back to article Techie fixed a ‘brown monitor’ by closing a door for a doctor

As the door closes on another working week, The Register brings you another edition of On Call, our reader-contributed column that recounts your amazing stories from the frontlines of tech support. This week, meet a reader we’ll Regomize as “Neville” who told us about a job in which he supported systems that produced 3D images …

  1. aje21
    FAIL

    Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

    Full marks for finding the cause of the problem, but if the door needs to be closed I don't see any kind of solution included in this story. How about some kind of anti-reflective coating for the monitor so you don't get the issue?

    1. that one in the corner Silver badge

      Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

      > How about some kind of anti-reflective coating for the monitor so you don't get the issue?

      How about turning the monitor a bit?

      How about painting the door white - or pinning up a sheet of paper?

      Anti-reflective coating!

      1. Mast1
        Joke

        Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

        "Techie fixed a ‘brown monitor’ "

        "How about painting the door ........."

        Does that mean that if they painted the door black that you would continually have to replace the monitor ?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

          Please ignore the very LOUD Whoooosh noise !!!!!

          Black is not a REFLECTIVE Colour !!!

          :)

          [I also pop balloons at Children's parties .... :) ]

          :)

          1. Tim 11

            Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

            is black a colour at all?

            1. Jou (Mxyzptlk) Silver badge

              Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

              Vantablack. You can buy it. Sever saw it in reality, but they say it is irritating to look at it 'cause even the blackest surface reflect enough to make out structures.

              1. IGotOut Silver badge

                Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                "Vantablack. You can buy it. "

                There are two types, the coating and the paint.

                The coating, a door is to big. And the paint has to be applied by trained personal.

                It's also very delicate, so would be useless after a few weeks of use.

                A "cheaper" alternative is Black 3.0, but that will still cost a fortune to paint.

                1. Alan Brown Silver badge

                  Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                  And both of them smell TERRIBLE even after drying

                  I hesitate to think how unbearable the whiff would be for the surface area of a door, It was bad enough coating small parts for space optical instruments that people needed to go outside every 15 minutes or so

                2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
                  Coat

                  Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                  "A "cheaper" alternative is Black 3.0, but that will still cost a fortune to paint."

                  Never use a "point zero" version. I'm waiting for 3.1 before I upgrade from 2.8.2a :-)

                  Coat. The black one, of course :-)

                  1. Jou (Mxyzptlk) Silver badge

                    Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                    Only if you use MS-Black.

              2. Jedit Silver badge
                Joke

                "Vantablack. You can buy it."

                Before I give you a thumbs up, you must confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor and you are not posting on his behalf.

                1. Jou (Mxyzptlk) Silver badge

                  Re: "Vantablack. You can buy it."

                  I hereby confirm that I am not Anish Kapoor.

                2. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: "Vantablack. You can buy it."

                  Jedit,

                  Only applies IF the 'Thumbs Up' is going to be in 'Super bright high pigment fluorescent pink' !!!

                  :)

                  P.S.

                  My 'Thumbs Up' are always in the shiniest 316 Stainless Steel with a 'Whitest White Polka Dot Finish' !!!

                  1. imanidiot Silver badge

                    Re: "Vantablack. You can buy it."

                    Is the Thumbs up coated in the worlds pinkest pink? (https://culturehustle.com/products/pink-50g-powdered-paint-by-stuart-semple , can confirm in real life the stuff is oppressively pink)

              3. Antony Shepherd

                Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                Spinal Tap got there first with the album cover which was none more black.

              4. spuck

                Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                This guy painted his car with it: https://youtu.be/43OGgDaR2aE

                1. Alan Brown Silver badge

                  Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                  "And promptly got squashed by an 18-wheeler whose driver didn't see him"

                  There are a number of colors which are "most unwise" on cars. Black isn't actually the highest on the list. Silver/grey is.

                  1. Outski

                    Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                    Surely octarine should be a candidate, being the colour you see in the split second after running head first into a brick wall but just before you pass out, otherwise visble only to wizards (and witches, Hermione, Cho, Luna, Lily, we salute you) and cats

              5. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                Blackest black times infinity, like Duncan Hills coffee.

                1. TheWeetabix Bronze badge

                  Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                  Dethkoffee. The idea morning drink FOR MAYHEM.

              6. TheBruce

                Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                Only problem "Ben Jensen, founder and CTO of Surrey NanoSystems, invented the coatings, which were publicly unveiled in July 2014"

            2. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

              True black is the total absence of colour…

              1. cmdrklarg
                Boffin

                Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                Only with respect to light. All colo(u)rs in pigmentation becomes black because of how it absorbs light.

            3. KittenHuffer Silver badge

              Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

              Ask your local Goths!

              1. Old Used Programmer

                Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                The ones who are only wearing black until they find something darker?

              2. Outski

                Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                I still believe in God, but God no longer believes in me

            4. Fr. Ted Crilly Silver badge

              Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

              Only, if it's really black, like priests socks, not a really really dark blue...

              1. David 132 Silver badge

                Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                “Never buy priests’ socks from an ordinary shop, Dougal.

                They’ll shaft you every time.

            5. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

              Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

              "is black a colour at all?"

              In holiday jobs in the textile industry I discovered there were many shades of black yarn. When the dyes of black fibres are examined by thin layer chromatography it turns out that there are often multiple colours in there.

              1. Outski

                Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                referencing a comment above, goths in the 80s knew the difference between a red-based and a blue-based black hair dye

                See also the Guardian Style Guide:

                Goths

                uc: Germanic tribe that invaded the Roman empire

                goths

                lc: Sisters of Mercy fans who invaded the Shepherd’s Bush Empire

                1. collinsl Silver badge

                  Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                  The Grauniad has a style guide? I'm surprised!

