back to article Arrr! Can a sailor's marlinspike fix a busted backplane?

Tech support people play many roles, and The Register celebrates them all in On Call, our reader-contributed Friday column in which we share your tales of adventure. This week, meet a reader we'll Regomize as "Horatio" who told us he once planned to spend a long weekend aboard a 95-year-old tall ship that was preserved in its …

  1. Jou (Mxyzptlk) Silver badge

    Un-Regomize + Photo!

    Please!

  2. Jaspa

    Schoolboy error

    During a Charity dress down day, (back to School) I was sent on a mission of mercy to our sister site on the opposite side of the City.

    Strolled in an waved at Securiy.

    Walked into the Call Centre, found my User, fixed PC and went to the coffee room for a well earned brew.

    Stirring my java, a Colleague commented on my attire. I'd been there an hour and not one wag saw fit to crack a joke at the IT Schoolboy's expense.

    1. NerryTutkins

      Re: Schoolboy error

      I visited the UK with my kids and wife a few years ago when they were toddlers. We'd gone to Burger King for lunch as the kids loved junk food.

      I arrived back at my parents' place in the car and had got the kids out and sent them in, then got chatting to the neighbour who I'd not seen for many years and who'd known me since I was a kid.

      I noticed at times he was looking a bit weirdly at me, but it wasn't until 15 mins later or so when I went inside that my parent's commented they liked my hat. I'd completely forgotten I was wearing a Burger King cardboard crown.

      1. the spectacularly refined chap Silver badge

        Re: Schoolboy error

        I visited the UK with my kids and wife a few years ago when they were toddlers.

        I've heard of child marriage but marrying a toddler?

    2. Outski

      Re: Schoolboy error

      I was sent on a mission of mercy to our sister site on the opposite side of the City.

      Was it in the Temple? Did you have to establish Dominion? Were you the First, Last and Always person to call?

    3. Paul Herber Silver badge

      Re: Schoolboy error

      " ... mission of mercy to our sister site ..."

      I was expecting fancy dress as a nun!

      1. J. Cook Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Schoolboy error

        That's something you have to get into the habit of.

  3. Sceptic Tank Silver badge
    Trollface

    Should have tested the wave forms.

    "Are you a software pirate?"

    1. 21st Century Peon
      Pirate

      Re: Should have tested the wave forms.

      They needed a pirate, because it was an arrr!-dware problem.

      (Where, as they say, my Paul & Storm fans at?)

      1. Chloe Cresswell Silver badge

        Re: Should have tested the wave forms.

        That was terrible, take your upvote!

      2. collinsl Silver badge

        Re: Should have tested the wave forms.

        (Where, as they say, my Paul & Storm fans at?)

        <p>The ship sailed into harbor

        After fifteen months at sea

        The captain hit the tavern

        With his crew of fifty-three</p>

        <p>After drinking up their pay

        They staggered through the town

        But all the inns and public houses

        Turned the sailors down</p>

        <p>The captain said "Fear not, me lads

        You all can come with me

        I live just 'round the corner

        And you all can stay for free"</p>

        <p>But when the captain's wife awoke

        Upon the break of day

        They say that you could hear her wailin'

        Clear to Bot'ny Bay…</p>

        1. TimMaher Silver badge
          Pint

          Re: Paul & Storms

          What shall we do with the drunken sailor?

          Etc…

          1. Jou (Mxyzptlk) Silver badge

            Re: Paul & Storms

            Put him into the datacenter, early in the morning.

        2. Ian 70

          Re: Should have tested the wave forms.

          K-aaaaarrrrrrrr-n

        3. Evil Scot Bronze badge

          Re: Should have tested the wave forms.

          Are you trying to stretch this out for 20 minutes?

          Theerrs Patch cables all around the bed..

          ...

          ...

          ...

          There's even some hanging from the chandelier.

  4. Mentat74
    Joke

    Very...

    Moxy of him !

