BOFH: Engage Hollywood Protocol – because nonsense always looks legit BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "Well, now you've done it!" the Boss fumes. "We could've got through an audit with a couple of minor notes, but now we're going to be audited by a team of auditors who specialize in corporate process methodology." "A team?" I ask. "Yes." "In that case," I say, "I'm going to insist on …
I gotta fetch me a new cuppa, thankfully it was already empty when I started reading the story. Plus by now we should know better, eh?
Still: well played. The Hollywood Protocol. Need to remember that. I can probably do some techno-babble to confuse your boss, for a modest fee. Maybe we can build an app for getting a good team lineup? Something like... ehm... let's call it Hinder?
We seasoned vets also do not read the BOFH at the breakfast table.
Explosively exfiltrated partially masticated breakfast cereal is an absolute bastard to clean up, as it gets into nooks and crannies easier than silastic and sets faster and harder than Quick-crete, especially if said partially masticated breakfast cereal is Weetbix/Weetabix.
As the HP was going more overboard, I thought, hmm, fake audit to dump on the boss... After over 30 years reading Simon's rantings, I'm fully in the BOFH zone.
If you don't mind, I've just finished adding this to my offline BOFH Tome, "The Complete Bastard" and I'm going to start again at the beginning...
Genesis (Striped Irregular Bucket #1)
I'm really bored. You know how bored you get when work's going on and on and on, and nothing interesting is happening, and you're listening to a radio that picks up ONE station on FM, and it's always the station with the least records in the city, about 5, and one of them is "You're so Vain" which wasn't too bad a song until you hear it about 3 times a day for a year, and *EVERY* time it plays, the announcer tells you it's about Warren Beatty and who he's currently poking, someone you'll never sniff the toe-jam of, let alone meet, let alone get amorous with. And EVERY time someone mentions Warren Beatty, someone says that he used to go out with Madonna too, and have you seen "In Bed With..."
and the boss still wouldn't have twigged. Still a fail since he hadn't verified the authenticity of the audit or the credentials of the auditors.
"A deep dumpster-dive into the authenticity of reality,"
A revelation! Simon obviously really into the epistemology and phenomenolgy of Quantum Mechanics ... or is a really talented bullshit artist (if there's a difference.)
basts.
Ruining a perfectly good keyboard.
Theres me... after enduring fixing a broken gripper on a robot at 8am AND the dreaded weekly meeting at 9am (thank gawd the beancounter is still ill.. something to do with food poisoning I'm led to believe, but the PFY is'nt saying what she did) and time for a relaxing break at 10am with a full mug of coffee and read of el-reg and my prayer of 'let there be a BOFH episode this week" was duely answered.
I had to go make a new mug of coffee afterwards (and steal the keyboard off our production engineers desk)
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