            6. snee
              Trollface

              Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx8-mysJG2s

          2. Mast1

            Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

            "Black is not a REFLECTIVE Colour !!"

            {edited} I started writing before seeing other comments

            Total absence of reflected light : try making a Gregorian black hole at home. It's a lot easier than fabricating esoteric materials, or space travel.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

              I'm not sure I can convince Gregory to bend over.

              No, wait..

              :)

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                That's a Gregorian BROWN hole.

                1. Anonymous Coward
                  Anonymous Coward

                  Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                  Which would probably bring back the initial problem

          3. DJO Silver badge

            Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

            Black is not a REFLECTIVE Colour !!!

            Matt black is not reflective, gloss black is reflective. Polished gloss black, like on a high end piano, is almost mirror like.

            It's not so much the colour but the finish that matters.

            1. Gene Cash Silver badge

              Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

              Who's Matt Black?

              1. KittenHuffer Silver badge

                Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                He's Jack Black's younger and lesser known brother!

              2. Alan Brown Silver badge

                Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

                He used to be known as Matt Bianco before changing career direction

            2. C R Mudgeon

              Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

              Indeed. I once had a black t-shirt with a black design printed on it. You could see the design, though not well (which was of course the point); it was glossier than the material of the shirt itself.

        2. A. Coatsworth Silver badge
          Megaphone

          Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

          You see a brown door

          and you want to paint it black?

          1. Fr. Ted Crilly Silver badge

            Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

            You are Johnny nice painter and I win the £20

            Maybe then, I'll fade away

            And not have to face the facts

            It's not easy facing up

            When your whole world is black

        3. The man with a spanner Bronze badge

          Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

          You need Cat black.

          When you let my cat out into the night if you look hard you can just make out the absence of other thingas as she passes by. Talk about a stealth coating!

          1. Alan Brown Silver badge

            Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

            When you can't see the shadow until the shadow looks at you with those glowing eyes.....

        4. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge

          Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

          Additive vs subtractive color systems. The brown tint is being produced by selective subtraction (absorption) of the door's reflection. That tint is being added to the CRT image by a second reflection.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

        Fire the doctor and hire one that likes brown monitors. Ensure HR puts that as a high priority necessity.

        1. lglethal Silver badge

          Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

          Ahhh so, they should hire a Gastroenterologist...

        2. Outski

          Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

          Fire the doctor

          With a glitter cannon? (ISC reference)

      3. Jou (Mxyzptlk) Silver badge

        Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

        > How about painting the door white

        No, black. White reflects more and makes it even harder to see. Though not painting, a dark or black piece of cloth or similar.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

          Nah, white. Fixes the reported problem, AND annoys the asshole who wasted your time.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

      This is the usual response ... 'Fix it with no expense spared OR thought applied :) !!!'

      1. The monitor has to have the reflective surface because technology of the time produced a highly reflective surface on High-res Displays of this kind.

      2. The REAL issue is the positioning of the Screen.

      3. The quickest and simplest solution is to change the colour of the door.

      4. The simplest way to change the colour of the door would be to use a readily available curtain to hang on the back of the door.

      5. The curtain would, by chance, be exactly the same type of curtain used to provide privacy in a hospital space.

      6. The somewhat slower/dearer solution (NHS timescales & costs) would be to paint the back of the door a suitable colour.

      :)

      P.S. Note I did not suggest move the monitor because the monitor is HUGE/HEAVY and it probably was in a set position .... therefore why the replacements had exactly the same issue.

      P.P.S. I know these type of monitors well ... I installed 50-60 of them in one day for a GIS System which had the same requirement for Hi-Res & large screen area.

      1. VicMortimer Silver badge

        Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

        It's so funny how we used to consider 19" a really large monitor. I was so happy when they got cheap enough I could afford one.

        And now the only time I install something smaller than 27" is when it needs to fit a small space, and they're light enough to pick up with one hand.

        1. Montreal Sean

          Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

          I almost gave myself a hernia when I installed my 21" flat tube Sony Trinitron CRT in the early '00s.

          That monitor weighed 70Lbs if I remember correctly...I remember adding an extra leg to my desk beneath the monitor so the desk wouldn't flex under the weight of the monitor.

          1. MachDiamond Silver badge

            Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

            "That monitor weighed 70Lbs if I remember correctly...I remember adding an extra leg to my desk beneath the monitor so the desk wouldn't flex under the weight of the monitor."

            I put in an aluminum girder since I had two. Steel would have been cheaper other than the issue with demagnetizing it. The big monitors did not like anything magnetic around them for miles.

        2. Andy A
          Unhappy

          Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

          In one office a chap had a 24-inch monitor - a converted TV. It ran in 640 x 480 resolution with Windows 3.1.

          It turned out that his eyesight really was that bad.

          I had trouble using the PC, because the keyboard cable was not long enough for me to sit and read comfortably. I had to improve the resolution and then set it back after fixing things.

        3. herman Silver badge

          Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

          I got much stronger with age and can now pick up a 21 inch screen with one hand.

          1. Jou (Mxyzptlk) Silver badge

            Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

            I don't get the down vote. Even I got the joke.

          2. anonymous boring coward Silver badge

            Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

            Your hand also got much bigger.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

        Turn the monitor. Done.

      3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

        "6. The somewhat slower/dearer solution (NHS timescales & costs) would be to paint the back of the door a suitable colour."