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Maritime IT is shocking, not so sure he was in period dress, just dressed for the "live" IT standards...

    We all remember Windows for Warships (TM)!

    Many boats still use NMEA 0183 (released 1983) to communicate between their instruments, many at 4800 baud.

    NMEA 2k (released 2000) is only just becoming the norm, not helped by a few manufacturers doing the classic IT think of making connectors propriety.

    I once worked for a "manager of ships" - The Greek dad owned ~80 and managed for others another ~400 odd. The sons ran the business day to day. 400 people had to come to an office so they could be seen "working". Each ship was a separate legal entity so the cash was safe in the event one sank / had an incident etc. The ships ran hooky copies of everything - why spend money if there's no way to get caught, and if you do, the liability stops at the gang plank!

    Meanwhile dad was lauded as a a great businessman and placed on a pedestal to be worshipped by the industry.

    1. Jou (Mxyzptlk) Silver badge

      Hm, I need to find that version of Windows. Windows 2000 UI was very near perfect before "must look like teletubby" came along. Had the classical real-search as well instead of relying on an never-up-to-date index. (Only one tiny UI feature was better in Vista UI, see disable full row select search results.)

      1. simonlb Silver badge

        I always changed the look on XP to 'classic' so that is was like 2000. I still don't understand why MS won't provide that functionality now.

        1. Mage Silver badge
          Flame

          changed the look on XP to 'classic'

          You could sort of do that on Vista / Win 7 too.

          First thing I did on any XP / Vista / Win7. Not only easier to use, but less RAM and faster.

          I have similar on Linux Mint with Mate Desktop now. Sad about Thunderbird and every major Browser ignoring OS Theme and either copying Chrome or Win 10.

          Thunderbird 91.13.1 was the last that could do OS theme and that needed massive configuration editing.

          UI / UX designers have lost the plot. Grey text-boxes with the label in them is stupid. Variations of grey (with no 3D shading hints) for background, entry, text, labels is an abusive insult. Why do they call this "modern" and laud it. Why disconnect Tabs from the document and have a tool bar in between?

          Stupidity of Ribbon, or hiding less used menu items. Or deleting the functionality because telemetry says not used much. Least used things might be very important and because they are not used often need to be always visible in the menu.

          Desktop applications styled as if for a 6" mobile is stupid. Android or iOS are both crippled UIs on larger tablets, being designed for phones.

          1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: changed the look on XP to 'classic'

            "Thunderbird 91.13.1 was the last that could do OS theme and that needed massive configuration editing."

            Seamonkey still does.

            1. Jou (Mxyzptlk) Silver badge

              Re: changed the look on XP to 'classic'

              Yep, my mail is still Seamonkey... The closest to "dark theme" is still "Metal Lion", unless you have a better suggestion :D. Sadly the extension "Standalone Seamonkey Mail" is needed as well, so it opens the default OS-browser when clicking on a link in an email. The Seamonkey browser exposes how The Web is more incompatible than ever (even Firefox is locked out very often).

              1. Mage Silver badge
                Linux

                Re: Seamonkey

                I've tried seamonkey in the past, I forget why and I forget why it wasn't viable. Maybe it was only the Browser or for the HTML editor. I don't remember email on it. I shall try again. I don't care for "dark mode" ( i have a matte scrreen and turn down the brightness) as it reminds me of the 1970s and 1980s. I like the ink on paper look, especially with a dash of Win 3.1x to Win2K 3D shading.

                Just download the tar and I'll see what it's like on Mint. Seems odd that it's not in the Distro Software Package GUI, but then Viber and Calibre need installed from download too.

                1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

                  Re: Seamonkey

                  With the current fad for only bothering to write websites for a limited number of browsers it gets more and more difficult for a lot of sites. Even my own NextCloud needs Firefox which is stupid given that SM is built on FF. Just download the file, untar it in /opt and add an entry for /opt/seamonkey/seamonkey to your menu.

