaps here we might (or should) replace "denizens of Houston" with "some of the significant political figures in Houston" or somesuch. I too might like any number of important historical artifacts moved nearer to me -- whether temporarily or permanently -- so I can enjoy them more easily; but I'd be horrified if that involved e.g. cutting them up, moving them, and gluing them back together.

[Kimo]

Could not two (million) swallows grip it between them?

[gryff]

Build *another* shuttle

Build a shuttle. A great shuttle, the best shuttle.

Call it something MAGAish like..."AMERICA FUCK YEAH!!!!!"

Fly it exactly once.

Land it in Houston. Done.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.

[Torben Mogensen]

Global Warming

Wait for global warming to raise sea levels enough that both Washington and Houston are under water, then just sail it on a barge. There is a reason for "Drill, baby, drill!".

[hx]

Build a new shuttle

Build a new shuttle, use eminent domain to build a launch site in Texas that covers one of the people that thinks it is Really Important to have a flown orbiter down there, then launch it from Texas and then land it in Texas and then let them deal with getting it from the landing site to its permanent display location. Also, Texas will need to pay for building the new orbiter, launch and mission control facilities, and for the mission itself. To help pay for it, they can sell rides in the cargo bay for its one mission. No, it will not be pressurized.