        "Institutional" green or brown?

        AKA vomit green and shit brown, beloved of Government and local government from at least the mid-1800's :-)

    3. jake Silver badge

      Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

      "A very embarrassed doctor disappeared quite quickly"

      Sounds like an acceptable solution to me.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

        He checked in for rehab at Specsavers.

    4. tip pc Silver badge

      Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

      a fix may have been to reduce the ambient light so there would be less reflection from the door.

      of course the light from the monitor could be being reflected by the door too, but could be mitigated by positioning oneself & blocking the reflection, but.....

    5. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

      Turn the room lights off?

      1. MachDiamond Silver badge

        Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

        "Turn the room lights off?"

        Then you wind up with some H&S carp to deal with.

        Better to paint the room a light neutral grey and fit the monitor(s) with a glare hood if there's a need for critical color perception.

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

          Nope. Small desk lamps clipped to the edge of the bench. Do it all the time. I work in microscopy.

    6. Gene Cash Silver badge

      Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

      Uh huh. I used CRTs for decades and there was never any sort of aftermarket anti-reflective coating for them.

      The best I ever saw was these half-assed polarized film things in a frame you could stick on, that pretty much cut the output of the monitor in half. The cure was worse than the disease, so it was perfect for American doctors.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

        Yes, that's why you fly to the US for treatment out of pocket when MOH say "Sorry old chap, we ran out of funding for that procedure in March. I'll put you on next year's list. Do let us know if you die in the meantime so I don't waste my time calling you "

        1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
          Thumb Up

          Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

          I'm disgusted, not one of you mentioned Hotblack Desiato or Haggunennons of Vicissitus Three black ship!

          ZAPHOD: Hey-yeah! Now that is really bad for the eyes!

          FORD :I mean it’s so black! You can hardly even make out its shape. Light just falls into it.

          ZAPHOD :And feel this surface.

          FORD: Yeah! … Hey, hey you can’t!

          ZAPHOD: See? It’s totally frictionless. Oh this must be one mother of a mover. I bet even the cigar lighter’s on photon drive, well whadda ya reckon Ford?

    7. Dante Alighieri
      Boffin

      Radiology room colours

      There is guidance on this. And specifications for lighting levels. Not that any hospital I work at has ever followed any of these.

      Yes it is my day job.

      And even wearing white clothes is stupid.

      Failure to fulfil the imaging chain to the end point is potentially legally actionable - did you report this in a controlled environment meeting the international standards. One day a lawyer will learn this.

      1. MachDiamond Silver badge

        Re: Radiology room colours

        "And even wearing white clothes is stupid."

        Uniforms are very important in the UK. If you are standing in the middle of a field and doing any sort of work (or work is being done within a km) you have to put on some day-glo apparel. An investigating team surveying a crime scene where a madman ran over a bunch of people all need to wear "bunny suits" with masks and shoe coverings even though the person was caught immediately on site. Laser ranging and LiDar scanning is now a super important add-on to color photos (taken by people that know little about cameras). A simple shroud is so gauche now that if anybody has expired, at least one tent must be erected and under no circumstances can any movement of the body be viewable by the public. Placing the body on a stretcher/gurney and further into a vehicle must be completely concealed.

        Wonder where government money winds up? Besides the uniforms that are required, many more need to be inventoried anywhere where they might, possibly, one day, be required by somebody that doesn't have some from their own tailor. Replacement required if anything is beyond it's best by date.

        I owned a manufacturing business for many years and from time to time the fire department stopped by for an inspection. One of the things they would inspect was the first aid kit(s). Other than simple bandaids (plasters), I don't think anything was ever used out of them but everything had expiration dates and it all had to be within date. Having family in medical/dental occupations, I had far in excess of what was required for the type of business and number of employees but it didn't matter if one thing was out of date. Easily solved as we had date stamps for the products we made that worked fine for updating the things in the kit to something a decade hence. It was also very important that the box had particular nomenclature on it such as "Class XX first aid kit" or some such. If it didn't have the writing on it, the FD was incapable of knowing if it was suitable or not.

        1. Pete Sdev

          Re: Radiology room colours

          Very similar in my part of the world - all workplaces need a first-aid kit, the contents of which depending on number of employees and type of work. Though it's not the fire department that normall controls this.

          Cars also required to have a first-aid kit of a certain standard and in fact obtaining a driver licence requires completion of a first-aid course. There's also legal indemnity if there's an accident and you inadvertently cause damage by attempting to help (broken rib from CPR isn't uncommon).

          I imagine the best before dates on certain items is that they should be sterile and it's not possible to guarantee sterility after a certain time.

          1. Alan Brown Silver badge

            Re: Radiology room colours

            For things like sticking plasters, it's usually based on the lifetime expectation of the glue in the wrapper. It's not at all uncommon for some brands to find the packaging delaminating in the First aid Kit after a few years

        2. myhandler

          Re: Radiology room colours

          Well yes, reductio ad absurdum can always be demonstrated.

          But I recall out of date and useless PPE material being a major news item a few years ago

    8. herman Silver badge

      Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

      Yeah, I would expect the techy to come back and paint the door white.

    9. Alan Brown Silver badge

      Re: Does not sound like any kind of fix to me

      The fix is to charge tech time for a fully documented non-fault and offer to add a non-reflective surface - for a fee, as the problem and remedy are outside the scope of the support and supply contracts

      As soon as wallets get hit, people start being more sensible

  2. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

    Hilarious

    I was somehow thinking some VGA connector wasn't seated properly, or perhaps a faulty cable, and the blue channel going AWOL (I have had that before), but that would probably have been fixed by swapping the monitors, assuming they also swapped or checked the cables at the same time.