              2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

                Re: changed the look on XP to 'classic'

                The closest to "dark theme" is still "Metal Lion"

                Default theme is to use the system theme which is what Mage wanted. Presumably if your desktop theme is a dark theme (anathema to me but we all have our preferences) it would automatically follow.

                A recent annoyance is that for the last few releases Lighting (calendar) has become a tab rather than a separate window and I can't see a way to change that.

                1. Jou (Mxyzptlk) Silver badge

                  Re: changed the look on XP to 'classic'

                  I am still using sunbird for that...

                  1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

                    Re: changed the look on XP to 'classic'

                    I tried it. It half works. It displays the basic form, finds the date, loads this weeks event list but does not respond to any controls. Maybe I'll poke about at it some more and see if I can get it working properly. Currently on 2.53.20 SM, It's encouraging to know it still does work, thanks for that Jou.

              3. The Travelling Dangleberries

                Re: changed the look on XP to 'classic'

                Another SeaMonkey user here at least on my x86 / x64 Linux devices. After the TB UI was properly trashed recently I have moved over to Claws Mail on my ARM Linux devices. I was surprised to discover that Claws Mail works well on my PinePhones with touch screen input. It is also fast even on the PinePhone.

          2. H in The Hague
            Pint

            Re: changed the look on XP to 'classic'

            "Sad about Thunderbird and every major Browser ignoring OS Theme and either copying Chrome or Win 10."

            I occasionally use the browser part of Vivaldi and that can follow the OS theme. You can find that with: Help - Vivaldi Welcome tour, then it's the first question.

            Which reminds me I should take another look at the Vivaldi e-mail component. Thunderbird mostly works for me but I find it annoying that it keeps all attachments in both the Inbox and Sent files directories which therefore get very large. I much preferred Eudora which allowed you to place received attachments in a separate directory.

            Have a good weekend ->

            1. Mage Silver badge
              Thumb Down

              Re: Vivaldi and that can follow the OS theme.

              It slightly follows the colour, but not ANYTHING else in the theme.

              1. The Travelling Dangleberries

                Re: Vivaldi and that can follow the OS theme.

                But at least you can scale the UI which is useful on both small screen devices like PinePhones and TV sized PC screens 2 metres from the audience.

            2. Mage Silver badge

              Re: Eudora

              I abandoned it over 20 years ago due to lack of character set / language support. Like Wordstar on CP/M

              1. Muscleguy

                Re: Eudora

                Eudora had one good feature: you could have a newsgroup pane open beside your mail. That was the main reason I used it for so long.

    2. GlenP Silver badge

      NMEA

      NMEA should be good, in theory, but we've found manufacturer's implementation of it can be shocking.

      We were trying to debug why a chart plotter would never show the correct time after startup, even though it was talking OK to the GPS module. Eventually, with the aid of a USB NMEA interface*, we found the issue; the first thing the chart plotter did was send out a request for the correct time, the second thing it did was respond to the request and send it's own time (which was incorrect as it had no inbuilt RTC) which it then read back in! As it now believed it had the correct time it was ignoring the time data from the GPS. We were able to send the necessary commands to turn off time responses from the plotter but surely that should have been the default?

      *Getting that working at all was another long story involving an IT specialist, an electronics engineer and someone with a foot in both camps!

    3. I Am Spartacus

      I work today for a Greek shipping company. I can confirm the absolute truth of this.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        1. pirxhh

          Nope, MSC is Italian/Swiss with ship management centres in Sorrento and Limassol (Cyprus).

          Ship IT can be very varied; where it gets scary is OT (the control systems)...

  6. that one in the corner Silver badge

    Repair by moving some of the cards

    'Ere was I, a-hopin' for a tale o' strugglin' against a knot in the CAT o' 5 tails. Droppin' the sorry mess that be comin' out o' the patch cabinet onto t'windlass and 'auling the server rack agin the 'eaving tides o' the treacherous raised floor.

