back to article Microsoft's London 'Experience Center' packs up and goes home

Microsoft is shuttering its only UK retail store, less than six years after the doors of the Oxford Circus location were first opened to the public. El Reg showed up with the rest of the public back in the halcyon days of 2019 to gawp at Microsoft's attempt to be as cool as Apple over three floors and 22,000 square feet. Less …

  1. cyberdemon Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    Microsoft Experience Center

    I'd prefer to go to an actual Circus with real clowns

    1. Roopee Silver badge

      Re: Microsoft Experience Center

      Are you suggesting that there aren't any real clowns at Microsoft? I beg to differ...

    2. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: Microsoft Experience Center

      That's scheduled for the second Tuesday of every month, regular as clockwork.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Microsoft Experience Center

        I knew it existed. I went there once...only took 5 minutes to get 35% of the way along the queue, but then another two hours and a couple of reboots to get in.

        Once I was in and getting the full experience, it's 1 hour tour...and I could tell it was authentic because half way through I had 2 hours 17 minutes remaining. Then about 30 minutes after that they just kicked me out.

        The only complaint I had was when I needed to use the gents. They have no toilets there, you have to take a dump in the root of the shop.

  2. katrinab Silver badge
    Unhappy

    I'm sure it will be replaced with another American Candy Store ...

    Though to be honest it didn't really do anything you couldn't do at the John Lewis across the road.

    1. werdsmith Silver badge

      That big old armoured vehicle thing in the window that people used for instagramming wasn't available in John Lewis.

      1. Drakon

        You mean the Puma?

  3. blu3b3rry

    Can't say this comes as a surprise. The first I knew of this place existing was after reading this article telling me it's closing down, so doesn't sound like they publicised it too well.

    -Upon looking up exactly where it was, I now realise I've walked past the store at least twice without realising it was there...!

  4. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    What other reaction could there have been to the Microsoft experience?

    1. cyberdemon Silver badge
      Linux

      > What other reaction could there have been to the Microsoft experience?

      Install Linux?

      Actually, that would be hilarious if someone sets up a charity to take over the premises and offer help and training to those wishing to divorce from Borkzilla

      I'd donate to it, and I'm sure it would be a lot more popular!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: > What other reaction could there have been to the Microsoft experience?

        A Linux experience shop would be great, but the loads of different doors to get in might put off some customers. The ones that pick the Debian and Ubuntu doors will be ok, the Red Hat and Fedora doors will be round the back with SELinux written on them, the Arch Linux door will be the simplest door, but you'll have to bring your own hinges and door knob and you'll be judged no matter what you bring...for Mint, Devuan, PopOS etc you'll have to go through the Ubuntu / Debian doors, because they're essentially the same, and take the doors leading off the corridor...finally there is the Gentoo door, which is just a picture a door, if you want the Gentoo experience, you have to build it yourself.

  5. Captain Hogwash Silver badge
    Meh

    The Microsoft Experience

    Axis bold as brass

  6. anthonyhegedus Silver badge

    "microsoft experience"

    For the authentic microsoft experience, they'd have to make sure that their Microsoft Surface tablets show a window that says "Something went wrong" every give minutes. And to make it a more visceral experience, have a coffee bar where you're charged monthly to see the coffee bar, with an extra charge to be able to order some coffees, another charge to be able to have a compulsory cup, another charge for milk, and another for "super stir" which is just stirring but with a special spoon (which costs extra per month to be able to access). The entire process of ordering coffee would not just cost a lot, but would be incredibly complex. Merely asking the staff how to order a coffee will result in an email being sent to your coffee address telling you that they really understand your problem, and would absolutely love to be of the utmost help to you and wishing you a very good day.

    No wonder they're shutting it down. It's pointless, embarrassing and nobody cares. Their products aren't exciting. We use them because we have to, and we use them despite their existence, not because of it.

  7. that one in the corner Silver badge

    To ride this attraction

    Your blood pressure must not above this line.

    Gum shields are recommended.

    A real Microsoft Experience for the general public would have to come with a signed release form. They probably watered it down and made using MS products almost seem like fun.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Seriously Bad Experience.....Farewell...Good Riddance.....

    Link: https://zgp.org/~dmarti/linuxmanship/Comes-3096.pdf

    I got SERIOUSLY f**ked off with Microsoft in 1998.

    In January 1999 I went over 100% to RedHat.....where I remain!

    "Microsoft Experience".......please give me a break.....I simply don't need to know........

    ...........never mind visit some glossy shop populated by people EXACTLY like James Plamondon (see link above).

    Good riddance!!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Seriously Bad Experience.....Farewell...Good Riddance.....

      Went from riding one corporate dick to another...got it.

  9. Ball boy Silver badge
    Joke

    MS lasted 6 Years? I'm not impressed: The Penguins of London Zoo have been calmly going about their business for the better part of 100!

    1. werdsmith Silver badge

      The tortoises maybe.

  10. TRT

    Microsoft Experience Center

    The third floor has a combination blood donation and insertion fetish salon?

  11. Oh Homer
    Terminator

    Experience what?

    What exactly is left to experience from Microsoft?

    A new and innovative form of subscription based spyware, powered by AI?

    I'm petty sure everyone knows exactly what Microsoft is, by this point. It's not like they've actually innovated anything useful recently, or, for example, ever.

    Same goes for the entire tech industry, frankly.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Experience what?

      Couldn't agree more...I can trace the last actual innovation that stopped all innovation...it was the iPhone. 2007 is when tech died.

  12. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
    Holmes

    Location, location, location

    Too bad that it was so close to the Apple Store on Regent St. That place is mobbed every day while the MS emporium was a ghost town. There must be a message in that... perhaps they should have started selling Google Pixel phones?

    /sic

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's a bit of a shame for the kids in the know

    They had a gaming room on the second floor with about 30 stations in there. Completely free, never had to wait long to get on, and remarkably liberal with the amount of time you could stay on - probably because there was such low awareness. The staff were great at keeping the sometimes boisterous punters under control.

    Also there was a very clean toilet upstairs.

    Farewell, hidden gaming den!

  14. Fenton

    Not surprising

    With Apple just a couple of yards down the road, what did Microsoft have to wow the average customer. The surface PC (27" touch screen that folds down to be a massive drawing tablet), has not been updated in years, no phones. X Box is nothing really special and sold everywhere. So some PCs playing games.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not surprising

      I hear they had they had a 1:1 print out of their EULA in one room just so people could marvel at the physical size of it.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not surprising

      It's not about wowing the customers...it's about giving them the Microsoft experience...like halfway through the tour, they update the tour and you have to start again...and the toilets flushing halfway through you taking a shit because the toilet thinks you're idle...and finally the coffee shop...which is fine if you want one coffee...but if you have a group of 2 or more, for some reason, it works out cheaper to buy a VLK order of coffee with 50 coffees included...even though you only need 4.

  15. Aldnus

    surprised it lasted that long. all done for a posh london address, better suited to a kebab shop in luton!

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