  3. Anonymous Coward Silver badge
    Go

    Intelligently stupid people

    I've told this one before on here, but not for a while.

    Late one Friday afternoon (isn't it always‽‽) a university professor client rings up - computer is dead, he needs to submit something over the weekend.

    I rushed over (10 miles away), walked in, pressed the power button and confirmed that the computer wouldn't turn on. I then turned on the switch on the mains extension lead it was plugged into. Turned the computer on. I hung around long enough for him to confirm that everything was OK (I think it was really just for his blood pressure to come down)

    In fairness, he admitted that he should have been able to sort that himself but was flustered. He was even happy to pay the bill (for an hour on-site - our minimum charge for a visit)

    1. Sam not the Viking Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Intelligently stupid people

      Of course, I could never experience this issue personally. At least nobody else saw it, so it didn't happen.

      Friday confessions --->

    2. KarMann Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Intelligently stupid people

      Late one Friday afternoon (isn't it always‽‽)…
      Well, no, not always. Give it a couple of hours…

    3. Claptrap314 Silver badge

      Re: Intelligently stupid people

      Well, his grant was happy to pay the bill, at least...

    4. alain williams Silver badge

      Re: Intelligently stupid people

      Been there, done that a couple of times.

    5. Rob-T

      Re: Intelligently stupid people

      In my first job after uni (early 2000s) I called the IT help desk in a panic that my machine had just randomly turned off and I couldn't get it to restart!

      Before they'd even managed to come down, I realised that while stretching my toe had nudged the switch on the power socket on the wall (my only excuse for not realising it is that steel toecaps were required so I hadn't felt it). I called them back very sheepishly to explain that I'd found the root cause of the problem and they hadn't even logged it in the system as a call yet, so I didn't have to live with the infamy of having it officially recorded that I'm a muppet!).

      1. MachDiamond Silver badge

        Re: Intelligently stupid people

        "I realised that while stretching my toe had nudged the switch on the power socket on the wall "

        The switch on the wall socket is bizarre to us Leftpondians. If the outlet is meant for a lamp, there's a more conveniently located switch on the wall at a reachable height and any device that plugs in will have it's own power switch (or several). Electrons aren't going to leak out if there aren't a couple of "valves" to close off the outlet. The switches are also "upside down" compared to the US.

        1. collinsl Silver badge

          Re: Intelligently stupid people

          Because we have "ring final circuits" in the UK where all of the sockets in one area of the house are connected together in one big loop we tend to use the switches to isolate individual appliances without having to unplug them to cut down on standby power drain, and as an extra safety mechanism to reduce the chance of electrocution when plugging/unplugging things in case they have a damaged plug or cord etc.

          We also don't use freestanding lighting as much as the USA, instead preferring in most instances to have either individually switched freestanding lamps, but for room lighting we tend to settle on integrated ceiling lights with a light switch on the wall as you'd expect. This allows us to use thinner grade cable and daisy chaining for lighting circuits because there's no risk of ever plugging in a high current appliance to them because that would necessitate removing a lightbulb and using an adapter. This used to happen in the old days (with electric clothes irons commonly used in bulb sockets) but back then thicker lighting cable was used and there was much less understanding of electrical safety, and consequently many more accidents.

    6. John Miles

      Re: Intelligently stupid people

      I installed a bit in a computer for a friend and when finished and tested switched it off.

      When I next went to see them I asked where the computer was, the answer was gone for repair as it wouldn't switch on, I asked had they checked power switch at back (it had low power switch at front and rocker switch at back) - needless to say it came back no fault found.

  4. Richard Gray 1
    Facepalm

    Wrong monitor

    I still (almost 30 years now) remember the argument I had with a customer about sending the "Wrong monitor"

    I made sure it was the correct size, the large 15" rather than the 14", yes 15" but the cable was wrong.

    Was it the right colour? yes blue lead to blue connector (a genius idea I'd happily buy the guy that thought of colour coding the cables a beer)

    Is it the right way round? (I've delt with the public before)

    Are any of the pins bent? No all the pins are straight

    AHA! I've had this before. (for the youngsters here) not all the pins on a VGA cable are required, so some manufacturers leave them out and it makes the monitor cable look different to the socket.

    No it's the wrong size.. I've held it next to the socket and it won't fit.

    Have you tried it?

    No because it won't fit

    Repeat

    Please try it, it will fit

    No it won't fit..

    Until tech-response = "Just Bloody try it!"

    Wait for long pause

    I've been a bit silly haven't I

    Customer is always right training kicks in... Yes sir you have

    Hang up

  5. Korev Silver badge
    Coat

    > “A very embarrassed doctor disappeared quite quickly,” Neville told On Call.

    You mean ran out of the room screening?

    1. MachDiamond Silver badge

      "> “A very embarrassed doctor disappeared quite quickly,” Neville told On Call."

      Since doctors have to spend so much time getting their education, they have to be smart, right?

      Machines like me, but you don't want me opening up your cat to see how it works.

      1. the Jim bloke
        Unhappy

        Once you open them up, they dont work anymore

        1. MachDiamond Silver badge

          Once you open them up, they dont work anymore"

          And when a medical doctor opens up his computer, it is likely to not work anymore either.

  6. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

    It happens to the best of us.

    A chum of mine (Sysop in a small company,) was stood in his kitchen home one evening when the power went off, plunging him into near darkness. H

    A resourceful chap, used to thinking on his feet.