    Yah could a'least 'ave spliced the power cord.

    1. Jedit Silver badge
      Devil

      "Yah could a'least 'ave spliced the power cord."

      Arrr, laddie, ye need to take care when wielding a marlinspike. Ye could have your eye out, and then it will be you who needs a patch.

  7. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    RFI

    Is that what one calls marlinspike moxie?

  8. An_Old_Dog Silver badge

    Cotton Tail

    Decades-ago medical software quit working, displaying a licensing error on-screen. This was a 24/7/365 emergency call center, and I was called in late at night. When I got there, I made a quick check, then rousted out one of the three garage-shop programmers. After a quick coffee and some questions to me, they deermined yes, there was a problem with the license-checking software, and sent me a workaround license code which I had to manually-enter into each of the nine PCs in the call centre. This worked.

    It was Halloween, and I had gone to an Alice-in-Wonderland party dressed as the March Hare, in a blue pinstriped wool suit, a white tophat, with white and pink-inside ears protruding, and a puffy white cotton tail on my ass.

    Everyone understood why I was dressed as I was, but ... as I had my hand one the doorknob to leave, I heard a meaningfully-cleared throat behind me, and turned my head to look back.

    One of the female nurses gave me a slightly-wicked smile and said, "Shake it."

    1. Jou (Mxyzptlk) Silver badge

      Re: Cotton Tail

      And you obeyed?

    2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Cotton Tail

      And now I have the Ellington piece of that name running through my head. Much appreciated.

      1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        Angel

        Re: Cotton Tail

        If I fancied a piece of her tail, I would........wouldn't you?

        No Paris icon!

        1. An_Old_Dog Silver badge

          Re: Cotton Tail

          @ The Oncoming Scorn:

          Never fish off the company dock. If things go wrong, the drama can spill over into your work life, with bad consequences for you.

  9. Bebu sa Ware
    Pirate

    Captain Horatio Pugwash?

    I don't know how our Horatio restrained himself. I would have been well into a "talk like a pirate" routine.

    I can think of a few uses for a marlinspike but decent oak or brass belaying pin could be even more useful for administering some percussive encouragement to recalcitrant devices and attitude readjustment to other tools.

    The BBC short animations Pugwash animations from the early '60s are a fond childhood memory.

    1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
      Holmes

      Re: Captain Horatio Pugwash?

      Please do not start with the Captain Pugwash fake names, that the creator sued over & pops up several times a month on the book of fæces to the annoyance of many.

      1. Ian Johnston Silver badge

        Re: Captain Horatio Pugwash?

        I have a cardboard Captain Pugwash which I made under John Ryan's instruction as a ten year old and which he signed for me. So there. Nice man.

    2. imanidiot Silver badge

      Re: Captain Horatio Pugwash?

      I am near positive it would be a reference to Nelson, or perhaps his fictional literature counterpart Hornblower.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nuns!

    I was once escorted into a US radar base by a nun in full regalia.

    That wasn't fancy dress though - she really was a nun.

    A somewhat drastic career change after her retirement from the military, but being on the reserve list, she was called back as a consultant.

    But everyone at the base knew her - it was the foreigner she was escorting who got the strange looks!

    1. eionmac

      Re: Nuns!

      This made me laugh. Also remembering in an old site that was sex segregated in a foreign country, being allocated to the female dormitory along with some other lads (I was in my teens) as we were wearing kilts! That caused some problems.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Nuns!

        "That caused some problems."

        For whom?

    2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Nuns!

      "a nun in full regalia"

      I don't think "regalia" is the correct expression. Please don't make a habit of it.

      1. J. Cook Silver badge

        Re: Nuns!

        :: hands Doctor Syntax the steel ruler to dole out pun-ishment ::

      2. Korev Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Nuns!

        > I don't think "regalia" is the correct expression. Please don't make a habit of it.

