back to article The Reg translates the letter in which Oracle kinda-sorta tells customers it was pwned

Oracle's letter to customers about an intrusion into part of its public cloud empire - while insisting Oracle Cloud Infrastructure was untouched - has sparked a mix of ridicule and outrage in the infosec community. The memo is now public and, since decoding corporate messaging is part of the job for any Register vulture, we've …

  1. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    Devil

    "Oracle completely destroyed their reputation this time"

    Because there was something left to destroy ?

    That's news . . .

    1. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: "Oracle completely destroyed their reputation this time"

      Reputations can always take a few dings, but to properly lose it takes real effort: you have to show a real contempt for your customers, treat license renewals as a chance to literally suck the lifeblood out of corporate IT budgets, fail to show any real vision and generally enshitten every promising technology your mergers and acquisitions team land you with.

      It's not easy, it takes time but I think Big Red may have finally nailed it. I for one will raise a glass and whisper "schadenfreude" to their eventual demise.

      1. phuzz Silver badge
        Unhappy

        Re: "Oracle completely destroyed their reputation this time"

        I think we should add "bankrupted the UK's second biggest city" to their score sheet (see el Reg passim)

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: "Oracle completely destroyed their reputation this time"

          As a positive or negative?

          1. phuzz Silver badge

            Re: "Oracle completely destroyed their reputation this time"

            I guess that depends on how many shares you have in Oracle.

          2. cookiecutter

            Re: "Oracle completely destroyed their reputation this time"

            Loving the ONE obvious Oracle employee downvoting these comments

        2. steviebuk Silver badge

          Re: "Oracle completely destroyed their reputation this time"

          I'd blame the councillors and consultants more than anyone else.

          1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

            Re: "Oracle completely destroyed their reputation this time"

            I blame whoever didn't take them out and beat them with a big stick as soon as they mentioned the "O" word

        3. LybsterRoy Silver badge

          Re: "Oracle completely destroyed their reputation this time"

          Yes, but was it deliberate, an accident or just business as usual?

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well, the hacker posted a video showing him in a webchat as a user from the data dump, so the line that "the hacker was not able to access any customer environments" seems to be false.

    Then again, Oracle's handling of this has been utterly appalling so it's no big surprise they're still telling porkies.

    1. UCAP Silver badge

      ... it's no big surprise they're still telling porkies ...

      Business as usual for Oracle.

  3. adsp42

    Fake news!

    Isn't that in line with this new trend in politics to lie people in their face?

  4. DJV Silver badge

    With the plummeting stock markets...

    ...maybe it's time to invest in popcorn shares.

    1. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: With the plummeting stock markets...

      I'm looking forward to the SEC examining the extended Trump family's share dealings over the last few weeks.

      1. phuzz Silver badge

        Re: With the plummeting stock markets...

        I wish I believed that would ever happen

      2. Kurgan Silver badge

        Re: With the plummeting stock markets...

        I'm waiting for my pink unicorn to be delivered.

      3. John Riddoch

        Re: With the plummeting stock markets...

        Is there anything left of the SEC after the Trump/DOGE cuts?

        1. eldel

          Re: With the plummeting stock markets...

          Only if they keep their heads down and avoid irritating the mango moron or the racist rapist.

  5. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

    Great Oracle Robbery

    "I would like to make one thing clear at the very outset and that is, when you speak of a train robbery, this involved no loss of train, merely what I like to call the contents of the train, which were pilfered."

    Peter Cook, Oracle spokesperson

    1. FeRDNYC

      Re: Great Oracle Robbery

      Also, nobody broke into any of the baggage compartments on the train, and anyone who tells you different is a liar, liar, pants on fire! Never once did any unauthorized person access or remove any passenger belongings from any secure area of any train.

      ...Some clever bandits did make off with 6 million pieces of passenger luggage we'd temporarily piled on the siding overnight while the train's baggage facilities were being sprayed for Novell source code. (Can never be too careful.) So, really, that's on you irresponsible people for not being more careful about where we leave your luggage.

      But never once was anything taken from the train, nor did any unauthorized persons succeed in boarding the train! (Heck, we didn't even find any Novell code. So, good news all around. You're supremely welcome.)

  6. Homo.Sapien.Floridanus

    King Lear: I wish to move the kingdom's ERP to the cloud. What you you think, my daughters?

    Regan: The cloud is built on trust father. Who better to trust than large organizations with expert IT security staff?

    Goneril: Oh father, we won't have to mind the hardware any longer and save fortunes! A brilliant move it is!

    Cordelia: Do you even read the news, dad?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I am reminded of my interview with Oracle

    They were building their cloud service. The interview was going quite well--until I brought up testing & its importance, and asked about it. I guess that was the wrong question.

  8. Mark Exclamation

    "I recommend anyone which uses Oracle cloud to initiate a migration to other more reputable, organized, secured and honest vendors," he said. Whilst I wholeheartedly agree with this advice, I think it will fall on deaf ears; for most people it will be just too difficult and expensive, oh, and Oracle has advised that everything is just fine, which must be true. So, no change here, then.

    1. Andros

      EdPat

      Are they now a target for Broadcom?

    2. cookiecutter

      Are there any? Azure had the Chinese and Russians bouncing around for 6 months before anyone noticed. Google happily deletes customer data for shits & giggles it seems. I've not seen much on AWS but since there are 1000s of open AWS S3 buckets open on the Internet, I'm assuming they cover their backsides better than Microsoft or Google.

      Why anyone thinks trusting your data & customers to a bunch of shysters who've consistently proven they don't care about their customers, don't do testing anymore, shipped expertise out to Indian firms who will tell you to reboot your Kubernetes setup as a fix is just nuts...

      And the fact that in that last paragraph you don't know WHICH cloud provider I'm talking about speaks volumes

  9. Conrad Longmore

    "Arcadia Group"

    "Kevin Beaumont, director of emerging threats at Arcadia Group" - you sure about that, El Reg? Arcadia vanished four year ago, I think he's trolling :)

  10. rgjnk Silver badge
    Devil

    Audit when?

    We all know Oracle loves audits, so when is the one covering this little issue?

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Alien

      Re: Audit when?

      Scientologists also love to "Audit"

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