    He ruefully confided in me that his first reaction was "oh, simple solution: I'll open the fridge door and use the light in there." Closely followed by "oh, of course......"

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: It happens to the best of us.

      Every now and again, I look at the clock and the time is reported as 404.

      Every time, my brain goes "Time not found‽ WTF‽ ... Oh."

      1. A.P. Veening Silver badge

        Re: It happens to the best of us.

        At 404 I usually sleep.

        .

        .

        .

        .

        .

        One of the advantages of setting your digital clocks to 24h display is that you are never confused about AM and PM. Besides that, 1337 is a nice, LEET time.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It happens to the best of us.

      He ruefully confided in me that his first reaction was "oh, simple solution: I'll open the fridge door and use the light in there." Closely followed by "oh, of course......"

      The fridge fairy couldn't find her wand in the dark.

      "thinking on his feet" the operative word here is "thinking."

      In the BoFH game taking the extra time, to consider the evidence or facts, potential diagnoses before initiating (hopefully) remedial action, removes the requirement of sporting a Stetson.

      In this case a few minutes would have allowed his eyes to become dark adapted and able to see quite adequately in most domestic and urban environments.

      1. Ken Shabby Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: It happens to the best of us.

        This is true, years ago I was writing in 6502 machine language, real time stuff for ash and dust control in coal fired power stations (it was 1982) and I dreamt in hex.

        A friend took me to a McDonald’s possibly the first time I had been in one and the till said OFF in a red LCD display.

        Minutes later I still couldn’t work the significance of what 255 meant.

        1. Alan Brown Silver badge

          Re: It happens to the best of us.

          0FF is an impossible octal number. 0xFF is a different matter

          /pedantry

      2. Andy A
        Facepalm

        Re: It happens to the best of us.

        ...In this case a few minutes would have allowed his eyes to become dark adapted and able to see quite adequately in most domestic and urban environments....

        ... and then realise that his only cooking appliances required electricity.

    3. DuchessofDukeStreet

      Re: It happens to the best of us.

      Fifty years later, my mum is still frequently reminded of the time we got home from school to (yet another) power cut and she decided we would have toast for tea as she couldn't cook. The "oh of course..." moment did not follow closely.

      1. Rtbcomp

        Re: It happens to the best of us.

        You can eat uncooked toast you know.

        1. PB90210 Silver badge

          Re: It happens to the best of us.

          "uncooked toast"

          Do you have the recipe?

          I once bought an ice cube tray that included a "serving suggestion" on the label! (I have the image backed up somewhere... somewhere)

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: It happens to the best of us.

          I believe it's called "bread".

      2. RT Harrison

        Re: It happens to the best of us.

        Surprised you didn't have a gas cooker with grill above the hob as was common back then to do the toast. Along with a box of Cooks matches to light it.

        1. DuchessofDukeStreet

          Re: It happens to the best of us.

          We didn't have mains gas at that point - joys of life in a small village - electricity or coal fire or nothing. Somehow, despite never having had a gas cooker, I'm still the owner of a half-used box of Cooks matches...

          1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
            Pint

            Re: It happens to the best of us.

            During the 70's strikes & rolling power cuts, I have fond memories of toasting bread on the coal fire, with rather cold butter spread on it in near pitch darkness (Other than the fire & candles)

            A taste experience I wish I could enjoy again!

            1. david 12 Silver badge

              Re: It happens to the best of us.

              Friend of mine got the gas-saving hotwater unit with no pilot light -- electric spark on startup.

              Beauty of that system of course, is that it fails when the gas is off, and when the electricity is off.

              1. MachDiamond Silver badge

                Re: It happens to the best of us.

                "Friend of mine got the gas-saving hotwater unit with no pilot light -- electric spark on startup."

                Mine has a thermo-electric generator that works off of the pilot light so if there's gas, the controls work. The tankless water heater I have yet to install uses two D cells or a wall wart, but the cartoons don't include a schematic so I don't know if the batteries are switched out if the power plug is inserted to prevent the batteries from charged. I'd like to put in some rechargeable batteries and a small solar panel to charge them. There's no point in replacing batteries every few weeks (I'm sure) and I don't have power in the water heater closet for a wall wart. Running the lines would mean a lot less payback on the tankless.

            2. Glenturret Single Malt

              Re: It happens to the best of us.

              As a child (1950s) I used to enjoy making toast using a toasting fork to hold the bread over the coal fire. The best way was to wait until the gases had all burned off (so, no flames) and the coal was glowing red hot. The best time of day was late afternoon when the fireplace itself was very hot (assuming the fire had been burning all day).

        2. MachDiamond Silver badge

          Re: It happens to the best of us.

          "Surprised you didn't have a gas cooker with grill above the hob as was common back then to do the toast."

          My dad lived out in the country and was the second to last property on the power line. The pot belly stove was indispensable in winter and I learned how to cook on one, heat water for dishes and suffer through a cold bathing routine. While we had the wood stove, we didn't have a big enough galvanized tub hanging by hook on the back of the shed. Only one big enough for the dogs.

          Learning how to get by with less than a full suite of utilities are good skills to have.

      3. Alan Brown Silver badge

        Re: It happens to the best of us.

        This is the ONE advantage of having a low end gas oven/hob - you can still turn it on even if you have to use a match to get it going

        1. collinsl Silver badge

          Re: It happens to the best of us.