        He's Nun too sharp...

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    On the other hand...

    Once worked with a guy who everyone called 'H'

    He was West Indian, where the often name their offspring after famous figures...

    His surname was Nelson, so you can guess why he didn't like being called by his full name

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: On the other hand...

      "His surname was Nelson, so you can guess why he didn't like being called by his full name"

      Or his half name.

      1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        Pirate

        Re: On the other hand...

        Did he Endeavour to Lord it over you?

        PS. I'm fully aware his ship was the HMS Victory.

  12. CA_Diver

    Specialty Suit

    Two incidents stand out, at one time I was open water swimming before the work day. Nothing like a quick dip in the Pacific to wake up. I kept business wardrobe on the hook behind my office door, so I could rinse off, dry on the way in and change. One day I arrived to find air conditioning out and systems crashed. I spend the morning in a Speedo, t-shirt and sandals putting things back together.

  13. StargateSg7 Bronze badge

    Not actually me but back in the day as young-uns, we was all WITNESS to a very major emergency IT event where a well-degreed IT wizard was on call while out at a club and was REQUIRED to attend any IT emergency no matter the place or time, especially when a C-suite exec phoned! They were even equipped with special giant brick phones that were specifically assigned to the IT department that were always on 24/7.

    Being close to summer, when it was both very warm weather-wise and where "Party Time" in the local clubs was in full play, SHE was a late twenties IT wizard very well versed in Unix and Windows Server systems. Of course, it was the one night where she was out at 1:00 am in a club in full party/dance attire dressed to the nines in the most revealing skin-tight clothing and blondest hair one could possibly imagine, and she was pinged to immediately come into the office with no diversions allowed! It also HELPED she was built like a tank with EVERYTHING showing in their MOST SPECTACULAR AMPLITUDE and utter hotness! She turned half the C-suite exec team who raced over to figure out WHY a major electrical and IT infrastructure went down, into a gaggle of STUNNED C*%$#s giving a most delightful view of every personal asset known to womankind!

    It was a DELIGHTFUL ten hours to watch all this play out in real-time! She and her team fixed EVERYTHING and we onsite nerd-turd lackeys enjoyed watching every moment of it! Not a male member of us could stand up from their seat afterwards due to a painful, if well-noted men's-folk connotation. Days later she and her team received major commendations in a company newsletter and a big monetary bonus for their efforts that resulted in a significant corporate cost-savings.

    My young heart was also crushed a few months later when I found out she was now DATING one of those same senior executives who was at the IT emergency after leaving the company for greener climes AND I was further dismayed/crushed that she eventually married him and had a few children with him. Last I heard via the old-timers IT grapevine was that they were still married after 30+ years but are now both well-off and fully-retired living somewhere warm in south-coastal France. Oh Well! Meh!

    V

  14. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    "period costume with the knife and marlinspike"

    Awesome.

  15. parrot

    Mildly off topic

    About ten years ago my Dad had laser eye surgery, he asked me to drive to the appointment as he wouldn’t be able to drive home afterwards.

    When he came out with a clear plastic eye patch taped to his face I laughed and said, “is it ok if I tell some pirate jokes?”

    He sighed and said, “go on then.”

    At which point my mind went blank and I couldn’t think of any!

    Perhaps some kindhearted commenters would like to share a joke they would have told under the same circumstances? Replies please!

    1. Kevin Johnston

      Re: Mildly off topic

      Ah...the curse of esprit d'escallier..

    2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Mildly off topic

      Noting your el Reg handle I wonder if he gave you the cold shoulder because you couldn't think of any.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Mildly off topic

      Der kommer sgu Jens Vejmand

  16. big_D Silver badge

    Spikey

    I got my knife, heavy duty pliers and marlinspike, with belt sheath when I was about 12. You know what, it doesn't have any IoT in it and it is still as useful today as it was over 40 years ago...

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Other stories you might like