          My low end one cuts the gas off if it doesn't have electricity IIRC - some magnetic system or other to keep the gas from flowing if there's no ignition source I suppose.

    4. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

      Re: It happens to the best of us.

      I came home from holiday once to find my flatmates sitting in the dark. "There's a problem with the lighting". Did you change the bulb? Yes, of course we changed the bulb.

      So I changed the bulb and the lights came on. They had changed it for another dead bulb, and had been sitting in the dark for a week.

      1. Giles C Silver badge

        Re: It happens to the best of us.

        The number of people who have a bulb blow and then put the old one back in the box, rather than the bin….

        1. Terry 6 Silver badge

          Re: It happens to the best of us.

          Probably relations of the dipsticks that replace spent matches in the box...

          1. MachDiamond Silver badge

            Re: It happens to the best of us.

            "Probably relations of the dipsticks that replace spent matches in the box..."

            Eventually, they wind up putting back one that isn't completely out.

      2. Herby

        Re: It happens to the best of us.

        Dead bulbs> At one time they were an interesting commodity in the soviet union. People would replace the lights in the workplace with the dead one and take the "good" ones to use at home. There was a shortage of "good" bulbs, and workers got creative.

      3. Alan Brown Silver badge

        Re: It happens to the best of us.

        I had something similar in a work car

        "Rear brake and tail lights aren't working on both sides. Electrical fault"

        "Did you check the bulbs?"

        "No need, there's no way all 4 filaments would be blown"

        Needless to say, all 4 filaments WERE blown and 2 21/5 lamps later the problem was solved (The car was a pool wagon over a decade old at that point and the bulbs looked to be factory original, so we took the precaution of changing all of the others out as they'd browned up nicely on the inside over time)

        Then there was the time my brother somehow managed to put a 5W tail lamp into a 21/5 combination socket, which upset his car (Honda Accord) quite badly. It took him 6 weeks of "checking" before he asked me to look at it. He paid for ALL the beer for several weekends and still cringes when it's mentioned (but at least he no longer attempts DIY)

    5. Mast1

      Re: It happens to the best of us.

      In our house, the phrase "I'll open the fridge door and use the light in there." would not be seen as daft.

      I have previously commented how old houses throw up hidden monstrosities.

      We recently discovered that the fridge in the kitchen was not on the kitchen mains circuit, but came through from the dining room on a spur from another circuit. This despite the kitchen being re-wired about 15 years ago.

      Terry Waite (held as a hostage in Lebanon for over 4 years) is a very large man, over 6 foot tall. When he was being smuggled between hiding places, he was stuffed into a fridge and put on the back of a pick-up truck. In his memoir he drily commented on this experience that "I can confirm that when you shut the door the light does go out"

      1. MachDiamond Silver badge

        Re: It happens to the best of us.

        "We recently discovered that the fridge in the kitchen was not on the kitchen mains circuit, but came through from the dining room on a spur from another circuit. This despite the kitchen being re-wired about 15 years ago."

        My fridge is on a different circuit from the rest of the kitchen. Thank bog for that since the kitchen circuit also leads to the back two bedrooms, one of which is my office. I pop the breaker a few times a year. I will be adding a couple of more circuits once I redo the siding on the house. The fridge doesn't go off when the other stuff does.

        These days, the fridge should be on a circuit that doesn't see too much draw so it can be set up on an "essential" bus. For a home with a back up battery or generator, it's handy to have only a subset of circuits operating and that's easier if they are grouped in a way that lets them be hived off.

        1. Alan Brown Silver badge

          Re: It happens to the best of us.

          Careful with that. Domestic fridges/freezers may only be 100-120W but the startup current is more than enough to blow most UPSes

    6. NITS

      Re: It happens to the best of us.

      On the flip side, I am reminded of the time the lights went off at home, and we found the flashlight (a.k.a. torch) by the glow of the CRT screen, as the UPS *had* kicked in.

      1. Steve Aubrey
        Happy

        Re: It happens to the best of us.

        Once when we lost power for an extended period, we used a fully-charged laptop to watch a DVD by candlelight. On purpose, just to say we did.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: It happens to the best of us.

          I once chatted on IRC during a powercut. DSL modem and switch were on UPS, laptop had a full battery.

        2. MachDiamond Silver badge

          Re: It happens to the best of us.

          "Once when we lost power for an extended period, we used a fully-charged laptop to watch a DVD by candlelight."

          "Just friends", huh?

      2. John Miles

        Re: It happens to the best of us.

        I had power go off when cooking dinner, a little light from the gas hob and more from laptop I left on in next room - enough to get camping lantern to finish cooking

    7. J.G.Harston Silver badge

      Re: It happens to the best of us.

      That's the electrical version of "I drained the u-bend, then emptied the bucket into the sink......"

  7. Too old for this sh*t
    Thumb Up

    When I supplied CRTs I would always tilt the screen down slightly due to reflections.

    Odd the weird stuff you remember but can't remember what I had for tea two days ago

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I remember them being somewhat spherical-ish, so tilting them any which way never helped with reflection.

      It helps with LCDs though.

      Good (expensive) monitors, later in the CRT lifecycle, with the flat screens, did have anti-glare coatings and ... flat surfaces. Perhaps tilting those would alleviate some issues.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Trinitrons were cylindrical, IIRC.

    2. Natalie Gritpants Jr

      Still do, it prevents dust settling on the screen.

      1. Roopee Silver badge

        I didn't like bezel-less monitors because they seem to reflect more and get dustier, or maybe the dust just shows up more.

    3. DJV Silver badge

      Re: can't remember what I had for tea two days ago

      It was probably a nicely toasted memory worm.

    4. Roopee Silver badge
      Unhappy

      I can't remember IF I had tea two days ago, or yesterday!

  8. Anonymous Anti-ANC South African Coward Silver badge
    Holmes

    Brownware

    Is this what we usually calls brownware?

    Reference to brownware in this vintage BOFH : https://bofh.bjash.com/newbofh/bofh21feb.html

    1. Jou (Mxyzptlk) Silver badge

      Re: Brownware

      Pilots call it "code brown", and hope to land before it gets real. Some funny videos around how fast pilots can run in some situations...

      1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

        Re: Brownware

        are you sure sir? it *does* mean changing the bulb!

    2. Throatwarbler Mangrove Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Brownware

      Ah, how soft the BOFH has become and how new the PFY was back then. Simon and Stephen really need to get the body count back up!

      1. Montreal Sean

        Re: Brownware

        They're getting on in years and bodies in carpet rolls are really heavy.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So nobody noticed when they sat between the monitor and the door it changed colour or did everyone in the department wear clothes the same colour as the door?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Whoooooooooooooooooooosh !!! :)

      Clothes were not same colour as the door ... BUT they probably DID wear the same colour outer garment .......

      Doctors/Radiology/Lab 'WHITE' Coat !!!!

      :)

      1. RMclan

        Re: Whoooooooooooooooooooosh !!! :)

        He sat in front of the monitor, and as soon as the door was closed, the monitor turned brown. So the monitor was acting like a mirror.

        The only way that would happen is if the only thing reflected in the monitor from the observer's POV was the door.

        The only ways that would happen are:-

        a) if the door was directly in front of the monitor then there could be nothing between it and the monitor (i.e. no person sat at the monitor).

        b) the door was off to one side and the observer was looking at the monitor at sufficient angle that the only thing visible in the monitor was the reflection of the door, why would they sit at an angle to study things in high definition?

        c) the observer was the invisible man or a vampire who had no reflection.

  10. tinman

    No one going to mention clip-on anti-glare filters that used to be a big thing? Or have they faded from memory now with the ubiquitous use of LCD screens?

    1. John 110

      hmm

      @tinman

      The snag with clip-on anti glare filters on hi res medical equipment is that they invariably degrade the image. Not too much of a problem for text, but I don't think I would like a doctor trying to find the margins of THAT lump on a degraded screen...

      1. Montreal Sean

        Re: hmm

        You want those screens to be as sharp and bright as possible.

        Having been the victim (?) of a poorly calibrated medical screen I speak from experience.

        There's nothing like going in for laproscopic surgery to fix an obstructed bowel, and ending up having major abdominal surgery where they manually check every inch of your intestines and then tuck them back in...

        1. PRR Silver badge

          Re: hmm

          > ... in for laproscopic surgery ....ending up having major abdominal surgery where they manually check every inch of your intestines and then tuck them back in...

          And that scar! Filleted like a fish, breastbone to pubes. (Encysted and leaky appendix.) Mine is fading.... after ~~37 years. My later actual laproscopes, for gallbladder, faded much faster.

    2. Anonymous Anti-ANC South African Coward Silver badge

      I remember those.

      Bonus points if the advertisement blurb says that it will also block harmful rays from the CRT...

      1. Terry 6 Silver badge

        Number of staff insisted on those screens. This was after some kind of Elf and Safety warning. Most of us removed the bloody things within days.

        1. Stevie Silver badge

          Harmful CRT emissions

          I had a colleague who insisted that sitti9ng by an electrical bock made him ill for years.

          Then he was moved and I was given his desk.

          When they removed his PC so mine could be installed in its place on the desk, a dust bunny the size of a soccer ball was revealed.

          Yeah, the problem was the EMF from the breaker box. That was what was making him sick.

          Not the cloud of dust mites being bounced off the wall and into the air by the fans of his workstation.

    3. Gene Cash Silver badge

      Were there any of those that weren't complete shite?

  11. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
    Coat

    I have a similar issue , in the mornings theres a big circle of brightness on the screen making it hard to read , it always goes away by lunchtime.

    Just cant seems to figure it out .

  12. Stratman

    When on an outside broadcast and monitors or viewfinders suffered from reflections, a quick and easy fix of sorts was to put some neutral density (ND) filter sheet over the screen. It worked quite well, reducing the reflection's brightness relative to the image by fifty percent. The light from thereflection has to go through the ND twice (once on the way in, once on the way out), the image only once. Turning up the contrast a bit solved the other side effect.

    1. PB90210 Silver badge

      I suppose in the early days of Blue Peter there wouldn't have been a lot of ND filter available and they would have been forced to use one of Valerie Singleton's nylons instead

      "Nurse, the pills, quickly!"

      (why did autocorrect so easily suggest 'Valerie Singleton'?)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Blue Peter .... Vision On ... Crackerjack ..... (Those were the days !!!)

        Not only giving away your age, country of residence when a child BUT your secret fantasies as well !!!

        (Yes, I remember Valerie, John and Peter <=== whose name I always forget !!!!)

        Balanced on the edge of the 'Rabbit-hole' of UK Childrens Television ......

        Apologies to the USAian contingent !!!!

        :)

        1. The commentard formerly known as Mister_C

          PERVERT

          sorry

          Pervis

          Peter Pervis

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: PERVERT

            I meant the name 'Peter' ....

            It was always John Noakes and the 'Other One' .... in my mind.

            :)

      2. MachDiamond Silver badge

        "why did autocorrect so easily suggest 'Valerie Singleton'?"

        Personal preference? Wistful memories? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

  13. trevorde Silver badge

    Was not expecting that

    Medical + brown is usually, err, something else...

  14. Terry 6 Silver badge

    he should have been able to sort that himself but was flustered.

    Adn that's something we all need to think about when we're being astonished about how our users can do something we think is dumb.

    There's a sea of difference between calmly thinking "let's examine this problem" for an issue that isn't ours, with devices we're used to messing around with, and "Oh shit! The bloody technology isn't playing nice and I need it to be or there will be consequences" for someone who just uses the devices and expects them to bloody well work properly.

    1. Roopee Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: he should have been able to sort that himself but was flustered.

      One still expects a modicum of intelligence to be applied by generally intelligent people, rather than just switching their brain off because it's not their domain...

      1. Dante Alighieri

        Re: he should have been able to sort that himself but was flustered.

        I work in radiology. The pride some of my colleagues have in their technical incompetence with computers is breathtaking - not in a good way.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fastest fix

    Fastest jobs are always with power buttons.

    Hour drive to get to client.

    They had reported a PC that was stuck and would not turn off.

    I walk in, XP jammed in shutdown, I hold power button for six seconds. Press power button to turn on.

    Leave, drive home for another hour...

    Different client, same year....

    Customer had bought a new PC. Reported it would not turn on when she pressed power button.

    I arrive. Ask her to show me. She is pressing the monitor button... I point at the button on the main box.

    This turned out to be her first computer, someone had come set it up for her but not explained the On switch was on the tower and not "on the TV screen".

    I spent the rest of the hour on a tutorial with her.

    1. Roopee Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Fastest fix

      Upvoted for bothering to do the tutorial, there's plenty as wouldn't! :)

      1. this

        Re: Fastest fix

        It depends what you mean by 'tutorial'

  16. DS999 Silver badge

    I first read that not as "swap the monitor"

    But "slap the monitor".

    Too bad that's not what fixed it, that would indeed be the world's fastest fix with no chance of anyone topping it!

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: I first read that not as "swap the monitor"

      Canonically, that's "thump the telly with a screwdriver".

      It was a real, recognized repair for CRT displays for decades, if not necessarily a permanent fix.

      1. Alan Brown Silver badge

        Re: I first read that not as "swap the monitor"

        There were good reasons it worked

        1: There were almost always a couple of unsoldered joints inside

        2: Valve sockets would oxidize over time

        wave soldering was a stepchange in reliability

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Where did I put those lederhosen !!!??? [English Joke !!!][Apologies]

    "slap the monitor"

    Brings up visions of Tom Brown's School days ....

    OR

    My first days in Infant school, age 4 Yrs, and the 'Milk Monitor' .... (I was neither 'Milk Monitor' or the slapee, for clarity !!!!)

    :)

  18. Manolo
    FAIL

    Dumb fix

    Replacing an expensive monitor without investigating what's wrong isn't the smartest form of tech support either.

    1. Jou (Mxyzptlk) Silver badge

      Re: Dumb fix

      You replace it. The "dead" monitor is checked, no fault, and made ready for the next "dead" replacement. That is common and usually cheaper as first approach. The second time you investigate closer, so nothing wrong here.

      1. Manolo
        FAIL

        Re: Dumb fix

        And then it turns out to be a video card issue, a cable issue, a software issue... Three monitors further. Why not check the cause right away, instead of randomly replacing an expensive bit of kit in the hope that it fixes the issue?

        Still sounds inefficient to me.

        1. David Hicklin Silver badge

          Re: Dumb fix

          "Just replace it" is the modern way of fixing things - certainly there days

          Even just before I retired the fix for a problematic (or infected) PC was to re-image it - no wasting time finding the root cause, just close that ticket! Gotta keep the SLA

        2. Alan Brown Silver badge

          Re: Dumb fix

          It IS inefficient, but when you're dealing with a Doctor in full blown "karen" mode it's the fastest way to geto out of there

  19. Herby

    Fixes that have strange relations...

    Back in a previous life (the 1980's) I worked for a company that provided equipment to answering services. These people smoked like chimneys and ashtrays were everywhere. I'd come to "service" things and took some Windex and always cleaned the terminals. Afterwords I'd say that I tuned up the terminals. I got LOTS of praise and everyone liked the "tuned up" terminals.

    Of course the paper towels that I used to clean the CRTs were black after they did their job. All part of the "service".

  20. Dr Kerfuffle

    Green Door?

    I seem to remember that Shakin' Stevens had a green door. That must have played havoc with monitors that had a green screen !

    Paul

  21. TrickyOneThat
    FAIL

    Talking of Medical Equipment

    In a previous life I used to sell equipment to analyse long term ECG recordings (EKG for American readers). One of the functions of the display was that any errant heartbeat patterns were highlighted on the green sceen monitor. They were much brighter than the normal ones. There was also a general screen brightness button which for some reason users liked to fiddle with.

    We would often get tech support comments along the lines of "I can only see certain beats - the rest of the screen is blank". Cue "can you turn the screen brightness knob?" - usually followed by a silent pause then a quick thank you and goodbye.

  22. Andy3

    Over years dealing with TV and video systems (and other items of tech), it never ceased to amaze me just how unworldly many of our supposedly intelligent and skilled people are. People with more degrees than a thermometer would be utterly ignorant of things like those pesky laws of physics and everyday stuff that would be obvious to almost anyone else.

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